


Project Get Jared Banged

by soulmatecest



Series: Stepbrothers!Verse [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Bottom Jared, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, First Time, Jealous Jensen, M/M, Pining, Possessive Jensen, Pseudo-Incest, Step-Brothers, Top Jensen, insecure jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-11 16:49:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 120,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4444097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulmatecest/pseuds/soulmatecest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared's had the best stepbrother in the world in Jensen since the age of five — growing up together and more attached than usual brothers would —, only realizing that he’s in love with Jensen by the time he hits thirteen.</p><p>After five more years of Jared's impossible crush, he knows his life turns and spins around his brother. Luckily for Jared, he and Jensen have always been closer than other siblings, making his feelings seem a little less hopeless. Or that is until Jensen announces he’s moving to Austin to live with his girlfriend next year, leaving Jared's perfectly built Jensen-centric world crashing to the ground.</p><p>That’s when Chad and Sandy decide to convince Jared that moving on and letting go of his feelings are the only way to get through his lost love for Jensen. Yet their plan to get Jared out of his shell and over his stepbrother doesn't sit well with one person: Jensen himself, who realizes that the more Jared tries to pull away, the more he wants to get him back closer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am, posting my first Big Bang in the SPN fandom. I have it all coded and posted and I still can't believe is happening. I can't believe I signed up and then ended writing 120k (I once said that if this first part of the verse was longer than 100k I wanted someone to kick my ass, so please go ahead and do it).
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> It's seems like it's been a long time since it started and now here it is, all finished. I really love this story, and I hope you get to enjoy it reading as much as I did writing it.
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> As a general recommendation, the fic has some Dirty Dancing references that you might want to check [HERE](http://soulmatecest.livejournal.com/17842.html) on my LiveJournal before giving it a try. No need to re watch the movie to understand the fic, I just thought it would be a good idea to have the references handy.
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> There's a [soundtrack for the story](http://soulmatecest.livejournal.com/11057.html) (or Jared's mixtape for Jensen) as well in case you want to check it out.
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> Tons of love to [my lovely artist soullessdean](http://soullessdean.livejournal.com/2172.html) (she made all the banners), my wonderful Beta Reader yohkobennington and my lovely Alpha Reader elenyasblood for helping me with the remaining mistakes. 
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> I hope that all who take the time to read this story get to enjoy it. I sure loved writing it.
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Jared’s life is a cycle.

He’s only seventeen and cursing his last year of High School, so his periodical sequence of events is not that interesting to begin with, but a cycle nonetheless.

His little routine, where he knows where to go and what to do every single day, is tidy, comfortable and just how Jared’s likes it for the most part.

It all varies from day to day, but it’s always basically the same.

Walking to school, going to his classes, theater club, debate club, hanging with Chad and Sandy as much as possible because it’s the _last year_ and the chances of all of them staying at San Antonio after graduation being so low is kind of depressing sometimes — Sandy made a rule about it, no talking about them being miles away from each other until the end of the year, and Chad and him would get smacked really hard if they even _tried_ —, helping around the house doing chores, walking dogs with Sandy every Saturday morning for some extra cash, and trying to pick which college he likes better to study.

It’s been like that for years now, with the addition of the new college plans, but basically the same.

Jared likes _usual_. He likes the comfort of knowing what’s going to happen, where’s he going, what is he doing. He likes the feeling of being in control with his life — and yes, he’s seventeen and probably knows nothing about life itself — but he enjoys knowing he’s in charge of it.

Except for the most important part.

Because while Jared’s life is a cycle,  it all begins and ends with his stepbrother: Jensen.

It’s all about Jensen, Jared figures. It’s been about Jensen for years now, becoming the center of Jared’s cycle and the reason why he needs one in the first place. Sandy likes to say Jared’s life is Jensen-centric while Chad always comments that if Jared could, he would build a house and live up Jensen’s ass rent-free for the rest of his life.

The most embarrassing part is that he’s not even that far away from reality.

Truth  to be told, his stepbrother has been the center of _everything_ since Jared has memory.

And that’s really ironic considering he didn’t even know Jensen before he was five, but who remembers that much about their childhood anyway? He barely remembers his mom —his _first_ mom, as Jared always thinks, since Donna _is_ his mom now too— and he’s pretty sure most of it comes from pictures more than actual memories.

Jared doesn’t remember his first house that much, doesn’t remember his mom’s voice or her laugh.

And more than anything, he definitely doesn’t remember a time Jensen wasn’t a part of his life.

His dad met Donna at the supermarket when they were both reaching for the last can of mint ice cream at the same time, a thing that he and Jensen always found too damn cliché. They both know their parents meet-cute from start to end and like to make gagging noises and cross their eyes every time his mom tries to tell the story one more time at any family reunion.

Apparently after Donna and Gerald reached for the same can they tried to politely make the other take it, just to end sitting at a coffee shop together, sharing the ice cream and laughing for hours.

 _“If it was more cheesy it would have Rachel McAdams playing mom’s part.”_  Jensen would always whisper to Jared, making him laugh on purpose while Donna ignored them and assured everybody it was a true romantic meeting no matter what her bratty kids liked to say about it.

 _“You wouldn’t be brothers if it wasn’t for that story you both like laughing so much about.”_ Gerald would always remind them, making Jensen nod in agreement every single time, turning to look at Jared with fond eyes and a smile that would make Jared’s stomach turn.

Donna had been divorced for three years when she and Jared’s dad met. Jensen was seven himself when the divorce happened, but it was a friendly breakup. Jensen’s dad moved to New York and got married again a few years later, but Jensen never liked visiting him too often. He would always say the reason was because he hated planes, but one night when Jared was twelve Jensen confessed he liked their new family much better and was glad his parents got divorced so Jared could become his little brother.

Jensen told him back then how his dad always asked him to stay longer when he visited, but he always said no because he didn’t like spending his summer breaks away from Jared.

Listening to Jensen say that used to give him a warm tingling sensation _everywhere_ , feeling like the most special kid in the world because his cool big brother would always pick him over everybody else.

Gerald says it was like that since the start, but Jared doesn’t really remember.

Apparently they met during one of Jensen’s birthday parties since their parents thought it would be a good occasion for them to meet.

Jared was five and too scared to play with any of the older kids, staying behind his dad’s legs while holding Jensen’s furry birthday present in his arms, not wanting to talk to anyone. Or that was until Jensen saw the brown puppy with the big red bow Jared was carrying around and not letting any other kid touch — _because his daddy said it was for Jensen and none of them looked like a Jensen_ —, almost tackling them both with a bear hug and then proceeding to drag Jared by his hand to the backyard so they could play with his new dog the rest of the afternoon.

Jensen pretty much ignored his other friends in favor of spending the day with Jared and Oscar — a name Jared found extremely funny for a puppy when he was a kid, but his brother was set on it —, making his mom promise Jared could come around the next Friday by the time Gerald announced they were leaving and Jared broke in tears, hugging Oscar to his chest and hiding behind Jensen.  

They were pretty much inseparable ever since, and now Jared can’t imagine his life without his stepbrother in it.

He and Jensen grew up getting along even better than other siblings would.

Jensen loved the idea of being a big brother since their parents got married and Jared wanted nothing but be around him all day every day.

Their mom would always comment on how glad she was about them getting along perfectly, putting them in the spotlight during family reunions, making them stay in the living room for a while as she talked about how Jared and Jensen were such great brothers they didn’t even fight. _At all._

In retrospective, that was probably because Jensen was never a dick big brother.

He skipped the whole _‘I don’t wanna play with you anymore_ ’, _‘you’re too young to hang out with me and my friends’ and ‘you’re such a baby sometimes, just leave me alone’_ phases altogether. Jensen played with Jared until he was completely out of his kid years and didn’t want to pretend to be a spy or a pirate anymore. He always let Jared stay in his room anytime he wanted —even when Mike, Tom and Chris were there playing video games with Jensen’s new Xbox— and he was always there for Jared. _Always_.

To help him with his homework, to watch movies together or stay up late at night making a pillow fort in Jared’s room.

It was not until he started second grade and had to sit down next to an annoying blonde kind —who would try to talk to him the entire time they were in class and shared his lunch with Jared for no apparent reason— that he truly understood not all siblings were like him and Jensen.

Chad had two big brothers and one big sister, and ever since they became best friends and Jared went to Chad’s place to play together and finish their homework, he would always see them fighting. There was yelling, shoving and hitting. They would break each other things and blame one another for everything they broke around the house.

Chad would complain nonstop about his siblings at school and always repeated how being the little sibling absolutely fucking sucked. Jared didn’t even think it was possible for him to get mad at Jensen back then, even less fight with him like Chad and his brothers did. There was nothing he loved more than being Jensen’s little brother.

Chad would only give him confused stares and say they were the weirdest brothers he had ever seen.

Jared never found anything _weird_ about how close he was to Jensen or how much he loved being around him.

Jensen had been like a best friend to him since he was five and Jared was pretty sure he was also the best big brother in the world. He even wrote about Jensen when they had a special homework where they had to describe their hero — an essay that Jensen kept under the glass of his desk along with some of Jared’s drawings for years.

If there was something Jared knew for sure at his small age was that Chad was wrong . Not Jared’s fault Chad had stinky siblings while he snatched the _best one_ all to himself.

Liking Jensen so much wasn’t strange. Their parents were meant to fall in love and get married so they could all become a family and Jared could have Jensen as his perfect new brother and there was nothing odd about it.

That was of course until the truth appeared to smack him in the face when Jared turned thirteen.

The realization was goddamn horrible and even years later Jared can still remember the deep fear in the base of his stomach when he finally understood what Chad meant and he never seemed to puzzle together.

_He was in love with Jensen._

And it was too fucking late to take it back or make it go away.

He was thirteen and confused, _terrified,_ of the idea of someone being able to figure it out, for _Jensen_ or his parents or _anyone_ to see that the reason why Jared looked at Jensen like he hung the goddamn sun on the sky was not because of the deep brotherly feelings they shared, but because he _loved_ Jensen.

Love, like in those cheesy movies his mom adored to watch curled on the couch with his dad while Jensen made booing sounds when the protagonists kissed just to make Jared laugh. Love, like Elizabeth and Darcy in the best book he had to read so far in his Literature class. Love, _like oh my fucking God I want my stepbrother so bad it makes me want to cry_.

Like a punch to Jared’s stomach that never quite stopped hurting.

It was slow, like blowing a balloon full of air in slow motion until it finally popped right in front of his face. And Jared knew right away that it wasn’t a new thing.

The way he felt stupid and extreme happiness when Jensen was around, how he would always want Jensen to notice when he did good at _anything_ and the immediate beaming response from himself when his brother praised him for it, the reason why his stomach would get warm when Jensen looked at him for too long or decided to stay home to hang with him when Jared was sick and couldn’t leave his room.

Loving Jensen wasn’t new, Jared just didn’t realize it before.

It had always been there, buried under his skin and growing out of control with every smile, every touch and every time Jensen laughed at his lame jokes and called him _‘Jay’._

It all played along for Jared to become the sick and horrible person he truly was, taking all the fraternal love Jensen gave him to turn it into _that_. Into wanting and longing and _wishing_ Jensen could feel the same way, but knowing he never would.

And Jared only needed to grasp the concept of loving his stepbrother for him to slowly start to want, bit by bit, more of Jensen.

He wanted Jensen to never stop stroking his hair when they watched movies and he put his head on Jensen’s lap. He wanted Jensen to stay with him on Friday nights instead of going out on dates, an invisible pain pinching his chest when he saw Jensen leave their house with some pretty chick from his school. _Jared wanted to be them;_ wanted to hold Jensen’s hand and get Jensen’s jacket at the end of the night when it was too cold and he started sneezing.

Jared wanted to stare at his brother for hours without Jensen laughing and asking him if there was something on his face — _‘You keep staring, Jay, what the fuck do I have?’_ —. Wanted to lean close and press his lips over the trail of freckles on Jensen’s nose and cheeks, following the shape of his mouth and the curve of his bottom lip.

He wanted to be able to run to Jensen at the end of a school play and kiss him.

Jared _almost_ did it once time, actually, stopping himself right on time after the end of the presentation of The Wizard of Oz. He ran out of the school theater still dressed in his Lion outfit and that’s Jensen gave him the same big proud smile he had the entire play, opening his arms for Jared to hug him. _Jared almost did it_ , right then in the middle of the parking lot with their parents standing by Jensen’s side, right when Jensen put his hands around him and hugged him close, whispering in Jared’s ear how good he did and how he obviously stole the show. He wanted to turn his face and kiss Jensen right in that moment.

But more than anything, Jared wanted to _touch_ Jensen.

Probably the most itching need of them all. The one he had to deal with more often because Jared always had him _right there_ , one step away.

He wanted to touch his stepbrother with his hands and his mouth, follow the miles of freckled skin under his shirt and pants. Wanted Jensen to touch him in return and kiss every spot on his body.

Jared wanted to be the only one to make Jensen laugh, wanted to spend hours just with Jensen playing around and joking, doing everything and nothing. Wanted to make Jensen happy, wanted to be the center of Jensen’s world just as Jensen was the pivot of his life. He wanted to be more than Jensen’s little brother.

_He wanted, wanted, wanted._

Jared spent hours using the computer in the study at their house, searching about falling in love with a member of your family just to end seventeen pages deep on Google reading the words _incest_ and _wrong_ being thrown around like slaps on his face.

The way Jared felt about Jensen wasn’t right and he knew it, even if he couldn’t stop it.

But that didn’t mean Jared had to act on those feelings.

 _Doing something about it_  was never an option.

He never even allowed himself to think about actually acting on his s _tupid massive crush_ on his stepbrother. Why would he? There was no reason for impossible illusions of Jensen showing any kind of romantic interest for him. Just thinking about it would make Jared roll his eyes and laugh in his head because, _haha_ , _good one_.

All Jensen saw every time he looked at Jared was his _dorky little brother._

Nothing less, nothing more. For Jensen, Jared was family, _close family_. Jensen had been a protective big brother all of Jared’s life, and as much as he had strong feelings for their bond as step brothers, they were far fucking away from being the kind of _feelings_ Jared had in return.

He was pretty sure Jensen never popped most of his awkward teenager boners thinking about him to begin with so, _yeah_ , there was no need for Jared to completely fuck up his relationship with Jensen by doing something dumb like telling him. Or, God forbid, _telling his mom and his dad._ Fuck no, _never in his life_.

Jared auto-labeled his crush for Jensen as _impossible_ , _fucked up_ and _permanent_ in his head, deciding to leave it there to grow and expand but never touch.

It was Jared’s private elephant in the room that only he had to deal with, but at least he learned to move his life on and around it so it wouldn’t be such a major problem. He built up all his teenage years and life in general around the fact that _‘yeah, he was in love with his stepbrother, but there’s nothing he could do about it’._

Jared had somehow managed to live with it for years now, already so used to it at this point that it almost felt like a second-nature.

His love for Jensen is always _there_ , sitting in the middle of his chest like an extra organ that grows and follows Jared every day and it’s never going anywhere.

“ _Dude!_ I have been waiting for you outside for almost ten fucking minutes. Move your ass before we keep losing day time!”

Chad’s voice along with the a painful feeling on his right ear when his best friend flicks it a little too hard is what snaps Jared out of his internal blabbering, blinking and looking around to find that everybody else left the classroom already. Even his teacher.

“I know you fucking love your classes and shit, but we have junk food and a horror movie with Sandy in our plans tonight, so you better move it. I’m not about to carry your lazy ass out of school, you’re too tall for that bullshit.” Chad shakes Jared’s shoulders from behind and he smiles, pushing his friend out of the way as he grabs his bag and a couple books, walking out of the classroom as Chad keeps talking nonstop about the movie they have midnight tickets for.

Jared zoomed out during the last half an hour of his Literature class, but he has read _Tristan and Isolde_ more than three times and he had to act for it last year as one of his theater club assignments, so Jared’s pretty sure he’s going to do okay for his exam next Monday, even if he wasn’t paying attention during Mr. Kripke’s revision.

“So, what was all that blind staring about?” Chad asks as they walk to Jared’s locker, taking out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and looking for the lighter in his own backpack.

There’s a very strict rule about not smoking anywhere in the high school grounds.

Also, Chad has never cared about the anti-smoking policies anyway, he’s at the principal’s office every two days because of it.

“Thinking about sucking your brother’s dick again? You were at class, you kinky motherfucker.”

Jared rolls his eyes and shoves Chad away, hearing him cackle. He has always appreciated Chad teasing him about Jensen like it’s nothing because it makes the whole thing feel less like _‘Jared-you-fucking-freak’_ and more like a casual crush than anybody else could have.

It makes it seem normal and not something Jared should be ashamed about.

“He’s not my brother.” Jared answers on auto-pilot, rolling the combination for his locker to get two of his books as Chad is leaning by his side, clicking his tongue and shaking his head.

He knows Jensen is his brother to some degree, but Jared has been repeating that in his head a lot more lately.

Thinking of Jensen as _not-his-brother_ makes his crush seem a little bit more possible — _even if he knows it’s not_ — and a little less taboo. So he’s is sure as hell going to hang on nails and teeth to anything that makes his feelings for Jensen look kind of accessible.

“ _Fine_. Your _stepbrother_.” Chad repeats, sarcasm clear in his voice, but Jared decides to ignore it. “Just so you know, even if you were blood-brothers there’s nothing wrong with consensual incest, dude.” He analyses as he lights up the cigarette, taking a long drag and then blowing the smoke away from Jared’s face. “You two are grown up guys. If you two were brothers and wanted to fuck then that’s your business and your fucking decision, right?”

Chad shrugs again and takes another drag, talking about Jared’s crush for Jensen as if it was the local weather and not something considered morally wrong by most people Jared knows.

His best friend found out about Jared being in love Jensen almost two months after Jared realized it himself.

And more than _found out_ , Jared kind of yelled it in his face one night he was staying to sleep at Chad’s house.

They were playing video games and Chad was kicking his ass because Jared couldn’t focus on anything beyond _Jensen, Jensen, Jensen_. Even his grades at school had started to drop and his parents were kind of concerned, but there was no way Jared could think of anything beyond the fact that he was so fucked up he fell in love with his stepbrother, let alone concentrate in fucking tests and his homework.

Chad was in the middle of running his mouth about how Jared sucked and he was paying for the pizza they ordered if he won another _Bloody Roar_ round when Jared put controller on the bed and whispered with a panicked voice, _“I think I’m in love with Jensen.”_

Chad had blinked and stopped the game, but before he could ask, Jared proceeded to keep talking in a high pitched scream.

“ _I think I’m in love with Jensen! Fuck, oh fuck, Chad. I’m sick. I’m fucking sick! All I do is think about him, and not— not in a normal way, not in the brotherly way I’m supposed to. I think about him in a fucked-up way I shouldn’t do and I can’t stop doing it! I tried, okay?! I have tried and I can’t— I can’t stop, I can’t make it go away!”_ He had whined, looking at Chad with a desperate expression.

_“All I want is for him to stay with me on the weekends instead of going out with girls from school. I even want him to take me instead of them, and that’s pretty damn wrong right? To want your stepbrother to date you! But I do! And then last Sunday I found him making out with some chick on the couch in our living room and all I wanted was to be her. God, Chad, I wanted to be her! How is that not horrible?! I’m fucking horrible and I’m sick and I can’t stop feeling that way and all I think about is Jensen and I can’t do this, I r-really can’t do this!”_

He was basically having a panic attack in the middle of Chad’s room, breathing fast and brushing his fingers through his hair so hard he was almost pulling it.

 _“Woah, woah, woah!”_ Chad had reacted pretty quick, running to take his backpack from the floor to look for the paper bag where he had his lunch for that day, emptying it and then going back to the bed to give it to Jared. _“Breath in the fucking bag, Jesus, Jay you’re gonna have a fucking heart attack! Slow down.”_

Jared had nodded, taking the bag and breathing into it out of control until it slowly went back to normal, hands still shaking. He didn’t mean to explode with Chad like that back then, but he had all that in his head building up for weeks, and not being able to say it out loud was killing him.

He had only stared at Chad the entire fifteen minutes it took him to calm down, waiting for him to start giving Jared weird looks and politely say he didn’t want to be friends with him anymore since Jared was clearly sick. But all Chad did was stay there, sitting in front of Jared, looking worried for him and repeating _“Breath into to the bag, Jay”_ every time he stopped doing it for a moment.

 _“So, you’re into dudes too.”_ Was what Chad had finally said after a while. _“Or maybe you’re just into dudes? I’m not sure now, I think I have never heard you talk about girls in that way. So, you’re gay, or maybe bi.”_ He had nodded, looking curious. _“Or maybe you’re pansexual. Dude, there are so many options, I need your own statement to know. And by the way, thanks for...screaming your way out of the closet to me, I’m sure it wasn’t easy. I mean, you almost lost your fucking shit doing it.”_

Jared had blinked, looking confused for a moment. _“What?”_

_“You like dudes. I mean, you like Jensen, right?”_

Jared had nodded again, and as weird at it sound, it hadn’t occurred to him that liking Jensen maybe also meant he was into dudes in general. He wasn’t sure himself, he had never experienced romantic feelings for anyone else before in his life, and that’s exactly what he explained to Chad that night.

 _“Huh, so you don’t know if it’s a guys thing or a Jensen thing?_ ” Jared said no, and right then he was even more confused than before. He had certainly never felt that way about girls, not even a little bit, while he had thought to himself that a couple guys in their class were kind of good looking.

_“Maybe it’s not a Jensen thing, you know?! You grew up with him and you’re always saying he’s nice and funny and you probably find him attractive since he’s older. Who the fuck knows. Maybe you like guys in general, but since you two are so close you’re projecting those feelings on him.”_

Jared hadn’t considered that in all those weeks he had been torturing himself, making him feel a little better after days.

 _“Let’s see how it goes, maybe is just Jensen, maybe is all guys. Either way, that doesn’t make you sick, man.”_  Chad had patted him on the back, making Jared realize he had the best friend he could ever ask for. _“And either way, I got your back, Jay. Relax, I’m sure it will work out somehow.”_

As it turned out, Chad was both right and wrong at the same time back then.

Jared _is_ into guys. One hundred percent playing for team dicks —as Sandy likes to say— and already out of the closet to his entire family and everybody in his school by now.

At the same time, it was a Jensen thing too. _It still is_.

Because Jared likes boys exclusively, has a top ten list with Sandy of the guys they would both have one night stands with if they had the chance and pretty much only gets off watching gay porn and thinking about hot guys fucking him, but he has also never stopped loving Jensen.

It’s a gay thing. A ‘ _gay and in love with my stepbrother_ ’ kind of thing, to be more specific.

He never tried to date anyone else —because, what was the point? he was screwed and too into his stepbrother to even give someone else a chance— and never considered falling for someone other than Jensen.

God, Jared is pathetic.

But then again, that’s also part of in his endless cycle too.

_Pathetic senior who never dated anyone during his high school time because he was too busy drooling for his stepbrother for years._

Thank God only two people know that.

“You say it as if I could _ever_ date Jensen and it would only be laughs and roses and nobody would judge us for it.” Jared snorts, rolling his eyes and looking for the orange juice he knows he left in there after gym class. His entire locker will stink if he leaves it there all weekend. “As if Jensen would _ever_ want to be with me in the first place.” He corrects himself, wondering why they are even having this conversation _again_.

“His fucking loss, dude. You’re funny, and nice, and even some people could find you good looking. I personally think you look like shit, but _hey_ , people might be into that.” Chad teases him, and Jared shoves him away like before, trying not to laugh. _God, Chad is such a dickwad_. “But you never give yourself a try because you never want to go out with anybody, so— _Oh fuck! You son of a bitch!_ ”

Chad howls in pain, and when Jared closes the locker to see what the hell was that for, he finds him almost bent over as Sandy has her arms around Chad’s neck and is trying to climb Chad’s back so he has to give her a piggyback ride.

“Hi Sands.” Jared says with a smile as she laughs and puts her legs around Chad’s hips, clinging to him like some kind of koala bear. “Having fun torturing Chad over there?”

“ _Always_.” Sandy chirps.  “And why are you two taking so long? I have been waiting for you guys for hours!”

She’s still wearing her bright cheerleader uniform that makes her petite figure look adorable. Sandy always complains _‘adorable’_ is the wrong word for Jared to say because she actually looks hot as fuck in her cheerleader skirt.

“Stop struggling!” Sandy tells Chad, smacking the back of his head and then moving closer so she can press a kiss on the side of his cheek as Chad keeps complaining and trying to straighten up with the combined weights of his backpack, Sandy and her designer purse.

“You’re so mean. But you’re here right on time, Chad was saying I look like shit.” Jared sniffles in a fake offended voice, finally finding the orange juice and closing his locker.

“He did not!” She smacks Chad’s arm and Chad groans another two curses, finally standing straight while carrying Sandy on his back. “Now you come here.” Sandy grabs Jared’s shirt and pulls him close, pressing a red kiss to his cheek just like she did with Chad seconds ago. “Ready for junk food and a great horror movie?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

As they walk to the main corridor to leave, Jared realizes how there’s almost nobody left at the school. There are no extra curricular activities on Friday afternoons anymore, mostly because nobody wanted to stay there at the last school day of the week, so a lot of people would miss practices.

Jared  has to stay until five on Tuesdays for his theater club and until four on Thursdays for debate club. Sandy has cheerleaders practice until six on Mondays and Wednesdays. Chad says he would rather cut his balls off than stay longer than he needs to when classes are over.

“Okay, but why were you really taking so long? I was standing out here for half an hour.” Sandy asks again when they walk out of their school, with Chad still smoking and trying to guess which of his shoulders Sandy's  going to use to press her chin on so he doesn’t blow the smoke on her face.

“Jared was thinking about Jensen fucking him so he stayed there in the room fantasizing.” Chad answers before Jared can say anything. Sandy hums, immediately interested in the topic.

“ _Uhhh_ nice,” She sing-songs. “Were you thinking about him fucking you in general or like, right there on your seat in front of everybody?” Sandy snickers and in less than two minutes she and Chad are in the middle of a heated discussion trying to find out what sex position was Jared fantasizing about.

Sandy found out about Jared’s feelings for Jensen in a much less _delicate_ way than Chad did.

And she found out way later than him.

It was during her sweet sixteen party, a thing that happened at her house because it had a fucking pool and a backyard bar and grill. It was, by far, the best party their school had that entire year.

Jared had been playing spin the bottle with some guys from school —or he thought they were from school, he was more than tipsy at that moment and it was the first time he ever had that much to drink— and ended sharing a seven minutes in heaven dare with some guy he had never seen before in his life. He was called Zachary or something like that.

It was Jared’s first kiss, and of course the first time he ever made out with someone.

The worst part was how horrible he felt from start to end, probably because of the alcohol, but also because part of brain kept repeating he was _cheating on Jensen._

Which was fucking nonsense, he couldn’t cheat on anyone if he wasn’t dating them in the first place.

_He couldn’t cheat on Jensen because he was only Jared’s stepbrother._

But that hadn’t stopped Jared from feeling awful all seven minutes in _oh_ - _so-called_ heaven — _irony much?_ —, stumbling his way out of the room he and Zachary had to lock themselves in and looking for Chad with a blurry vision to ask his friend to go outside with him for a moment.

Jared ended puking in a trash can as soon as Chad helped him get to the backyard.

Sandy had found him a couple minutes later kneeling at one corner of her lawn, drunkenly tearing up while Chad rubbed his back and told him it was not that bad. Jared explained to Sandy between sobs and hiccups how he ruined his first kiss because it wasn’t with the person he was in love with. _Because it wasn’t with Jensen_.

He doesn’t remember what happened after that, but he woke up at Sandy’s room sleeping on an air bed with a horrible headache from his first hangover. Good thing it was already on their plans for him and Chad to sleep at Sandy’s house that night because Jared’s parents and Jensen would have killed him if they saw him that way.

The memories of the last night came back just as Sandy had walked in with breakfast for him. Jared sat down with her all that morning explaining about Jensen and the last three years of realizing how he felt for his stepbrother. At first he thought she would be upset about keeping it secret between just him and Chad, but all she did their entire talk was hug Jared and pet his hair, kissing his forehead when he had started to tear up again, letting him use her lap as a pillow.

Two years later and Sandy has been as supportive as Chad about the whole thing, and Jared doesn’t know what he did to deserve them for friends.

“You guys are way too invested in my fictional sex life with Jensen that I’ll also never have.” Jared comments as they walk towards Sandy’s house; it’s not too far away and they all live relatively close to each other.

“We could be way too invested in your _actual_ sex life if you let me introduce you to some guys at school.” Sandy argues with a shrug.“I told you before I know some guys who have asked me about you, but you’re too stubborn to believe in me, honey.”

Jared has considered dating before, it’s probably the healthy thing to do since he can’t cross his arms and spend the rest of his life waiting for something that will never happen. He knows he _should_ , but he always wonders if it’s even worth it when he’s so goddamn hung up on Jensen.

“Yeah, I bet tons of guys waiting for me to start dating alright.” He says with sarcasm, chuckling to himself. Sandy’s sweet, but she doesn’t need to lie. He’s no model, not interesting and very lowkey known around school —people used to recognize him as _Jensen Ackles’ little brother_ all freshman year though — so he’s pretty sure nobody has asked about him. _Ever_.

“I know you don’t believe me, but if you tried just once you would see I’m right!” Sandy keeps discussing, and Jared’s ready to proudly show off why he’s so good for his debate club when his phone starts ringing in his pocket.

He holds a finger up and mumbles _“hold that thought”_   so he can check the new message, with Chad already chanting “Fight, fight, fight!” while Sandy pretends to throw him punches from where’s she’s still clinging on Chad’s back.

Jared’s takes a sharp breath and a dumb smile spreads on his face as he unlocks his phone to find two new messages from his stepbrother.

Jensen’s contact name is _“Jen”_ and has two little red hearts next to it thanks to Sandy, who put them there a year ago and Jared didn’t bother changing it because _hey_ , _that’s pretty accurate_.

One afternoon a girl at his theater club saw his phone light up with some texts from ‘ _Jen heart-heart’_ and sweetly commented how she didn’t know Jared had a boyfriend. All he could do then was awkwardly smile and nod because no way he could explain that one.

Even with how risky it is to leave the damn emojis, Jared always makes sure to never let Jensen or his parents look at his phone when he has it around.

He kind of likes to see the two little hearts when he and his stepbrother talk.

The first message alone almost has Jared beaming on the sidewalk.

_“Hey, little brother. Feel like having a family dinner tonight? I’m driving home from college today. Keeping my fingers crossed for you to not have plans so you can be there.”_

And that text is immediately followed by _“I really hope you can. No offense to mom and dad but family dinners are no fun unless you’re there, Jay.”_

Then there’s a bunch of different faces and emojis that Jensen thinks he’s using how he’s supposed to, when they actually make no sense thrown there all together in disorder. It makes Jared laugh and shake his head. Jensen is such a fucking old man about technology sometimes and he’s just about to turn twenty-three.

Jared starts to type back ready to make fun of him when he stops and looks up, staring at Sandy and Chad with a guilty face.

No, he can’t go to the dinner, he already has plans with his friends, and he always tries his best to not ditch them to go hang out with Jensen whenever he has the chance.

_He’s not that type of friend._

And right now it sucks, because he hasn’t seen Jensen in three weeks since he had too much work and couldn’t drive back the last weekends. Jared can feel something inside of him start to ache. _He misses Jensen really bad_ , even if they are constantly texting each other.

But Jared’s not that kind of friend, so he nibbles on his bottom lip and tries to push down the bubbling need combined with sadness from not being able to be home when Jensen gets there as he starts to text back that he already has plans.

 That’s until Sandy jumps to the floor and away from Chad’s back to snatch Jared’s phone from his hands.

She shows Chad the screen over her shoulder and they both stare at it whispering something Jared can’t hear, finally giving him Jared his phone back after a minute.

“You should go.” Sandy says with Chad crossing his arms and nodding in agreement behind her. “Tell him you’re going.”

“What?” No, no way. He’s not doing that. Jared looks from Sandy to Chad, shaking his head. “Guys, listen, we have plans and we already have three tickets for tonight’s movie. I’m not gonna ditch you to go see Jensen.”

“You’re not ditching us if we say you can go, my young padawan.” Chad explains with an obvious tone, throwing his cigarette to the floor and stepping on it. “Besides, the movie is not on until fucking midnight, if the dinner is over by then you can call and we will pick you up.”

Jared looks at them and then back at the phone, biting his lower lip.

It might be nothing, but two texts from Jensen are enough to have him wanting to jump around and kiss the screen. He has it _that bad_ , but that’s nothing new for the three of them.

“I don’t know guys…” It doesn’t sound right, to just leave when they have been waiting for this movie for _weeks_. And it’s also not the first time Chad and Sandy convince Jared to go see Jensen when they had something planned already.

“But we _do_ know, Jared. Go home, come on, we know you’re dying to see your man.” Sandy pinches his sides with a laugh and Jared smiles, still biting on his lower lip. _His man_. It has a good ring on it. A fake ring, but still nice to Jared’s ears. “Don’t make me kick your ass all the way to your house, young man, because you know I will.”

Jared laughs this time, leaning down to kiss Sandy’s cheek.

“I promise I’ll go to see the movie with you when the dinner is over.” He assures, turning to looking at Chad.

He really wants them to know he’s not just leaving them. Is not like he prefers Jensen. He adores his friends, and sometimes he worries his goddamn love for his stepbrother will get in between that.

Chad pats his shoulder and then ruffles his hair, making Jared’s bangs go all over his face.

“We know, Jay. Don’t stress over this shit. Go jizz all over Jensen, I’ll make sure to eat your part of the junk food and then we’ll watch the movie together.”

“You’re a true friend.” He chuckles and then smiles at Chad and then at Sandy, turning around to walk to his house instead. “Don’t have too much fun without me!” he yells over his shoulder, waving at them.

“We never do!” Chad and Sandy yell back at the exact same time.

He sees them turn around and then Sandy tries to jump on Chad’s back again, so Chad starts running away from her while Sandy laughs and chases him down the street.

Jared takes his phone out again and stares at Jensen’s messages, typing a teasing reply as he slowly walks back home, the same fond smile from before appearing in his face as he stares at his stepbrother’s contact name.

_Jen. Heart-Heart._

It’s definitely too damn accurate to change.

 

 

—

 

 

When it was time for Jensen to pick a college and move out, Jared had been stressed and anxious for almost a month.

The idea of Jensen leaving for another state to spend most of the year away from him made Jared want to throw up and never leave his room again. As much as Jensen was his impossible goddamn crush, he had always been a constant presence that Jared loved to have around.

He was in love with Jensen, _yeah_ , but Jensen was also one of his best friends too. He did so many things with Jensen since their parents got married that their mom used to say they were attached by the hip. Jensen would take him to school and then pick him up every day, they went to the movies together, went to eat together or stayed at home together. Always together.

Sure, they both had their friends, but they also had each other, and Jensen would make sure to have time for his little brother no matter what.

But when the time came and Jensen had the opportunity to live at the other side of the country, Jared had been terrified, even more than he was when he realized he was in love with him.

He hadn’t said anything when Jensen asked him his opinions about colleges, too afraid to let himself go and end begging Jensen to _please, please don’t leave_.

It wasn’t fair, Jared couldn’t be greedy and try to keep his stepbrother all to himself if Jensen wanted to go somewhere else.

So for an entire month every time Jensen crashed into his room to lay on his bed and show Jared pamphlets from different colleges around the country and ask for his opinion, he would bite his tongue and shrug, trying his best to hold back tears as he whispered _“Anything you decide will be great”_ over and over again.

In the end, Jensen picked The University of Texas at Austin, which was only an hour and a half away.

Jared almost jumped on Jensen when he told him, and his stepbrother probably assumed Jared was just excited for him.

To make it even better, Jensen always drives back home as much as possible.

He says he likes San Antonio too much, says he misses to be at his real home instead of the little apartment he has to share with other two guys. Jensen has two of his lifetime friends —Chris and Alona— still living at San Antonio since they are both finishing their studies at UTSA —while Mike and Tom moved to California four years ago to study at Stanford and only travel back for vacations—.

And finally, Jensen says he likes coming back to Jared.

Their dad likes to joke and comment how Jensen isn’t going to die if he doesn’t see Jared for a couples months, but Jensen simply smiles and passes his arm over Jared’s shoulder to press him close, only answering _“Hey, I might die without my little brother. We don’t know that, and I’m not willing to find out.”_

How is Jared supposed to not want to launch himself to the fucking moon and back when Jensen constantly makes comments like that?

It’s a miracle Jared held himself together so long with Jensen always saying or doing  things that never help him control his massive crush on him.

Like, for example, texting Jared a bunch of stupid hearts and happy faces when he tells Jensen he’s going to be there for the family dinner.

“Idiot.” Jared smiles, opening his conversation with Jensen once again just to read it again and chuckle to himself.

He can’t wait for Jensen to get there, they might have enough time to talk, joke around and maybe watch something on TV together before they have dinner and Jared leaves to watch the movie with Chad and Sandy. He knows that if he asks nicely and makes silly eyes at Jensen long enough he will get his stepbrother to drive him and then pick him up from the cinema.

Not that Jared can’t drive by himself with one of their parents’ cars, but he likes Jensen driving him around. Is kind of nice, and Jared always misses it.

To keep himself busy until Jensen gets there that night he decides to try to do some homework —on a Friday, Jesus, if Chad was there he would smack Jared’s head so hard— gives _Tristan and Isolde_ another quick read _just in case_ and checks different websites for colleges for no reason whatsoever since he already knows he wants to study at UT too. Funny enough, it’s not because Jensen studies there, Jared actually wants to go to that University because he loves it; Jensen is a plus in the deal.

After that he takes a shower, trying really hard to keep his right hand away from his dick and absolutely _not_ jerk off thinking about Jensen but then gives up on that resolution — _who is he kidding? he does it all the time anyway_ — to finally ends back on his bed, rolling around and looking at his phone every few minutes, waiting for Jensen to text him again.

Pretending to not be beyond excited to see Jensen has always been impossible for him.

He could consider taking Oscar out for a walk, but he’s probably sleeping in Jensen’s room and would get cranky if Jared woke him just because he’s bored. When their dog is not with him and Jensen is not at home, he’s curled somewhere on his brother’s room for sure.

If Oscar wanted to play he would be there in Jared’s room. So that option is not available at the moment either, and he’s slowly going crazy waiting for Jensen to text him or get home.

“Jared! Come help put the table!” He hears his mom call from the first floor and he’s out of his bed with a jump, taking his phone with him and walking downstairs in a hurry. There’s nothing better he can do, might as well help his mom instead of staying in his room fidgeting.

When he gets to the kitchen, Donna has all kinds of food all over the counter and meat defrosting in the sink.

“Well, well, aren’t we eager to help tonight.” She smiles at Jared when she closes the freezer and finds him standing there, hair still slightly wet and looking like he can’t wait to do something. “Wish you could always be this helpful around the house.” Donna jokes, patting Jared’s chest as she walks to the counter so she can get started with the dinner.

“That’s just hurtful, mom. I have _always_ been the good son.” Jared smiles in return, moving behind her so he can lean over her shoulder and press a kiss to her cheek.

“Oh, don’t let Jensen hear you say that or he will find out you’re my favorite.” She laughs, smacking Jared’s arm playfully.

“I’ll have to break his heart. It’s time for him to finally know who’s the beloved kid around here.” He sneaks over her left side and takes a slice of the carrot she’s cutting in little pieces for what Jared can only guess is going to end in the sauce for the meat.

Donna smacks his hand away gently, shaking her head.

“None of that, Jared Tristan. If you wanna steal pieces, you gotta wash your hands first. No dirty paws in my kitchen.” She says the same thing she would since Jared was a kid, so he only rolls his hands and sighs _‘yeah, yeah’_ as he goes to the sink to do as he’s told.

“By the way, are you planning to feed an entire army? I mean, I know Jensen eats so much it’s kind of ridiculous, but even now you’re getting out of hand.” He teases her, just to get a happy laugh in return as she explains she always cooks a little too much when she’s making his or Jensen’s favorite meals. Tonight is Jensen’s, of course, and Jared can tell how excited she is to have him back home.

He can understand that feeling perfectly.

After he cleans his hands Jared helps his mom to cut more ingredients for the sauce and then makes some coconut rice, that he thinks is fucking disgusting but Jensen really likes.

His dad gets home half hour later and just as Jared did, he has to wash his hands, kick his boots off and start helping with dinner too. They chat about Jared’s next play at school, about his classes and then about dad’s work, which somehow leads to a discussion about the last game of the Cowboys.

“Dad you can’t say that, oh my God. Tony Romo is a joke.” Jared says with a stern voice, only to have his dad shaking his head in disapproval. “He’s an _awful_ quarterback and a joke of a leader.”

“You couldn’t be more wrong, JT.”

“ _Wow_. My own flesh and blood, I cannot believe what I’m hearing.” He points to his dad with the spoon he’s using to stir the sauce just as Donna walks behind him and makes him put the spoon right back in the pan. “Mom, would you please tell your husband he’s so wrong I can’t look at him in the eyes now? Talk some sense into your man.”

“Sweetheart, would you please tell your son he’s being unreasonable?”

“Would you two please continue cooking and keep me out of it?” Donna laughs, always amused to hear them go off about spots.

Jared thinks he can very much do both: keep cooking _and_ make his dad understand why Tony Romo is the worst thing to ever happen to the Dallas Cowboys, but that’s the exact moment they all hear the bell ring.

A big smile appears on Jared’s face as he leaves the sauce behind, quickly walking to the door. He can hear Oscar barking from the second floor, waking up from his nap and rushing downstairs.

“Wait until I tell Jensen what you’re saying dad! He’s _so_ gonna take my side!” Jared yells as he pretty much runs to through the living room, heart thumping out of control in his chest. _Jensen is finally there._

It’s only been three weeks and they have regularly texted and talked on the phone, but _still_. Jared gets to have Jensen right there again and all to himself, close enough for Jared to playfully push, watch him laugh and have him giving Jared casual little touches and smiles.

And that’s everything Jared lives for.

“Jensen, you’re never going to fucking believe what dad is saying about Romo—!” Jared swings the door open in the middle of a laugh, but instead of finding his favorite person in the world standing in front of him, he sees a girl.

A short, brunette and gorgeous girl standing on their “welcome” rug while giving him a confused smile.

“Sorry, I think I don’t get that reference.” She says with a happy voice, and it takes Jared a couple blinks to remember that this is not the first he has seen her. “It’s nice to see you again, Jared.”

Oh. _Oh_.

Jensen’s girlfriend. Right.

Jared doesn’t remember her name, and he has a pretty good memory in general. Jensen brought her home months ago and Jared kind of remembers her, he should know her name, he really should. But his mind is completely blank at the moment.

“Oh, yeah. _Hey_. Hi.” Jared smiles nervously and then gives her what he can only describe as an awkward hug, not remembering if they only exchanged a casual handshake the first and only time she was at their house. “It’s— yeah, it’s nice to see you again. Please come in.”

She gives Jared another smile and a polite _“thank you_.” Then it takes him ten whole seconds to realize he’s in the way and she can’t come in if he doesn’t move his ass from the door. He steps away awkwardly — _again_ — mumbling _“sorry, I— sorry, please come in_ ” as she shakes her hand in the air, giggling and saying it’s nothing, making her way into the house.

He hears her coo at Oscar right away, melting at the sight of their dog _—_ as most people who visit their house do _—_ and petting him before she makes her way into the kitchen to say hello to his parents.

Jensen’s girlfriend.

 _Right_.

He’s too busy blinking and staring at _nothing_ with his head turned as he looks into the house to really hear someone else walking towards the door.

“I travel almost two hours to get here and I don’t even get a hug? That’s rude, Jay. Real rude.”

His heart jumps in his chest again, painful and embarrassing, just as he turns around to find Jensen leaving two suitcases on the floor and opening his arms, giving him the same smile Jared has known his whole life. He only needs that gesture to realize how much he _truly_ missed Jensen. Three stupid weeks, and it feels like he hasn’t seen his stepbrother in forever.

The space in the middle of his chest, that is perfectly Jensen-shaped, stops aching and slowly fills again as Jensen makes a head movement and adds _“C’mere, little brother.”_

Jared almost trips on the welcome mat as he launches himself from his spot close to the door to Jensen’s arms, hearing him laugh against his ear as Jared hugs him close, pressing his face into the space between Jensen’s shoulder and neck. It’s such a simple and non-important moment and yet Jared feels a lump in his throat, so he bites his tongue and squeezes his eyes shut to not do something lame like start tearing up as Jensen hugs him back and lets the moment last as much as Jared wants.

He missed Jensen so goddamn much.

 _He loves Jensen so goddamn much_ , a voice adds in his head as Jared hugs him a little closer and hopes it hasn’t been more than five seconds and the hug is not getting weird yet. And even if it’s been more than that, Jensen doesn’t say a word, keeping his arms around Jared’s back, whispering _“Missed you, you little brat”_ with his mouth pressed on Jared’s head.

 _Jesus_ , Jared’s so going to cry like he’s in a bad chick flick movie if he keeps going like this any longer.

He moves his arms away and stands in front of Jensen with he can only imagine is a big dumb smile, his cheeks even hurting a little bit. “Missed you too, you old man.”

“Careful there. Being five years older than you will never make me an old man.” Jensen points at him with a menacing expression, but it only makes Jared laugh.

“Tell that to the embarrassing way you use emojis when we text. Honestly, are you sure you’re twenty-three?” Jared jokes and pushes Jensen by his shoulder just to get Jensen smacking his hand away playfully.

Oscar starts running around Jensen’s feet then, jumping up and down and not shutting up until Jensen takes a moment to kneel down and pet him. After he gets the attention and greeting he wants, their dog walks right back into the house, ready to keep sleeping after making sure Jensen got home okay.

“You’re such an ass about those stupid emojis. I taught you to drive last summer and this is what I get in return?” Jensen huffs as he takes the suitcases and Jared hurries to help him with one of them. “I turned twenty-three almost like a month ago, and even so, this old man can still kick your ass.”

“ _Hah_. You wish, Ackles.” Jared shoves him again as they walk into the house, with Jensen kicking the door closed with his right feet.

“You wanna go, Padalecki?” Jensen raises both eyebrows at him with a challenging look and it takes all of Jared’s willpower to not throw away the bag, hug Jensen again and add some well-deserved kisses on his lips as only answer.

“Any day of the week, preppy boy.” Jared shoots back, fighting back a smile so the fake-fighting looks realer.

“Bring it, theater geek.”

“Jock.”

“Nerd.”

 _“Boy-scout model.”_ Jared finishes with a proud face and Jensen groans and looks away, letting his suitcase fall to the floor as he raises his hands in surrender, making Jared break in a loud laughter.

“That’s so fucking unfair, man. I _told you_ mom made me do that when I was a kid, I didn’t even want to do it and you always use it against me!” Jensen complains, only making Jared laugh harder and lean against a wall. Donna making Jensen pose for that silly magazine when he was a kid because one of her friends was the editor in charge and they needed a kid to do that modeling is Jared’s favorite embarrassing story from Jensen's childhood. “That’s just playing dirty, you’re no brother of mine.”

Jared takes deep breaths as he tries to calm down, tears filling his eyes as Jensen crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head in disapproval.

“You’re the worst.” Jensen complains as he starts to smile at him again and Jared simply shrugs and cleans the tears from the corner of his eyes.

“You love me.”

“Too much for my own good, apparently.” Jensen says as he lets out another sigh, and Jared swears he can feel his heart growing four times bigger in his chest. “Let’s go to the kitchen, though. I can smell my favorite food and I wanna know what dad was saying about Romo.”

He puts his arm around Jared’s shoulder and Jared leans into the touch, eager and happy to get any close contact he can get with his stepbrother as they walk towards the kitchen with Jensen kicking out his shoes on their way there.

“He thinks Romo is _not_ the worst quarterback or a sucky leader, can you believe that man?” Jared asks in disbelief and Jensen shakes his head in response.

“Dad has always had some weird opinions about football. And honestly, Jerry Jones needs to swallow his pride and get rid of Tony. He’s no good at all.”

“ _Thank you!_ ” Jared says with a self-satisfied voice, always happy to have Jensen on his side when they discuss anything at their house.

They are so close now that he can smell Jensen’s cologne and God, Jared wishes he could get even closer and bury his nose in Jensen’s neck before pressing a kiss on that exact spot. He’s such a sucker for his stepbrother; he can’t believe anybody else apart Chad and Sandy haven’t seen that.

“Hey, do you think mom and dad will mind I brought Cindy with me?” Jensen whispers before they get to the kitchen and Jared’s little bubble of happiness pops away in a second, leaving a bittersweet taste all over his mouth.

 _Way to ruin my moment,_ Jared thinks, a little cranky and defeated, remembering that even if Jensen is there, he doesn’t have him all to himself since Cindy — thank god Jensen said it or Jared would have been struggling all night trying to remember it — is there too.

Which brings Jared to a much more important question than the one Jensen is asking him. _Why is Cindy there?_ Not that Jared has something against her or any of Jensen’s past girlfriends, he’s never been one to take a pity attitude about his stepbrother dating because _how could he?_ Jensen doesn’t know how Jared feels and the girls he dates are all nice chicks who mean no harm and are simply dating someone they like. It’s not like they are dating Jensen to rain on Jared’s parade on purpose.

It makes him really sad and ten kinds of jealous to see Jensen with someone else, but again, not Jensen’s or the girls fault.

Jared’s just curious.

Because it’s not like Jensen to bring a girlfriend twice to their house.

All of Jensen’s ex-girlfriends Jared knew, from the two high school sweethearts and the other two he dated at college before Cindy, only came around their house _once_. And that single time was always the night Jensen formally introduced them to their parents and Jared, and that was it. They would later on hear about Jensen taking the girl here and there and inviting her to do this and that, they would get updates about the fights and the good moments and then eventually Jensen would tell them they broke up.

It has always been like that with every single one of the girls, so Cindy being there is kind of a weird moment. Jared has no idea why she’s there, not in a bad way, but in an utterly confused one. He doubted Jensen even knew that bringing your girlfriend around the house more than once was a possible thing that most humans beings did.

Or that was until now.

“No, why would they mind? Mom always makes too much food when you come around anyway, I’m sure there’s no problem with that. She’s nice.” Jared answers truthfully, ignoring the light pain at the base of his stomach. Jensen didn’t tell him he was bringing Cindy when he texted earlier, and that’s somehow unusual. Why wouldn’t Jensen tell him? _Why isn’t he telling him right now?_

Jared licks his lips and tries to not think too hard about it, somehow feeling like he’s not going to like the answer.

When they get to the kitchen, Cindy is chatting happily with their dad and Donna lets out a happy little scream before she runs to hug Jensen. When she has her arms wrapped around Jensen’s neck she shoots Jared a look, and Jared raises his hands and mouths _‘I have no idea’_ at the wordless question his stepmom just asked. She’s probably just as confused about Cindy being there too.

As soon as the hug is over Donna cups Jensen’s face and starts to say he’s not eating enough and how he needs to come home more often so she can properly feed him. Jared agrees on that, _Jensen should come home more often_.

At least next year he will be leaving to Austin for college too so he’ll probably end up sharing an apartment with Jensen and they’ll get to spend more time together again .They haven’t exactly talked about it yet, but since Jensen wants to get his masters degree at UT as well, Jared’s almost sure he will like the idea.

After Gerald makes sure to shoo their mom away so he can say hello to Jensen as well and all the introductions and in order —‘ _Mom dad, you remember Cindy, right?’ ‘Of course, sweetheart! Is so nice to have you around here again’_ — Donna loudly announces is time for Jared and Jensen to help with the dinner, but as soon as they start groaning about it Cindy says she’ll be happy to help so he and Jensen take the opportunity of their mom’s delighted praises to have such a helpful girl around to sneak out of the kitchen and back into the living room.

“Shouldn’t you stay in there?” Jared teases, falling on the couch and making sure to occupy all of it so Jensen has to push him out of the way so he can sit too. “You bring your girlfriend just so she can help mom in the kitchen. You suck as a date.” He snorts and then ducks down when Jensen tries to smack the back of his head.

He’s poking and pressing for Jensen to tell him why Cindy’s there, but Jensen is not opening the door Jared’s offering to explain the unusual behavior. Jensen doesn’t say a thing about Cindy, simply turning on the TV and soon enough they are drowned in a heated discussion about _Inglorious Basterds_ as they watch the movie.

By the end of it Jared completely forgets he’s feeling itchy and suspicious about the whole visit, completely back to his usual self now that Jensen is around again. He lets himself relax and fall back into the comfort zone he built with his stepbrother since they were kids, laughing and kicking Jensen away when he tries to tickle him when Jared doesn’t agree with one of his opinions on the movie and then relaxing into his touch as Jensen stops trying to pull Jared’s hair and ends stroking it instead.

The fidgeting from before is now gone, and Jared feels more in place than he did for the past three weeks.

When Donna announces the dinner is ready, Jared goes to the table with a big smile and a nice bubbling feeling in his chest that only gets more effervescent when Jensen chooses to sit at Jared’s side in his usual spot on the table instead of Cindy’s side, leaving the seat to her right empty.

He and Jensen fight over who gets more food, Jared kicks him under the table as a joke and makes him throw coconut rice all over his lap. Jensen takes revenge by digging two fingers into Jared’s side, making him spit juice when he’s taking a long sip; Jensen laughs so hard it ends with a coughing attack and then it’s Jared’s turn to laugh from seeing Jensen’s face get red as he tries to breathe again.

“You two clearly need to learn to behave when we have visits. You’re not kids anymore.” Donna points at them, shaking her head, but even she looks like she’s trying to fight back a smile. Their dad is laughing on his chair, looking as amused as he has always been over their stupid fights. “What’s Cindy going to think?”

“Oh, it’s alright.” Cindy assures. “I’m just enjoying getting to see Jensen be so playful.” She gives him a confused look for a split second, and Jared thinks she’s probably being polite.

Even if he, Sandy and Chad are always playing around, it’s never to the level him and Jensen do it. They play like this all the time, and Jensen is the one who initiates it most of the time, so that can’t be truth. Cindy can’t be that surprised to see Jensen act that way, he is a playful kind of person, at least in Jared’s eyes.

“And it’s cute seeing him behave like that with his little brother.”

Jensen winks at her and Jared keeps eating, too happy to mind the light flirting when Cindy blows Jensen a kiss in return.

 _He’s not my brother_ , Jared thinks like he did that day at school, cutting his meat and looking down at his plate. _He’s much more than that._

“Glad you don’t mind, since those two are always like that.” Gerald adds with something that sounds with a proud voice, pointing to Jensen and then Jared with his fork. “Can’t keep them apart and can’t make them behave.”

Jared chuckles as he looks down, and then he catches Jensen smiling fondly at their dad. Yeah, he agrees too.

“I’m just glad she’s here. You’re a delight, honey, and Jensen should bring you around more often.” Their mom pats one of Cindy’s arms, making her smile and reach over so she can put her hand over Jensen’s on the table.

“Actually, the reason I’m here is because we have an important thing to tell you.” Cindy says as Jensen finishes his juice and nods in agreement. “We’re taking a big step in our relationship and I wanted to be here when Jensen told you about it.”

Jared stops chewing and looks up again, moving his eyes from Jensen to Cindy and then to their laced hands on the table. He can feel the itching coming back to him, uncertain of what the fuck is going on. His dad is looking at him, searching for an answer like his mom did before, so Jared slowly shakes his head in return.

Their parents know how close he’s with Jensen so they expect him to know the big news already since Jensen would always tell him _everything_ , but this night is full of surprises for him too.

Jared wishes he knew, because then he wouldn’t feel like all the food he ate so far is now fighting to travel back up.

“We’re going to buy a place together in Austin!” Cindy chirps, her beautiful face lighting up with a smile as she squeezes Jensen’s hand on the table. “Jensen is going for his master’s degree next year and I’m from Austin myself, so I’d love to stay there. We decided that living together is the next big step in our relationship before we go even more serious than that in the future.”

_Jensen is leaving._

The first one to react is Jared, furiously coughing and turning his face away, catching the news mid-swallowing a piece of meat and mid-feeling like he got slapped in the face. _Jensen’s fucking leaving_. He takes a deep breath and hears Jensen asking him if he’s alright, hands coming to pat his back carefully. _Jensen’s moving away._ Jared can hear their parents start to congratulate them, and he can see with blurry eyes —from tears that he can easily blame on the coughing attack— that Donna is getting up to hug Cindy.

_Jensen is not going to be there with him anymore._

Jared turns to face the table again, hoping he doesn’t look as teary-eyed as he feels, composing a smile that hurts on the edges of his mouth.

“C-Congratulations!” He spits out, rushed and out of breath. The next thing he knows is that he has a pair of thin arms wrapping around his waist, smelling rush of flowery perfume in his right in front of him. Jared ducks down a little and tries to hug Cindy, patting her back awkwardly and repeating _‘congratulations’_ until the word loses all meaning.

He hugs Jensen at some point, too, but he’s not even sure. Jared thinks he makes the hug last almost nothing and hopes Jensen doesn’t realize, hearing Cindy and their mom chat in the distance.

He hugs and congratulates _and hugs again,_ and then they all go back to eat, with the entire dinner conversation turning around the news. Jared chews his dinner slowly and it tastes like ashes in his mouth, completely zoning out of what’s happening around him, barely answering with nods and _‘mhmm, sure’_ when he hears someone mentioning his name.

Jensen is leaving him.

It probably doesn’t mean the same for Jensen, it doesn’t have all the implications it has for Jared, but it’s still _Jensen leaving_. Out of nowhere, and without even telling Jared about it.

They talk almost every day, Jared has told Jensen everything—except about the almost-incestuous crush thing, _mind you_ —they don’t keep secrets from each other, they always share. From stupid details that happened to them during the day to big news like Jared coming out of the closet to Jensen before he did to his parents.

And yet Jensen couldn’t even tell him he has been considered permanently moving to another city? _He couldn’t even casually mention it?_

This is not a decision they pulled out of their asses, Jensen and Cindy probably discussed it for weeks and Jensen couldn't fucking bother to at least let Jared know he didn’t want to move back to San Antonio after he got his bachelor’s degree.

Jared’s life has circled and turned around Jensen for years, and now Jensen is about to leave.

It hurts in a way he can’t begin to describe. Jensen has never done anything to cause him pain, _ever_ , and this is the first time Jared feels like he could cry for days and only have his stepbrother to blame.

When he’s done with dinner he excuses himself to leave to his room, figures he stayed around for some light chatter long enough for his departure to not look rude or suspicious. His mom asks if he’s okay, he would never leave Jensen’s side when he’s is visiting on a weekend.

“I had something to eat with Sandy and Chad after school,” Jared lies, looking down. He doesn’t want to stay down there anymore. He’s trying so hard to not start crying in front of everybody considering it would be really hard to explain. “I just feel kind of sick.”

“It’s probably that, Donna. Kid had some bad food after school, he’ll probably feel better tomorrow.” His dad says with a comprehensive voice as Donna moves from the table to start to look for some medicine around the kitchen.

Jared doesn’t look at Jensen when he offers to drive to the closest store and bring medicine for him if there’s nothing left.

He brushes it off as nothing important, saying is just a stomach ache, and then declines Jensen’s offer to go upstairs and watch another movie with him in his bed, saying he should stay there with his girlfriend and how Jared honestly wants to sleep. He doesn’t even feel up to watch any movie.

It stings to see Jensen’s worry in his face; he doesn’t want Jensen to feel that way, but he also really doesn’t want to be around Jensen right now.

It’s the first time in his life he feels like that, like he doesn’t want Jensen _there_. He would always pick the option with Jensen in it, and usually if he was sick for real, he would want to cling to Jensen more than usual.

Now, he doesn’t want any of it and Jared is not sure how to deal with that either.

He just wants to be alone for a while.

Jared manages to convince Donna it’s not a big deal and tells her he feels like sleeping it off, saying goodnight to everybody before going to his room. Cindy has a friend in town and she’s staying at her house, so Jared gives her another awkward hug as a goodbye for the weekend, figures he’ll see her more often anyway.

When he’s going upstairs he hears Jensen comment how them getting an apartment is still a long process, they need to pick a good place, see if they can afford it and all that. It’s not going happen from one day to another, probably sometime at the start of the next year.

 _Who cares when it happens?_ Jared thinks. The point is that it’s happening, sooner or later. The _when_ is not important to him, that’s the least detail he’s concerned for.

“I’ll probably keep him there more often once we start to live together,” Cindy jokes, but even Jared can catch the truth behind her words from the second floor. “You’ll have to excuse me for stealing him away from you.”

As Jared locks the door and goes lay down on his bed, not bothering to take off his clothes or turn off the lights, he thinks that it’s not their parents she should apologize to since it’s Jared’s life cycle and the center of his world that are being taken away from him.

He stubbornly thinks, Cindy should be apologizing to _him_ for getting everything he ever wanted and for taking away the person Jared loves the most before he’s ready to let go.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

 

When Jared wakes up the next day, he feels just as hangover as he did the day after Sandy’s sixteenth birthday, but this time is for an entire different reason.

He tries to ignore the puffiness around his eyes after crying himself to sleep as he rolls on his bed and tries to find his phone to turn it off. He texted Chad and Sandy the night before telling them he felt sick and was sorry about missing the midnight movie plan. Then he sent another text only to Sandy to tell her he was probably not going to be up for walking dogs with her the next morning.

Jared hasn’t checked his texts since then. He hasn’t picked up any of the calls, letting them all go to voicemail. At some point his mom came into his room while he was half asleep, checked on him and then whispered _“I’m sorry, honey, he’s still asleep. He looked pretty sick last night”_ before leaving again, so he guesses his friends got tired of him ignoring their calls on his phone and tried calling him home.

He’ll make sure to call them later when he feels like explaining what happened the night before. Right now he doesn’t want to _think_ about it.

Jared unlocks his phone with blurry eyes and a growing headache just so he can turn it off, ignoring all the notifications on the screen before burying it under one of his pillows and turning on the bed again to keep sleeping.

When he's asleep he doesn’t have to think. When he doesn’t have to think he doesn’t have to deal with anything.

It’s the coward’s way to manage his problems, but Jared doesn’t give a fuck. He’s a coward and an idiot too for thinking he ever stood a chance.

But forcing himself to stay asleep the entire weekend is not possible; unfortunately his body doesn’t work to please his broken heart.

He wakes up hours later just to go to the bathroom in his room and then close the curtains of his room in his way out. Jared’s not tired anymore, and staying locked in his room is not going to change anything or make things better, but he wants to do this.

Wants to stay there and feel sorry for himself. _That’s it._

His own pathetic pity party.

Jared wants to lie down and make fun of all the stupid hopes he had about keeping Jensen all to himself as a brother since he couldn’t have him in the way he wanted. _What was he thinking?_ Jensen was eventually going to move on with his life; Jared couldn’t expect him to stay stuck with him in the same spot for the rest of his life just because that is what he wanted.

But being expected doesn’t make it any less hurtful.

Maybe if Jensen said something before, if he at least had hinted how he wanted to stay away from home —or start a new one— when he was done with college it would have felt less like Jensen is leaving him behind now.

They tell each other almost everything, and Jensen keeping this a secret obviously means something Jared doesn’t want to acknowledge yet.

He moves back in the bed and stares at his ceiling. The old white stars that light up in a faint neon green when he turns off the lights at night are still glued up there, just where he and Jensen put them years ago when Jared was still a kid. He was afraid of the dark when he was six, so Jensen got him the stars and told him they would only work if he turned off the lights at night. They would lie down together in Jared’s bed, looking at his glowing ceiling, with Jensen making up stories about space pirates to help him fall asleep.

He never guessed back then that his time with Jensen was limited. He used to think Jensen was like an unlimited source of happiness, always close enough for him to reach over and take his hand.

Jared turns on the bed and closes his eyes, trying to find a spot in his head that doesn’t remind him of his stepbrother.

But wherever Jared goes, _there he is_.

 

 

—

 

 

The next time Jared wakes up there is no sunlight outside anymore, the closed curtains making the room completely dark at what he can only guess is six in the afternoon.

He hasn’t had anything to eat and his stomach is killing him, but Jared completely ignores it in favor of going to the bathroom again and then rummaging through his tower of DVD cases until he finds the CD he wants, walking back to his new pathetic spot in his bed once the movie starts playing.

If he doesn’t get to sleep to ignore all his problems, at least he’s going to try to distract himself from the burning sensation in the middle of his chest so he doesn’t have to acknowledge it.

Jared blinks some tears away, curling under his covers as he tries to focus on the movie instead.

He fell in love with _Dirty Dancing_ almost at the same time he realized he was in love with Jensen. It was a theater club assignment that got canceled in favor of analyzing _Grease_ instead, but it was too late for Jared. He had already watched the movie three times that week and was now a sucker for Patrick Swayze and “Time of My Life”.

It became Jared’s favorite movie, and it’s been his number one ever since.

Dirty Dancing is his default go-to movie for all situations. When Jared’s having a great day and wants to make it even better, watching Baby fall for Johnny for the thousandth time is the cherry on top of his ice cream. If he has a bad day because the planets decided to align to screw with him, Jared fixes it with Baby learning to dance and realizing who she is and what she wants to do with her life.

Jared watches Dirty Dancing when he’s sick, when he’s bored, when doesn’t have anything else to do on vacations and when he can convince Chad, Sandy or _anyone_ from his family to re-watch it with him. He even wrote a detailed analysis of it for one of his classes a year ago.

It’s _his_ movie. Everybody knows that he comes with a prize in the form of a _Dirty Dancing_ obsession.

Jared supposes it’s all about Baby realizing she doesn’t have to do what people expect from her and understanding that what truly matters is what she wants for herself; how true happiness consists on doing what you love with the person you love without caring for what others think of it.

Jared wants that for himself _and_ he’s a cheesy romantic fool, so the entire movie speaks to him.

Falling in love on a summer vacation and doing whatever it takes to stay with the person that makes you happier than anyone. What’s not to love about that?

Then add the great dancing scenes and heartwarming scenes and Jared’s sold.

That movie is _gold_ and he won’t listen to anyone who thinks different.

He has seen it so many times he can repeat all the quotes by heart, but the _worst and best part_ of it, is that Jensen is the _only person_ that would sit down with him every single time and watch the movie if Jared asks for it.

He doesn’t know how many times Jensen has done it; he lost the count long ago.

Jensen doesn’t give him shit like Chad, doesn’t asks Jared if maybe he doesn’t want to watch something else like Sandy or gently offers to do something else instead like mom and dad.

Jared _loves_ the movie, and that’s always enough for Jensen. He only needs to ask and Jensen is there by his side, no complaints or objections whatsoever. It got to a point where Jensen had watched Dirty Dancing so often that even _he_ could quote the movie too.

So Jensen usually quotes the movie to Jared, and he quotes it right back to Jensen.

It’s their little silly game that a lot of people don’t get, but it has always made Jared’s heart flutter in his chest.

 _He and Jensen quote Johnny and Baby to each other._ Honestly, the fact that Jared is in love with him is not _only his fault_.

How can he not be in love when they do things like that? It’s a miracle Jared hasn’t done something stupid like write his and Jensen’s names inside of hearts everywhere around the house all these years.

 _‘That was the summer of 1963 - when everybody called me Baby, and it didn’t occur to me to mind.’_   Jared mouths along the movie, pulling the blankets until they are around his shoulders, getting ready for an hour and a half of the best distraction he can think of.

He can feel his stomach pleading for food but he’s kind of terrified of the idea of going outside while Jensen is still there. It’s the first time in four years Jared hasn’t spent every waking minute with Jensen during a weekend he uses to drive back to San Antonio.

After twenty minutes his mom sneaks in his room, like her mother senses were tingling and she knew Jared was up already. She asks him how he’s feeling today and if he wants something to eat.

“Jensen cooked soup for your earlier today, sweetheart.” Donna says with a smile. “He said you would be hungry when you woke up.”

Jensen can’t cook for shit, and his chicken noodles soup is far from the best, but knowing his stepbrother always tries to do his best when Jared is sick makes him drink every drop no matter how bad it tastes. It has always made him feel better somehow, even if it tastes terrible.

“He’s really worried, your brother.” Donna comments when she’s back in his room with a steaming bowl of soup for Jared.

Eating something Jensen made for him because he’s always been worse than their mom when Jared’s sick —he worries _too much_ — only serves for Jared’s pain in his chest to keep growing, but not eating the damn thing seems even more horrible to him. _Jensen made it for him._

“We both kept insisting in taking you to the doctor since you wouldn’t even come out of your room today, that’s not like you JT.” She strokes his hair, brushing his bangs out of his forehead carefully. “But your dad said you probably had the flu or something like that and we were blowing it out of proportion.”

“Dad’s right.” Jared says with a hoarse voice, clearing his throat. “I’m not feeling good, but it’s not that bad. I’m sure I’ll be okay soon.”

It sounds like a lie to him, but he doesn’t have the heart to make his mom worry. Luckily for him the swollen eyes, red nose and the fact that he looks like shit after staying in bed crying for God knows how much helps with the cover of making him look sick for real.

“Sandy and Chad called all morning and then on the afternoon, too. They said you turned off your phone.” Donna adds after a long pause and Jared doesn’t look away from the TV. She’s giving him a skeptical look, as if she can sense there’s something going on, but she can’t quite put her finger on it. “Do you want to call them, honey?”

“I probably forgot to charge it last night and it died.” Jared shrugs, taking a spoonful of soup and blowing it a couple times before swallowing it. Just as expected, it’s the worst chicken soup he ever had and it tastes just as bad as always. It’s so _Jensen_ —making food for him when he’s sick even if he can barely cook rice without burning it— that it makes Jared’s middle hurt again.

He wishes he could turn around and curl in bed again, pressing his knees to his chest like he’s trying to glue the parts together to make that pain go away.

“I’ll call them tomorrow, my head is kind of hurting right now.”

Facing Chad and Sandy to tell them what happened is going be hard, and he’s trying to avoid that conversation as much as he can. Jared can barely accept it to himself, so telling it to someone else sounds like a nightmare.

“Then you should stop watching that movie and lay down. Is not like you haven’t seen it enough.” She ruffles his hair and smiles fondly, but Jared replies right away like a knee-jerk reaction.

“Jensen always watches it with me and doesn’t say anything.”

He feels pathetic as soon as he says it out loud, so Jared buries himself further into his fort of blankets, eating more of his hot, awful soup.

Donna only laughs, hands on her hips as she shakes her head.

“He sure does. You know what’s funny? Jen said that this morning. _‘When Jay wakes up, he’s gonna want to watch Dirty Dancing for sure, that will make him feel better’_.” She chuckles to herself while Jared bites his tongue as he desperately blinks repeatedly when his eyes fill with tears. “He would be watching it with you right now but he’s outside with dad buying some things I need.”

“What about Cindy?” He dares to ask with an insecure voice, looking into the bowl. In some months Jensen won’t be there to cook him horrible soup when Jared’s sick, won’t be there to tell their parents what will make him feel better.

Won’t be there for Jared’s heart to feel like exploding every time he acts like the amazing stepbrother he has always been.

“Oh she’s still with her friend. She and Jensen will be driving back to Austin tomorrow.”

Donna probably sees something in Jared’s face, because she sighs and strokes his cheek with the back of her hand, making Jared look up in surprise.

“I’m gonna miss him too. The news were... _unexpected_. And I know how close you and your brother have always been. If there’s something I’m proud of it’s the bond you two have,” She assures with a smile. “Never saw two stepbrothers be as close as the two of you.”

Jared knows there’s a reason for that on his side, but sadly it’s not the same for Jensen. He sees it just as Donna does and how Jared _should see_ it too.

But Jared has always been one to go for the fucked up road. _What would his mom think if she knew why he’s so close with Jensen, Jesus._

“And I know he won’t come around as often when he moves in with Cindy, he will be starting a new home after all. But we’re his family, baby, and I’m sure Jensen will always have time for us.” Donna assures him and Jared nods in return. She looks like she’s trying to convince herself, too. Jared knows that she doesn’t want to let go of Jensen either. “Now finish that soup and try to get some rest, sweetie, you look like you couldn’t sleep at all, your eyes are as red as I have seen ‘em.”

Jared nods again and watches her leave. He doesn’t say anything about how they are Jensen’s family _for now_. Cindy said it herself, moving in together is the first step before they get even more serious. Soon enough Jensen could start family with her, and his old family back at San Antonio will be the ones he _has_ to visit for some Christmas and the occasional birthday.

At the same time, Jared doesn’t want to be dramatic and make it all about himself. Fuck no, Jared would always support what Jensen thinks is best for him, even if it’s hard and tears them apart day by day. Jared doesn’t care for the pain his unrequited loves creates as long as Jensen is happy.

He wants Jensen to be happy, wants for Jensen to get everything he wants from life and then some more.

But Jared just wishes Jensen could do it a little closer to him.

_Jared wishes he could be a constant part of it._

He finishes his soup and leaves the empty bowl on his nightstand, stopping the movie and turning on his bed, keeping the stuffed dog Jensen gave him for his seventh birthday under the blankets tightly pressed against his chest.

He’s not sure when he falls asleep, but the next thing Jared feels is that someone is brushing his bangs out of his forehead, a cold, familiar hand pressing against his skin to check if he has fever.

Jared’s eyes still ache from his pathetic crying marathon and he doesn’t feel like taking the effort of peeking to see who it is, so it’s a full-on surprise —that almost leaves him in a cardiac arrest—  when he hears Jensen’s voice close to his ear.

“I’ll make sure to be here to watch the movie with you next time, little brother.”

Jared curls his toes under the blankets, pressing his old stuffed dog against his chest, hoping he’s not blushing like crazy or Jensen’s going to notice he’s awake.

He feels Jensen rubbing his arm over the sheets and then hears him turning off his TV, picking up the empty bowl on his nightstand and closing the door after himself.

His stepbrother is going to kill him someday.

Between tearing open parts of his chest and then making him melt like a fool in love, Jensen absolutely going to kill him.

Jared presses his face against his pillow, not knowing what to do with himself and not wanting to think of the possibility of Jensen not being there someday to sit by his side and watch Dirty Dancing to make him happy.

Jared cries himself to sleep again, and by that point, he’s not sure if it’s ever going to stop.

 

 

—

 

 

Sunday is even worse, and it must show on Jared’s face because when Donna walks in his room —the clock marking one o’clock in the afternoon— she takes a breath as soon as she takes a look at him.

Jared has been in bed for hours and couldn’t really sleep. He kept waking up, uncomfortable and feeling out of place, his brain too loud and restless to let him take a break for more than half an hour before he was up again.

But hey, he’s pretending to be sick as hell, so the look might help his case.

“If you don’t get better by tonight, you’re skipping school tomorrow and we’re going to the doctor.” She points at him and Jared can see in her face how it’s not up for discussion.

He doesn’t want to miss school, he has always hated to be behind in his classes and he actually likes most of them.

But at the same time, the idea of dressing, leaving and pretending _everything_ doesn’t hurt seems like so much effort that Jared just mumbles ‘alright’ without any signs of wanting to fight back.

His mom bites her lips and closes the door after promising to bring him something to eat.

Jared sighs and rolls out of bed, back cracking after lying down doing _nothing_ when he’s usually pretty active on his weekends. Even when he’s at home he doesn’t lay down to stare at the ceiling for hours.

He also needs a shower and should probably open the window because being locked two days in his pajamas means his room must smell like shit, but Jared doesn’t truly care for that.

Deep down he knows he’s taking all of it too close, and nobody dies of a broken heart. He should be able to get over it, _he should have been able to get over Jensen years ago_ , but Jared has no idea of how to do that.

How can he just change such a large part of his life from one day of another? He learned to have those feelings for Jensen, learned to live with them so they are a part of him now.

Jared doesn’t know how to let go.

Not loving Jensen sounds— _impossible_ , in a way.

But now Jensen is moving on with his life and it’s time for Jared to do the same.

Honestly? He’s too scared to try.

His dad comes to see him next, bringing the breakfast his mom promised, and he tells Jared that if he feels too bad they can go to the doctor today. Jared insists it’s nothing bad and tries to sound casual when he asks about Jensen. His brother is packing to leave for college again, he already had lunch and he’s going to pick Cindy and then drive to Austin.

At least now Jared will be able to get out of his room without bumping into Jensen. For years he dreaded the moment Jensen had to drive back to Austin when the weekend is over, but today it sounds almost like a relief.

Jared’s just starting to lazily munch on some crackers with marmalade while his dad asks him what he had to eat on Friday — _right, his lie about eating something bad_ _after school,_ he’s glad Chad and Sandy didn’t blow off his cover when they called yesterday— when the door swings open again and Jensen walks inside of the room, giving Jared a smile when he sees him up.

“Hey there Sleeping Beauty. Thought I’d leave to college and you would still be in bed.”

Jared shakes his head, still eating his crackers slowly. He couldn’t let Jensen go without saying goodbye.

“Are you feeling any better?”

“Kinda, yeah.” Jared gives him a weak smile “Thanks for the soup, it really helped.”

Jensen brushes it off, saying it was nothing and how Jared needed to eat something during the day. Their dad chooses that moment to leave, patting Jensen’s back and telling him he should hurry before it gets too late to leave. He never likes when Jensen drives back to Austin when is dark outside.

“You’re gonna miss class tomorrow?” Jensen asks as he sits on his bed, which is a complete mess of blankets after Jared spent the entire weekend curled up there.

“I don’t know. Mom wants me to go to the doctor.” Pointless, considering he’s not sick for real, but Jared will play along.

“I saw you throw a tantrum when you were seven and got chicken pox because dad didn't let you go to classes for more than a week. You hate missing classes,” Jensen squints at him, trying to read something in Jared that he’s not telling him. “Did something happen at school?” Jensen’s voice suddenly sounds more serious and concerned. “Someone giving you a hard time?”

“Oh God, I’m not ten anymore. I could handle someone bullying me, don’t worry.” Jared chuckles a little. Is hard to be quiet and awkward around Jensen because that has never been for them. They get along so well Jared can’t hide that, no matter how broken his heart is. “You’re so over-protective.”

“You were bullied in middle school. A kid _punched you_ and all! I’m just making sure here, little brother.”

“I got punched _once_ and it was just because Carlson was a dickwad.” Jared was an easy target then, still short, kind of geeky and member of a lot of clubs that made wannabe jocks want to _‘go after him for being such a nerd’._ The whole thing was stupid. “You gotta give me more credit, I would not handle another bullying episode by come crying to you like I did when I was a kid.”

Jensen sighs and shakes his head, as if the memory alone is getting to his nerves.

“Well, if you did I would kill whoever tried. I’m not about to let someone bully you.”

 _“Yes, mom_. And nobody’s bullying me.”

“ _Smartass_. Then why do you wanna miss school?”

Jared looks down at his breakfast, trying to think something believable, but there’s nothing he can come up with. His reason is right there, talking to him.

He doesn’t particularly want to miss school; Jared simply wants to miss _everything_ until he can deal with the way he’s feeling.

“I guess I just feel that bad. I’m sick, give me a break.” Jared throws one of his pillows at Jensen but he moves easily out of the way with a laugh, making fun of Jared throwing skills. _Whatever_. “But hey— how, _uh_ , how was the weekend with Cindy?”

Moving to another topic seems the best move. And there’s something else Jared wants to ask.

“It went okay, I guess. Mom and dad say they like her and you all took the news pretty good.” Jensen doesn’t seem very interested in what he’s saying, pulling on a loose strand in one of the sheets, opening a little hole as he keeps picking at it. “She says hi by the way, and hopes you feel better soon.”

“Thanks.” Jared plays with his crackers, glad Jensen opened the door he was waiting for.

 _The news_ , that’s what he wants to know.

“So...moving in with her, huh? Big step.” He looks back at Jensen, but his stepbrother seems fascinated by his old blankets.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s time, right? The best we could do to our relationship. Big steps make everything better.” Jensen nods, patting one of Jared’s legs gently. “Sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do.”

Jared’s not sure he gets the answer, at least not completely, so makes sure to fold it and save it somewhere in his brain to analyze it later with more detail.

“But you _want_ to live with her?” He presses, eyes fixed on his Jensen, holding his breath.

It takes Jensen a second, but he nods, finally looking back at him.

“Yes. I think it’s time.”

Time for Jensen to grow up. Time for Jensen to change his life. Time for Jensen to move on. _Gotcha_.

Jared knows the implications. Wanting to live with her also means wanting to live with her _more_ than wanting to live there with his mom, dad and _him_.

Means that Jensen would rather stay at Austin instead of even considering of moving to a new apartment in San Antonio, closer to them.

Jared wants to get bitter, wants to look at Jensen and say _“you never told me anything”_ , wants to get angry and yell while pacing around the room. _“We tell each other everything and you couldn’t let me know about making a big change like this!”_ Jared wants to point out and throw things around at how unfair it is that Jensen didn’t ask for his opinion, didn’t let him know of his plans until they were already a decision.

He’s not the center of Jensen’s world after all and this has always been unrequited love for a reason.

“That’s good.” Jared answers instead. “I’m happy you.”

And he is. In a weird, twisted way he can’t explain, that mixes inside of him along with the other storm of feelings he has flying around.

He can try to be happy about his brother being happy since this is obviously what he wants.

The human brain shouldn’t be able to process so many emotions at the same time, it’s just unfair.

“Will you come visit?” Jensen pats Jared’s leg again to get his attention. “We could maybe get a place with a guest room, so you could be there a lot. And you could stay for the weekends, or maybe for the entire summer, right? You can even bring _Dirty Dancing_ and we can watch it as much as you want, Jay.”

It hurts. Jensen doesn’t mean it as something bad, he’s actually including him somehow in his future home, but it still hurts and doesn’t feel real.

Jared nods quietly and then whispers _“Of course, Jen, I’d love that”_ with an almost broken voice.

Jared never wants Jensen to leave, but right now he would appreciate if he left him alone for a couple minutes. Explaining a sudden outburst of tears in that moment wouldn’t be easy, and thank god his dad knocks on his door again to remind Jensen of the time and how he’s not done packing yet.

Jensen gets up and ruffles Jared’s hair. “Get better soon, talk to you when I get to college.”

“Be careful.” Jared adds before Jensen leaves the room, and he stares at the closed door for a moment before quickly cleaning his eyes.

The crackers are all soggy now, but Jared still eats them all and decides to finish some homework in his bed to distract himself.

_Sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do._

Jared wishes it was that simple for him too.

 

—

 

 

At the end Donna said Jared wasn’t going to school the next day, Gerald agreed and Jared said he would only go if he felt a little better in the morning, but basically doesn’t fight with them about it.

He still looks like shit, so he can understand his parents worrying about it, but missing class and a test because he’s heartbroken doesn’t sound like a good enough excuse for himself. He needs to drag his ass to school no matter how much he wants to stay locked inside and not deal with anything just yet.

He will have to face Chad and Sandy and explain to them what’s going on, and Jared’s not sure of how to do that, but he’ll probably wait until the end of the day so they can go someplace quiet and he can break down and tell them the entire story.

Or at least that was Jared’s plan until he walks back in his room at eleven —with a tub of ice cream in one hand a big spoon in the other after his parents went to sleep— just to find Sandy hanging outside of his room, knocking and waving from outside of his window.

Jared’s truly surprised his parents don’t wake up after he drops the jar, cursing loudly and jumping out of his skin.

“What the fuck!” Jared yells, pressing a hand against his chest, feeling his heart thumping out of control. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

Coming back to his room to find a face pressed to his window must count as the worst scare he got so far in his life.

“Open the damn window!” Sandy says in a muffled voice, making signs at the lock. “I’m kind of stepping on Chad’s shoulders right now and he’s not happy about it! Open up Jared!” She insists, banging on the window harder and Jared swears he can almost hear a torrent of curses coming from outside from Chad’s part.

Jared rushes to help her in, now scared that one of them is going to fall. Him and Chad learned how to climb to his room from outside when they were kids and played spies around the house — his parents never found out, but Jensen did give him a pep talk about how it could be dangerous, just to end up using it as well when he was grounded but wanted to sneak out with his friends.

They tried to show Sandy how to do it years ago but she’s not a fan of the “secret entrance” since she found out Chad broke his arm in sixth grade one of the times they were using it.

“What the hell are you doing outside my window?! You’re gonna fall or make the neighbors think you’re intruders or something!” Jared gives Sandy a hand and helps her inside his room. 

When he turns to help Chad next, his friend is already making his way through the window on his own. He has more experience than Sandy doing this after all.

“Dude I know how to sneak into your house since we were kids, it’s no big deal.” Chad brushes it off, stretching after having Sandy stepping over him, making his shoulders pop.

“That’s not what I meant.” Jared goes to pick up his jar of ice cream and moves back to his mess of a bed, ignoring the look Sandy is giving him and how she’s starting to shake her head as she realizes the state of his room.

“When was the last time you took a shower?” She asks before Chad can reply. “Or the last time you slept, Jesus, you look horrible, Jay.”

“Thanks a lot.” He groans, opening his prize in the form of _cookies and cream_ to start eating directly from the tub.

Eating this after only having a soup and crackers in two days doesn’t sound like the best idea, but sweet food always lightens his mood.

Jared looks around, trying to find the remote to keep watching _Dirty Dancing_.

“Not to mention it smells like someone fucking died in here.” Chad comments, sitting close to the window as he lights up a cigarette. When Jared makes him a signal for him to put it down Chad only shrugs “What? It smells like shit in here, I bet the smoke would only make it better at this point.”

“My parents would kill me, come on.” Jared asks with a sigh, still too tired to want to argue with his friends. “Please?”

Chad must catch something in his tone, because he sighs and puts out his cigarette before throwing it outside of his window.

Jared starts to take spoonfuls of ice cream and eat it in silence, looking down, trying to ignore his friends’ stares on him.

“Jared, what’s going on?” Chad asks after a long pause, moving from the window to sit on his bed on the exact spot Jensen sat down earlier that day before leaving. “You wouldn’t answer our texts or calls, turned off your phone, wouldn’t talk to us when we called here and your mom told Sandy you might not go to school tomorrow.”

“I’m sick.” Jared lies with a shrug, still looking down.

Chad only needs a quick look at him to know that’s not it.

“Bullshit.” He smacks Jared’s leg and shakes his head. “I know you. Some bad shit is going on here but it’s not that, you’re not sick. So tell us what’s truly going on.”

Jared knows he could sit there and try to convince them both that he’s sick, and he might even kind of convince Sandy at the end, but there’s no way he can make Chad believe him. He’ll see the fucking lie in him every single time so there’s no point in trying.

“ _Jensen is leaving_.” He whispers with a small voice, digging the spoon in the ice cream repeatedly and moving it around. “He told us on Friday… he’s gonna get a place with Cindy in Austin and stay to live there.” He bites his bottom lip, voice cracking for a second. “He’s not gonna come as often and things are getting more serious between them. So Jensen— _he’s gonna move out to be with her._ Said is time to move on with his life, and that means he’s leaving.”

He’s tearing up before he can help it, so he cleans his tears quickly with the back of his hand.

 Jared is so fucking tired of crying. He’s tired of doing _this_ nonstop for two days simply because Jensen taking an obvious and somehow logical step in his life. Jared’s angry at himself for not being able to stop breaking out in tears every now and then.

“ _Oh, Jay.”_ Sandy whispers and she moves in the bed as well, sitting even closer to him. Her voice sounds broken too, like she’s about to start crying right there. She cups his face and cleans the little trail of the tears Jared couldn’t catch, using her thumb to wipe the wetness under his nose too.

Jared knows it’s gross, but Sandy doesn’t mind at all, bringing him close so he can hug her and bury his face in her shoulder, arms coming around her small frame to hold her there.

“I’m so sorry, honey.”

She strokes his hair and Jared lets out an involuntary sob, trying to calm down as he breaths in Sandy’s usual sweet perfume.

“He’s leaving me, Sandy.” He adds against her neck and she hugs him even tighter, shushing him gently and assuring him it’s all going to be okay.

She says it’s going be just fine, all three of them will find a way to make it better, and even if Jared knows that’s not really possible he nods in her arms and sobs again.

“Oh fuck, come here you two.” He hears Chad say and the bed sinks a couple inches when he sits closer to them, hugging both Jared and Sandy at the same time. “What the fuck, guys? I can’t even make jokes to light up the mood if you are all goddamn crying, Jesus Christ.”

That makes Sandy laugh as she reaches over to hug Chad back, so Jared ends in the middle of an improvised sandwich hug.

“It’s because you’re uncomfortable with showing deep emotions, Murray.” Sandy teases, still stroking Jared’s hair with one hand while he tries to listen to his friends and ignore everything else.

“Dude, I asked Sophia out by drunk singing her favorite song under her window with her name written on my chest.” Chad argues with an offended voice. “And I can’t sing for shit _. And_ it was winter when I was shirtless. I’m so connected with my emotions I practically live up their fucking ass, okay?”

That makes all three of them start laughing, and Jared has to shush them a moment later, remembering that his parents are asleep and he’s supposed to be really sick and sleeping at that moment.

The visual of Chad asking Sophia out is still funny, no matter how often he and Sandy bring it up to make fun of it. The most ironic part is that after Chad wanted to go out with her for almost two years , their relationship only lasted two months.

Chad says he had a deep case of “Psychological Reactance” with Sophia. Apparently that’s something psychologist define as wanting something even more when someone tells you that you can’t have it, limiting your range of alternatives and choices before you can decide if you want it or not on your own.

Chad would know, since that’s what he wants to study at college — _psychology_ — thing that still blows Jared minds but also kind of makes sense.

As soon as Chad was with Sophia —after Sophia had told him she would _never_ go out with him— he realized he wasn’t into her as much as he thought.

They had more fights in two months than Jared ever saw his parents discuss at home.

Sometimes he wondered if that’s what would happen with him and Jensen, another Psychological Reactance where he only wanted Jensen because he’s his stepbrother. _Wanting what he can’t have._

But the thing is: Jared loves Jensen not because he can’t have him, but in spite of it.

He’s not sure how long they stay there on his bed, with him in between Chad trying to make him laugh and Sandy shushing him gently and assuring him it’s all going to be alright.

Telling them the truth served to make the edges around the hole in his chest start to ache again, but at the same time, from all the crying rounds he did this weekend, this one actually makes him feel better at the end.

“And when is that supposed to happen? When is Jensen going to move?” Chad asks half an hour later, all three of them squeezed in Jared’s bed while watching the final half of _Dirty Dancing_ , sharing Jared’s jar of ice cream and using the same spoon to eat no matter how gross Sandy says that is.

“Jensen doesn’t know.” Jared sighs, sinking into his bed while he uses Sandy’s shoulder as pillow. She hasn’t stopped rubbing his arm or touching his face constantly, trying to physically reassure him all the time. “He said that they still had to keep saving, look for a place, maybe sometime next year or something…”

“But hey, that means you still have a lot of time to see him around, right?” Sandy tries, giving him a little smile.

“What’s the point? He’s leaving. He never told me wanted to leave. He’s always saying how much he misses being home and then appears here to say he’s getting a new place? _In another city?_ ” Jared huffs, eating a big bite of ice cream. _“He’s chust fuckong leafin!”_ He keeps complaining with his mouth full before swallowing the ice cream. “Why couldn’t he tell me? I could have got used to it slowly if he told me he didn’t want to come back after he graduated from college.”

“What a fucking asshole.” Chad adds and Jared nods in agreement.

“That doesn’t sound like Jensen, he’s always driving here on the weekends when he can. And he never goes visit Tom and Mike in California during summer just so he can stay here.” Sandy has a point there, but what does it matter now?

“Sandy, he told me he wanted to live with her. I asked and he said he wanted to move. He can’t be clearer than that.”

He wasn’t expecting for Jensen to just be there with him forever, but Jared is not ready for this change yet. He’s not ready to let go and move on as Jensen is so easily doing.

“It just hurts…” he whispers, watching the “Time of My Life” number start. The movie is about to end and Baby is about to get everything she wanted while Jared is here not getting even a little fraction of his dreams. “I loved him for years and I—I really don’t know how to live without him. I don’t know how to live without loving him.”

He catches Sandy and Chad exchanging a look across the bed but he pretends to not see it, passing the ice cream to Chad for him to keep eating. He’s going need to come up with some excuse when Donna wakes up the next day and doesn’t find the jar in the freezer.

Sandy waits for the movie to be over to move from the bed to take the DVD out and put it back in its box, starting to talk again while she’s not facing him.

“But Jay, you know it was going to happen someday.” She turns off the TV as well, giving him a worried look over her shoulder. “I know it’s not what you want to hear but it’s true. Jensen was going to move someday. It’s all a little sudden, and is not gonna be the same, but you can still see him and visit him.”

“And he’s still gonna come around sometimes during the year.” Chad ads from the bed, kicking his shoes off before going to the window and opening it so he can light up a cigarette and blow the smoke outside.

“Exactly! And again, you have months before they even start looking for a place, we can think of more solutions until he’s back, right?”

“I guess.” Jared’s not so sure what kind of solutions they can have when it’s a final thing, but he knows they’re trying to help.

“Come on, you know I’m right. That’s the best we can do until he gets a new place.”

“Or I could be miserable for the next months until it happens.” Jared jokes with a bitter laugh, but there are hints of truth in his voice.

Chad frowns from the window and looks at him before looking at Sandy and then back at him for a second time.

“You can’t be serious, Jay. You can’t sit here for months and just pining after Jensen nonstop.” Chad closes his lighter, blowing the smoke outside once more. “Please tell me you’re not for real with that shit, man.” 

“Hey, why not? Is not like I have a better option.” Jared complains, looking down at his old stuffed dog. It has lost most of its yellow color after thousand travels to the washing machine, one of its eyes is missing and Donna had to stitch it up a lot when Jared was a kid and he ripped it by mistake while he was playing.

He gave away most of his toys to charity when he decided he didn’t want to play with them anymore years ago, and this is the only one he kept since then.

“Why can’t I just sit down, be pathetic and enjoy how awful I feel until Jensen finally moves so I can feel even worse and be sorry for myself? Sounds about right to me.” Jared tries to let another fake laugh, but the truth is Jared isn’t so sure if he considers it actual joking or not anymore.

“Okay, that’s quite fucking enough.” Chad puts out his cigarette and throws it outside, closing the window a little too hard, making both Sandy and Jared jump. “You can’t keep fucking doing this Jared, you can’t do this anymore.”

“What—?” Jared starts talking, clearly confused.

Chad looks angry, almost like that time an idiot from their school called Jared the f-word and Chad got a month of detention after he broke the guy’s nose. Chad is _too Chad_ to let things get to him, uses to say life is too short and he’s too great to let people and things get under his skin and how everybody should be as chill as he is.

Jared’s not used to seeing Chad angry, not even after years of being best friends.

“You can’t fucking do this Jared, I can’t see you be fucking miserable like this anymore, man!” Chad crosses his arms, letting out a frustrated sigh. “Look, I have supported you for years. Since you told me in my room you loved Jensen, I have been there, okay? I support whatever you want to do because it’s your life and I told you I was gonna have your back.” Chad keeps talking, voice so stern it makes Jared feel like he’s getting scolded.

“You love who you love, and that’s the fucking end of it, I support that. But I can’t take _this_ , I can’t let my best goddamn friend sit in his room and be miserable and wait for more reasons to feel like shit!” Chad almost yells and Jared looks down, trying to avoid his eyes. “That’s not you, Jared, come on! You deserve fucking better, Jensen is moving out to be happy and you deserve that too!”

“Chad.” Sandy whispers, still standing in front of the TV, looking worried as she stares at them.

“No, Sandy, he needs to hear this, and I know you agree with me.”

He moves back to the bed to sit by Jared’s feet, still giving him that angry look that Jared has never seen directed at him before. He has never had a fight with Chad, this is new territory for him, and Jared doesn’t like it. He never wants to fight with Chad.

“Listen man, I got your back all this time because— dude, you and Jensen are creepily close stepbrothers, okay? Like, _blows-my-freaking-mind_ close. I’m not half as close with any of my brothers, hell, I couldn’t wait for them to fucking move out of our house. And dude, I love my family, but you and Jensen are on another level.” Chad sighs, shaking his head “Honestly? I thought Jensen loved you too and he only needed time to realize it. But now he’s moving in with Cindy, so maybe I got it wrong. I know Jensen loves you, but may be not in the way you want.”

Jared is staring directly at Chad now, mouth open as he hears him out.

He never knew that, never even guessed Chad thought Jensen liked him back or that he had a chance.

“And I’m sorry about that Jay, I really am. But I also know you deserve to be happy too, fucking hell, you deserve much better than locking yourself up in your room for two days to cry and feel like shit. You deserve that kind of romance bullshit.”

Chad points at the turned off TV, but Jared knows he’s talking about the movie.

“You love romance, you love all that shit, and you deserve romance. You deserve someone fucking wooing you and someone dying to take your ass out on a date because you’re funny, and smart and the best fucking person I know, Jared.” Chad sounds almost desperate now, and it makes Jared feel like he has been dying to tell him this for years. “You deserve being out on a Friday with someone who is damn in love with you instead of always waiting for Jensen to come around.”

Jared swallows, heart pumping out of control in his chest. He opens and closes his mouth, looking away with his mind going blank as he tries to find something to say.

The only thing he can find in the sea of nothing that is his mind is that Chad is right.

“This is our last year in High School, and fucking hell I’m glad we’re out at last,” Chad keeps going, his voice going an octave lower. “But it’s our last year. _Your last yea_ r. We are applying to colleges, we’re gonna  have a stupid cheesy prom at the end of the year that I know you’re gonna love and guess fucking what? You deserve to go with someone who likes you. This is your senior year and you deserve to enjoy it and be happy and look back at it when you’re old as fuck and popping blue pills to get hard and think ‘ _what a fucking great year it was’_. A year that you enjoyed and in which had a blast with the two of us.”

He points at Sandy with his head, who moved closer and is now nodding along with what Chad is saying.

“You owe that to yourself Jay, you can’t let go like that. You owe yourself to be happy now and the rest of your _god-damn-life_. And I know you love Jensen and this is hard, but dude, you also deserve someone loving _you_.”

Jared can’t find the words to say how he’s feeling.

It’s not easy to get a friend telling him he needs to wake the fuck up, but everything Chad said makes so much sense that he feels stupid for never seeing it that way before.

Not to mention Chad looks really desperate to make Jared understand that he deserves to be happy and not stay around waiting to pick the parts of Jensen he can get for himself. And that hurts too, knowing that his best friend is almost in pain from watching Jared doing this to himself.

All this time he has been so focused on loving Jensen with everything he was that Jared forgot he deserved to be loved too.

And is not like Jensen doesn’t love him, Jared knows with his life he does, but maybe is time to understand Jensen will never love him in the way he wants to be loved. He needs to see that being in love with his stepbrother is not taking him anywhere close to full happiness, so it’s time to move on.

But there’s a big problem with that.

“I don’t know how,” Jared whispers, voice broken and eyes filled with tears. But he’s not going to cry, not anymore. He looks up at Chad and then at Sandy, lower lip trembling. “I don’t know how to move on.”

He takes a deep breath, putting his old stuffed dog away, talking before Chad can say anything else.

“I want to.” Jared adds, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand, heart thumping painfully hard in his chest again. Where is all this unrequited love taking him? What good is it doing to him? There is no future in loving Jensen, and it’s time for him to grow up and see it. “I want to do it, I— want to try. But I don’t know how to not love Jensen.”

It’s a weird kind of comfort zone Jared had been living in for years. Loving Jensen feels natural, it’s part of himself. He grew around it, made his life spin around those feelings. Letting them go seems almost scary _. He doesn’t want to let Jensen go_.

But Jared knows he has to.

“It’s always been about Jensen, you know?” Jared says with a little broken laugh, giving his friends a weak smile.

Sandy moves closer to the bed then, kneeling on the mattress and front of him, cupping his face to tilt his chin up.

“Now it’s time to make it about you, JT.”

Jared nods, biting his tongue as he keeps the tears in check, letting Sandy pull him into another hug. He rests his face over her shoulder, moving from side to side as she rocks him gently, stroking his hair. Jared looks up at Chad in that moment, giving him a little smile when he ruffles his hair.

“Sorry I had to get tough with you, man.”

“I needed to hear that.” Sometimes Jared needs someone to make him pull his head out of his ass regarding some things and he’s glad he has people in his life who are ready to make him realize when he’s fucking up big time. “I just— I really don’t know how to move on. I have felt like this almost all my life.”

“I know, man. We’ll make it work, we’ll help you get there.”

Sandy pulls away from the hug, keeping one hand on Jared’s shoulder and bringing the other one to his face, cleaning a couple tears that are trying to escape from his eyes no matter how hard Jared is trying to hold them in.

“You’re sure, right honey? Because you need an extreme makeover edition on this one.” She jokes, making Jared smile faintly. “We’re talking about making Jensen stop being the center of your life.”

“Destroying the codependency.” Chad adds, crossing his arms over his chest solemnly.

“You’re not gonna shut down Jensen out of your life.” Sandy clarifies when Jared winces, stroking his hair again. “But you do need to make some big changes, Jared. Are you sure you can handle it? Because I’m sure is not going to be easy, but is going to be worth it.”

Jared stops for a moment and thinks about it. _Really thinks about it_. He’s not sure what his friends have in mind, but spending a lot less time with Jensen is, of course, an obvious step in the plan. He has almost craved Jensen around him since he was five, so dealing with that is not going to be a piece of cake.

He just has to remember he’s not cutting Jensen out, just learning to let go of his non-fraternal love for him.

“You’re going to help me, right?” Jared asks, giving them a pleading look. “You have to stop me if I try to back down in some weeks and tell me how to get over him. Because I have no goddamn clue of how to do that.”

“Of course we will. What are friends for if not to help get you fall out of love with your stepbrother.” Chad nudges him, getting another little smile out of Jared.

“Don’t worry, we’ll plan it all from start to finish.”

Sandy sits on the bed, exchanging a look with Chad. Something tells Jared this is not the first time they have talked about ways to help him forget his feelings for Jensen, but he can’t blame them for that. They have always wanted the best for him.

“First, you need to stop making him your top priority.” Sandy states, giving Jared a serious look. He should better get ready to hear a lot of things he has been trying to avoid in the past years. “And you know what I’m talking about, Jay. You would ditch everything at any time of the day to go running to hang out with Jensen if he tells you he has free time.”

Yeah, Jared knows it’s the truth. But it sounds way worse when someone says it out loud like that.

“Not…always.” He lies, looking at them with a guilty expression.

“ _Yes always.”_ Chad and Sandy reply at the same time and Jared groans, lying down on the bed and pressing both hands on his face.

He is the definition of _“yes, of course, anything you want”_ when it comes to Jensen. He says yes to everything Jensen wants to do, whenever Jensen wants to, and it’s been like that for years. Jared is game for his stepbrother twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. He loves Jensen’s company and has so much fun when they can hang out together that it became almost impossible to resist the temptation every time it appears in front of him. Every minute he can spend with Jensen is a top priority for him.

He has woken up at two in the morning to go buy pizza with Jensen after he had a shitty date and couldn’t get dinner, ready to be there to listen to Jensen tell him everything about his oh-so-horrible time and stuff himself with double cheese and pepperoni. Jared would cancel plans, miss parties, stop studying for tests or stay up until four finishing his homework because he decided to spend his day playing _World of Warcraft_ with Jensen online while talking to him on Skype.

“Is not entirely my fault, you know?” Jared tries to argue, staring at the stars glued to his ceiling. “He’s always telling me things like _‘I have so much more fun with you that I decided to finish my date early so we could hang out, Jay.’_ ” He imitates Jensen’s voice terribly, making Chad cackle loudly at that. “How am I supposed to say _no_ to that?”

“Well, you have to. Even if it sucks.”

It’s so easy for Sandy to say that, she’s not the one who feels like jumping around with a stupid smile every time Jensen chooses Jared over everybody else.

“Dude, come on. Think it this way: you’re just balancing your life so Jensen doesn’t weight more than every other fucking thing.” Chad throws a pillow at him, but Jared simply catches it to press it against his face. “You’re making you guys’ relationship healthier so it stops being this one-sided bullshit you have going.”

It’s not like Jensen doesn’t cancel things to be with him, or doesn’t do a lot of things just for Jared, but if he thinks about it logically, he is usually the one doing everything he can to be with Jensen. When his stepbrother has too many tests or extra work to do, he cancels his weekly travels back to San Antonio to stay at college studying.

Jared is the one in love and therefore the one throwing his life away if that means more Jensen.

God, his friends really have a point. He needs to stop that.

“Fuck me, I never realized I was so _needy_.” Jared whines into the pillow, just to throw it away a second later. “Am I that desperate to get Jensen’s attention? I knew I had it bad, but when I think about it—”

“You would drag your ass all the way to Austin at three in the morning even if you were on fire and bleeding out just to see Jensen.” Chad finishes, clicking his tongue.

“Chad!” Sandy snaps at him, taking the pillow to throw it at him this time, hitting him right in the face. “There are nicer ways to put it than that!”

She huffs, turning to Jared. “You’re not needy, JT, you’re in love. We all act stupid when we’re in love.”

And that’s the exact reason why Jared needs to stop it.

How is he going to cope with Jensen moving out and spending so little time with him if he can barely resist it now?

“Then it’s time for me to not be such a fool in love.” Even if he loves romances, falling in love and cheesy scenes with someone holding a boombox outside his window, singing a _Pearl Jam_ song just for him. He is a romantic fool; Jared loves _love_ , so it’s going to be hard. “Or at least not a fool in love with Jensen.”

“That’s exactly what we’re talking about, Jay!” Chad cheers, smacking Jared’s stomach and making him groan around a laugh, sitting back up on the bed. “That’s the attitude you need for this shit to work, dude. From now on, you’re going to make yourself less _available_ for Jensen.”

“And you need to talk way less.” Sandy adds. “And I mean way less texting, and calling, and snapchatting and all the possible methods you use to communicate with him.”

Jared knows that one is going to be a pain in the ass to follow through.

“He’s going to suspect something is going on if we just stop talking out of nowhere.”

“Not stop, just do it less often.” Chad corrects. “You’re in your last year of High School, there are tons of fake shit you can use to explain it. You have shitloads of homework, you are applying for scholarships or working on a competition for your debate club.”

“You’re hanging with us more often; we’re making you go out because it’s our last year.” Sandy helps, patting Jared’s hand. “And that part is true. We’re gonna make plans so you’re not always here every time he visits. We’re having sleepovers at my house and you’re coming with me when I get invited to parties.”

Jared tries to groan his complains, but Sandy presses a hand on his mouth, not letting him make a sound.

“You’re doing more things without Jensen and understanding you can have a blast without seeing him every week.”

Before he realizes, they start making an entire fucking plan with steps for Jared to follow so he can slowly get used to not have Jensen around and hopefully push him out of his heart, too. Sandy sits by Jared’s side and talks and talks and talks over things they are going to do and different ways to make Jared fall out of love. Chad grabs one of Jared’s sketchbooks from his desk at one point to start writing down everything Sandy is saying.

This is a thing that is happening now. They are doing this. _Jared is doing this_.

Making an official plan to stop being in love with his stepbrother.

“And finally, you need to date.” Sandy announces proudly after almost an hour of talking and planning.

Chad underlines that notion twice in the sketchbook and Jared simply stares at them, squinting.

_That has to be a joke._

“What do you mean _date_?”

He doesn’t know anybody he would want to go out with him. Doesn’t even know anybody Jared likes enough to want to take to the movies and introduce to his parents. He has been so obsessed over Jensen he doesn’t have eyes for anybody in his school.

Jared has no idea if there are any openly gay or bisexual guys apart of him since he never cared to find out.

“What do you think I mean? Going to eat, talking, laughing, _kissing_.” Sandy closes her eyes and purses her lips, making an exaggerated kissy face while Chad makes disgusting making-out sounds. “The usual fun stuff you do when you date someone, Jay. I know is a new concept for you, but you’ll enjoy it once you try it.”

_Haha. Very funny._

“It doesn’t have to stop there, though. If you really like one of the guys you can end getting laid.” Chad waggles his eyebrows at him and Sandy nods with a big pleased smile. “We’ll buy you a supply of condoms when the moment comes. And lube.”

“Tons of lube.” Sandy snickers. “And the condoms have to be the ones that come in different flavors, so you can have fun with them. Maybe even some handcuffs too in case you want to get your kinky on.”

“ _Woah, woah, woah!”_ Jared raises his hands, stopping them there before they can keep going. “Getting laid? Flavored condoms? _Handfuffs_? You’re getting way ahead of yourselves there. And by the way, I don’t need you buying me lube; I buy my fair share on my own already, thanks a lot.”

Mostly to use for himself when he’s getting off using his fingers, but that’s not the point.

“Did you miss the part where I fell for Jensen for years? Who the fuck am I going to date after that?”

Sandy gives him an endeared expression, as if she thinks that Jared is a toddler asking to be carried around. He doesn’t think there’s anything weird about his question though. He has never put himself out there before, so he doubts anybody apart from Sandy and Chad —and a couple people from his debate and theater teams— give a shit about him.

“Jay, you don’t have to be in love to date someone.” She explains, with Chad still scribbling something into the damn notebook. At that point, Jared doesn’t even want to know. “Dating is the first step, you go out for fun, to get to know the person and see if you’re compatible.”

“You’re just going to do it to give it a try, see how it is. We don’t expect you to fucking fall in love with the first guy you see.” Chad explains, eyes glued to the sketchbook. “You need to put yourself out there, if you end liking someone then that’s fucking terrific. But if you don’t, then good, at least you’re trying to find the right person. It’s the first step, dude.”

Chad is going to be a really weird type of physiologist, but a very effective one. So far, he has been pretty good at convincing Jared to go through with this. And again, it’s working.

“Fine. But you’ll have to pick the guys.” He tells Sandy, who looks like he just gave her the best Christmas present by the way she widens her eyes and takes an excited gasp.

She yelps, throwing her arms around Jared to hug him again and pressing kisses all over his face.

“ _Thank you, thank you!”_ Sandy chirps, holding him until Jared thinks he can’t breathe anymore. “I’ll pick the best guys, you’ll see! I have such good taste for this. I already have a couple in mind.”

From everything his friends so far, dating is the part that worries him the most, but Jared guesses that trying is not going to kill him. If he doesn’t enjoy it the first time he’ll tell Sandy he doesn’t want her setting him up with anybody else and be done with it.

“You’re going to detach yourself from Jensen, learn to enjoy your life away from him and maybe end up getting a hot date for stupid fucking prom.” Chad announces, taking a red marker from Jared’s desk to write something else into the sketchbook, a proud smirk appearing on his face. “And the plan that will go down in history for finally letting you get over Jensen is going to be called like _this_.”

Chad turns around the sketchbook, revealing the words _‘Project Get Jared Banged’_ written in big red letters across two pages.

Sandy almost falls from the bed at how hard she’s starts cackling, throwing her head back and holding her stomach. Jared gives Chad an incredulous look, but the stupid title contrasting with his friend’s serious expression is what throws him over the edge, making Jared start laughing too. 

In fact, he ends laughing even harder than Sandy, tears rolling down his cheeks after two minutes, thinking that he has never laughed like that before in his life. Maybe is his body catching up after two days of nonstop crying, or maybe the title is _that_ funny.

Jared is not sure; all he knows is that if he has enough luck, the goddamn plan with the most ridiculous name he has ever heard, will be able to help him at least a little bit so he’ll be able to forget Jensen at last.


	3. Chapter 3

 

To say his parents were surprised by Jared’s miraculous recovery in one night is an understatement.

His mom checked his temperature, cupped his face and made Jared swear he wasn’t sick, trying to detect if Jared was lying just so he could go to school. He wasn’t surprised she was acting that way considering it wouldn’t be new for him to try to go to school even if he was feeling bad. If Jensen was there he would call him a massive nerd for it, but Jared is not supposed to think like that anymore.

“I swear I feel good. It was something that lasted just the weekend.” Jared shrugs, eating his cereal on the couch while his mom gets ready to leave for work. Oscar is curled next to him with his head on Jared’s lap, trying to make up for the time he couldn’t spend in his room the past days since his parents wouldn’t let him be around Jared while he was sick.

He felt really bad when he heard his dad explain it that morning. Jared wasn’t sick for real and he knew Oscar hated sleeping alone since he was a pup.

“You looked awful yesterday night.” Donna ponders, giving him another suspicious look, so Jared shoots her a smile.

The center of his chest is still aching, the sensation that someone is trying to scratch his insides remaining right _there_ , but he promised Chad and Sandy he would go to school and deal with his first day, following their _‘Project Get Jared Banged’_ plan.

“Alright, but if you feel sick again you call me right away and I’ll pick you from school. No excuses JT.”

She points at him across the living room and Jared draws an “x” over his heart. His mom blows kisses for both him and Oscar and walks out of the house, rushing to her car since she’s already late for her job. Jared sighs, leaving his bowl of cereal on the coffee table and scratching behind Oscar’s ears.

“What do you think? I bet I’m going to be crying for Sandy to let me text Jensen as soon as the school day starts.” He tells Oscar just to get his face licked in response.

At least their dog has his back.

Chad and Sandy’s first order of the day that morning appeared in the form of a text that woke Jared up after only getting a couple hours of sleep when his friends finally left his house.

_‘Text Jensen before leaving for school. We’ll take your phone the rest of the day.’_

He talks constantly to Jensen during his day, about everything and nothing. When he has his next Literature test, the funny comment the guy next to him made during his Advanced Chemistry class or how awful was the food at the cafeteria that day. Jensen is always interested in their conversations; no matter how unimportant they are, adding his own problems and comments of his day. Sometimes they exchange pictures or purposely text when they know the other is really busy. One time Jensen texted him the entire list of the emojis in his phone, one by one, when he knew Jared was in the middle of a Geometry final.

Is not that big of a deal but _damn it_ he’s used to talk to Jensen all fucking day.

The last Jensen wrote was to tell him he got safely to Austin and was back in his apartment, but Jared was too deep in his miserable pity party to say anything in return. Hopefully Jensen took the silence as Jared going back to sleep.

When he gets to school he has the only message he’s allowed to send Jensen that day already typed out and ready to be sent. He explains —or rather lies— in it, saying how he’s buy with work and tests for that day and is even going to use his lunch break to study. He’s wishing Jensen a good day in it and apologizes for being sick during the weekend and not being able to spend any time with him.

Jared chews on the inside of his cheeks after he sends it, making sure to add two purple hearts at the end because he’s lame and a fucking sap but he really can’t help himself. If he can’t talk to Jensen until the end of the day he’s going to at least use the most of what he has.

“Give it here.” He hears behind him and Jared sighs, turning around and closing his locker, leaving his phone in Sandy’s palm.

Chad is right there with her, smoking in the middle of the hall like it’s nothing.

Sandy reads the text and then squints at him, locking his phone and shoving it in the front pocket of her bag. Jared misses it already. _Fuck this_.

“Guys—”

“If you say you’re changing your mind already I’m going to rip off your balls, man.” Chad warns, pointing at him with his cigarette.

“Oh come on! I can’t talk to him for eight hours?” He argues, no matter how pathetic he sounds. Sandy is not having any of it though, simply patting his right cheek twice —a little too hard, if he might add— before leaving for her first class without saying anything.

Chad walks with him to his classroom, chatting about this really fucked up video he saw this morning. It included someone breaking their arm and two bones sticking out, so Jared zones out while his friend keeps talking about skin breaking and blood everywhere.

Sandy and Chad are acting like nothing is happening, and while Jared appreciates it because he knows they are doing it to make things easier on him, Jared can’t help but feel a little anxious about it. As much as he wants to keep his word and he understands this whole plan needs to happen, he’s nervous about the whole thing.

So much he might end throwing up his breakfast during his Literature test.

What if Jensen realizes right away something is going on? What if he actually likes the sudden silence because he has been putting up with his annoying ass all this time? Jensen is enough of a nice big brother to do that, so Jared wouldn’t put it past him.

He’s scared that in his attempt to fall out of love he’ll end pushing Jensen away.

_And that Jensen will like it._

“Good luck with your Pride and _Whatever_ test,” Chad claps his back when they stop in front of his classroom, snapping Jared out of his internal freak-out. He’s still smoking and some other students are giving him dirty looks that would make Jared feel like shit if they were directed towards him, but Chad doesn’t seem to notice at all.

“It’s _Pride and Prejudice_.” Jared corrects in a heartbeat. “And that’s not my test for today. We’re reading _Tristan and Isolde_.”

“Whatever.” Chad repeats, snorting and rolling his eyes. “Romantic bullshit from another century. It’s all the same old shit. I know you jerk off to all that, so have fun.”

Jared has wasted enough hours of his life trying to convince Chad that Western literature is one of the most beautiful parts of history they have, so he lets it go without arguing. God knows he has tried to let Chad see why he likes it, but his friend would rather get high while reciting the 252 pages of _Thus Spoke Zarathustra_ rather than sitting down to read a play or romantic novel.

Chad has a weird obsession with Nietzsche, even if he’s always saying the guy was a complete asshole too.

He goes to his usual seat, dropping his bag on the table and taking out his _Tristan and Isolde_ book. He didn’t give it the extra reading he wanted during the weekend, but he has read it —and acted for the school play— enough to not be worried about it.

Jared skips pages looking for his favorite quotes, feeling itchy for not being able to take out his phone and bet Jensen his favorite ice cream that he’s going to get an A on this test even if he didn’t officially study for it.

“Today is the test, right?”

He looks up when someone steps in front of him, realizing the guy is asking him. Jared has seen him in the class before, of course. He actually did a very nice analysis of _Lord of the Flies_ a couple weeks ago, but Jared can’t remember the guy’s name to save his life.

“Uh— yeah. We had to read the entire book for today.” Jared nods and the guy curses under his breath.

“I completely forgot. I wanted to read it again for this.”

“ _Again?”_

Not everybody in his Literature class are there because they love it, a lot of people there didn’t have a choice, and most of them think for some reason that the class is really easy to pass so they take it hoping for an easy A.

The guy —whom Jared has to admit is really good looking, but with his luck, probably straight— winces and then gives him a little smile.

“This is going to sound lame, but this is my favorite play.”

Jared’s smile is almost instant, leaning close to the guy as he sits on the edge of his chair. “It probably _is_ lame, but only because I would put _Tristan and Isolde_ as second favorite after _Midsummer Night’s Dream_.”

The guy shakes his head, but he only seems amused by Jared’s response, attractive smile still in place.

“A Shakespeare lover who doesn’t choose Romeo and Juliet? Must be a first.”

“Lord, what fools those mortals be!” Jared quotes and to his utter surprise the guy laughs at his reference and whispers _“point taken”_ with a cheerful voice before turning to his seat when Mr. Kripke walks into the room.

Behind him, he hears Alexis saying _“So that’s how awkward literature geeks flirt?”_ in a mocking tone, making someone else laugh. Jared looks down, blushing so hard he can feel his ears burning, but he tries to ignore it.

Bledel is an asshole anyway and it looks like the other guy didn’t hear her. _He wasn’t even flirting._

A voice in his head adds _“because that’s not Jensen, so why would I flirt with him?”_ but he pretends to not hear it, paying attention to his Literature teacher as he explains that for the test they are going to watch the movie and they’ll have to write an essay explaining the differences between that and the book.

Jared hears half the class groan —including Alexis, so that makes him smile— so he imagines a lot of them decided to watch the movie instead of reading the actual book. That’s pretty smart from Mr. Kripke.

As the movie begins and Jared starts to write down his essay on a white sheet, already knowing what he’s going to say and how he’s going to say it considering he has seen the movie four times already, he finds himself realizing that if he chose to actually flirt with the nice guy from before it wouldn’t be the worst.

He has stopped himself from trying to feel interested in anyone but his stepbrother in years, but it might not be such a bad idea. Just for the fun of it.

Not that Jared can flirt or be considered good at it, but he could give it a try sometime.

He should also get rid of the feeling that flirting with someone else is cheating on his stepbrother. Jared had enough of that guilt the day of his first kiss, not to mention _it doesn’t make any sense_.

He can’t cheat on Jensen because they are _nothing_.

It doesn’t take him long before he has half his easy written on two fresh sheets —front and back—, already taking out a third one from his bag and cracking his neck, ready to nail the other half to earn himself a perfect grade.

In the background, the sound of the movie echoes in Jared’s head as he keeps writing.

_“How many did you love before me?”_  Isolde asks and Jared whispers _“none”_ at the same time Tristan does, looking up at the screen.

_“And after me?”_

_“None.”_  Jared repeats along with the movie, trying his best to not think about his stepbrother.

 

 

—

 

 

He makes it to the end of the day in one piece but with multiple complains.

Chad and Sandy got an earful during their lunch break, where Jared proceeded to demonstrate his abilities when it came to discussing — thepride of his debate team, modesty apart — by talking nonstop for an hour about how texting Jensen wasn’t going to influence in his slow process of falling out of love. He sustained his point with examples, added the benefit and need of his phone for his elective—he needed Google translate for his French class, _come on_ —and finished with a well-prepared speech over how phones were very important during emergencies and Jared would definitely want to have it around if there was an earthquake.

It only got him Chad blowing smoke in his face as response and Sandy stealing half of his lunch while he talked.

Jared had to suck it up for the last part of the day and don’t waste energy trying to convince his friend to give him his phone back.

“Here you go.” Sandy sing-songs when they all meet in front of her locker, handing him his phone back. “And remember, you can’t text him that much the rest of the day either.”

“More than ten texts and we’ll keep the phone an entire day.” Chad warns, leaning against the row of lockers. “And we will be checking.”

He has the need to turn on his phone and see what Jensen answered him right away, but he might end stroking the screen creepily in the middle of the hall full of students, so he decides to put the phone in his pocket without checking the notifications. He also wants to see if he’s capable of resisting the temptation.

They are just _texts_ after all. Jared should be able to be stronger than that.

Sandy gives him a proud smile when he doesn’t unlock the phone right away to check his messages like a starved man carving water in the desert. She gets on the tips of her toes to press a kiss to his cheek and then does the same to Chad, walking away with her cheerleader uniform under her right arm, ready for her practice.

“I bet your phone is burning a fucking hole in your pocket right now.” Chad teases them as they walk home; getting a dirty look from Jared that makes him break down laughing. “Just promise me something, okay? Don’t jerk off to Jensen’s iMessages. I have the feeling just seeing his contact name after resisting all day is going to have you hard for hours.”

Jared rolls his eyes and smacks the back of Chad’s head as he keeps laughing.

“I would not jerk off to texts messages. And last time I checked you were the one sexting with Sophia and rubbing it off in the school bathrooms.” He replies with a bratty tone, but instead of seeming offended, Chad pulls him close by throwing his arm around Jared’s shoulder.

“My sweet, innocent Jay.” Chad clicks his tongue. “You thought I was jerking off those times? More like meeting with Sophia to make those sexts real.”

It takes Jared a split second. “You had sex in the school bathrooms!? _Ew!”_ Jared laughs and then shoves Chad away, covering his ears and starting to sing so he doesn’t have to hear Chad’s detailed explanation of how finding a good sex position in a bathroom stall is not as easier as it sounds.

At the end Chad’s hands movements and facial expressions make Jared curious enough to want to hear the story. His friend is right, fucking in a bathroom stall sounds really complicated and uncomfortable.

He’ll keep it mind to never in his life do it.

When he finally makes it home, Jared has the decency to not rush to his room to throw himself on his bed and check his phone like a giggling fool. He looks for something to eat in the kitchen, fills Oscar’s bowl with more water and even takes a quick bath without checking Jensen’s texts.

Deep down Jared knows he’s avoiding looking at the screen because he’s scared Jensen texted back just once and didn’t care that Jared didn’t talk to him all day.

He lays down in his bed with his hair still wet and only his pajama pants on, tapping at the screen and taking deep breaths for almost five minutes after he’s done with his useless shower.

“They’re just texts.” Jared groans to himself a moment later. “It doesn’t even matter! Get it together, Padalecki!”

He turns on the phone and his heart does an embarrassing jump in his chest when he finds six texts from Jensen, all sent during different times of the day.

_‘Busy day today, then? I hope that being sick didn’t make you fall behind with your homework. What happened with staying at home? I thought mom was set on that one. Are you feeling better? Good luck on your test.’_

_‘So, how was the test? Not that my nerdy little brother doesn’t do great always.’_

_‘You’re not going to believe what happened to me during one of my classes. A girl yelled in the middle of the lecture she was sleeping with our teacher.’_

_‘I guess you’re really using your lunch break to study. Don’t forget to eat, tho. Especially after you were sick, Jay.’_

_‘Hey, are you okay? I’m starting to worry a little bit.’_

_‘Jared? Please call me when you get home, just so I know you’re okay.”_

He wants to punch himself until the end of times.

Jared feels horrible. Guilty, sad and horrible. He’s also a little bit relieved that Jensen did notice on their lack of communication during the day. There’s even a little part of him that is enjoying how much Jensen worried, but that’s just him being a fucked up stepbrother.

He understands what Chad and Sandy mean when they say he and Jensen talk too much. This is the clear prove of it, but right now all Jared wants to do is assure Jensen he’s okay.

It only takes two _beeps_ before Jensen picks up.

_“Jay? Are you alright?”_  Jared hears at the other side of the call, Jensen’s worried voice making his chest hurt.

“I’m okay, I swear. Sorry for not answering earlier, it was a really busy day.”

Jensen sighs, sounding relieved. Jared is such a horrible person; he can’t believe he had his brother worrying all day.

“I’m sorry, Jen.” He adds, biting his lower lip and holding his breath, hoping Jensen is not angry with him.

_“No, it’s fine. I guess I got a little bit carried away in the end.”_  Jensen laughs, the sound making Jared close his eyes and feel better himself. _“You know how I get when you’re sick.”_

“You mean the over-protective momma bear mode?”

_“Couldn’t say it better.”_

Jared spends the next minutes explaining why his day was so busy —some parts are lies, but Jensen seems to buy it— and then lets him explain the whole teacher-student relationship revelation Jensen had today during one of his classes.

“I can’t believe she would yell that in the middle of the class!” Jared laughs and Jensen hums in response. By the noises in the background of the call he guesses Jensen is cooking something that will probably taste awful. Poor Jensen and his lack of cooking skills. “I mean how can someone think that’s—”

Jared stops mid sentence when he hears another beep into the call. He checks his screen, seeing Chad’s name and a picture of his friend flipping off the camera.

“Wait a second, I have another call.”

He leaves Jensen waiting and picks up to Chad, who starts talking before Jared even says hello.

_“How long have you been talking to Jensen?”_

Jared almost pouts, bitter at his best friend for knowing him so well.

“Around ten minutes, I think.”

_“Time to hang up, Jay-man. Ten minutes is more than enough.”_

Jared curses under his breath, feeling like throwing a tantrum. Chad is right, ten minutes is a lot and he is starting a process to detach himself from Jensen, but it’s hard.

“Fine. God, you and Sandy are a pain in the ass.”

_“Love you too, you pervy incestuous geek.”_

Chad hangs up before Jared can reply with his usual _“he’s not my brother”._ He considers calling back just to tell Chad that and hang up on him too, but Jensen is still waiting on the other line.

“Hey, I’m back.” Jared breaths into the phone as he hopes he doesn’t sound as bitter as he feels. He doesn’t want to hang up with Jensen, as much as he knows he has to. “Sorry, it was _uh—_ a girl from my Chemistry class. We have a project and she wanted us to split the work we have for this week.”

_“Damn, seems like they have you working hard already.”_  Jensen replies and then adds after a second. _“I guess I should let you go, then?”_

Jared wants to say no more than anything.

“Yeah, I guess so. I’m sorry.” The Jensen-shaped hole in the middle of his chest is not happy with him about this. He barely got to see his stepbrother the last weekend and now he’s doing this. His heart is claiming for Chad and Sandy’s heads, but Jared tries to ignore the ache inside of him in favor of following up the plan they set up the night before. He has to remember Jensen is leaving and soon enough he’ll be living with Cindy in another city. _He has to learn how to deal with this_. “It seems like this year will be harder than I expected. This sucks.”

_“Tell me about it, what am I going to do when I can’t talk to my little brother whenever I feel like it?”_  Jensen laughs but Jared can’t even bring himself to smile. _“Its fine, I’m meeting with Cindy in a few anyway so I should focus on the food.”_

Jared’s guilt from earlier evaporates in a blink at Jensen’s words, causing him to sit on the bed.

“You’re cooking for her?”

_“I’m trying to. I’m at her apartment.”_

“Why?” Jared asks before he can help himself, feeling like a child about to throw a tantrum.

_“Eh, no reason. I just wanted to do something nice for her. I hope she likes it.”_

The whimpering hurt little thing inside of his chest shifts into a green jealous monster right away, growling for Jared to hang up already and find something else to do so his precious stepbrother can spend the rest of the afternoon cooking for his precious girlfriend while Jared suffers some more after not being able to talk to him as much as he wanted to.

God, he’s such an idiot.

He needs to remember why he’s doing this in the first place. Jared needs to see this as Jensen does. Their relationships is one between brothers, _they are not boyfriends or something._

“Right. Have fun doing that.” Jared almost hisses, biting his tongue and looking down.

_“And you with your homework.”_  Jensen teases. Jared doesn’t laugh or says anything back, waiting for Jensen to say his goodbyes. “ _Take your medicine so you don’t feel sick again, okay? I’m glad you’re feeling better.”_

“Thank you and I will. Goodbye, Jen.”

_“Talk to you later, little brother.”_

Jared hangs up and throws his phone on his bed, crossing his arms over his chest. He grabs one of his pillows to hide his face in it, yelling until all the anger seems to drift away.

He hates feeling jealous and absolutely hates how he wishes he was Cindy and could spend the afternoon eating Jensen’s hideous food in his company.

Oscar comes running at the sound, barking and jumping on his bed, probably thinking it’s some kind of game. Jared huffs and takes the pillow away, letting his dog curl over him and lick his face.

Only one day of mostly avoiding Jensen felt like _shit_ , and it was only for texts and a call. When his brother moves out of his life to start a new one with Cindy, what is he going to do? Cry his heart out every single day and be miserable forever? God knows he loves Jensen, but dealing with that love has always been too much.

He hopes the damn “ _project_ ” starts working soon because feeling this way is not something Jared wants to experience for the rest of his life.

 

 

—

 

 

It turns out that Jared’s stubbornness can be good sometimes.

When he sets his mind on something it can be pretty hard to make him turn from it. That had got him into some troubles in the past, nothing serious, but being determined to never change his position on something can be a pain in the ass and Jared knows that quite well.

But, luckily, it can also help him a lot when it comes to sticking to the _‘project’_ to forget Jensen.

As much as the first weeks absolutely sucked and Jared came back every day wanting nothing but talk with Jensen for hours, he slowly started to realize how his friends had been right about Jensen being his top priority in life and that’s why falling out of love had been impossible in the past years.

Jared had been waiting for his feelings for Jensen to puff away in the air while he was still glued to his stepbrother by the hip. It was impossible for him to move on if he didn’t put some space in between them. He was trying to be careful to not make that space too big; Jared didn’t want Jensen completely out of his life, just out of his heart.

And so it began.

Getting used to not constantly talk about his day and hear from Jensen was hard, he had been attached to their connection for way too long for Jared to feel natural “away” from his stepbrother, the need to feel Jensen close to one or another crawling under his skin and driving Jared insane at some times. But he worked with it.

He worked with Chad and Sandy’s help, slowly letting go of the constant texting, calling and talking. They still did sometimes a day but it was nothing compared to what they did before.

Then, they started dealing with the weekends.

Sometimes Jensen couldn’t get home because of college work, and those days Sandy and Chad made sure to keep him distracted from thinking too hard about it. That was going to be his life in some months when Jensen got a place in Austin, so Jared had to start filling his ‘ _Jensen time_ ’ with something else. He and Sandy got a job at an animal shelter to take care of stray dogs on Saturday mornings while Chad seemed to keep making plans and things for them to do appearing out of his sleeve. It worked for the most part because it kept Jared’s mind busy.

The weekends Jensen could travel to be back home were different, because Chad and Sandy tried to make Jared be away from home even more.

Sandy wanted to change the color of her room to light purple for no fucking reason, so he and Chad had to help her for two weekends to move everything out of her room, paint the walls and then put everything back together. Chad wanted them to do a _The Lord of The Rings_ marathon with a sleepover included and then Sandy needed help cleaning her pool. There was always something to do on the weekends. They had to babysit Chad’s nephews, watch a new movie, practice Sandy’s new passion for cooking and then deal with the massive mess they would do in her kitchen. Work extra hours at the shelter, go to conferences at their school about different colleges, take extra rehearsals for that year’s play and prepare for tournaments with the debate club.

They made sure to fill up Jared’s schedule to the brim, and as tiring as it could become, it was slowly fulfilling it’s purpose.

He’s seeing Jensen less —which still hurts and the middle of his chest as if someone had scratched a piece of his skin off, leaving it burning and bleeding for Jared to deal with the mess— and he’s talking to him less and spending less time trying to suck up every drop of Jensen’s attention.

Jared’s not sure if Jensen notices it at first.

He made up a lie about phones being banned during schools and how he could have his taken away if he gets caught in class using it. And Jensen believes him —why wouldn’t he? Jared doesn’t have any apparent reason to make that up— along with the reasons why Jared suddenly doesn’t have as much free time as before.

Hunting for colleges, a job for the weekends and wanting to spend a lot of time with his friends before graduating are all very valid points. Jensen himself did things like that when he was a senior in High School, so he’s not suspicious about it at all.

But there are moments when Jensen looks like he found out about the entire thing.

Jared can’t quite put his finger on it, all he knows is that there’s a theoretical space between them slowly appearing. Jared can definitely feel it —aching in his chest and crying out for Jensen’s company— and sometimes, for the way Jensen looks at him, Jared thinks he can feel it too.

There’s no way to prove he’s right about it, Jensen hasn't said a word about the slow process that is drifting them apart to become “normal” siblings instead of extremely-attached and almost codependent ones, but there are little moments that Jared swears Jensen looks like he knows something is going on.

Like a week ago, when he, Sandy and Chad were watching a horror movie in his room.

Jared had been so distracted with rehearsals, his new job and going with Sandy to buy clothes because she apparently wanted a damn wardrobe reboot for no apparent reason that he completely forgot it was Friday. And he had no idea Jensen was coming home.

It was more than a surprise to hear him knocking on his door and walking in to say hello. Jensen probably saw the disconcert in Jared’s face because he gave him this _look_ that made Jared want to turn off the movie and go spend the rest of his afternoon together.

Sandy had clawed on his arm under the blanket they were sharing, shooting Jensen a smile.

“How’s college going?” She had asked, keeping her nails pressed into Jared’s skin. “We haven’t seen you in a while!”

Jensen had smiled back but he kept his eyes glued to Jared even when he was answering to Sandy.

“A lot of work, but that’s senior year.” He had shrugged, brushing it off. “I could say the same thing. I have barely seen _any_ of you around.”

Jared had almost whimpered at the implication, heart aching and screaming bloody murder for him to fix the slightly pained expression in Jensen’s face.

Chad had stepped on his hand before Jared could move and he had to bit his tongue to not yell at the combined pain from Sandy’s nails and Chad’s goddamn foot on his fingers.

“You know how last year at school is, dude.” Chad had mumbled with his mouth full of pizza. “It’s good to see you though. Can you turn off the light on your way out? It ruins the scary vibe and all that shit.”

Jensen had given Jared another quick look, almost waiting for him to say something. Jared would have invited Jensen to join them in other occasions, but he was sure Sandy would murder him right there if he even tried.

“Glad you’re here, Jen. Talk to you in the morning.” He had muttered with a fake smile, feeling like the elephant in the room was about to crush and suffocate him to death.

Jensen had stayed there in the middle of his room for two long heartbeats and then simply nodded, smiling back to Jared and wishing him a good night.

He almost started tearing up as soon as Jensen walked out of his room so Sandy had to coddle him the rest of the night, assuring him it was for his own good.

His stepbrother never complained about that particular moment or the fact that Jared would never cancel plans to hang out with him anymore.

Jensen didn’t say a word, but Jared felt like he wanted to.

“Aren’t you a little late for work, sweetheart?” Donna’s words make Jared look up from his eggs and bacon, pulling him from his favorite topic to lose himself into: _Jensen_. “Not that I’m complaining that you want to be so productive, but lately you’re so busy I barely see you around the house on the weekends.”

“ _Ditto_.”

Jared swallows hard, cursing in his head as he hears Jensen walk into the kitchen and letting out a loud yawn. He was kind of hoping to leave before his brother woke up.

“I need the extra money.” Jared repeats the rehearsed lie he memorized weeks ago when he and Sandy got the job. He actually doesn’t need money that bad, having extra income is always a good thing, but he could live without it. The real reason why he’s doing it is walking around the kitchen only wearing stupid tight boxers — _so, so tight, Jesus Christ_ — looking for something to eat for breakfast, but Jared can’t exactly tell that to his mom. “I want to have enough before the school year is over. Me, Sandy and Chad have been thinking of maybe taking a trip for spring break and I need to save up for that.”

“You always save money because you’re lame and don’t like to buy things for yourself.” Jensen jokes before opening the fridge to get some orange juice. Jared makes a point to look away when he bends over. He really fucking hates and loves when Jensen decides to walk around almost naked. “You still have that old ass iPod we got you years ago and all. Don’t you have enough saved for the trip?”

Technically —and if said trip would be a real thing Jared is going on— he does have a good amount of money saved already. _And of course Jensen would know_.

Jared moves the pieces of bacon around his plate, hoping he sounds casual.

“Yeah but I don’t want to spend it all on a trip.” When Jensen turns around to look at him while drinking juice directly from the box Jared chokes for a moment, eyes traveling up and down his brother’s freckled chest in a blink. _He wants Jensen to eat him for breakfast instead_. “I want to have savings for when I start college as the responsible son I have always been.”

Jensen smirks and gives him the finger. Jared opens his mouth, showing him the half-chewed pieces of egg, getting a loud laugh in return.

“Well that sounds lovely, but I don’t want you to neglect school work for this job at the shelter.” Donna turns around, taking the juice away from Jensen’s hands to pour it in a glass and then hand it to him. She throws the empty box into the trashcan close to the door, making a point to tap Jared’s chin so he closes his mouth and stops parading his half-chewed food. “And I don’t want you to be tired all the time, honey, you need to take breaks too.”

“You know he likes to show off he can do good in school no matter what, like the cute little nerd he is.” Jensen leans against the counter, winking at Jared and making him go pink at the same time he smiles.

_Fuck Jensen, honestly_. “Don’t hate me because you ain’t me.” He mumbles with his mouth full and Jensen snorts, smacking Jared’s shoulder.

“You have been spending too much time with Chad.”

“There is no such thing as _too much Chad_.” Jared corrects, drowning the rest of his juice and standing up, ready to wash his dishes and leave. He saw enough of Jensen’s arms and happy trail for a day; it’s time for him to leave before he gets a boner, no big deal. “And now I gotta work, so have a good day.”

Their mom blows them both kisses and leaves the kitchen, repeating how Jared needs to take more breaks either way. She doesn’t want him exhausting himself out.

“Talking about that, do you have plans for tonight?” Jensen asks from his spot on the counter, making Jared’s heart jump inside of his chest.

As much as he has been slowly —and painfully— getting used to not have Jensen around that much, that doesn’t mean his feelings are gone. That’s going to take more than a month of avoiding his brother. Jared still wants to have his own version of _Dirty Dancing_ starring him and Jensen making out for hours.

_So he wants to say yes_. He wants to say yes so badly he can feel himself starting to get excited with the idea. He and Jensen alone, doing anything, getting all the little touches and smiles he has been craving for weeks.

“I do.” Jared answers truthfully, taking advantage of the fact that he’s not facing Jensen in favor of washing the dishes he used for his breakfast.

He does have plans already. He would have canceled any other time to be with Jensen, but he knows he can’t do that anymore, and fighting the need to dump the entire world for Jensen is the only way he’ll get rid of it eventually.

“So that means no chance of watching a movie with you old big brother? We could get some In-N-Out...” Jensen trails off, making Jared’s heart beat fast. He’s trying to bribe him by offering things Jensen knows Jared can’t resist. And he also knows when Jared bribes him that way, he has since they were kids. _He’s so screwed_. “I’ll let you pick the movie. We haven’t seen Baby and Johnny fall in love in a while, huh?”

Even if Jared tried, he couldn’t be more in love with Jensen than he already is.

Only Jensen would offer that. Everybody else in his life is pretty much done watching that damn movie with him and Jared is a complete pig when it comes to eating junk food —he goes bad at it, he knows he’s disgusting, but he likes it too much to care— so they all try to avoid to see that if they can. Jensen is so _Jensen_ he doesn’t care, he would always give him anything that would make him happy.

Jared loves him so fucking much he can’t put it into words.

And that’s exactly why he has to say no.

“I’m sorry, Jen.” He whispers, hoping that Jensen can’t detect the change in his voice. Jared hates how the best way for him to fall out of love is to cut and finish all the usual activities he would absolutely adore to share with his stepbrother. He hates how he hasn’t seen Jensen as much as he used to. Hates to say no to him like this. And more than anything, Jared hates the look in Jensen’s face when Jared looks at him over his shoulder with an apologetic smile. “I really can’t cancel on this. You know I’d _love_ to stay—” Jensen has no idea how much, “But I really can’t. Maybe some other time?”

Why did he have to fall in love with Jensen? Why did he have to look at the best person in his fucking life but the only one he couldn’t have and still think _“yes, this is the one.”_

None of this would happen if Jared wasn’t such a fucking _freak_.

He didn’t have to turn Jensen’s brotherly love and turn it into something else. Jared decides right then he deserves to feel the way he feels and hurts for Jensen every single day.

_He’s the one who fucking caused it because he’s sick._

“Hey, no, it’s fine.” Jensen finally says, but when he smiles Jared can tell it doesn’t reach his eyes. “It’s a busy year for you and you have other things to do, I get that little brother.”

Jared doesn’t want other things to do. He doesn’t want Jensen to get it. He wants Jensen to miss their time together as much as he does and get angry like Jared because he fucking misses him too.

Jensen takes his glass full of juice and walks out of the kitchen, ruffling Jared’s hair for a long moment when he walks past him. Jared closes his eyes and tries to enjoy the innocent touch, chest warm and pieces of his body moving to fit back in place for the whole five seconds Jensen is only focused on _him_.

 

 

—

 

 

Chad and Sandy keep him busy until two in the morning, making Jared start to wonder how they can keep coming up with things for them to do. They are going to run out of plans sooner or later, Jared figures, but so far there hasn’t been a minute for Jared to drift back to Jensen as much as he would like to.

The oh-so-called _project_ —that Chad is still really proud of naming that way— is sucking the free time out of his hands but that doesn’t mean Jared is allowed to stay out and about until ass o’clock every single night of the weekend. His parents haven’t called him out on it because he’s been a _good kid_ all his life —Jensen was the one who would sneak out of the house when he was grounded or go to concerts in the next town with Chris, Mike and Tom without permission— but there’s only so much going out Jared can do before his mom or dad say something.

He tiptoes inside after taking almost five minutes unlocking the main door, praying for Oscar to be asleep so he doesn’t come running down the starts barking and yipping. This is the first time he sneaks into his house so late, and it’s not even like he was at some party or doing something irresponsible, but he doesn’t want to wake up his parents and find out what they think about him being out so late and not caring to call to say what he’s doing.

Which, by the way? He did want to call. But after he told Chad about Jensen inviting him to eat and watch his favorite movie he confiscated his phone to avoid the temptation to text Jensen and tell him he changed his mind.

Jared closes the door slowly, stepping out of his shoes and making his way to the stairs. He doesn’t think Jensen is home. As much as he would like to pretend his stepbrother only comes home to visit him, truth to be told, Jensen does have other things to do around town. Chris and Alona still live San Antonio and Jensen loves hanging out with them and those are just two of his closest friends.

Jensen is the kind of person who is really easy to like. He can seem serious at first and can be reserved when someone meets him, but as soon as he feels comfortable it’s easy to see the happy and goofy guy who likes to make people laugh and have a great time around him.

Thinking Jensen wouldn’t find something else to do five minutes after Jared rejected his idea would be silly.

Jared is the one with a moderate social life who would rather stay at home than go to a party, so he’s not really worried about Jensen catching him sneaking in at that hour. He’s probably going to get there even later that morning.

“Wow, I never thought I’d see the day where you would sneak in, Jay.” Jared hears from the living room, freezing on his way to the staircase with his heart jumping in his throat. “My goody-goody little brother, no fucking way.”

Or maybe not.

He turns to look at Jensen, who is lying on the couch comfortably and giving him a teasing smirk. Now Jared can see why Oscar didn’t come running to greet him their dog is lying with Jensen on the couch —their parents don’t let him get up there but both of them always ignore that when they are alone, is hard to say no to Oscar when he wants to cuddle— using Jensen’s lap as improvised pillow and nudging his stepbrother's hand for him to keep petting him.

“I— uh,” Jared stutters, trying to find his voice. He wasn’t doing anything wrong but fuck if it doesn’t feel like he just got busted robbing a bank or something. Jensen keeps giving him an asshole little smile. Jared can tell he’s holding in his laughter. “I didn’t— wasn’t—  and didn’t thought you would be—” he starts mumbling, making no sense.

Jensen’s smile spreads bigger across his face and he has to use his free hand to cover his mouth to not cackle out loud.

_Motherfucker_. “Oh shut up!” Jared hisses,  a smile appearing on his own face. “As if you didn’t do the exact same shit at my age!”

“Never in my life.” Jensen touches his chest in a solemn movement. Jared wishes he didn’t find his brother’s little shit moments so cute. “I have always been the good kid after all.”

Jared takes off his beanie and throws it at him with a laugh, barely hitting Oscar’s leg instead. Their dog sniffs it curiously a couple times before he starts nibbling on it, leaving drool and tearing the fabric. Jared groans as he gets close enough to take Oscar’s new improvised toy and Jensen breaks in really loud cackles, throwing back his head and smacking Jared’s hand away so he can’t take his beanie back.

“You’re such an asshole.” Jared accuses with what he can only imagine is a big, silly grin. Jensen’s laugh is so attractive. He lives to make him laugh that way.

“You love it.” Jensen replies with a wink, making Jared’s next response get stuck somewhere in his throat. _Yes he fucking does._

“Whatever.” He says after a moment, looking away and cursing Jensen for only needing to breathe and exist close enough to make him melt inside. “I was out with Sandy and Chad, nothing new. I wasn’t stealing a car and kidnapping someone like you probably did when you were younger.”

“Are we mad because you’re not the adventurous and fun brother, JT?” Jensen shoots him another smile and Jared tries to kick him. It doesn’t look as aggressive as he wishes it did, since kicking someone while showing them a bump in love grin is probably not threatening at all, but that’s the best Jared can do.

“Shut it. I’m surprised you are home on a Saturday night.”

“I went out with Alona earlier, she had a party with some people from her college.” Jensen shrugs, confirming Jared’s suspicions that he could find a new plan not two steps after stepping out of the kitchen that morning. “They had karaoke and made me sing.” He adds after a second, making a face.

“You poor talented thing.” Jared teases him, jumping away when Jensen throws his beanie covered in Oscar’s drool like he’s dodging a grenade. “Dude! Gross!”

“You’re so high maintenance, Jay.” Jensen mocks but then moves just as quick when Jared kicks the beanie back at him, both of them chuckling like kids. _He really missed this_.

Kidding aside, Jared knows how much Jensen hates to sing in front of big crowds. He took guitar classes in High School and discovered his voice was good enough to sing  during them too, yet Jensen never enjoyed being on the spotlight and being asked to sing and play the guitar in front of people he didn’t know.

Jared always liked to puff his chest out and feel really proud about the fact that he was one of the few people Jensen felt comfortable around to let him listen when he practiced.

“I’m sorry though, I know you hate when that happens.” Because he knows Jensen better than his own hand, but now is not the time to think about that. “You know your voice is great, I’m sure it was awesome.”

Jensen makes another face, never convinced he’s that good, but he is. At least in Jared’s eyes. Then again he loves everything about Jensen. “Well, it’s not my favorite thing to do but Alona insisted.” He looks so mortified with the memory alone that Jared doesn’t press to know more details right now even if he wants to what song he had to sing. He’ll ask Alona next time she visits. “But, hey, you think you’re free now? This one is just starting.”

Jared is caught off guard by Jensen asking him to stay to watch the movie, defenses low after a couple minutes of talking and joking. He’s supposed to say no yet he has no excuse to give him this time.

Not to mention Jared _really_ wants to stay.

_‘I can’t avoid him in our own house all the time, right?’_ He reasons with himself, trying to find the loophole that will let him stay right there with Jensen the rest of the night. _‘I said I wanted to get over him not kick him out of my life.’_

He still wants Jensen and him to remain— brothers? friends? whatever it is they have. That closeness without the romantic feelings, Jared wants that. If he keeps rejecting every opportunity he gets to be around Jensen he’s going to lose everything from their relationship and that really scares him.

He should really say no. But fuck that. Jared has been so good in the past month that this is going to be his reward.

“Sure, why not?” Jared smiles, happy to see Jensen’s face light up at his response. _Sandy and Chad are so going to kill him the next day_ , but he’ll gladly sacrifice his life for a night of them together like before. “No _Dirty Dancing_ , then?” He points to the TV, where some action movie with too many explosions is on.

“ _Nah_. Not the same without you.” Jensen scoots over to make space for Jared, tapping the tiny spot on the couch where they’ll have to squeeze together so Oscar can stay there with them. “Surprised you turned down watching the movie. I thought nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

Jared almost beams at the reference, walking around the couch to sit by Jensen’s side—they are going to be plastered together soon enough and he should _not_ be that excited about it—stopping when he looks around the coffee table and finds nothing.

“Wait a moment, no food for a movie night? That’s just sad.” He teases, pulling the back of Jensen’s short hair just to get a fake offended stare as Jensen leans his head back until he’s almost looking at him upside down.

“Excuse me, this isn’t even a movie night because you ditched my invitation.”

Jensen is teasing back and that’s clear to Jared, yet he still feels a pang in the middle of his chest when his stepbrother says it like that. _Ditching him_. Jared would never. He almost gets the crazy impulse to tell Jensen why he did it but explaining the whole ‘almost incestuous crush’ doesn’t sound like a fun way to end his night.

“I didn’t want food just for myself, but if you’re offering—” Jensen waggles his eyebrows at him, pointing at the kitchen with his head.

Jared rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re _dreaming_ if you think I’m going to cook you food. Get your ass out of that couch and come help me, Ackles.”

“But _Jaaaay_.” Jensen whines with the voice he knows can get anything out of Jared.

That stupid little tone is the one that convinced him to tell his mom he got a horrible stomach flu when he was fourteen and that was why he puked in his room. In reality it had been Mike who got sick all over his carpet when he, Jensen, Tom and Chris were sneaking in the house through his room, all of them piss drunk and barely making any sense. Tom had a broken leg and to this day Jared has no idea how Jensen and Chris managed to make him climb all the way up to his window.

He had to eat Donna’s stinky garlic soup for a week to save his brother’s ass. _But not this time._

“I’m so comfortable here. And Oscar is comfortable too.” Jensen scratches the back of the dog’s ear before looking back at Jared, almost pouting at him. He looks like a child and Jared wants to kiss that goddamn pout away.

_Fuck. Jensen._

_“Pleaaaaaase?_ I know you’re the best little brother in the world for a reason.”

“Not gonna work.” Jared mutters through his teeth, digging his nails in his arms while he keeps them tightly crossed.

“The best, most handsome and amazing little brother I could ask for—”

“Don’t even _try_.”

“—the only one I need in my life. You’re honestly such a great brother. What would I do without you, Jay?”   

“ _Jensen—_ ”

“ _Nothing_. I’d be completely lost without you. Best little brother to _ever_ brother in the Universe. If there was a prize for the most perfect little brother you would win without even trying and—! ”

“Fine!” Jared hisses, heart beating so fast in his chest he thinks it’s going to break his rib cage. He’s almost completely out of breath when he hasn’t said anything, legs trembling slightly as he stares back at Jensen. _He has no idea what he’s doing to him_. “But I’m adding mushrooms to _everything_ I cook if you’re not going to help.”

He announces before turning on his heels to walk towards the kitchen, not even ten steps away from the couch before Jensen groans and follows him, throwing an arm around his shoulders and pulling him close.

“You sneaky _shit_.” His stepbrother pinches Jared’s cheek a little too hard, only making him laugh and smack him against the stomach in return. Jensen hates mushrooms for some cosmic reason Jared doesn’t understand.

They make a mess in the kitchen cooking home-made pizza. Flour everywhere —especially on Jared’s hair after Jensen throws him a fist full of it after Jared throws him a piece of pepperoni that hits him in the face— and a pile of dirty dishes. Their parents are going to tear them a new one for leaving everything there instead of cleaning, but Jensen insists they are missing the movie and pulls him by his wrists, so Jared goes without complaining.

Oscar is still there like the damn couch is his own bed, which means they still have to squeeze together at the end of the couch. Jensen doesn’t seem to mind —he never does, of course, he’s not the one who ends jerking off after moments like this one— offering Jared that he can sit on his lap if he wants to, like they used to do when they were kids.

The idea of Jensen’s crotch —and therefore, his dick— so close to his ass sounds like both the best wet dream he can ask for and his worst nightmare at the same time. Jared knows he’ll probably end grinding down and trying to low-key feel the outline of Jensen’s cock so he rejects the offering and settles by his side.

They are basically crushed together, shoulders bumping and Jared’s leg over Jensen’s knee. Neither of them minds, the usual closeness working for comfort more than anything. Eating gets a little tricky but they work around it, joking about the movie and betting over what is going to blow up next and what will Nicolas Cage yell about in the next scene.

Between finishing the pizza and Oscar miraculously taking a hint by moving a little bit on the couch to give them more room, Jared ends lying against Jensen, with his head on his stepbrother’s shoulder and one of his legs still hooked over his knee. Jensen’s arm is around his shoulders, fingers barely touching the exposed skin of Jared’s neck.

It’s the first time in over a month Jared feels in place.

“You have been going out a lot lately.” Jensen comments, their position making easy for him to turn his head and almost whisper that in Jared’s ear. He shudders at the sensation, hoping Jensen can’t feel that.

“A lot?” Jared repeats, playing dumb. They are plastered side by side; if he starts breathing faster or his heart has one of those _‘out of control because of my brother_ ’ moments he’s screwed. “Really? I feel like it’s a little bit more than I used to but I wouldn’t say it’s _‘a lot’_.”

He lets out a forced chuckle, hoping that’s enough for Jensen and they will move on, but his next reply makes Jared’s eyes widen and breath catch in the middle of his chest.

“I miss you.”

Mumbles against his forehead, Jensen’s lips almost touching his skin as he speaks, making the little hairs on the back of Jared’s neck stand up.

“I’m right here.” He whispers in response, holding his breath and looking up at Jensen. His expression is serious and he’s looking at the screen, and even so, Jared can tell he’s not paying attention to the movie.

He has a perfect view of Jensen’s profile, the light coming from the TV making his freckles clearer and causing his eyes to look a little bit greener than they truly are. Jared can’t deny how fucking good looking Jensen is. He saw it since he was thirteen, when Jensen was a teenager too and his face still looked soft and rounded, and will be able to see it all his life. Jensen is _goddamn fucking gorgeous_. Jared has seen him grow up and yet he still finds himself staring and getting surprised at how good looking his stepbrother is.

The curve of his lips and shape of his nose. Jared likes every little detail, wishes he could touch and kiss and talk about it. Tell Jensen how unfair it is that he’s so hot. Shove him away for it and then cup his face so he could stroke his cheeks with both thumbs.

Jensen looks down, startling him and making Jared jump on the couch for being caught staring. But Jensen only smiles, nodding along and brushing Jared’s bangs out of his face.

“Yeah, I suppose you are.” That doesn’t seem to be what Jensen wants to say, expression confusing even for Jared. He’s too distracted by the touch on his hair to care too much right then, telling himself he will worry about it later. “Ignore me, I’m just your old brother being a jealous asshole who wants you around all the time.”

He pats Jared’s shoulder and smiles, going back to the movie to make fun of something else Jared doesn’t pay attention to.

It’s too tempting to bury his nose in Jensen’s neck and breath in that cologne he always uses that Jared loves. He has him so close he could do it and then make up a bullshit excuse for it after getting the pleasure of feeling Jensen even closer.

With his brother’s arm around him and his face inches away Jared wishes he could lean in and kiss him.

He wishes Jensen would see this as date and not an innocent movie night between brothers.

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Even after his harmless slip some weeks ago with Jensen and the movie, Jared thinks he has been doing pretty good lately.

He has his moments where he almost wants to crawl back to his stepbrother when he went too long without talking to him but he’s slowly getting used to their new routine where Jensen is not the absolute center of his life. He stills sees Jensen when he visits and they get the chance to hang out when Jared honest to God doesn’t have anything planned already —he hasn’t canceled anything in weeks to be with Jensen, so he’s pretty proud of that— but it’s nothing compared to what it used to be months ago.

It’s starting to get easier for him, Chad and Sandy don’t even have to take his phone during classes anymore. Jared earned the right to have it with him —more temptation, but he’s getting good at handling it— without wanting to talk to Jensen all day long.

He has more activities he enjoys and his heart doesn’t feel like it’s being teared out of his chest when Jensen is too busy to come around or decides to spend his free weekends with Cindy instead.

 _‘One step at a time’_ Jared has been thinking lately.

One day he won’t hurt about it anymore and he’ll only see a brother in Jensen. When he finally moves out to Austin, Jared will be able to carry on with his life without such a terrible heartbreak and the impression that his life is crashing and everything is falling apart.

So, yes. He can be proud of himself for how good he has been handling everything.

Then, of course, it all comes crashing down.

It happens on a Saturday morning —when he’s walking out of his room to get some breakfast and head to the shelter— the sound of Jensen’s voice making him stop in front of his room and press his ear against the door. Jared is not a person who enjoys gossip or intruding in other’s life, he definitely never does this with Jensen —he has it bad, but not _that_ bad; _not stalker kind of bad_ — but there’s something about the things Jensen is saying that catch Jared’s attention and lures him into shameless eavesdropping.

_“I know you asked for this like a month ago, but Cinds, does it need to happen so soon?”_

Jared’s heart gives a violent thud in his chest, a gasp leaving his mouth. _He’s moving out so soon?_ No! Jared _is not ready_. Jensen can’t leave like that. He’s barely getting used the small invisible space appearing between them, he’s not ready to let go yet!

_“Of course not! My parents love you! And so does Jay.”_

He makes a face at that, shaking his head. He doesn’t hate Jensen’s girlfriend or something but he doesn’t particularly love her either. Jared has barely talked to her, for God’s sake. No need for Jensen to exaggerate.

There’s a long pause, giving Jared the impression that Cindy might be not so happy on the other side of the phone and Jensen must be getting his ass dragged for whatever it is she wants that he’s is not giving her.

A tiny part of Jared —a fucked up, evil part— whispers in his head about how Jensen usually doesn’t deny anything to _him_.

Cindy wishes she had the puppy dog eyes that always work on his brother, Jared thinks smugly, keeping his ear pressed on the door and his eyes on the stairs in case his mom or dad appear.

_“Fine, okay. I think you’re right, we should do that.”_

Well, fuck. Looks like Cindy has her own ways to convince Jensen after all.

Jared huffs, biting his tongue. What’s next? Jensen is going to make her the awful noodle soup he only cooks for him when he’s sick? They’re going to get a dog together? Have their own cheesy romantic movie to quote at each other?

Is there _nothing_ he can keep between only him and Jensen? Come on, he’s trying here!

 _“Yes, I’ll tell them you want to spend more time knowing them.”_ Jensen assures. _“I’m know they won’t have any problem with you staying with us next weekend, don’t worry.”_

Jared’s eyes widen and he lets out a loud _“what?!”_ that he regrets instantly, running to the staircase to go to the first floor before Jensen can open the door and find him there. It doesn’t seem that he heard anything though, because Jared stops in the last step of the stairs and waits for the sound of Jensen unlocking his door.

He waits an entire minute, holding his breath and looking towards the second floor but there’s _nothing_.

Well, he avoided that one. Now he has to deal with the real problem: Cindy is staying with them next weekend to spend more time with him and his parents.

Again, no hard feelings towards Cindy, she seems like a lovely girl. Is not something about her, Jared simply doesn’t feel like spending three days watching Jensen kiss her, holds hands with her and loudly talk about their plans of living in Austin because their relationship is getting _oh so fucking serious_ and all that chat that really strikes a jealous string inside of him.

No fucking way. Jared will cut his tongue and fry it for Oscar to eat it before dealing with that.

And yes, he has to get used to Jensen and Cindy as the couple of the century at some point but it doesn’t have to be _right now_. Jared knows that seeing all that love parade between Jensen and someone else will make him want to go back to his mourning and crying self and he’s doing so good so far.

He needs to do something and he needs to do it quick.

“Good morning, JT. Up and ready for the shelter?” His dad asks as he steps into the kitchen, smelling chocolate and fresh toasts. Jared’s stomach makes a growling sound in response, making both his parents laugh at the same time. “I guess not so ready. You want breakfast?”

“Yes, please. I’m starving.” It might be his stomach wanting to puke at the idea of what’s going to happen the next weekend, too.

“Good thing I just finished cooking with your dad.”

His mom kisses his cheek and then babbles some complains over how Jared’s hair is getting too long and he needs to cut those bangs. Jared protests like always over how he likes his hair like that just fine and _no, he doesn't want Jensen’s haircut but thanks for the suggestion._

Jared ignores his mom’s comment about how cute he looked when he was little and had shorter hair, helping his parents set up the table to have breakfast together now that Jensen is at home too and they haven’t had the chance to eat as a family in a long time.

It’s sad that Jensen didn’t inherit Donna’s cooking talent. Apart from that horrible garlic soup, everything their mom cooks tastes like heaven.

“Thank God! I thought I'd have to bullshit some shitty breakfast for myself.” Jensen cries out from the top of the stairs when he seems all three of them sitting at the table, rubbing his hands together as he eyes all the food his mom made for them that morning. He’s wearing an old Batman shirt along with his boxers this time and Jared is really grateful for it.

The less Jensen exposes himself around him when his parents are present, the better.

“Language.” Gerald points out and Jensen makes the mimic of zipping his lips, mouthing _‘sorry’_ and going to sit at his usual spot next to Jared. He ruffles Jared’s hair as a way to say good morning and Jared chuckles with his mouth full of toasts, pinching Jensen’s side in response.

“Haven’t had the chance to sit down and eat together in a while, huh?” Jensen asks with a cheerful voice, grabbing one of the toasts from the plate in the middle and then taking the butter away from Jared. “How was your guy’s week? Did they fix that problem you had with your computer, dad?”

They all settle in a nice conversation with their dad explaining some problem he has with some really important file or something like that. Donna and Jensen are paying full attention and Jared wishes he could focus on his dad’s adventure of the week too but his mind keeps going to _Cindy_ and _whole weekend together_.

It doesn’t settle well in his stomach that she will be staying at Jensen’s room and sleeping in his bed. Of course they sleep together back at Austin — _‘and sleeping is the nicest thing they do in bed’_ a voice adds in his head, making Jared frown— but this is _different_. That’s Jensen’s actual room. The one they had since he was a kid and where Jared would go hide at when he had nightmares, curling by Jensen’s side and falling asleep again when he found himself safe in his brother’s bed.

No way in hell.

“I have to ask you guys something!” Jared spits in a loud voice, making his parents and Jensen turn to look at him with surprised expression.

Looks like he yelled in the middle of his dad’s story, great. Way to be smooth.

“I— _uh_ , sorry dad.” He smiles weakly, feeling like an idiot. “It’s just—, I _ahh..._ have been wanting to ask for a while and I’m kind of nervous about what you’re going to say.”

 _Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit_. Jared can feel the gears in his brain working at full speed to find an excuse if all the shit he’s saying in that moment.

“It’s everything okay?” Donna asks, exchanging a look with Gerald.

He doesn’t want to be there for when Cindy comes over. He would go anywhere rather than staying at home, the last circle of Dante’s hell sounds more appealing than witnessing the ‘ _happy couple and moving forward because we’re deeply in love_ ’ parade scheduled for the next week.

“Alexis Bledel is throwing a party.” His mouth moves without checking with his brain first, suddenly remembering something Sandy mentioned the week before. “Her parents brought a new amazing house close to Canyon Lake and she’s having a party to celebrate. I usually don’t get invited to things like that but Sandy did and Alexis told her she could bring me and Chad if she wanted to. It’s going to last two days, can I go?”

He half-yelled it all so damn fast he’s not sure if his parents and Jensen really heard half of what he said.

Part of it is not complete bullshit. The party _is_ real and Sandy did get invited; he and Chad didn’t. Sandy said that she could ask Alexis if she could bring them too considering Jared going out to parties and attempting to flirt with guys was part of their plan too but Jared said he didn’t want to go. He hates Alexis, to hell with her and her pretentious party.

Jared talked without thinking giving it a second thought, desperate to find a way out of his house. And he had to ask before Jensen said anything about bringing Cindy or it would be painfully obvious Jared is trying to avoid it.

“Wait a moment, I need to hear this slower.” Donna is the first one to talk, a small frown appearing on her face. _Oh oh_. “There’s a party at— whose house?”

“Alexis Bledel’s house.” Jared repeats, taking a moment to breath. “She’s in my Literature class. She’s really nice.”

_Yeah right. A real nice and judgmental pain in ass perhaps._

“And she’s throwing a party that lasts all weekend?” Gerald intercede. Jared nods and then shrugs, trying to not make is such a big deal.

“Yeah, it’s so we can all go to the lake and the pool. There are lots of rooms in case we want to take naps and stuff but the idea is to be awake most of the time to do different things.” Jared jokes, hoping he does sound excited talking about it. The whole thing sounds boring as fuck to him but hey, he’s trying to get out of something over here.

“And you want to go to _that_ party?” His moms questions, arching an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I know I never go but Alexis is really fun and I saw pictures of the house and it looks amazing.” Jared bites his lower lip and gives his parents a hopeful look. “I never ask for permissions for anything like this and Sandy and Chad would come with me and they really want to go too. Can I go, _please_?”

Donna and Gerald can’t really say anything because Jensen is the one to talk first to Jared’s utter surprise.

“It doesn’t sound like a good idea. I don’t think you should go, Jared.”

He blinks, turning to look at his brother. Jensen is not eating anymore, half of his toast forgotten on his plate along with his untouched pancakes.

“I mean a bunch of teenagers in a house while they are unsupervised?” Jensen makes a face, nose wrinkling as he shakes his head. “Sounds like it could get dangerous really fast. And, honestly, two days? That’s kind of sketchy.”

 _What?!_ No fucking way _Jensen_ is saying that. Not after he spent half his teenage years doing exactly what he just described. Is he forgetting how many times Jared had to cover for him so their parents wouldn’t catch he was hang over the next morning or not staying at Chris’ house but going to a concert without permission?

“What?” Jared repeats while shooting Jensen an incredulous stare. “You’re always saying I should go out and party more. Well, this is me doing that.”

“I didn’t mean for you to go to something that sound like a disaster waiting to happen in the form of a lake party.” Jensen snaps back, crossing his arms. “Mom, dad, I think you shouldn’t let him go.”

Oh, hell fucking no. Jensen _has_ to be joking.

This isn’t even about Cindy coming over next weekend and Jensen wanting him to be around because Jared hasn’t said when the party is going to happen. Jensen is being a dickwad about it just because he feels like it.

Jared doesn’t want to go to the party, he’s not fucking invited to it to begin with, but if things were different and he wanted to go for real he would expect Jensen to have his back. Why is he being such an ass about it? Jared literally never goes to things like this while Jensen went partying and traveled with his friends tons of times when he was in High School.

“Dude, what’s your problem?” He hisses in return, mouth hanging open at Jensen’s attitude. He’s never been like that with Jared, they’ve always had each other’s backs, even more when it comes to convincing his parents about something so where the fuck is this coming from?

“I just don’t think is a good idea, little brother.” Jensen answers in a smartass tone that makes Jared set his jaw and close his fists. “I mean you’ll maybe even have to share rooms with people you don’t know and sleep in the same bed with strangers. I know how those parties go.”

“Exactly!” Jared yells, surprising everybody in the table, including himself. Now he’s angry for real. “You know how those parties go because you went to things like this thousand of times when you were a senior at school, but now that I want to go to one you think is a bad idea?! Give me a break, Jensen!”

Jensen’s expression changes too, frowning and losing all trails of being a comprehensive big brother trying to give his baby brother some advice of something he knows better than him. And fuck that. Jensen doesn’t know anything, he’s simply being an asshole.

“That’s why I know how the parties go, genius! Stop being such a brat, Jared. You are not going!”

“Last time I checked I didn’t ask _you_ for permission! You’re not in charge of me, Jensen!”

He seems taken back at that reply for a moment so Jared takes advantage to turn to his parents. Both Donna and Gerald look beyond astonished at what it’s happening. This might be the very first time he and Jensen yell at each other and argue over something like this. _They are the close stepbrothers who never fight_. Jensen would always give in to anything Jared asked with a smile and he would never find a reason to get mad at Jensen. They simply get along so well.

But right now Jared doesn’t remember ever feeling this angry at Jensen, blood boiling by simply staring back at him. _God, why is he being such a dick?_

“Mom, dad, I never go to things like this.” He pleads, desperate to get permission to go to the party he’s not fucking invited to. This is personal now. Jensen can’t get away with this. “And you know I have been responsible all these years. I never get in trouble and I have always behaved when I went out with Chad and Sandy. Shouldn’t that give me some credit?”

Donna opens and closes her mouth, attempting to wrap her mind around their kids having a fight for the first time.

“Well—that’s true, honey. You have always behaved and you rarely go out for parties.” She gives Gerald a little nod. “And we did let your brother go to things like this when he was your age, I just thought you didn’t like this kind of stuff.”

“And you have been very responsible with your new job while keeping up your grades at school.” His dad nods. They are considering it and Jared has a perfect record with his parents. He has never got drunk —that they know of— never been out doing god knows what late at night, he has always been a really good son.

He deserves this permission.

“There will probably have alcohol for such a big party,” Jensen swoops back in when he also notices their parents starting to give in. “And I’m pretty sure not many of you guys can legally drink yet.”

_Oh. Dear. God._

Jensen started drinking when he was Jared’s age and now he’s pulling this crap in front of his parents? Jared is going to kill him.

That comment seems to get to his dad, who frowns immediately and mumbles _“Jensen does have a point, you're not old enough Jared, that could get you in trouble”_ to his stepbrother’s pleasure, who shoots Jared a sardonic smirk.

“Why are you being such an asshole?!” He snaps, glaring daggers at Jensen. He can’t believe him right now.

“Jared!” Gerald calls, voice surprised.

“Because you’re being an immature fucking brat!”

“Jensen!” Donna gasps. “Stop it!”

Jared tears his eyes away from Jensen, thinking he’s going to end punching him if this goes on. He has to go to work and now he doesn’t want to stay any other second on the table listening to Jensen being a complete piece shit for no apparent reason.

“Mom, dad, even if the others drink you _know_ I wouldn’t. You know I’m responsible.” He argues, completely ignoring Jensen’s snort. _Wow_. “I have to go but— please? I really want to go and I have been working hard the past weeks.”

Donna lets out a sigh, rubbing her forehead and nodding along.

“Okay, sweetie. Dad and I will think about it. Now go to work before it gets late.” She drums her fingers on the table with a smile that seems a little forced. It’s impossible to ignore the tension after what just happened. “Why don’t you let your brother drive you? It might take you too long to walk there.”

Jensen hisses _“I’m not driving him.”_ at the same time Jared answers _“I don’t need Jensen taking me anywhere.”_

They give each other another brief pissed off look before Jared turns to leave, thanking his parents for the breakfast and not saying anything else to his brother. He goes to his room feeling like he’s entire face is on fire, anger pumping everywhere and making him want to kick his door.

Jensen has never been like this with him before. What was that all about? Why couldn’t he have his back like Jared would when the situation was reversed?

_Why couldn’t Jensen have his back as always?_

He takes his phone and wallet from the bedside table, walking back down with quick angry stares. When Jared is about to make it to the door he hears Jensen’s voice again coming from the kitchen, his family gone from the table now that breakfast was ruined.

“You’re not letting him go, right dad?”

He closes his eyes and counts to ten to resist the urge to go scream at Jensen like before. _Asshole_.

“I don’t know, son. You make a good point but your brother has always proven to be responsible.”

That’s right. Jensen needs to shut his mouth and stop trying to put his parents against him. Since when they turned into that kind of brothers? He always heard Chad complain about things like this between him and his siblings but him and Jensen never seemed to be close to acting that way.

Sneaking behind each other’s back to say things like that to their parents? No way. Never like this.

“And he never goes out to things like this, so stop it you two.” Donna says suddenly, causing Jared to perk up from the door. They probably think he’s already gone. “Jared has done nothing to not deserve to go to this party. You two will have to deal with him wanting to go and let him have fun.”

Jensen says something else in a displeased tone, obviously trying to make her change her mind. Jared is too angry at that point to stay any longer and listen to whatever he has to say.

 

 

—

 

 

They don’t talk at all during the following days.

Jared is fuming; the memory alone of Jensen acting like an ass railing him up like it did on Saturday. He feels tempted to block Jensen’s number on his phone and then do the same with the phone in their house so Jensen can’t call even if he wants to but changes his mind at the end. It might be _too_ much.

That doesn’t mean he’s talking to his asshole of a stepbrother though, because he’s definitely not.

Chad and Sandy agree with him and also find really sketchy that Jensen acted that way out of the blue.

His mom comes into his room on Tuesday night to tell him Jensen called to tell her and his dad that Cindy wants to come over for the weekend. Jared says he wants to go to the party anyway, he has plenty of chances to become closer with Jensen’s girlfriend and he’s not exactly happy with the idea of being around Jensen at the moment anyway. It might make the entire weekend awkward so it’s a good thing he’s leaving.

Because Jared _is_ going. Actually, his parents and Jensen _think_ he is going, in reality he, Chad and Sandy are going to stay at Chad’s cousin’s apartment close to the lake to keep appearances. 

His mom and dad decided Jared was right; he deserved to be trusted on this one and believed in him when he swore he would behave at Alexis’ place.

Donna also makes sure to ask him how long this fight with Jensen is going to last. She’s still astonished it happened in the first place.

“I don’t know. I guess it’ll last until Jensen decides to apologize.” Jared says stubbornly. “When he realizes what a jerk he was, I’ll be here.”

In other circumstances Jared would have been feeling like shit the entire week if Jensen was angry at him. But now he’s clinging to that anger and making a point to not let any kind of guilt push him to be the one to make the first step.

Jared didn’t do anything wrong. Yeah, sure, he called Jensen an asshole yet _he deserved that_. It was all going okay until he decided to act like such a tool.

It turns out that Jensen’s own stubbornness lasts until Friday.

He gets home in the morning before Jared leaves for school but they barely acknowledge each. Jared leaves without looking at Jensen and walks right past him, pretending his stepbrother is not there at all.

He never expected them to have a fight that would last so long; Jared can’t believe they had such a simple thing escalate into such a bad discussion in the first place but, _hey, not his fault._

Chad tries to cheer him up all day talking about the fun things they can do during the weekend once they stay all alone. His cousin is not in town and his place is pretty big so they can do anything they please. Chad pitches the idea of baking pot brownies to play Twister while being high and Sandy looks like she’s considering it.

Once Jared is back from school he locks himself in his room to ready his bags and pack everything he needs. They are leaving the next morning before Cindy can get there.

He heard from his dad —who heard from Jensen— that she’s not exactly happy about Jared missing the weekend she’s choosing to spend with them. Jared’s angry enough to allow himself to think _‘that’s not my fucking problem’_. He doesn’t live to do what Cindy wants and cater to her needs; _she’s not his girlfriend after all_. Jared has other things to do and places to go.

She’s the one wanting to steal Jensen away for them to stay permanently in Austin and now she also expects him to be home when she travels to spend time with his family?

It’s not such an unreasonable expectation but _again_ , Jared is fucking angry these days. Cindy can’t have it all.

_She already got Jensen, what else does she wants from him?_

Cindy has his _everything_. No need for them to socialize further than that.

Someone knocks on his door as Jared folds four of his shirts and stuffs them into his luggage along with two jeans. They are staying at Chad’s cousin’s apartment the entire time, which means he’s not going to need that many clothes but he has to keep appearances for his family. He’s bringing his swimming trunks along for nothing; they are not going to the lake but _hey_ , _Alexis’ real party includes a pool at her house._

It’s all about playing along with his lie.

“Can I come in?” Jensen whispers from the semi-opened door and Jared turns in a jump, feeling defensive. Maybe they are going to go another round before Jared leaves? He’s still bitter at what happened but he doesn’t want another fight to go down with Jensen. His brother must see something in his face because he raises both hands in the air. “I simply want to talk. No yelling and no arguing, I promise.”

“What about not being an asshole instead?” Jared huffs, crossing his arms and lifting his chin. He’s not going to give up easily unless Jensen gives him a real apology. He had his back for years in front of their parents just to get _this_ in return the only time he needed his stepbrother to support him to get his parent’s permission? Jensen owes him a really damn good apology or their fight is going to keep going.

Jensen rubs his face with both hands, taking a deep breath before nodding.

“I think I deserve that.”

_Oh. Okay._

That makes Jared feel less defensive towards Jensen _. He can’t resist that face_.

“Damn right you do.” It comes out through Jared’s closed teeth, harsh tone gone. He can’t resist Jensen at all but he’ll hang to the anger leftovers for as long as he can. “Why were you like that on Saturday, Jensen? You—”Jared stops, correcting himself. “ _We_ are never like that to each other.”

“I know,” Jensen says immediately, stepping closer to Jared. “I’m really sorry, okay? I know I shouldn’t have but—”

“Then why did you do all that? Why were you trying so hard to convince Mom and Dad to not let me go?” He keeps pushing, trying to get the truth out of him. “I always had your back for things like this, Jensen.”

“Because I’m worried!” Jensen groans, rubbing his forehead again and walking towards Jared’s bed to sit down with a huff. Jared eyes him from the other side of the room, squinting and waiting for Jensen to go on. “You said it yourself; I used to go to parties like that all the time so I saw the kind of shit that can go down.”

Well, alright, that does make sense. But is not like Jared is going to be some immature child and do a lot of crazy stuff. Jensen knows him better than that.

“So what? Doesn’t mean like I’m going to do any of that crazy shit.”

Jensen sighs again, shaking his head. “Of course not, Jay. Not you. I meant someone—I don’t know, someone doing something _to you_. All that unsupervised drinking gets to everybody’s head really quick at that age and you’re all going to be sharing rooms and beds to sleep.” It looks like just talking about it is working Jensen’s up from the way his expression change to a more serious one. “I just want you to be okay.”

 _Why does Jensen have to do this?_ Why does he have to care for Jared to this level when he’s trying so hard to get over him?

Not to mention there’s something about what Jensen just said that doesn’t work well with him.

“I appreciate that, Jensen, but I’m not a kid anymore.” He doesn’t want Jensen seeing him as the baby brother he needs to take care of the rest of his life. It’s the last thing Jared wants. He has always wished Jensen would see him as something else than that. “You don’t have to protect me forever.”

“I know you’re not a kid, Jay. But you’ll always be my little brother.”

Just Jensen’s little brother. Nothing less, nothing more. That’s why all this started isn’t it? Why Chad and Sandy had to put together such a big plan for Jared to move on. This is why Jared could never really get together with Jensen as he would like to.

Jensen will always look at him and only see the five-year-old he saw the first time they met at his birthday party.

He doesn’t see Jared as almost an adult, even less someone he could have romantic feelings for.

It stings to think Jensen is so far away from ever seeing Jared the way he sees him, thinking _‘You’re not my brother’_ in an inner tantrum.

They are _stepbrothers_ , there’s a big difference.

Like them getting together wouldn’t be _as_ impossible. It makes the fact that Jared is in love with him much less of a big deal.

When he looks back at Jensen he’s surprised to find him staring back with a hurt expression, mouth pressed in a tight line.

“We might not be blood related but you’ll always be my brother, Jay.”

He wants to kill himself. Jared wants to fucking jump out of his window right there and right now for causing Jensen to look like that. As much as he repeats that to himself every now and then it’s most likely heatless complaining. He knows they are brothers but there are moments Jared wishes they were something else. Something _more_.

But their bonds as family means so much for him because how close it makes them that Jared hates himself for saying that out loud. He didn’t mean for Jensen to hear! But apparently he said it without realizing.

“Jen, I’m sorry. Of course you’re my brother,” Jared moves to sit on the bed by Jensen’s side, knees bumping together. “I’m talking out of my ass because of how angry I was before. I’m sorry for saying that.” He nibbles on his lower lip, wishing he could cup Jensen’s face and make it all better. As much as he hates that Jensen will never see him as someone he would love, Jared never wants to cause Jensen pain. “You’re the best big brother I could ever ask for. And I might be the better looking brother as we all know, but that doesn’t mean we’re not family.”

Jensen finally smiles after a second, shoving Jared away with his elbow, making him feel relieved now that he knows he could fix it somehow. He better watching his tongue next time. The last thing Jared wants to do is completely push Jensen away.

“You wish!” Jensen pinches Jared’s ribs, making him squirm and laugh in return. “I got all the amazing looks and you got…I don’t know, your dimples, maybe?”

Jared opens his mouth before laughing loudly, smacking Jensen’s shoulder. “ _Shut up_. You love my dimples.”

“Impossible not to.” He squeezes Jared’s right cheek until he groans and tries to push Jensen away, almost making them fall out of the bed.

“Anyway!” Jared moves from the bed, throwing Jensen one of the shirts he decided not to bring along for the weekend. “Don’t worry about me, okay? It’s going to be fine. I’ll probably end hanging with Chad and Sandy in a corner without even drinking. You know me.”

That seems to make Jensen feel better but there’s something in his expression that tell Jared he’s not one hundred percent on-board with the idea and would rather have Jared stay right there.

“Okay, fair enough. And I’m still sorry for the way I behaved.” Jensen shoots him an apologetic smile and then opens his arms, expression so fucking endearing that Jared can’t help himself. He rolls his eyes but still walks close enough for Jensen to wrap his arms around his back and pull him into a hug.

Jared honestly tries to not lean into it. He tries for good five seconds and then gives up, pressing his face into Jensen’s shoulder and hugging him back, enjoying the feeling of his stepbrother’s arms around his body way too much.

He can’t help it when a little happy sigh escapes from his mouth as Jensen runs one of his hands down his spine, stopping on his lower back. Jared really fucking wishes Jensen would keep doing that all over his body. He would let him touch as much as he wanted.

“So, _uhm—_ it’s all okay. We’re okay now.” Jared pulls away from the hug abruptly, giving Jensen a smile too big to be real. He needs to put some space between them as soon as possible or Jensen is going to notice Jared is really _happy_ to have fixed things. Happy as in _‘getting a hard on from thinking about you touching me while we’re hugging’._ “Fighting with you sucks, let’s never do that again.”

“I agree. I hated acting like an asshole, sorry.”

“Sorry for calling you an asshole.” Jared winces when he remembers all the yelling from that morning.

“I was acting like one, I deserved that. Sorry for the things I called you.”

Jared bats one hand in the air, making in unimportant. They both said things didn’t mean to when caught in the heat of the moment. And it was not that bad to be their first fight ever. Just a little slip because of the anger, no big deal.

“It’s nothing; don’t worry about it, Jen.”

They smile at each other for a little too long, Jared snapping out of it first and starting to move around the room to keep packing.

“But I hope you have a good time too with Cindy here and all.” Jared turns around to throw some underwear inside of his luggage. “By the way, Mom asked if Cindy could stay in my room because I wasn’t going to be around and I said yes without thinking. Sorry if you wanted her to stay in your room, kinda ruined that.”

Jensen can’t see he’s actually smiling, pleased with himself at how sleek he was when that happened. It’s a nice thought to know Cindy won’t be staying in the same bed Jared would go to when he couldn’t sleep and where he would love to spend the first months after Jensen left for college.

It’s a petty thought, _yes_ , but very nice too.

“Ah, it’s okay.” Jensen sounds like he doesn’t really care about that, taking some of Jared’s shirts from his bag to fold them better and put them back in. “By the way, if something happens during the party, and I mean _anything_ , and you want me to pick you up you just need to call.”

Jared turns again at that, squinting at his brother.

“Jensen, you can’t just leave if something happens, it will all be _okay_ , by the way.” He assured yet another time, yet Jensen doesn’t seem convinced. “Your girlfriend is visiting your parents; you can’t run at three in the morning if I need help.”

“I would.” Jensen argues, shrugging.

“Cindy wouldn’t like it.”

“It’s _you_ , Jay. I would pick going to help you if you needed me and Cindy would have to deal with that.” Jared’s mouth goes dry at Jensen’s talk, a nice and pleasing feeling bubbling at the base of his stomach. “So promise me you’ll call me if you need me.”

Jared promises he will, hands shaking and sweating as he keeps folding his clothes.

He knows he won’t need any help because he’s only going to be playing board games and maybe getting a little high with Chad and Sandy, but the idea of Jensen pushing everything aside if Jared needed him stamps a big, silly smile on his face that last the two days he spends away.

All this time he always thought his life was completely Jensen-centric, but maybe Jared himself plays a big part as the center of Jensen’s own life too and he never realized it before.


	5. Chapter 5

 

Before their winter break starts, Sandy comes up with an idea that Jared turns down right away: she wants him to find a date for the winter formal. Or in simpler words, for Jared to ask someone out to the next dance their school has before they leave for Christmas.

_He’s not even touching that._

Jared has nobody to ask and he never cared too much for any kind of dances at his school. He likes the general idealistic picture of school dances with someone going to pick him up from his house, complimenting how he looks with his suit while Jared assures he hates wearing suits. Dancing, laughing, maybe even some kissing during a romantic song too. He’s a cheesy fucking person, nothing new.

The problem is that he has been so into Jensen that he never paid attention to school dances.

For him if he couldn’t go with Jensen then he didn’t want to go at all. He wanted all the romantic bullshit —as Chad liked to call it— with his stepbrother or it didn’t make any sense. Why would Jared want a romantic night if it wasn’t with the person he loved?

After some months of Chad and Sandy’s plan, Jared is doing way better. He can handle Jensen being away and now doesn’t notice that much when they can’t talk for a whole day. His heart still jumps up and down in his chest when Jensen gets too close or decides to pick Jared up for no reason. _He’s still in love_. But at least he’s handling it and following the steps to eventually stop that part too.

Jared is also becoming pretty good at seeing Cindy around. After the weekend she spent with his parents she has been getting invited a lot more. Donna thinks she’s a nice girl and makes Jensen happy so that’s all that counts. Gerald thinks she’s funny and very sweet. Apparently everybody at home ended loving her.

Except for Oscar, who weirdly enough doesn’t like Cindy at all.

Jensen always tells her he probably needs time to get used to her every time she tries to pet Oscar and the dog growls and leaves before she can touch him. Jared thinks is funny to see their usual ball of sunshine and fur getting cranky whenever Cindy arrives. Oscar is probably being loyal to Jared, or at least that’s what he likes to imagine.

Cindy couldn’t make it for Halloween though; she had plans with friends for those days or something like that. For Jared, that meant having _only_ Jensen at home during one of his brother’s favorite holidays. He signed up with Alona and Chris to be part of a local haunted house so he could scare little kids and teenagers by dressing as murder with fake blood everywhere. _God, Jensen is so weird. Why is Jared stupidly in love with him again?_

There was a Halloween party hosted by Milo that Friday so Jared had to dress up for that one. He hadn’t used a costume in years, but dressing up was part of the fun and Milo is a really nice guy Jared has chemistry class with so he wanted to go to this one party for real. Not to mention Sandy and Chad had been dragging him to parties more often as the weeks went by.

Jared barely talked to anyone and never dared to hit on someone —Sandy would have to give up on that one, he would only embarrass himself if he tried to flirt— but at least he was attending those events.

At the end of that night he met with Jensen after he was done scaring children and Jared got tired of the party. They went up to Jensen’s room to lay down in his bed and watch _The Exorcist_ —with Jared still wearing his Luke Skywalker costume and Jensen’s fake blood drying on half of his face— eating the leftover candies their mom bought for the trick-or-treaters and remembering the time they used to go around their neighborhood asking for sweets when they were kids.

The first time they went out for Halloween together Jensen told Gerald he was going to take care of Jared and how they could go alone. Jensen held his hand the entire time as they went around asking for candies and gave him a piggy back ride when Jared got tired on their way back home. It was the best Halloween of his life. Wearing Jensen’s old Superman costume —because Jared saw it in Jensen’s closet and almost exploded from happiness when Jensen said he could wear it if he wanted to— and sharing candies with his new brother while watching _Hocus Pocus_ at the end of the night.

Jared realizes not everything has changed since back then when he falls asleep in Jensen’s bed that night and wakes up in his own room the next morning, his mom explaining to him how Jensen carried him to his bed.

For Thanksgiving, he didn’t get that lucky. Cindy was there that day, arriving early in the morning so she could help Donna with all the cooking. Jensen tried to play his “good boyfriend” part and help around —so it wouldn’t be only his girlfriend doing the work while he played video games with Jared— only to burn almost everything he touched.

Jared laughed until he cried from seeing Jensen ruin whatever he tried to help cooking, just to end leaving when Cindy cupped Jensen’s face and started to kiss him repeatedly saying how cute it was to see Jensen try.

Sandy keeps reminding him of that as prove that Jared does need to start going out. It will help him get his mind off of Jensen and Cindy making out if he has someone kissing _him_ instead.

“I don’t want to ask someone to go to the dance with me. What if we don’t hit it off and we have to spend the rest of the night together even if we’re fucking bored?” Jared asks during their lunch break, stealing fries from Chad’s plate.

“Then you ditch them.” Chad shrugs, sipping on his coke and getting kicked under the table by Sandy. “ _Hey!_ What the fuck? Jay doesn’t have to stay with his date he’s not enjoying it!”

“Jared is not ditching anybody. That’s rude, and he’s not like that.”

That’s true. The guilt would eat him alive if he pulled that on someone.

“Sandy, come on. Not the winter formal.” Jared groans. “I can’t even dance, what if the guy wants to dance? I can’t say no on our first date and then he’ll see what an embarrassment I am when I try.”

“That’s true. He sucks.” Chad supports his reasoning, getting a ‘thank you’ from Jared as he steals more of his fries.

“Fine.” Sandy snaps. “If it’s not the winter formal, would you let me set you up on a date?”

He knows Sandy remembers when he agreed to her setting him up with guys from his school the night she and Chad sneaked into his room to convince him about the whole _“Project Get Jared Banged”_ thing —God, he can’t believe they still call it that— and yet so far Jared has been trying to avoid the subject as much as possible.

Jared doesn’t know how to deal with a date. He has never went on one.

And he never will if he doesn’t start, _blah blah_ , Jared understands the logic behind it. For him to get comfortable with dates he needs to start trying them.

Before he can answer he hears someone calling his name, making all of them turn around just to see his French teacher walk across the cafeteria in incredibly high heels while waving one hand at Jared.

He really likes Miss Huffman. She’s nice, sweet and a great professor. Jared has been taking French as one of his electives for two years and he thinks he’s not a disaster at it only thanks to her.

“Jared! I finally catch you.” She takes a deep breath when she makes it to their table, a hand over her chest. “I have something for you.”

“Hi, Miss Huffman.” Jared smiles, ignoring Chad and Sandy’s confused looks. He tries to remember if there’s some extra work he was supposed to pick up or if he left something in the classroom last time he had French class. “ _Uh—_ is everything okay?”

“Two years and you still call me that. I told you to call me Alaina.”

She brushes her red hair out of her face, accent thicker when she pronounces the word _‘years’_. Her bright smile makes more than one student turn to look at her. Jared also has to admit, she’s very pretty.

“Sorry, not many professors like it when you call them by their first name.” He shrugs. “I forget you don’t mind.”

“It’s fine!” She bats one hand in the air, leaving a brochure in front of his empty plate on the table. Jared opens it, finding a big picture of the Eiffel Tower on the first page. “I have to give this to all my students. It’s an exchange to go to study in France!” His teacher chirps, clearly more excited than anybody else.

 _Oh, yeah._ Jared thinks he heard someone from his debate club talking about it. Something about going to Paris some months after graduation.  It sounds nice and all but he’ll be starting his first semester of college around that time.

“—it’s a really good opportunity to keep practicing and you can even get a scholarship for it if you submit your grades and your process from the class.”

As his teacher keeps talking Jared lets his mind wander on the possibility of letting Sandy set him up on a date. She has a really good taste, they always agree when it comes to guys around their school. Sandy knows which ones are assholes and she would never set him up with someone like that. She knows Jared’s type and what he finds attractive in guys, it all together means she would be a pretty good matchmaker when it came to choosing someone for him.

More importantly, Sandy knows people around school. Jared wouldn’t be able to know where to put his attention. He doesn’t know who else is into guys too.

“So what do you think?” Alaina asks with a bright smile and Chad smacks Jared’s knee under the table. He blinks up at her and smiles, hoping his distraction wasn’t too obvious.

“Sure, sure.” Jared nods. “I’ll give it a read and see if I can try.” He lies, opening the brochure again and trying to pretend some kind of interest.

Miss Huffman seems more than delighted at that, waving them goodbye after asking Jared if he knows where Osric could be to tell him about the exchange too. Then she leaves the cafeteria attracting as many eyes as she did on her way in, telling Jared to not forget to study lection ten of the book for next class.

Jared puts the brochure somewhere between his books in his bag —leaving it there seems kind of rude, even if he doesn’t intend to read it— and proceeds to keep stealing Chad’s lunch, just to get his hand smacked away by Sandy.

“ _Ouch!_ What was that for?!”

“Are you going to let me set you up with someone?” Sandy insist, drumming her fingers on the table, her long nails making the sound more annoying.

“Alright!” Jared gives in, rolling his eyes when Sandy yelps and pulls him close to kiss his cheek. “Let’s see if you can find anybody who wants to date me anyway. I doubt you’ll find someone who’ll agree with going out with me.”

Nobody in this school knows who he is so Jared almost wants to bet with Chad about Sandy coming empty handed.

As always, Sandy proves once more that she can get anything done when she has her mind set on it.

 _And that’s how Jason Momoa happens._ And even for Sandy, that’s a pretty impressive magic trick.

Jared completely forgets about giving Sandy the green light to set him up on someone after that day and she doesn’t mention anything about it, so Jared assumes he was right and lets it go without a fight.

That’s probably the reason he doesn’t see it coming when two weeks later Sandy says they should go hang out at Jared’s place that Friday.

He comments Jensen is going to be there —he’s almost done with his last semester at college, which means more time at home making Jared’s crush harder to get over with— and maybe he’ll try to join them if on whatever they do if he doesn’t have anything better to do.

Sandy brushes it off and then assures it’s okay if Jensen wants to stay there with them. She and Chad will be there so they won’t have the chance to get touchy and cuddly —a thing that always weakens Jared and makes him have little meltdowns that last a couple days.

Then, when they get to his house after school, Sandy tells Jared he should take a shower and change his clothes.

In retrospective, that should have been his first clue. But Sandy simply said he was stinking after gym and she wasn’t about to spend the rest of her day around Jared if he smelled like the boy’s locker room so Jared fell for it.

The second clue was finding that Sandy  had already picked clothes from his closet and left them on his bed while he was showering.

Jared, of course, didn’t think anything about it. It was well known his friend liked to play the _‘dress up game’_ with him and Chad, making them wear things she would pick for them as if they were her own human-sized Ken dolls.

“What are we watching then?” Jared asks as he walks downstairs, still drying his hair with a towel. Chad was in charge of making popcorn and bringing sodas and Sandy had to pick the movie while he showered. “Bad action movie to make fun of or great romcom Chad will ruin by complaining during all the sweet moments?”

“One more Sandra Bullock movie and I’m shooting myself in the fucking head!” Chad yells from the kitchen.

“I’m still trying to pick one. What do you think, Jay?”

“I agree with Chad. Jared watches enough romcoms already.” Jensen walks downstairs after him, hanging up his phone after what Jared can only assume was a long talk with Cindy. He avoids making a face at that. _They used to have really long and pointless calls._

“You leave my romcoms alone and go watch American Pie or some shit.” Jared dismisses Jensen with a laugh, getting Jensen flipping him off in return.

“What is happening to Rachel McAdams this time? Love triangle? Losing her memory?” Jensen gasps with a mock excited voice that makes Sandy laugh really hard. “No, no! Let me guess! She has a husband who time travels!”

“Don’t you have some porn to go jerk off to instead?”

Jared teases and Jensen waggles his eyebrows at him. He hears Sandy’s laugh die abruptly and he can feel her staring at him. It’s about the light flirting and Jared knows it. It’s just a joke for Jensen, but  he reads too much into it.

“Only if you have pages to recommend me. I know that’s all you use your laptop for, little brother.”

His laptop, lube and his fingers. But Jensen doesn’t need to know all the details.

“All I have to recommend is gay porn. And all my saved videos include twinks that look like me.” Jared jokes, “You know, it helps for when I imagine I’m them, makes it a lot easier. So if you want to get off to them,be my guest.”

He’s the one who ends laughing at Jensen’s face, who looks like he can’t believe what he just heard.

“Dude! I don’t need to hear what my little brother imagines when— _Jared!”_ Jensen groans, pressing the palm of his hands against his eyes, making him laugh harder. “I’m never getting that mental image out of my head! I don’t need the picture of some guy fucking you!”

“Oh, but I do.” Jared says with a smile making Jensen cover his ears now. “I really, _really_ do!”

“Shut up, shut up! God, you’re such a little shit!” Jensen says between making gagging sounds.

Back when Jared came out of the closet to his family he had been more than nervous about Jensen’s reaction. He feared Jensen would want to put some _physical_ distance between them or find something wrong with it. To his surprise, his stepbrother was nothing but supportive. If anything, it brought them together closer than before. Jensen was happy Jared trusted him enough to tell him before he told his parents and assured him he would always support him and be there by his side.

It had also been one of Jared’s desperate strategies of letting Jensen know with an invisible _nudge_ _and_ _wink_ that he liked guys exclusively. Just in case that information was something Jensen would be interested in.

Because maybe Jensen would like to know if Jared liked guys. _Like him_.

But of course Jensen never caught the double intention of that.

And as much as his brother knows Jared is gay, he never gets tired of sometimes teasing Jensen about those little topics that rile up the protective big brother inside him. Like casually mentioning that someday Jared would like to get a good fucking from a beefy guy or loudly commenting how _“I would let that dude do anything he wanted with me”_ when they are hanging out together and he spotted a hot guy.

Jared would also try to see if it would spark any jealousy in Jensen. So far, it was only the protective big brother response.

“Well, you were the one asking for recommendations.” Jared sticks his tongue out at Jensen as his brother leaves towards the kitchen. Sandy smacks his arm, but she had a smile too after seeing them interact.

“You say you don’t know how to flirt with someone, but you just did. You and Jensen always do!” She snickers. “And you flirted about porn and jerking off, damn. Jay.”

“It’s because it’s Jensen!” He whispers, peeking into the kitchen and hoping he didn’t hear anything. There is no better explanation for him than that. It’s _Jensen_. He’s comfortable joking and teasing with him because that’s how they have always been.

“Whatever. You’re good at flirting, okay? Just remember it.”

Jared doesn’t have time to ask what she means by that because the loud noise of a motorcycle driving down the street interrupt them, making a harsh sound when it hits the brakes to stop in front of their house. None of their neighbors have bikes, Jared would know because his dad hates them and would always be complaining about them if he saw someone driving one every day, so it makes him instantly curious.

He’s not the only one either. Chad and Jensen walk out of the kitchen at the sound too, but for some reason Chad doesn’t seem really surprised. He has _that_ smirk that Jared has known all his life. That little shit _‘I know something you_ _don’t’_ kind of smile that would always get him in troubles later on.

“What the fuck is that?” Jensen asks but none of his friends care to answer him at the moment.

“He’s right on time!” Sandy claps, leaving the movie boxes she had in her hands all over the couch to take Jared’s wrists and pull him to his door.

“Who’s right on time?”

What the hell is going on? _What did Chad and Sandy do this time?_

“Don’t say I don’t do anything nice for you, Jay.” She taps him to the chest and brushes his hair in place twice. Jared looks from her to Chad, who’s leaning against the wall eating chips and still giving him that fucking smirk _._

_What the hell did they plan now?_

He thinks he also hears Jensen demanding to know what’s going on, only to get completely ignored by his friends. Sandy opens the door and guides Jared out by slightly pushing him with both hands on his lower back.

Swallowing his tongue when he sees Jason- _fucking_ -Momoa taking off his black helmet and waving at him from his bike is, of course, a reasonable reaction to have.

Jason is there, in front of his house, waving at _him_.

Jared questions himself for a good second if he’s in the middle of a really vivid wet dream.

One of the best damn dreams of his life, too. Jason Momoa is by far one of the most attractive guys Jared has ever seen. He’s tall —like holy shit, _so fucking tall_ it makes Jared’s knees go weak when he sees him up close at school—he’s fit and buff thanks to the fact that he plays in his school’s football team and has tattoos all the way from his shoulders to his wrists on both arms. His hair is longer than Jared’s —it touches his shoulders, but he always has it up in a bun or a ponytail—and has a scar on his left eyebrows that Jared finds really attractive for some reason.

The guy is ruggedly handsome and looks like he could easily throw Jared over his shoulder and carry him around like as if it was nothing.

He’s the top level of hotness in Jared’s hot scale _. And he’s getting down from his fucking bike and walking towards him, holy fucking shit._

“You’re welcome.” Jared hears Sandy’s sweet voice in his ear before she presses a kiss to his cheek, smacking his ass for him to step forward and go to talk to Jason.

He doesn’t think he can, though. Jared wants to stay there and soak in the vision of Jason’s _everything_ as he walks closer and closer.

_Jesus Christ, that guy is good looking._

And Jared might be too into drooling right on his welcome mat because he doesn’t hear Jensen step close until he’s right there by his side, clearing his throat loudly to try to get Jared’s attention.

“Who is _that_?” Jensen asks with an unfamiliar voice. He sounds a little pissed, but not quite. Jared can’t put his finger on it but also doesn’t care to right now.

“That’s _uh_ — _ahm_ —” Jared mumbles, blinking and trying to make his brain work again. “He’s a guy. At my school, he’s— _wow_ , yeah, he’s here and— _fuck_.”

He only spits nonsense in response; head too distracted by Jason’s presence to order his mouth to act like it’s supposed to and say real words.

“That’s Jason.” Chad supplies when Jared is not capable of answering Jensen. “He’s here to take Jay out on a date.”

Jared _thinks_ he hears Jensen say something, but he’s not that sure. He completely got stuck at the part where Chad said Jason ‘ _I-could-bend-you-over-my-bike-by-only-smiling-at-you’_ Momoa was there to take _him_ out on a date. _Him_.

He probably did something really amazing in his past life to get this in return.

“Hey, Jared. How’s it going?” Jason asks when he gets to the door and everybody else behind Jared shuts up instantly.

“I’m, I—” Jared takes a deep breath, praying to not end up hyperventilating. He doesn’t think Jason has ever talked to him before. “I’m g-great. _Hey_. How about you?”

“More than ready for the date.” He shoots Jared a nice warm smile that has him tingling all the way from the top of his head to the end of his toes.

“Me too. More than ready. Super ready.” Jared nods and _stares_ until Jensen clears his throat by his side again. _Right_ , he needs to move. Jason is waiting. “I’m just going to grab my jacket and be right back? It’s— I’ll be back in two seconds.”

“Of course. Take your time.”

He gives Jared a little wink and then looks away to say hello to Sandy. Jared turns on his heels and walks quickly into his house, almost running to the second floor to grab his phone, wallet and the first jacket he can find. _Oh god, oh god._

_Oh. God._

No way this is happening to him.

He almost stumbles his way back to the first floor and stops himself when he sees they’re all inside of the house now but Jason is not there.

Maybe he changed his mind when he took a closer look or something like that? Jared wouldn’t blame him. Jason can easily date whoever he fucking wants to, no need to scale down for him. Yet that would be damn disappointing, Jared was starting to get beyond excited over this.

“He’s waiting for you outside.” Sandy clarifies with a smile when she notices how he starts looking everywhere, hoping to see Jason waiting in the living room.

The smile is back on his face in a flash, hurrying to put on his jacket to not have his date waiting outside so long. His. _Date._

“God, Sandy. How did you make that happen?” Jared asks with an excited voice, leaving his phone in the back of his jeans and letting her try to organize his hair. “I didn’t even know Jason liked guys!”

“He’s bi,” Sandy winks at him, pleased with herself. “And by the way? When I was talking to him about you? He asked me if you were _‘the cute guy from last year’s theater play’_.”

Jared chokes on his own spit and Chad laughs next to him, moving closer to pat his back. “He did _not_. Oh fuck me, did he really?” Jason Momoa thinks he’s cute? That’s probably the most flattering compliment he ever got in his life.

“Yes he did. So go get him, tiger.”

“It’s _Jason_ ,” Jared clarifies with what he can only imagine sounds like an obsessed fanboy voice. He doesn’t give a shit. He has been drooling about the guy since they started High School. “I’m going to do more than get him.”

Not really, he’s too eager and excited and that will probably make him look like a mess. And he doesn’t know how to “get” people. But Jared is so happy about his first date ever being with such a nice and handsome guy that he lets himself dream.

“If I were you, even I would too.” Chad nods by his side. “I mean, fuck. That dude can get it. Did you see all those damn tattoos?”

 _Oh yes, he did._ Jared thinks he’s going to stay staring at them all night long doing whatever they end doing. Jared has no idea what Sandy planned, but he knows he’s going to dig it anyway.

“Okay, enough! Don’t leave him waiting!” Sandy chuckles and pushes Jared towards the door while he nods and tries to fix his hair one more time on his way out.

Jensen’s hand grabs his wrists to stop him before he can go any further.

“Jared!” Jensen almost hisses, “Wait a second!”

Oh, God. _Jensen_. Jared almost forgot about his stepbrother for a good amount of time there. He hasn’t said anything since Jason went to the door to say hello so Jared kind of blacked out the fact that he was there.

“You have a _date_?” He repeats when Jared turns to look at him with an innocent smile. “How come you didn’t tell me?” Jensen huffs, crossing his arms over his chest, expression serious.

“It was kind of a surprise date?” There’s no other way to describe it considering he had no idea it was even going to happen. Thank god for Sandy picking him clothes for that night. Now it all makes sense.

“Sandy set me up. With Jason Momoa! Can you believe that?”

For Jensen it’s not that impressive because he doesn’t know who Jason is. He keeps shooting Jared the same weird looks, not happy with the explanation.

“So you’re still going even if you don’t know this guy?”

Jared doesn’t care that he’s not best friends with Jason. Sandy said the points of dates were having fun while meeting someone and that’s exactly what he plans to do. His _“of course I am”_ response sounds a lot like a sarcastic _“duh”_ that makes Jensen frown instantly.

“Jared—” Jensen starts again, teeth grinding. “It’s your first date; shouldn’t it be with someone you… _like_ or something? Also, a bike?” His brother points to the open door, eyes widening. He looks both pissed and really anxious. Jared thinks he has never seen Jensen act like that. “Dad is going to kill you if he finds out.”

 _Oh, fuck_. He’s right.

“You’re going to cover for me, right?” Jared asks with a pleading look, “Please, Jensen? Don’t tell dad!”

“Those things are dangerous, Jared! If something happens to you—!”

“Jason has given me rides before.” Sandy intercedes in his favor. “He’s great driving it, I’m sure Jay will be fine.”

Jensen doesn’t look that convinced, shaking his head and pacing around Jared. He’s acting like Jared is about to go to jump off a building or something along those lines. He’s just going on a date and yes, their dad hates bikes and is always going on about how he’d have a heart attack if he or Jensen ever thought of driving one but Jared is not going to be driving it. Jason looks like he’s very capable with it on his own.

“Jared, I don’t know.”

“Jensen, please, _please_. I’m begging you.” He nibbles on his bottom lip, placing both hands on his shoulders so Jensen stops pacing around. “I covered for you tons of times and I really want to go out with this guy.”

Jensen doesn’t seem any pleased to see him asking so desperately so he can leave with Jason, but his resolution against it seems to flatten when Jared mentions how he covered for him over the years more times that he can count.

That’s enough for Jared: he’ll take it as a yes.

“Thank you so much!” He chirps with a smile from ear to ear. “I’ll be home early! Thank you, Jen.” He power walks towards the door before Jensen can say anything else in protest, turning one last time to wave at Sandy and Chad. “Thanks guys, you’re the best!”

Sandy waves back with a chuckle and Chad yells _“remember Jay! No glove, no love!”_ using a teasing voice. Jared thinks Jensen gives his friend the most deadly stare he has ever seen. He’s not completely sure though because he’s out already and the image of Jason waiting on his bike with a smile is enough to erase any other topic from his mind.

“Ready?” Jason asks once Jared gets there with his legs almost giving up. He extends an extra helmet towards him and Jared’s hands shake as he grabs it, biting his lower lip too hard not to be painful. “First time on a bike, huh? Sandy told me to expect that.”

Jason laugh and it sounds as deep as his voice. Jared is too distracted  to reply anything coherent.

“It’s okay, I was nervous the first time I tried it too.” He takes the helmet from Jared’s hands gently and puts it on his head with a smile, helping him buckle it and making sure it fits properly. “Don’t worry, I promise to not go too fast. If you want me to stop just tell me, alright?” Jared nods, voice still gone. “I was thinking we could go eat. Do you like Mexican food?”

“L-Love it.” Jared mumbles in return and Jason smiles again. _God, he hopes he does that all night._

“Perfect.”

Then Jason pats the space on the bike behind him and turns around, telling Jared to hop on. That’s when it finally hits him that he won’t only be riding a bike; he’s going to do that plastered to Jason’s back while doing it.

“ _Uhm_ , sure.” Jared stutters, getting close and hoping he’s not being ridiculously lame as it takes him more than four tries to properly get on the bike right behind Jason. The other doesn’t seem to mind though, patiently waiting and even telling Jared how to do it.

It feels even more intimidating once Jared is sitting right there. And where is he supposed to put his hands? He’s going fall right on his ass if he doesn’t have something to hang onto. Jared looks to the sides of the seat, trying to find out what is he supposed to be gripping to not fall from the damn thing once Jason starts when a deep laugh in front of him makes him look up again.

“You can put your arms around me if you want.”  Jason offers, looking at Jared over his shoulder. “It’s going to help you feel secure if you’re nervous.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice.

Jared reaches over, hands shaking even more than before to put them just above Jason’s waist before sliding them around his stomach, trying to not press too hard or completely mold himself against Jason’s back. He doesn’t want to look too creepy and touchy after all.

Jason doesn’t seem to mind though, letting out another deep laugh and grabbing Jared’s wrists carefully to pull him _really_ close and then make him wrap his arms around his sides tighter.

“You need to hang on hard, believe me.” He gives Jared another look over his shoulder before he starts the engine of the motorcycle, the sound so loud it startles Jared, making him jump in the seat and hug Jason like his life depends on it. He thinks he hears him say _“See? Told you!”_ in an amused tone, but Jared can barely understand it over the sound of the bike.

He has his chin almost resting on Jason’s shoulder, chest pressed to his back as well. Jared thinks he can feel the line and shape of every muscle through Jason’s jacket, the attractive smell of leather and nice cologne driving him in and tempting Jared to full on nuzzle the guy’s shoulder and neck. _But that might be fucking weird, so he needs to keep it together._

“Ready to go? Don’t be scared to hang on tighter if you get scared.”

As if Jason needed to give Jared more reasons to hug him harder and he wasn’t going to take them. Come _on._

“S-Sure!” Jared stutters, fingers twitching to touch Jason’s abs through his shirt. Then again, he needs to not be a handsy creep. _Fuck, what’s going on with him?_

He hears someone’s laughter over the loud sound of the bike’s engine, only to find out Chad, Sandy and Jensen had been looking at him from the front door and probably witnessing what an embarrassing mess he made of himself trying to hop on the motorcycle.

Chad is laughing so hard he’s almost bend in half, hands on his knees and face red. Jared doesn’t need to be close he’s probably crying from it too. Sandy is being way more polite than that, chuckling behind one hand and waving at him with the other.

They both give him thumbs up before Jason starts driving—and it’s a true miracle that Chad can put himself together to do it—Sandy jumping up and down excitedly as he leaves.

Jensen, on the other hand, looks like he’s is far from being amused about any of the events from that night.

 

 

—

 

 

He’s stays out with Jason for hours.

Their date basically consists on them going to a great place for Mexican food Jason knows and then Jared trying his best to make Jason be the one doing most of the talking. There are two big reasons for that: first, Jason has too many interesting stories that Jared want to sit and hear about for hours —he’s from Hawaii and loves to talk about his favorites places there, Jared thinks it all sounds beautiful and wants every detail, both of them clearly having a great time like that— and second, Jared stutters and says really silly things every time he tries to talk too much.

Jason insists he wants to find out more about Jared and never laughs at him when he messes up and says something he doesn’t mean to.

The guy is so fucking sweet, Jared can barely believe it. He heard around school that Jason was just another mean jock but he always took it with a grain of salt. He was right on that, of course, because it all comes from stupid stereotypes. Just because Jason plays a contact sport, is really buff— _god bless him for that, by the way_ —has tattoos and drives a bike everybody likes to assume they know who he is as a person.

What Jared discovers that night is that Jason is too goddamn nice. He lives with his mom and grandmother, has two little sisters he walks to school every day and he’s currently taking care of nine puppies after his dog gave birth three weeks ago —when Jason pulls his phone out to show Jared some pictures he feels very tempted to ask him if he can keep one of the pups for himself; nothing makes Jared love somebody more than knowing they like dogs too.

Also, there is a third reason he likes Jason doing most of the talking: his deep rough voice might be the best thing Jared heard in his life.

Chad texts him later that night to ask him is it going but Jared doesn’t answer because he’s too busy talking about the last play he did for their school’s theater. His friends keeps texting to catch what’s going on, sending him too many winky faces next before wishing him a good night.

Sandy was right about the date. Jared would have never dared to ask Jason out, too intimidated and wary because they have never talked before. The date itself solves the problem and he ends actually having a lot of fun.

He has been way too paranoid about the whole thing. Jared’s definitely going to try it more often.

Jason drives him back on his motorcycle later that night and Jared feels more relaxed than before as he hugs his waist and lays his cheek on Jason’s back.

His younger self always dreamed of having his first date with Jensen and liked to picture thousand scenarios of what they would do or how much fun they would have. Jared never dared to break his own little fantasy and hope that someday his stepbrother would feel the same way and it would all be possible.

Right now Jared is pretty happy with how his actual first date went. He clung to his impossible Jensen’s dreams for way too long.

And now the more he pulls away from them, the more he realizes it’s been the right thing to do all along.

“Are you sure about this?” Jason asks him as he stops one block away from his house, letting Jared get off of the bike before turning to look at him.

Jared scratches the back of his neck, looking down to his feet and shrugging. “Yes, I mean, I’d love for you to leave me in front of my house but—”

“Your parents don’t like motorcycles?” Jason finishes for Jared with a gentle smile, making him blush dark red and nod. “Hey, it’s fine. Parents and bikes usually don’t get along.”

“Yeah okay, but you’re a great driver! You weren’t going fast, respected all the stops and red lights. I think you ride this better than a lot of people who drive cars.”

Jason laughs at Jared’s compliments, shaking his head and making a part of his hair get all over his forehead. _Is there anything that doesn’t make this guy look gorgeous?_ Jesus fuck.

“Well, thank you. I’m glad you didn’t freak out.” Actually, Jared was pretty much freaked out at the start during the first ten minutes, holding Jason so hard he’s surprised he was letting him breath. It all got better when Jared noticed he could drive really well and there was no need to be nervous. “But even so, parents don’t like bikes. My mom almost had a heart attack when I got mine.”

They both share a laugh and then smile to each other.

“I still feel bad about not walking you to your door, thought.” Jason frowns, clicking his tongue. “It seems so rude. I should maybe park the bike here and go all the way there?”

Like Jared already learned that night, _too fucking nice_. “Don’t worry about it, I’m the one with parents that will murder me if they find out I was on a motorcycle.” He knows his mom would love Jason right away but as soon as his dad sees the bike Jared can kiss his ass goodbye. “Knowing that you would want to walk me to the door is just as good.”

Jason gives him an endearing look that makes him melt a little inside. He doesn’t know how is he supposed to say goodbye? A handshake?

Casual waving? Maybe dare to kiss Jason on the cheek? Apart from hugging him when they were riding the motorcycle they didn’t have that much contact. Jared is not sure if doing something wrong there might completely ruin his chances for another date or if he’ll overstep by mistake.

“T-Thanks for the date, it was really great.” Jared smiles shyly and hopes he’s not blushing again. At no point of the dinner he mentioned this was his first date though, nervous that it would not be a good thing to comment. “Sorry I didn’t talk as much and all that…hope it wasn’t boring for you.”

Before Jared can add anything else, Jason brings his hands to the base of his chin, unbuckling his helmet and taking it off with one hand. He brushes Jared’s hair and then slides two fingers down his face, Jared’s heart beating out of control when Jason finally cups his face gently and pulls him down for a kiss.

It’s a short, sweet kiss that makes Jared’s cheeks burn and his stomach get filled with stupid, cheesy butterflies. He closes his eyes and makes a point to kiss Jason back, toes curling inside of his shoes as he tries his best to not let out any kind of embarrassing happy sound.

_Jason Momoa is kissing him after a really wonderful date._

Honestly, the things that can happen when Jared tries letting go of his crush of Jensen.

“Not boring at all,” Jason assures him when they both pull back, making Jared beam and smile big and brightly in return. “I had a great time too, Jared. Maybe we can go out another time? We can walk to not get you in trouble with your folks.”

Jason winks at him —and right under his eye he has two beauty marks that Jared has been dying to touch all night, they look so good on him— and Jared giggles like the lame teenager he is, swearing he would like very much for them to hang out again and to not worry about it. As long as his parents don't find out they can ride his bike again. Jared can see himself getting used to it.

He walks the block away from his house feeling like he’s prancing on spongy clouds, making it to the door and turning around just to see Jason is still there, waiting for Jared to get safely to his home. Jared waves at him eagerly before getting inside, lips burning hot after their little kiss and a nice blissful sensation pumping like blood in his body.

Nothing like that ever happened to him. To flirt with a guy he liked just to have them flirt back. Jared has never experimented how it felt to have someone look back at him and think _‘I like you too’_.

It feels really nice.

In all his life, his biggest and only love had been Jensen so he was pretty much set around the whole ‘ _unilateral’_ part of it. When he flirted with Jensen, his stepbrother wasn’t flirting back. When Jared touched Jensen, he wasn’t thinking anything special or romantic of it.

When he wanted to kiss Jensen, Jared never expected anything to happen in return.

But tonight it did because Jared tried all of that with somebody else.

He gets to his room with a silly little smile in his face —his parents are already home and his mom left him some leftover pizza he supposed they ordered, but he decides to put it in the fridge to eat later; he’s full of tacos and burritos—repeating chunks on the date in his head and chuckling to himself. It was such a great time.

The smile gets quickly replaced as soon a she opens the door, changing confused expression when he sees Jensen lying on his bed with Oscar by his side.

“Jensen?” Jared squints, closing the door behind him and taking off his jacket. “I thought you would be asleep.”

There’s nothing weird about finding him in his room though. Sometimes Jared himself likes to hang out at Jensen’s room even when he’s not there. Even if they had their beds and different rooms since they were kids they used to like to sleep together, so they would always pick one room for a week and stay there all the time and then switch. Jared feels just as comfortable —if not more— falling asleep on Jensen’s bed.

His stepbrother being there is not the weird part of it. It’s Jensen being there at that hour, looking like he was waiting for him. The TV is not on and he doesn’t look like he’s doing— _anything_.

“I wanted to make sure you got home okay.” Jensen shrugs, scratching behind Oscar’s ears before looking up. “How was the date?”

There’s a little bitter tone at the end of Jensen’s voice but Jared decides to not dig into it. Maybe he’s still annoyed Jared didn’t mention his first date ever, but is not even his fault! He didn’t know it was going to happen either!

“Pretty good! Jason is amazing.” Jared smiles to himself, leaving his phone on his bedside table and going to sit on the bed close to Jensen. There are more texts from Chad and Sandy but he figures they understand if he answers them later. “He’s so sweet and such a nice guy—”

“That means you’re going out with him again?” His stepbrother interrupts, expression serious. “You’re dating this guy now?”

It takes Jared a second to see what’s really going on here. Jensen is not in his room to find out how his date was but to hijack information on Jared’s future plans with Jason!

“ _This guy?”_ Jared repeats, raising both eyebrows. “ _Oh my god_ , Jensen. Please tell me you’re not about to lecture me here, man.”

“Well, of course I am!” Jensen almost jumps out of the bed, startling Oscar in the process —who whines in protest and goes nuzzle his face on Jared’s lap— and rounding the bed so he can stand in front of Jared. “You suddenly start dating without saying anything about it, so as a big brother, I need to talk to you about it!”

Jared almost wants to comment about how Jensen didn’t say anything about wanting to move out with Cindy either so he’s one to fucking talk. But he had a great night so far and the last thing Jared wants is to ruin it by starting a fight with Jensen.

“Suddenly?” Jared snorts, smiling at him. “Jensen, I’m seventeen. I don’t think there’s anything _sudden_ about this. You had your first date when you were like— fourteen, I think?”

Jensen blinks and looks away for a moment because of course he knows Jared is right, opening and closing his mouth while playing with his hands.

“Well, yeah, that’s true. But Jared, _listen_ , I just want to make sure you don’t get hurt or something.” The irony there is monumental. Jared doesn’t think he’ll ever hurt for anyone as much as he hurts for Jensen himself. He’ll never feel as a heartbroken for anyone else. Jared will never want someone so bad that not being able to touch makes him want to cry, not after Jensen. “If you’re going to start going out and _all that...”_ He makes a vague movement in the air that makes Jared laugh. At least his stepbrother means well.

Overprotective fool.

“All that? Like kissing and having sex?”

Jensen points at him, voice offended. “Don’t you start with that again.”

“What? If I wanted to have my first time I think that would be my decision alone.” He’s mostly testing Jensen’s patience now, a little smile on his face the whole time. Jensen has been really protective of him in general and Jared knows that this must really set him off. His little brother losing his virginity and all that must really ignite the defensive bone inside of Jensen.

He’s right, of course, because Jensen’s jaw tenses and he takes a deep breath.

“I know that, Jay. I simply want you to not, _uh—…_ there are a lot of shitty guys out there and I—” He shakes his head, clearly having a hard time finding the right words. Jared chuckles looking up and shaking his head. Next thing he knows Jensen is smacking his shoulder. “Shut up. You know what I mean. You’re my little brother, I’ll always want to punch anyone who wants to date you and think they’re not good enough for you.”

That shouldn't make Jared feel really good, but it fucking does.

Jared knows this is Jensen being a protective brother and not being actually jealous as he would like. _It’s something though_. He’s not supposed to hold onto anything that gives him hope with Jensen since he’s starting to see how he’ll never have a chance at all, yet that doesn’t mean he can enjoy little moments like this.

“You don’t have to worry about that, I’ll never date someone who’s an asshole.” Jared gives him a pointed look. “I appreciate you worrying for me but I think I can handle dating, Jen.”

Jensen huffs and crosses his arms, obviously not agreeing. Like before, Jared doesn’t say a thing.

Instead, he puts his arms behind his head and lets out a dreamy little sigh.

“Jason is such a great guy. And did you see how handsome he is?” He exaggerates in a lovey-dovey voice. Teasing his brother about this is too goddamn fun to not enjoy every second of it. “He’s so polite and sweet. And you know what a cheesy person I am, so I really like that.” Jared chuckles to himself, watching Jensen roll his eyes with no remorse. “And when he kissed me at the end? It was just—” He sighs again, composing a dumb smile. “Wonderful.”

“ _Great_.” Jensen almost snarls. “I’m happy you had a good time and that you think that Jason guy is god’s gift.” Jared bites his tongue to not laugh out loud and wake up his parents. Jensen is so obvious when he doesn’t like something; he’s always sucked at hiding his anger or discomfort. “But be careful okay? Take things… _slow_ , so you enjoy them more and make sure to really know the people you go out with, Jay.”

“Sure, sure.” Jared says with a little shrug that makes Jensen let out another little displeased grunt. This is turning out to be such a great night. Jared _loves_ this side of Jensen too much. “I promise I will.”

“Good, thank you.” Jensen sighs and goes to ruffle his hair carefully, brushing Jared’s bangs out of his face a couple of times. Jared opens his eyes at the contact, staring right back at Jensen as he keeps touching him. It all lasts a little too much for a casual moment but neither of them says anything about it, staring at each other in silence until Jensen tells him to go to sleep and wishes him a good night, patting Jared’s cheek gently.

Jared mumbles _“Good night”_ right back at him, cheek burning where Jensen touched him as he watches his brother walk out of his room.

After moment though Jensen pokes his head back in the room and points at him.

“And you’re not getting on that damn bike again! I’ll tell on you next time!”

This time Jared can’t help breaking out in laughs that are so loud they wake up their parents.


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

Christmas is by far Jared’s favorite time of the year.

Not only because he has almost three weeks away from school he can spend with Sandy and Chad doing absolutely nothing in between buying presents, but also because Jensen always chooses to spend it back at San Antonio with them.

To Jared’s delight, this year is not the exception.

He was worried for a while after Jensen finished fall semester and with it the last classes of his career. Their parents had a special family dinner to celebrate. Jensen wouldn’t walk the stage and get his diploma for bachelor’s degree in architecture until June next year, but no way could they let Jensen finishing his last semester without doing something for him.

Some of Jensen’s friends were there that night along with Cindy. And their mom made sure to cook all of Jensen’s favorite dishes.

Jared had been worrying himself sick for days about Jensen announcing he and Cindy had a new apartment already at the dinner, and how he would be moving out with her now that he had finished his career.

To his utter surprise, Jensen actually took the opportunity of his celebration to let everybody know he was going to come live back home for the next six months.

He got an amazing job opportunity at one of the best architecture businesses at San Antonio; it would be a great for his curriculum and would give him the opportunity to work before starting his master’s degree back at Austin.

Jared was probably the one smiling the most and hugging Jensen harder than anybody else after his brother told them about moving back home. Jensen had kept it a secret until then because he wasn’t sure he would get the job.

It was a surprise even for Cindy, who tried to look just excited at the rest of them, but Jared could tell she wasn’t exactly happy about the news.

Deep down, he couldn’t blame her. That’s exactly how he felt when he suddenly found out about Jensen getting a new place with her at a different city.

But, _hey_ , Jensen was going to move in with her in some months, so Jared thought there was nothing wrong with his brother spending some extra time with his family before leaving permanently.

Jared knew he wasn’t supposed to be that excited over Jensen coming back. Not falling back in his Jensen-centric behavior from before when having him that close would be tricky. And still, he couldn’t help himself. Jensen was going to be there even after winter break.

That was probably going to be the best Christmas gift of them all.

“I have been thinking, I always give everybody Christmas’ presents but I never get anything for myself.”

Jared hums, lying on one of the couches at their living room after he and Jensen finished decorating the tree, taking a well deserved break after working all morning.

“Well, this might sound like a surprise, but that’s the whole point.” Jensen snorts from the other couch, giving him a lazy smile that makes Jared happy for no specific reason. “Have you heard of the Christmas spirit? It’s supposed to be about giving, _Scrooge_.”

“That’s not what I meant. And I already have everybody’s presents anyway.”

He always enjoyed buying things for others and this year he had a little more income than before after he started working on Saturdays with Sandy.

“Mine better be good, little brother.”

“You’re not getting shit, shut up.” Jared laughs when Jensen gives him the finger and throws him one of the decorations they broke earlier that day. They need to hide it before their mom gets home and notices it’s missing. “What I meant is that this year I’m going to get a gift for myself.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes.” Jared announces proudly, lifting his chin up. “I’m going to get a tattoo.”

Jensen sits back up on the couch on a blink, letting the rest of the broken decoration fall to the floor and break in more little pieces. He curses out loudly, bending over to pick them up in his palm while still giving Jared confused stares. It’s okay though, Jared can wait for the applause.

It all started thanks to Jason, actually.

They aren’t _dating_ anymore, after going out another couple times they realized that as much as they enjoyed each other’s company, there was something _missing_ between them. They are too much of the same and as much as it may not make much sense for others, it did for him and Jason.

Calling it _missing spark_ is too much of cliché bullshit, but it’s one of the best ways to put it.

Jason is sweet, too hot for his own good, and a really great guy. And yet they get along together as friends more than a couple.

They both agreed on it during one of their last dates but decided to stay friends anyway. Jason gives him rides when they bump into each other leaving school and Jared went to his house to meet the new puppies he was taking care of.

Spending a lot of time with Jason also lead them to a lot of chatting about their likes, hobbies and what they do in their free time. Jason’s love for tattoos was one of the things Jared got most interested in. Jason wants to be a tattoo artist himself as a half-time job once he graduates and starts going to college and by the sketches he showed Jared he’s really damn good.

It also helped Jared realize the deep personal meanings tattoos can have. To leave a permanent print of your skin because it means so much that you want it with you forever is something Jared never thought about before.

The idea of getting one for himself has been roaming his mind more often as the days go by.

He told his friends about it and Chad was the first one to agree on the idea, sitting with him for hours to look for designs and tons of examples on his computer. 

“A tattoo?” Jensen repeats with both disbelief and a light teasing in his tone. “You want to get _a tattoo_ for Christmas?”

“That’s right.” Jared nods again, proud of himself for making such a big decision and being set on it. “I already know where I’m going to get it and the design for the tattoo.”

“ _Woah, woah.”_ His brother sits on the edge of the couch, teasing intention completely gone now. “Are you serious? I thought it was an idea but you’re all set about it, huh?” Jensen asks and Jared nods twice. He feels so fucking grown up at that moment, Jared can barely believe it. “What did mom and dad say?”

Or maybe not so grown up after all.

“They, _ah—”_ Jared laughs nervously as Jensen starts to shake his head “They kind of don’t know. It’s a secret for now.”

“ _You_ are getting a tattoo without telling mom and dad?”

“It’s better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission?” Jared says with an innocent tone he hopes Jensen might find adorable enough to go with the cause.

It makes Jensen laugh his ass off instead, but that’s something. It’s better than anger at least.

“Who are you and what did you do to my little brother?” Jensen stands up to go sit on the same couch instead, smacking Jared’s leg to make him scoot over. “Aren’t you supposed to be the _goody-goody_ son?”

“I know, I know.” Jared groans, falling back on the couch with a huff. “I feel bad lying to mom and dad.” Oh, well, not exactly lying but he won’t be telling them the truth for a while. “But you know how dad is, he’s going to make such a big deal of it and say I’m going to get an infection or something like that.” Jensen laughs again and nods, letting Jared put his feet over his legs. “Also…I don’t want to hurt Mom’s feelings.”

Jensen frowns. “Mom’s feelings?”

“I want to get a tattoo for my mom.” Jared explains holding his breath. Now that he thinks about it, he doesn’t want to hurt Jensen’s feelings with this either. “My _first_ mom.”

The one that died when Jared was two and he has to try really hard to remember because every time he thinks _mom_ an image of Donna comes to his head instead. Jensen’s mom became his mom when he was kid and Jared couldn’t be happier about it. She filled a part of Jared’s life he never understood he missed when he was little and has always treated him as her own son. There’s no difference in the way Donna loves him and Jensen. They are both her children and she always made a point to let them see that.

“Oh.” Jensen says with a little nod, making Jared freak out about the lack of a more elaborated response.

“Jensen, you know I love our mom.” He assures right away, sitting back and leaving his hand on his stepbrother’s shoulder. “I love her so much; you and her are my family. I can’t imagine me and Dad without you two. You made us happy again.” Jensen smiles at that, helping Jared feel a little better. “But…sometimes Dad reminds me of how much my _first_ mom loved me, and you know what? I can barely remember her.”

Gerald made a point about Jared grwoing up understanding that his first mom, the one he had the first two years of his life, loved him more than life itself. His dad says he’s a lot like her and they also look alike. Sherri loved theater and there was nothing that made her happier than classic, romantic movies. Jared has the color of her eyes and has dimples thanks to her.

Jared knows his mom loved him and would have stayed with them if she would have gotten  it in her hands.

Sometimes he likes to think that she would really love Donna and Jensen as much as he and his dad do because of how happy they make them.

“Dad says she loved me with everything she was and all I know from her are from videos, pictures and stories from other people. Doesn’t that make me a horrible son?”

“Jay, I’m sorry about that.” Jensen lifts his chin gently so Jared can look at him. “But it’s not your fault either, you were a kid when it happened. I’m sure she wouldn’t want you blaming yourself for that.”

“I know that. I understand there’s nothing I can do.” Jared rubs his arm absently, trying to find the right words to make Jensen understand why he wants the tattoo so badly. “I have been thinking about it and decided that even if I can’t remember my first mom, I want something that will always remind me of her.”

Jensen gives him a long look—so long it makes him kind of nervous—and then slides one arm behind his back, pulling him close in a side-hug and letting Jared press his face against his shoulder. The kiss on the top of his head is completely unexpected, taking Jared by surprise and making him blush like he would have months ago. He has been slowly getting better at handling Jensen’s physical affection without reading too much into it and he shouldn’t let it get to him but _god_ , he really loves when Jensen decides to be affectionate at the exact moments Jared needs it.

“I think that sounds great, Jay.” He says with his mouth still pressed to his forehead. “And I also think that Mom wouldn’t mind. You know she’s the one who always told dad to talk to you about your first mom as much as possible.”

“Really? You think she won’t get…hurt or something?”

“Of course not, little brother.” Jensen brushes his hair carefully, causing Jared to nuzzle into the touch instantly. “But I do agree about Dad making a huge deal about it. Mom might not mind the sentiment behind the tattoo, but Dad would freak her out about it in no time.”

“What about you?” Jared whispers in a hopeful tone. Jensen’s support in most things concerning his life always means too much for Jared. “What do you think about it?”

“It’s your body and you can do whatever you want as long as you’re happy.” Jensen keeps petting him, already knowing Jared likes to feel validated in certain moments. Right now is one of them and only Jensen would be able to read that. “And I personally think they are great. Alona and Mike have a couple.”

“You didn’t sound that convinced when I first said it, though.”

“Because I thought you were joking or wanted to get a tattoo just because.”

Jared feels that _“just because_ ” could be translated into _“just because you went out with someone who had tattoos and got influenced by them”._ Which he actually did. But he’s not doing this because of Jason; this is something Jared wants to do for himself.

“And now?” He looks up at Jensen through his lashes, getting his stepbrother to keep brushing his fingers through his hair, giving Jared the comfort and approval to make him feel better.

“Now I think it’s a great idea. And the meaning behind the tattoo is really sweet, Jay.”

Jensen’s support is the last push Jared needs. He obviously wanted to do it before but knowing his stepbrother is backing him up on it never fails to make him feel like nothing can stop him now.

“Do you want to see the design? I already did some sketches.”

He feels like a kid all over again, coming back from school wanting to show Jensen the last drawing he did during class and almost swooning when Jensen liked them so much he would put them somewhere in his room for everybody to see them.

Jensen smiles and kisses his forehead one last time, moving his arm away so Jared can get up.

“Bring it, then!”

Jared is not exactly good at drawing and would never consider himself anything close to being an artist. He simply likes to sketch here and there in his books and sometimes tries to practice drawing certain things, but he’s not good at it. He tries because it’s fun and helps him relax.

What he has so far for the tattoo is an idea he hopes Jason can help him perfect before taking to the tattoo studio to get it done.

It’s an old cassette with a ribbon around it and Sherri’s favorite flowers on the sides and her name written right on the middle. It’s simple, delicate and for some reason when Jared looks at it, he thinks he can _feel_ his mom in it.

Sherri used to love old romantic songs as much as Jared does now. He still has some of his mom’s old cassettes that he found in of of his dad’s drawers years ago.

Finding them made Jared want to start making his own mixtapes to listen when he’s alone at home, he even has an old shitty walkman he bought back in the day just for that purpose.

Now, years later, Jared has mixtapes for pretty much everything. For when he’s feeling sad, for when he’s feeling happy, when he needs to feel _nothing_.

He even has a mix tape _for Jensen_ , or to be more precise: a mixtape with the songs that remind him of his impossible love for his stepbrother, like his own personal collection of music that shows what a sucker Jared is for Jensen.

Nobody has heard or seen that mixtape though, not even Chad, and Jared would swallow the entire thing and choke to death rather than letting anyone else listen to it, because let’s face it: that’s ten kinds of embarrassing.

“It’s really pretty, Jared.” Jensen comments when he’s back in the living room with the last sketch he did for the tattoo. “And I think she would like it too.”

Jared’s love and taste in music links him back to his mom in a different way, the only real connection he can feel with her even when she’s been gone for years now.

He might not remember her voice, but Jared thinks he can almost hear her singing along when he closes his eyes and plays her favorite music from her old cassettes.

“I’m happy _you_ do.” Always seeking for Jensen’s approval. Sandy would probably smack him if she was there.

“But, wait a second, you’re underage.” Jensen comments after a moment, turning to look at Jared with a frown. “You need special permission when you’re getting a tattoo if you’re not over eighteen. That means permission from _Mom and Dad_.”

Not only that, Jared did his research and for him to get the tattoo his parents would have to be present during the procedure or sign a consent note.

“ _Yeah_ , I kind of took care of that already.”

This is the part Jared is sure Jensen is not going to like.

“What do you mean took care?” His brother presses right away, expression wary. “ _Jared_.”

“A friend is going to make the tattoo without parental consent. Nobody has to know.”

This is so far from anything Jared would usually do. Jensen is right, he _is_ the goody-goody son. Yet since he started the whole _“Project Get Jared Banged”_ he has realized that stepping out of his comfort zone and daring to do different things that both scare him as much as they excite him can be a good thing to experience.

“Oh you gotta be kidding me! A friend?” Jensen snorts. “You can’t let some… _kid_ give you a tattoo, what if they fuck it up?”

“I never said he was a kid, I’m not stupid.” He wants the tattoo really bad but Jared has more common sense than that. “The guy is like, thirty.”

Jensen doesn’t look a single bit relieved to hear that answer. If anything he can see his face shit from concerned to annoyed.

“Since when do you have friends who are fucking _thirty_?” Sure, it sounds bad when Jensen puts it like that but he hasn’t given Jared any time to explain himself. “Where did you even meet someone who is a _thirty-year-old tattoo artist_?”

“He works at the shelter with me and Sandy. He’s nice.”

Jensen huffs. “Oh, I bet he is.”

“Oh, don’t you start with that, Jensen. He’s not my future _sugar daddy_ or anything like that.” Jared chuckles at the idea alone, closing the sketchbook. “His girlfriend is the owner of the shelter, alright? He goes help her during the weekends and that’s how we met.”

“And he’s so responsible he’s going to give you a tattoo even if it’s illegal? Sounds legit.”

Jensen really enjoys being a smartass when he has the chance, does he? Jared shouldn’t find it attractive at all. “He said that he would _consider_ it if I bring a signed permission of _another_ responsible adult. Preferably someone from my family, maybe a cousin or my brother...”

“So _that’s_ why you told me.” Jensen adds. “And here I thought you trusted me enough to tell me about your tattoo secret. But you just want to use me. That’s cruel, little brother.”

The fact that Jensen is joking about it makes Jared feel relaxed again.

“Don’t be dramatic! Of course I trust you. I could have convinced Jason to do it instead if I didn’t want to tell you.” He nibbles on his lower lip, flicking the edges of his sketch book while he stares at Jensen’s face, trying his best to read his reaction. “Would you, Jen? _Please?”_

Jensen takes a moment to consider it, drumming his fingers on his knees without looking at Jared. The silence gets prolonged for so long Jared starts to worry his brother is going to say no. He knows Jensen wouldn’t throw him under the bus and tell his parents what he’s planning, but he can easily say no. He was kind of talking bullshit before when he said Jason would do it instead. Jared asked him before if he would and Jason told him he didn’t have enough practice and it would be better if Jared got it from someone who did.

“I’m coming with you.” Is what Jensen finally says after a while.

“You’re—? _what?”_ Jared shakes his head. “You’re coming with me when I get the tattoo?”

“That’s better than a signed note, right?” Well, yeah, it is. Much better. Chad’s entire family is in town which means it’s harder for him to make plans away from them and Sandy might travel for vacations.

Jared had been thinking he would end up having to go alone.

 

 

—

 

 

For some reason Jared can’t explain, he keeps waiting for Jensen to back away from his offer about going with him to the tattoo studio. Not that Jensen is the kind of dickwad to promise he’s going to do something and then change his mind at the last minute. On the contrary, he has never been like that with Jared. He’s just a little surprised about Jensen’s sudden decision to go with him no matter what. They even set up a date to make sure Jensen wouldn’t have anything else to do.

For all Jared knows, his brother was supposed to spend a week in Austin with Cindy before Christmas, but that never happened. He’s not sure why but he’d rather not ask; as long as Jensen is there he doesn’t need to know the details.

“What are you two up to today?” Gerald asks them that afternoon when they are about to leave for the studio, catching Jared and Jensen heading for the door without saying goodbye.

They are not exactly sneaking out, but it still serves to make Jared turn around looking like he’s going to spend the rest of his life in prison. Jensen hisses ‘ _be cool’_ before turning to smile at their dad, bringing Jared close by the shoulder and clapping his back a little too hard. “Not much. Jay is coming with me to help me pick Cindy’s Christmas present.”

Jared mumbles _‘you be cool’_ , elbowing Jensen’s stomach when their dad isn’t looking. He nods with a nervous smile, hands starting to sweat. If there’s something he sucks at it’s probably lying to his parents. He has no practice for it and always feels too guilty afterward. Jensen, on the other hand, looks like he’s in the middle of a relaxing day at the beach.

“A little late to start looking for your girlfriend’s present, don’t you think?” Gerald jokes and Jensen’s laugh is so credible it makes Jared think for a second that he actually found that funny.

“You know me. I have the worse memory for this kind of things, Dad. That’s why I’m bringing Jared with me.”

Donna picks that moment to call for their dad to help in the kitchen. There’s family coming over that night so he and Jensen need to leave for the studio _now_ so Jared will have enough time to get the tattoo done and be back in time.

“Okay, you guys have fun,” Gerald waves them and Jensen smacks Jared’s back again to make him react and act normal. Jared composes another nervous smile, nodding along. “And don’t be late for dinner or your mom isn’t going to be happy about it.”

He tries not to think how their dad would be the one not feeling happy at all if he knew what Jared is about to do. He honestly doesn’t need to feel more stupidly guilty about this.

“If this is you dealing with Dad asking us where we are going how do you plan on pretending to keep the tattoo a secret?” Jensen says as they get in his car, with Jared taking deep breaths trying to calm down. “Dude, _relax_. He didn’t suspect a thing.”

“I’m not good at lying to Mom and Dad and you know it!” Jared huffs, deeply offended by Jensen’s teasing tone. He’s about to do something great and adult-like and Jensen is still treating him like a child. Not that him almost getting a heart attack two minutes ago makes him look very mature, but still. “ _Stop laughing!_ God, you’re a dick. I should have ask Chad to come with me instead.”

“Oh, come on.” Jensen starts the car, too amused by the whole thing to stop laughing. “Don’t pout, I’m just joking. I think is cute that you’re such a good guy.”

“I’m not pouting.” Jared groans, looking out of the window with a huff. “And I’m not always a good guy. I did ride Jason’s bike, remember? And now I’m getting a tattoo without parental permission. Pretty badass, huh?”

Jared is the opposite of a good guy. Because a good, well-behaved guy would never develop almost incestuous feelings for his big brother, right? That has to make Jared at least a little bit bad.

“I wouldn’t call it _badass_ to do something against the rules _twice_.”

“Why are you trying so hard to rain in my parade today?” Jared shoves Jensen playfully. “It’s my tattoo day, let me enjoy it.”

“Whatever you say, badass boy.”

Jared looks down to his lap, trying to hide his smile. Christmas is turning out to be a really dangerous month for him and the fucking plan that it’s supposed to make him get over Jensen. As much as he has been progressing, having his stepbrother right there all the time can be counterproductive. It’s really damn tempting to fall back into his pit of impossible dreams and fake expectations if Jensen within the reach of his hand every single day.

Sandy says he needs to learn to control it considering Jensen is going to be living with them again for a couple of months.

Jared thinks it’s a lot easier to say something like that when she’s not the one dying to go back to his almost codependent relationship with Jensen.

The drive to the tattoo studio takes them almost thirty minutes. Jared gets a little fidgety in the middle of it, taking looks at the final sketch Jason let him put together a couple days ago. He has been texting Chad and Sandy all day and sending him pictures of the drawing every hour, asking for their opinion. They already said they love it, but Jared is starting to get anxious about it. This is something he will have imprinted on his skin for life. Excuse him if he’s a tad nervous over it looking awful for one reason or another.

“Jay.” Jensen suddenly puts a hand on his knee and Jared jumps on his sit, hitting his head on the top on the car with a loud _thump_. He groans a curse, rubbing his scalp and shooting Jensen a dirty look. 

“Fucking shit!” Jared hisses, “You scared me!”

“Sorry but we have been parked in front of the studio for two minutes and you have barely blinked.”  Jensen makes him duck down so he can check Jared didn’t hit his head too hard, commenting how he only got himself a bruise. “Are you alright? We can leave if you want.”

Jared shakes his head stubbornly, hair getting all over his face. He feels like throwing up at the possibility of it hurting too much but as Chad said the day before: no pain no gain. Jared really wants to get this done so he’ll have to suck it up and deal with the _not-so-enjoyable_ parts of the process.

“I’m sure it will be okay, little brother.” Jensen pats his knee again. “Let’s meet this tattoo artist friend of yours.”

Jeffrey Dean Morgan is one of the nicest persons Jared knows. He met him with Sandy after they had been working for two months at the shelter. Hilarie, their boss, had been talking about him for so long with what could only be described as _‘hearts for eyes’_ that Jared has started to think she was too into her boyfriend and the guy wouldn’t possibly be that great.

Jared couldn’t have been more wrong about that.

JDM—as he told Jared to call him—is everything Hilarie said and more. The guy has adopted around three dogs from the shelter so far and apparently would always ask Hilarie out when he came around looking for another pet. It was only matter of time before Jeffrey and Hilarie ended together and adopting thousand of pets.

“Jared!” He calls from one side of the studio as soon as they walk in, opening his arms and giving him a big hug. Jared laughs and claps his back, feeling Jeffrey’s beard tickle his cheeks. “For a moment I thought you would be backing out of the deal.”

“Never.” Jared chuckles, moving aside and pulling Jensen close. “I even got my big brother to come with me and all.”

Jensen coughs, extending his hand. “I’m Jensen, nice to meet you.”

Jeffrey is having none of it though, pulling Jensen into another soul-crushing hug and not letting go until Jensen hugs him back. Jared laughs at Jensen’s confused face, not expecting the exaggerated affection for someone he just met. JDM is like that, after weekends of working with him Jared kind of got used to it, but it was a surprise for him at first too.

“Your little brother has been amazing at the shelter. Hilarie and I couldn’t be happier to have him there.” Jeffrey says once they pull apart, ruffling Jared’s hair like he’s a child. “He’s a good kid. And that’s probably the only reason why I’m willing to bend the rules about the tattoo.” He points at Jared. “If you were a little shit, I’d never do this. Come on, I’ll show you around.”

The studio is pretty big, which is a surprise. It doesn’t look like much from the outside, but it’s clear Jeffrey has invested a lot of money to make it a great place. It’s really packed too, people waiting for their turn with the different tattoo artists JDM has hired throughout the years.

“I want you to know I never tattoo underage kiddos like your brother here.” Jeffrey says once their little tour is over. Jensen seems happy to the use of the word ‘kid’ to refer to Jared and the fact that Jeffrey acts more like a second dad around him. “But he gave me those damn puppy eyes and told me the story of why he wanted to get the damn tattoo so I just couldn’t help myself.”

Jared smiles smugly. “You love my tattoo. He said it was _great_.” He brags to Jensen, pulling out his sketch book.

“It’s pretty good. And the fact that you really thought about why you wanted to get it done is another reason why I’m allowing this to happen.” Jeffrey takes the book from Jared’s hand, taking another look to the finished product. Jared didn’t know about this part. “If you wanted to get some stupid tattoo for a bet with your friends or some other silly reason I’d never do it. This is an exception, Jared.”

Jensen laughs at Jared’s little pout. “You know, my friend Alona had a tattoo done here a couple years ago and she loved it.”

“Really?” Jeffrey smiles, proud to hear about a happy customer. “That’s the best news I can hear. And I can assure you that Jared will be just as happy. I wouldn’t tattoo your little brother unless I knew his heart is in the right place.”

He was very touched when Jared told him the story behind the tattoo for his first mom. Hilarie had been tearing up a little bit that Saturday when Jared told them the entire thing.

“I appreciate that, thanks for doing this for him.” Jensen is one hundred percent on board with this tattooing idea now. Jared can tell he likes Jeffrey—and honestly, _who wouldn’t?_ —and that’s probably the last part Jensen was doubtful about.

“No problem, it’s going to be my pleasure.”

He walks them to one of the waiting rooms, already explaining Jared how he needs to take care of the tattoo for the next days and how is it going to feel in reference of the pain. Jared chose one of the most easier spots to get his tattoo: the back of his left shoulder. Jeffrey recommended him to pick a part of the body not that painful to get tattooed for the first time _and_ it would be easy to hide until he was ready to show his parents.

It’s not a sexy place for a tattoo like his stomach or a super interesting spot like the side of his rib cage. It’s simple and comfortable. _Like Jared._

“There’s one thing. I have some clients before you, so you’ll have to do some waiting.” Jeffrey winces, looking guilty about having tons of work before Jared. “Maybe two hours before I can give you the tattoo, Jared.”

“Two?” Jared bites his lower lip, exchanging a look with Jensen. “Oh dude, if we’re not back home before everybody gets there mom is going to _flip_.”

“Unless you’re okay with someone else starting the tattoo.” Jeffrey offers, as if he wasn’t doing a lot for him already. He’s such a great guy. Jared is going to make sure to tell that to Hilarie all the time the next time he has to go to work at the shelter. “I can get there after I finish my next client and do the real work, but you know, the transfer and part of the linework can take some time that somebody else can do while I get there.”

“Sure, no problem.” He thinks that all the artists Jeffrey hires are really good. He got to see their work during the tour around the studio. And JDM is going to do the most important part of the tattoo anyway. He just needs to get home on a reasonable time.

Jared is pretty sure their dad is not going to buy the excuse of them taking almost three or four hours to buy a gift for Cindy.

After paying for the tattoo and giving Jeffrey the design for him to transfer it into a stencil they have to wait for the tattoo artist that is going to get Jared started. Jensen squeezes his arm reassuringly when he notices Jared is seconds ago from jumping around, excitement and slight fear mixing together. Jared smiles at him in return, happy to have him there. He would be shitting himself if he was alone. Thank God Jensen offered to tag along.

“It’s all going to be alright, Jay. You still want me to go in with you?” Jensen whispers, tucking Jared’s hair behind his ear, taking him by surprise with the gesture.

It’s not the first time Jensen has done it but it’s sweet and almost intimate while they are in public. Jared likes that.

“Yes please.” He whispers in return, nuzzling into Jensen’s hand for a second before Jeffrey comes back to give Jared his sketch book.

Jensen turns to ask him some questions about the aftercare for the tattoo, already knowing Jared probably forgot half of it—he _did_ , god, Jensen knows him so fucking well—and he should make sure to ask again.

“Exactly, he needs to protect it from the sun, he needs to have it covered and leave the bandage we’re going to put on it after we’re done; also, _oh—_ excuse me, Justin!” Jeffrey calls in the middle of his explanation, getting the attention of a blonde guy walking out of the back of the shop. “That’s my friend, Jared, the one you have to get started.”

Jared turns to look at the tattoo artist with a little smile, letting Jensen keep chatting with Jeffrey. He’s ready to introduce himself and thank him for the tattoo but before Jared can say anything, the blonde guy— _Justin_ —looks up and down at him in a way that freezes Jared on the spot, making him swallow nervously.

“Huh.” Justin hums, eyes glued somewhere that isn’t on Jared’s face. It would be offensive and angering if Jared wasn’t so intimidated. “Jeffrey said you’re a kid. But you don’t look like a kid to me.”

_What the fuck is that supposed to mean?_

“Thanks?” Jared says in response, not sure if that’s the appropriate answer to such a weird affirmation. “I’m Jared.”

“Justin Hartley.” The guy circles around him, still scanning him with a look that is starting to make Jared really uncomfortable. He whistles, nodding to himself. “Man, you are—”

“With _me_.”

Jensen is apparently done talking with Jeffrey, going to stand by his side and taking Jared’s hand. _Out of fucking nowhere_. Jared can feel his entire body tensing at the contact, eyes widening in obvious surprise. He and Jensen touch sometimes, alright? But they are always casual touches. They never _hold hands_. Even less in public and in front of other people. At least not since Jared was like ten.

Justin frowns at the sudden interruption, not noticing how Jared is having a seizure from Jensen grabbing his hand. “ _Right_. He needs to come with me alone.”

“Since when?” Jensen snaps immediately. Jared is too busy having an internal debate on what the fuck is going on to say anything so he stands there, holding Jensen’s fucking hand. “I came with a friend here once and they let me go inside with her.”

“Rules changed.” Justin shrugs.

“Two seconds ago? Because I see a lot of people here with companions.” Jensen squeezes Jared’s hand harder, expression getting dark. His jaw is set, good mood out of the window by now. “I’m going with him.”

It’s not up for discussion.

Justin sighs, rolling his eyes and giving up on getting Jared in one of the private rooms without Jensen there with him. He mutters a slightly annoyed _“come on then”_ turning around and guiding them to the back of the studio. Jared doesn’t move, waiting for Jensen to let go of his hand, but instead of doing that his stepbrother squeezes his hand again and tugs him carefully, encouraging Jared to walk into the room.

Okay. So they are doing this now. Holding hands while pretending they are not. Jared can work with that.

They make it to the room and Justin closes the door behind them, starting to move around to get everything he needs. One of the walls is full of pictures of other people’s tattoos and Jared guesses they are all Justin’s work. The guy kind of intimidates him but at least it looks like he’s great at what he does.

“So, shoulder tattoo, right? You need to be shirtless.”

Jared nods and let’s go of Jensen’s hand, starting to take his shirt off. It gets tangled around his shoulders because _of course it would_ , the worst things happen to Jared when he’s nervous and under the spotlight. He sees Justin moving closer with the obvious intention to put Jared’s pathetic struggle with his own clothes to an end, but before he can there, Jensen’s hands slide over his naked shoulders and help Jared get free of his shirt.

Justin rolls his eyes a second time, turning around and hissing something that sounds like _“stupid jealous boyfriend”_ before he goes take care of the tattoo machine. Jared chokes on nothing, starting to cough violently, moving his eyes to his stepbrother.

Luckily, it doesn’t seem like Jensen heard anything, too busy folding Jared’s shirt and leaving it to the side.

“Nervous?” Jensen asks with a little smirk and Jared huffs, rubbing his arms.

“A little bit. Do you think it’ll hurt too much?”

“It better doesn’t.” His brother says way too loudly, almost like a warning towards Justin. Jared can only snort and try to not laugh as he moves to sit down with his chest against the back of the chair.

“Thank you for coming with me, Jen.” He whispers, only wanting Jensen to hear this part. That guy Justin has this asshole-like vibe that is starting to get under Jared’s skin, but he doesn’t want the experience to be completely ruined because of him. Jeffrey is going to get there soon to do the other half of the tattoo so he only needs to wait a little longer.

Jensen sits in front of him and takes one of Jared’s hands again, bringing it up and brushing his lips against his fingers. “I’m right here, Jay. It’ll all be alright.”

Then, he kisses Jared’s hand.

A sweet, careful kiss pressed to the back of his right hand that makes Jared’s stomach get as warm as his cheeks, heart beating out of control in his chest as response for the gesture. Why is Jensen doing that? Why is he acting like they are a couple for _real?_ Maybe it’s all a charade to make Justin think Jared is there with his boyfriend so he stops hitting on him in such a gross manner, but he’s kind of going a little too far with the show.

Jared should want it to stop or maybe tease Jensen about it to make it look less serious. _Less real._

He’s not supposed to enjoy this. Jared needs to take his hand away. Drowning himself in moments like this with Jensen is what got him falling completely in love with him in the first place. 

But Jared doesn’t do any of it.

He lets Jensen keep holding his hands, squeezing his brother’s fingers once Justin sits behind him and starts to tattoo the outline of the cassette after creating the copy on his skin. Jensen stays sitting there the whole time, pressing more kisses to the back of Jared’s palm and brushing the hair out of his face gently. He jokes and talks, trying to make Jared relax and laugh.

It feels like they are a couple.

For the entire time Justin is there Jared lets himself think this is exactly how they would be if he and Jensen could be together. He gets the taste of how it’s like: Jensen holding his hands, Jensen cupping his face and asking him if it’s okay, Jensen behaving in a way that makes Justin think they are together.

Jared eats it up, suddenly remembering why getting over Jensen has been so hard on him and why he’s so in love with his brother.

“Okay, the outline is done.” Justin announces after a while, his attempts to hit on Jared completely gone by now. Looks like Jensen put on a good show after all. “Jeffrey will be here in a second.”

Jared turns his head to thank him as the same time Jensen stands up to round the chair and take a look to the tattoo. So far it hadn’t hurt that bad but Jared can’t be completely sure. Jensen has provided a lot of _distractions_ so he didn’t get the chance to focus on the pain from the needle when he had Jensen acting like a perfect sweet boyfriend right in front of him.

“How does it look?” Jared asks with an excited voice, wiggling on the chair. He can’t wait to look at it himself.  “Is it great? Does it look like it did on my sketch?” Jensen doesn’t say anything though, standing somewhere behind him and staying quiet when Jared wants to hear every detail about his tattoo. “ _Jensen!”_ He presses. “Say something, come on!”

Instead of answering with words, Jensen slides two fingers on his skin, following the shape of the tattoo. He’s not directly touching the outline, of course, that would hurt like hell. He’s stroking the skin around it, slow and careful, sending shivers down Jared’s spine. Jared closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, brain completely disconnecting and forgetting to think anything coherent, letting himself enjoy the feeling of Jensen _touching him_.

After a couple seconds of circling the tattoo, Jensen opens his palm and slides his hand down Jared’s spine all the way to his lower back. He has to bite his lower lip until it hurts to not let out a moan, dick hardening in his jeans.

“It looks perfect, little brother.” Jensen whispers behind him, leaning down so his mouth is right behind Jared’s ear.

Then, after what feels like forever, Jensen simply removes his hand and goes back to sit in front of him, smiling as if nothing happened.

Jared has no idea of what the fuck that was, and if anyone ever asked him if the coloring part of the tattoo hurts more than the outline he wouldn’t be able to answer. By the time Jeffrey gets there to finish the tattoo, Jared is completely distracted by the tingling sensation still lingering on his back and his half-hard dick in his underwear.

Later that night when he’s back home and all his family is gone, Jared lies down on his stomach over his bed and jerks himself off remembering Jensen’s touch running down his spine.

He closes his eyes and bites his pillow, panting his brother’s name as Jared thinks of Jensen’s hands sliding on his skin, almost humping the mattress and drowning a loud moan when he comes imagining Jensen right there with him.


	7. Chapter 7

 

Even Sandy and Chad agree with him: Jensen has been acting weird since Christmas.

It’s not particularly obvious unless you really pay attention, but it’s _there_ , Jared is not going crazy or something. The way he acts around Jared, the little things he does.

It’s like something big is going down but Jared can’t really see _what_.

The day after getting his tattoo—that Jared absolutely _loves_ now, he has been parading around without a shirt every time he meets with his friends, wanting to show off how perfect it is—Jensen kept acting as if nothing had happened, making Jared think he had been reading too much into the hand-holding and all the fucking touching.

Thank God Chad and Sandy had been just as surprised to hear what happened at the studio _. It wasn’t just him trying_. Something was going on with Jensen.

On Christmas morning, Jared had sneaked inside of Jensen’s room like he used when they were kids, waking his stepbrother by jumping up and down on his bed while singing _“It’s Christmas, Jensen! Wake up, wake-up. Wake. Up!”_ just to be an ass because he knew Jensen had been partying until late with Chris the night before. Instead of pushing him out of his bed after telling Jared with a groan to leave him the fuck alone, Jensen had grabbed him by his wrists, pulling him down on the bed before flipping them over so he could end on top of Jared.

 _“You loud little shit!”_ Jensen had laughed; pinching Jared’s side and making him squirm to try to get away. _“I was sleeping, you know?”_

 _“It’s Christmas morning.”_ Jared had chirped again, happy to find himself in Jensen’s bed and beneath him. _“We’ve got presents to open.”_

_“Are you five again?”_

_“At least when I was five you were fun, old man.”_

It all ended with Jensen tickling him until Jared was almost crying, making him swear Jensen was still the funniest person Jared knew.

His brother had only stopped when he suddenly remembered Jared’s tattoo, making him sit down and asking worriedly if his shoulder hurt and how he hadn’t meant to push him on his back on the bed.

That day they stayed at home, opening presents with their parents, helping his mom cook and discussing different possibilities for Jared’s colleges. _(He still wants to go to UT at Austin, but the idea of Jensen offering for him to stay with him and Cindy still haunts Jared. He had told his brother he was debating over which college in Texas he wanted to go to, and Jensen had been happy to hear Jared wasn’t planning to study in different state or too far away from home.)_

Later that day Jensen had even joked when he and Jared stood under the mistletoe in the living room—the one their dad would always hung on the same spot years after years just to get kisses out of their mom—asking him if he wasn’t going to get a kiss for Christmas.

For a good long second Jared swore Jensen had been for real. But of course he wasn’t, laughing a second later and stealing part of the Christmas cookies Jared had been eating.

It’s all very _sketchy_ , and Jared doesn’t want to get the wrong impression from it. The last thing he needs right now is to let his hopes raise again just to get heartbroken when Jensen moves with in Cindy later after New Year’s.

That’s why Sandy decides to set up another date for Jared as soon as they are back to school considering he and Jason decided to stay at friends and he needs to keep his mind away from Jensen.

The difference is that this time every part of the night _sucks_.

He knows nothing about Tahmoh. Jared has seen him around school and he thinks he’s part of the basketball team. They don’t share any class and haven’t talked at all before that night.

And now Jared knows for sure they won’t talk again after it.

He had been hopeful after what a great time he had with Jason, but of course he can’t expect every single date to go perfect. Tahmoh appears almost forty minutes late to the date, really damn mad because his car stopped working on his way there which meant he had to fix it under the rain. Then, he proceeds to make the entire evening a living hell.

Jared understands being angry, he honestly does, but whatever happened to Tahmoh is not his fault. Or the poor waitress’ fault, who gets yelled at by the guy when she gets his order wrong.

 _‘Tahmoh is a dick’_ he texts in between eating his salad, hearing the guy tell some boring ass story about the last time he went hunting with his dad. Jared stopped trying to tell anything about himself twenty minutes ago when Tahmoh told him to his face he was getting bored from hearing about Jared’s debate club.

 _‘You set him up with fucking Tahmoh? Dumbass-jock-slash-piece-of-shit Tahmoh?’_ Chad answers a second later. _‘Sandy! That dude is an idiot!’_

 _‘I’m so sorry, Jay! I had no idea! Adrianne said he was a great guy.’_ Sandy proceeds to fill their group chat with little hearts and kissy faces _. ‘What is he doing?’_

_‘Talking about himself for hours.’_

_‘Dump his sorry ass.’_ Chad says, making Jared chuckle.

_‘I’m actually thinking about it.’_

_‘He can’t be that bad…’_

_‘He yelled at a waitress because she came with the wrong order.’_

Chad and Sandy text _‘asshole’_ at the same time, making Jared laugh.

Tahmoh clears his throat in front of him, causing Jared to look up. He looks really offended to catch Jared texting in the middle of their date _. Oh well, sucks to be him_. This night is not being a party for him either.

“I’m sorry. Am I boring you?” Tahmoh asks, giving Jared a really bad look. “You could at least put your stupid phone down.”

 _Jesus Christ._ “Okay, I don’t know what your problem is—” Jared starts, uncomfortable with the situation. He doesn’t like confrontation or starting fights over nothing, but this guy is being straight up disrespectful.

“My problem is that I got set up on a date with someone I don’t like at all, Padalecki.”

 _Ouch_. Alright, that’s rude. Jared is not good at dealing with rude people talking shit about him right in his face, yet Tahmoh has been so painfully hard to deal with that Jared doesn’t really mind.

“You know what? Forget it. I don’t have to deal with this.”

He’s a people pleaser and doesn’t like the fact that he did something to piss off Tahmoh so much. A part of him wants to stay there and even apologize for whatever he needs to while the other keeps insisting he didn’t do anything wrong and Tahmoh has been nothing but a dick the entire time. Jared doesn’t have to stay there and take that.

Chad was right months ago. If he doesn’t like the date he can just leave. Back then Jared thought that would be incredibly rude, but now he knows better.

He leaves enough money to cover what he had to eat and a tip for the waitress, giving Tahmoh one last look before leaving the table. _Asshole_.

 _‘There goes my first horrible date,’_ Jared starts typing as he hears Tahmoh raising his voice to ask Jared where the hell he thinks he’s going and how he can’t just dump him like that _. ‘I’m leaving.’_

It doesn’t feel as bad as Jared expected. Sure, it sucks that he ditched his night just to be with someone who was rude, boring and told Jared how he didn’t like anything about him to his face. Nobody likes to deal with that. At least now he knows that he can handle dating horrible guys if someday that means getting to hang with nice ones like Jason or eventually find the right one.

As Jared looks down to read what Chad replied he ends bumping into someone, almost falling to the ground and making the other person throw their takeout to the ground.

“Oh God, I’m sorry!” Jared hurries to help pick up the bag with food, “I wasn’t looking where I was going,

I’m really—”

“Jared?”

He stops in the middle of his apology to look at the person he just crashed into, finding himself face to face with the guy he has Literature classes with. The nice guy who sits a couple seats away from him and always has smart things to comment during debates _. ‘Tristan and Isolde is one of my favorite operas’_ guy.

“Oh—! Hey. Hi.” Again, Jared doesn’t remember his name. He has been trying to catch it the past months during class but so far he only has his last name. “I’m sorry about bumping into you, I really need to look where I’m going. Are you alright? Is your food alright? I can buy you a new order if I ruined it.”

The guy— _Something_ Amell, Jared thinks—takes a quick look inside of his bag and then shakes his head. “It’s all good; you don’t need to do that. Don’t worry.”

“Are you sure? God, I’m such an idiot.”

“Hey, it was just an accident.” He assures with a nice smile that doesn’t do anything to make Jared feel better. “Are you here alone?”

“Unfortunately, no.” Jared points to the table where Tahmoh is still sitting, finishing his food and shooting Jared dirty looks across the restaurant.

“Is that Tahmoh?” The guy asks with a little frown. “He looks like he wants to murder you.”

“Yeah, because I’m leaving after a really shitty date.” Not that _Literature-Guy-Amell_ needs to hear about his problems in the first place. “A friend set me up a date with him and I just found out he’s—”

“A really rude motherfucker?” The other finishes for him and Jared chuckles, nodding. “Yeah, I have a class with him. He’s not nice at all.”

“Tell me about it.” He’s going to tease Sandy for weeks for setting him up with Tahmoh, that part is going to be funny for sure. Jared gives the guy a little smile, not knowing what else to say. “Well, if I didn’t ruin your food and you’re sure you don’t want me to replace it, I think I should get going.”

“Wait!” The other stops him before Jared can leave, stepping in front of him. “Don’t you want me to give you a ride? I have my car parked outside.”

What a nice guy. Jared feels guilty for not knowing his name now.

“It’s fine, don’t worry. I already caused you enough troubles and I live a couple blocks away.”

 _Jared-wishes-he-knew-his-name_ Amell looks like he wants to say something else but then he just nods, moving away and letting him go. Jared turns around and says a last _“thanks for the offering! see you at class!”_ and the guy waves back at him with a smile. He needs to find out that dude’s name sometime. It’s only a matter of time for him to figure out Jared has no idea.

Thank God he picked a restaurant close to his house for the date. It would have been really awkward for Jared to need a ride after ditching Tahmoh like that. Chad congratulates him on his group chat about leaving and Sandy keeps apologizing and sending him all the hearts she can find.

At least now Jared can get home, change to his pajamas and maybe finish the day by watching _Dirty Dancing_. He didn’t finish his food so he might even order something to eat.

He makes it to his house in less that fifteen minutes and it looks like his parents are not there. Cindy was supposed to visit that day—considering Jensen started working a week ago, finally moving back _where he belongs_ —but he doesn’t hear her voice. All he hears is Jensen loudly talking on his phone.

Jared hasn’t done any more eavesdropping since months ago and he thinks he shouldn’t make it a _thing_ ; spying on his stepbrother whenever he’s talking with Cindy.

But he sounds annoyed. _Jared wants to know why._

He tip-toes to the second floor with the shoes in his hands, stopping right in front of Jensen’s door to listen better to his conversation.

 _‘Cindy, you don’t need to do that.’_ Jensen huffs at the other side, clearly stressed _. ‘Of course I would like it! The problem is that you would be spending money for nothing!’_

There’s a pause and Jared leans closer to the door.

 _“I’m not saying that. I love when you’re around and I start missing you as soon as you leave to go back to Austin.”_ Jared makes a face at that, crossing his arms. _‘Renting an apartment to stay here on the weekends it’s a little too much, you have to admit that.’_

 _Oh God_. That’s what she wants to do? Jared expected her to visit Jensen in the next months or for Jensen to drive back there sometimes but she wants to come to San Antonio _every weekend_?

Jared has to keep in mind that, yeah, they are a couple but— _come on!_ Jensen is leaving in summer. Why can’t she just let Jared enjoy the last months he has with his stepbrother? He’s not asking for much.

_‘No, that’s too much. And I’m not moving to a rented apartment when I live here.’_

Jared nods his agreement. _That would be stupid._ This is Jensen’s home, he doesn’t need to go anywhere else because Cindy wants to be with him twenty-four seven.

Not that he’s one to talk, but still.

_‘Alright. I’ll ask my parents if you can stay here on the weekends until we move in together, okay?’_

Oh no. Fucking shit no.

Every weekend until summer?

Every-damn-weekend of seeing Cindy all over Jensen? Jared has had a taste of that during Christmas, and it wasn’t nice. Not that she is not nice on her own; Jared simply doesn’t like the view of the love of his life being kissed by somebody else. The constant reminder that Cindy gets to touch, kiss and hold Jensen whenever she wants to while Jared has to bite down his tongue and resist the temptation sucks on ten different levels and he has tried to avoid it every time she visits.

_And now Jared will get a constant reminder of that for the next months?_

He’s about to have a little tantrum to himself in the middle on the hall, but then Jared hears Jensen mutter _‘okay, me too, goodnight’_ , hanging up his phone and walking towards the door.

Jared has no time to react, almost running to the stairs to leave again before Jensen can see him standing there like the nosy shit he is.

“Jay?” Jensen asks from his room and Jared stops right in front of the staircase. “I thought you were out.”

He turns around, scratching the back of his neck and giggling nervously. “Hi, Jensen. No, _well_ — kind of…you see, I _was_ out. But then I came in. And I’m about to go out again.” He looks around, and then at himself. “I came for my _uh—_ jacket.”

“But you don’t have a jacket.” Jensen frowns, confused,

“Yeah, yes. That’s true.” Why the fuck did he said jacket when he’s not wearing one? All he had to do was say phone or wallet. Jesus, can he suck harder at this? “Because then I realized I hate all my jackets, so I should just deal with the cold?”

His stepbrother rolls his eyes, leaning against the door. Yeah, no way he would buy into that one.

“Jared, what’s really going on?”

“I— I had a really bad date, so I’m home early.” It doesn’t look like Jensen realized Jared was eavesdropping and trying to find out about his conversation with Cindy; he might as well go with this instead. “I told Chad and Sandy about it and they want us to go out to fix my night, that’s why I’m leaving again.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Jensen shakes his head, moving closer. “Why was the date bad? Are you okay?”

Jared can almost see the ‘protective brother’ button activate inside of Jensen. The ‘ _tell me who did it, I’ll go kick his ass’_ is implicit in between the innocent questions. Jared knows Jensen enough to know that much.

“It was nothing, the guy was an idiot.”

“You sure you don’t want to stay instead?” Jensen offers, voice concerned. He clearly wants to know what happened for Jared to need his night to be fixed. Chad and Sandy haven’t said anything but Jared had to make up a lie to explain himself and he thinks his friends won’t mind if he goes looking for them now. “We could find something to do together, Jay.”

Jared wants to say yes, and he usually would, if it wasn't for the image of Cindy staying with them the next weekends until Jensen moves out.

He knows his parents enough to guess Jensen would be able to convince them one way or another. Especially their mom. And once Donna says yes, it’s just matter of time before their dad agrees too.

“Its fine, I already told Chad and Sandy I would go out with them.”

 _Unbelievable_. Months ago he would skip plans with his friends for him to go hang out with Jensen and now he makes up nonexistent excuses to not stay with Jensen at home.

Maybe the damn project is working after all.

He says his goodbyes to Jensen and leaves before his brother gets to say much or try to convince him to stay.

Why can’t Jared get a break from the _“Jensen and Cindy for life”_ love parade? He’s really trying his best here, slowly moving on from loving Jensen and accepting his brother might even end up marrying Cindy; all he needs is time to process the whole thing. Getting tons of unexpected Jensen- _with-Cindy_ time is not exactly how Jared expected it to go down.

He pulls out his phone, skipping all the texts to write the only thing Jared knows he needs right now but never asked for before.

‘ _Chad_ ,’ Jared starts typing, walking out of his house. ‘ _I want you to get me drunk._ ’

The only thing he wants right now it to not think about anything. And this must be the best way to do it.


	8. Chapter 8

 

 

 

Jensen thinks he hears someone trying to get in the house, that’s why he wakes up.

He fell asleep sometime around one in the morning, playing with his old X-Box after taking Oscar for a late walk. Jensen knew he was actually buying time, finding excuses to stay up so he could wait for Jared to come and make sure he was alright.

His little brother looked really bummed when Jensen found him outside of his room, probably because of that stupid date Jared had with some stupid guy who made him feel that way. And sure, Jensen has very clear idea of what an overprotective brother he is—he made peace with that years ago, now he just handles it the best he can—. Heknows that Jared is not a kid anymore and it’s only normal for him to experience bad dates, but that doesn’t stop him from wanting to kill anyone who ever makes Jared unhappy.

Jensen is an overbearing brother. He knows. _And doesn’t care_.

He looks around for his phone on the bed, trying to find it between his blankets to check the time. He blinds himself for a second after unlocking the screen in the dark, rubbing his eyes and trying to focus. It’s three in the morning.

_Damn, is Jared there yet? It’s getting really late._

Stumbling his way out of his room, still half asleep and kind of dizzy, Jensen takes a look at Jared’s room just to find it empty.

His brother has been going out a lot more since last year and his parents haven’t said much of the sudden change apart from _‘it was bound to happen sometime’_ whenever Jensen brings it up.

They haven’t put a limit for Jared to come back home whenever he’s out since his little brother never does anything especially bad, Jared doesn’t even like to drink, but he’s only seventeen.

_Jensen had a curfew when he was that age._

Hearing something from the door again makes Jensen wake up a little bit more, shaking him out of his half-asleep trance and forcing him to make his way downstairs when he only wants to go back to his room really bad. He almost had a really stupid fight with Cindy and he’s ten kinds of  tired after a week’s worth of work. All Jensen wants to do is _sleep_.

“No, I got this.” He hears from outside, followed by a giggle, and that makes Jensen perk up. _He knows that voice_. “Since when are doors so fucking complicated?”

 _Jared?_ Jensen blinks, rubbing his eyes again. Who is he talking to at this hour?

There is some fighting with the knob outside and then it sounds like Jared drops his keys to the floor. After a second, his little brother starts laughing.

 _No fucking way._ Jensen unlocks the door and then swings it open, finding Jared leaning against the frame, giggling at _nothing_. His nose and cheeks are a little red, expression too blissful for it to be real. This explains why he couldn’t open the door on his own and how he was talking to _nobody_.

“Are you drunk?” Is the first thing Jensen asks, catching Jared right on time when he tries to step inside and gets tangled up with his own legs. Okay, so, stupid question. “ _Why_ are you drunk?” Jensen rephrases, passing an arm around Jared’s back to help him walk inside of the house.

If their parents wake up and see him like that Jared is dead.

Jared shushes him immediately, tapping his mouth with two fingers. Jensen tries to get away from the touch but that one is kind of tricky when Jared is leaning against him to stay on his feet. “I’m not drunk! I never drink!”

Jensen squints, closing the door.

He knows that Jared, in fact, never drinks. He doesn’t think he has seen Jared drunk in his life so something had to really upset him to have him in this state. Could it possibly be because of the guy he had the terrible date with? Does Jared like whoever it is _that_ much? He must really have it bad if he wants to get rip-roaring drunk because of it.

That, for some reason, doesn’t settle well with Jensen.

Jared decided to start dating out of the blue last year. His parents commented how it wasn’t that surprising and even Jared called him out on it. Starting to go out at seventeen is not that much of a big deal and everybody kept telling Jensen he was reading too much into it. Jensen didn’t have a problem with Jared’s age, it was just— _very sudden_. It was literally out of nowhere after years of Jared assuring he wasn’t into anyone that much and didn’t like the idea of dating anybody yet.

Jensen, of course, was thrilled. Who doesn’t want their little siblings saying they want to wait to start dating? The longer Jared stayed away from douchebags who could hurt him, the better.

“You look very much drunk to me.” Jensen says, holding Jared while he tries to kick his shoes off, almost tripping again.

“I really like your hair.” Jared mumbles with a muffled laugh, moving forward until he presses their cheeks together, letting out a little sigh and nuzzling him like a cat. “It’s nice hair, J’nsn.”

Well, that’s something Jensen never knew until now: Jared is a handsy drunk. A giggly, happy, very handsy drunk.

“Thanks, Jay, you have very nice hair yourself.” Jensen snorts, hands on Jared’s hips. “Okay, come on. Let’s get you into bed.”

Trying to find out why Jared decides to go drink that night is going to be impossible, Jensen figures out after it takes them almost ten minutes to go upstairs. His brother is completely out of it. All he wants to do is go back down, compliment Jensen’s looks or hug him really thigh while mumbling things Jensen _thinks_ sound like French. It becomes really tricky to not laugh at everything Jared does while he tries to drag him to his room, wishing he could stop and take a video with his phone to show Jared later.

At the same time, he can’t let their parents catch Jared like this. His stepbrother always made sure to cover for him when Jensen came back tipsy after partying, now is his turn to help him.

Jensen still remembers how it felt to have his parents giving him shit for getting drunk while being completely hangover and dealing with a massive headache. Jared really doesn’t need to deal with that; he’s a good kid, this is obviously his first time trying to drink his troubles away for some unknown reason.

And it feels weird; to not know what’s going on in Jared’s life.

There was a time he would know everything about his little brother. From the most simple details to the reasons why he would want to go outside and get drunk. This is the kind of things Jensen would know about and make sure to offer to go with Jared if he wanted to drink.

It’s frustrating. Jared has been doing little things in the past months that might sound like nothing to other people but Jensen knows they are happening. He’s not hallucinating Jared putting space between them and this confirms it.

He wishes he knew what the hell is going on. Since when needed Jared and he space? _Why would they need it in the first place?_

They have always been perfectly fine being close and almost best friends as much as they are brothers. What the hell happened? Jensen has been wondering for months if he did something to piss him off. Apart from that fight they had about Jared going to that party for an entire weekend Jensen doesn’t remember anything else happening between them.

“Yes!” Jared chirps when they walk in front of Jensen’s room, and he does it hard. Jensen shushes him right away, praying Jared didn’t wake up their parents. “I’m fuckin’ t’red, Jen. Wanna sleep.”

“I know buddy, don’t worry, we’re about to go to— _no!_ Jared, come here!” He whispers as Jared stumbles away from his arms to go in his room. “That’s not your room! _Jared!”_

Jensen follows his brother before he can trip on something and hurt himself or keep making noise until their parents wake up.

“Come on, Jay. I’m going to take you to your room.” He tries to grab Jared by his hips but it’s too late. Jared is taking off his shirt while making his way towards Jensen’s bed. “Would you please stop undressing? Jared—! Oh, forget it.” Jensen sighs, leaning against his wall and letting his brother fight with his shirt for a hot minute before he crawls on his bed and falls on top of his pillows. At least he’s lying down.

“Thank you.” Jared mumbles from his bed with an incredibly pleased smile, hugging one of his pillows and then kissing it. Jensen covers his mouth to not laugh. He can’t believe he didn’t catch that on video, God, Jared it’s so drunk he’s at the stage of kissing objects.

“No problem,” Jensen snickers, not sure what he’s being thanked for but Jared probably doesn’t know either. “Just go to sleep, alright? Tomorrow you’re gonna be feeling like shit.”

Covering Jared’s first hangover it’s going to be really interesting. God knows how the fuck is he going to convince his parents to let him stay sleeping all day in his room.

He walks towards the bed to cover Jared with his blankets and moves him to the middle of the mattress. The last thing Jensen needs is Jared falling on his face in the middle of the night or hurting himself somehow.

“All good?” Jensen huffs, letting Jared hug one of his pillows again. “Call me if you need something but—try to not leave the room, okay?” Jared nods, expression completely disorientated. “Good boy. Sleep, Jay. I’ll stay in your room for tonight.”

But before he can turn to leave, Jared manages to grab his wrists, squeezing with the very last drops of energy he still has. Jensen smiles and looks down, brushing some of Jared’s hair out of his face.

“What is it, Jay?”

“Would you cuddle with me?” Jared asks with a tired voice that makes him sound very much like he did when he was five and scared to go to his room after having a nightmare. Jensen can physically feel his chest tightening at the memory. “Like when you would when I was a kid?”

If there’s something Jensen knows for sure is that he’s a sucker for Jared.

He would do anything for his little brother. He had been so thrilled about his mom marrying Gerald and getting Jared as his brother that Jensen swore since then to become the best sibling Jared would ever have.

Not that dotting to every little request his stepbrother had was so difficult. Jared has always been Jensen’s weak spot. Jared just needs to mutter his name and Jensen is there to do whatever he asks for. His brother doesn’t really know it but Jensen does: there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for Jared.

That includes snuggling with him in bed even when they are not kids anymore.

Jared pouts at him when Jensen doesn’t move and he sighs, rolling his eyes and stroking Jared’s hair again.

“Little brat.” But hey, _he’s Jensen’s little brat_. No matter how much he keeps growing up—and dear god, Jensen is almost sure Jared is going to end being taller than him in a couple years—Jared will always be his little brother Jensen wants nothing but spoil all fucking day.  “Scoot over, then, so I can get on the bed with your drunk ass.”

“I have a nice ass!” Jared protests immediately, moving on the bed to give him some space.

Jensen’s eyes travel down Jared’s body like a knee-jerk reaction, and he finds himself muttering _“Yeah, you actually do”_ once he finds the nice curve of Jared’s ass clad in his jeans. Jared has a really nice body in general, which is much more obvious now that’s he’s shirtless and wiggling around in his bed.

It takes Jensen a couple seconds to realize what just happened there.

He blinks and then looks away, blood going cold in matter of seconds. _What the hell was that?_ It felt as if he just got hit with a brick against his head. Looking at his brother’s ass and complementing it to then realize how Jared’s body is, in fact, pretty good too?

Jared is the one who’s drunk, not him.

Jensen obviously needs to sleep. He’s so tired he’s doing and talking nonsense.

It doesn’t look like Jared noticed at all what just happened though, moving to replace the pillow with Jensen’s lap as soon as he manages to get on the bed, nuzzling his face against Jensen’s legs. Exactly how he would when they were little.

“Comfortable?”  Jensen asks with a mocking tone, petting Jared as he keeps rubbing his cheeks against his leg.

“m’ always comfortable with you J’n.” Jared says with a strangled voice, pulling a smile out of Jensen immediately. He slides his hands through Jared’s long hair, twisting the ends between his fingers. Donna is always saying how Jared needs to cut his hair sometime and he’s always ready to jump in and defend Jared. He really likes his brother’s hair, especially when Jared lets him play with it.

They stay like that for a while. With Jensen stroking Jared’s hair and his little brother nuzzling his face all over his lap, mumbling nonsense that Jensen mostly tries to agree with to not upset Jared and help him go to sleep.

Other people might find weird how close Jared and he are—he had some of his friends making comments about it while they all grew up—but Jensen never saw it that way. Jared and him, _this_ , is natural for him.

He loved Jared since the moment their parents introduced them, as if something inside of him already knew Jared was meant to be something special for him.

Jared was meant to be his little brother, Jensen guesses. And he has always liked how close they are and the bond between them.

Or how close they _were_ , because Jared has been slowly drifting apart and making a point to put distance in their relationship.

“You’re spending much less time around.” Jensen comments, looking down at Jared as he blinks at the sound of his voice. He doesn’t know why he’s doing this right now. Probably because Jared won’t remember in the morning he asked in the first place. “Did I…Jay, did I do something to upset you?”

He has always been really proud of knowing when something is bothering Jared. He knows how to pick up on his mood much better than their mom and dad and Jensen as always know how to fix it. Cheering Jared up is something Jensen _enjoys_. He likes seeing Jared smile, especially when that smile is directed only towards him.

But maybe he didn’t see it coming this time. Maybe Jensen did something wrong and didn’t realize it in time to make it better. He’ll fix whatever his little brother needs to be happy.

Jared looks up at him with his big hazel eyes that Jensen has always found too damn endearing for his own good and then giggles.

“It’s a secret.” Jared whispers, bringing one finger to his lips. “ _Shhh_ , nobody can know about it.”

 _Oh_. So there _is_ something going on.

And Jared is making a point to not let _him_ know what. Jensen knew it!

“Why not?” He asks absently, going back to petting Jared’s hair carefully.

“It’s a secret project.” Jared mumbles, eyes going wide for a second. “And I’m not supposed to tell anybody.”

A secret _what?_ Okay, now Jensen wants to know about this for real.

“Not even I can know the secret, Jared?” He asks again, sliding his fingers to Jared’s chin to cup his face and make him look up. Jared looks really cute when he’s half asleep and trying to make sense. Sometimes when Jensen looks at him he sees a lot of the little kid he wanted to be his little brother more than anything. Jared hates being called a child but sometimes Jensen can’t help it. Jared will always be his baby brother.

Jared frowns for a small second and then smiles. “I like your freckles.” He mumbles. “They are like— _everywhere_ , right? That’s great.”

Jensen has to bite his tongue really hard to not laugh when Jared brings his hand up to cup his face, stroking over the bridge of his nose and his cheeks, following the trail of his freckles. Jensen nods, holding his breath, giving up on finding out what’s really going on with Jared that night. It’s not even fair to get the information while Jared is drunk so he might try to talk to him when he’s sober.

“Yeah, I guess it’s pretty great.” Jensen nods with a little laugh. “I like your moles.” He adds, moving his own fingers on Jared’s face, brushing the beauty mark right next to Jared’s red nose.

His brother almost beams at the compliment, starting to talk about how he didn’t use to like his moles that much but he always felt better when Jensen said he liked them when they were kids.

He lets Jared keep mumbling and talking, going back to play with his hair and agree with everything his brother says. At one moment when Jensen thinks Jared already fell asleep and thinks of sneaking out to go to his brother’s bed, Jared clings to him immediately, hugging his waist and asking Jensen to stay and sleep with him.

Jensen, of course, is unable to say no.

So he’s stays there, Jared’s face nuzzled into his lap and arms around his hips.

He doesn’t want to sleep anymore; Jensen would rather stay there and watch Jared sleep. With him so close he can’t help but notice that as much as he wants to keep Jared as his little brother, truth is Jared has been growing up a lot. He’s getting taller, his face looks more like an adult, his hair is longer and his body—well, Jared had some annoying tattoo artist eye-fucking him right in front of Jensen some weeks ago so, that part is pretty clear too. Jared is not a kid anymore.

That doesn’t have to be something bad, of course, because even if he keeps growing up they can still have little moments like this.

Jensen smiles and covers Jared better with his blanket, hoping he’s comfortable by using his lap as pillow.

He really enjoys the feeling of closeness between them, the warmth of Jared’s body and how much this particular hug is lasting. Jensen has always liked having Jared around, there’s probably nothing he prefers over Jared’s company.

Sometimes it feels like he can’t get enough of his little brother, even when he’s right _there_.

He enjoys Jared’s _everything_ so much that Jensen wants it all day, every day. Like right now, with them sharing a bed and Jared nuzzling him, Jensen thinks there’s no way he could expect to get more of Jared for himself. And yet he does.

He has Jared centimeters away and Jensen still _wants_ , the only problem is that he doesn’t know what.

 

 

—

 

 

He’s not in his room.

That’s the first thing Jared notices when he cracks one eye open to look around to the dark bedroom, feeling like he knows where he is but he can’t exactly remember at the moment. He has been there before. _Is it Chad’s place?_ Or maybe Sandy’s.

Everything hurts like hell. His head, his eyes. And his right knee is throbbing, which means he probably fell last night when he was trying to get back home.

Oh God. _Last night._

Little fragments of what he was up to almost twelve hours ago start to form behind his eyelids and Jared tries to do his best to glue it all together and figure it out where the hell he is. There’s the bad date with Tahmoh, coming home early and listening to Jensen’s conversation with Cindy.

Cindy, who’s going to stay with them for every weekend until summer because she can’t live away from Jensen. That’s why he went out drinking. It rings in his head like an annoying little alarm, reminding him that he asked Chad and Sandy to get him drunk because all he wanted to do was not think about dealing the next months of his life with his stepbrother rubbing in his face what a lovely and committed relationship he has with somebody else.

Jared barely remembers Sandy not being exactly on board with the ‘drink until I can’t remember my own name’ plan, but luckily Chad had his back. They didn’t drink with him. They were the ones who drove him home last night.

Wait. So he is home?

“Rise and shine, Jared!” He hears from somewhere in the room, the voice loud and so damn annoying when all he wants is peaceful and nice and quiet. He groans and squeezes his eyes shut, wanting to push that voice away.

What an annoying voice. Annoying, teasing tone a little too familiar. Probably enjoying the fact that Jared feels like throwing up all his organs and then crawl back to bed for the rest of his life.

_Like he crawled on Jensen’s bed and asked him to cuddle with him._

That last memory hurts to remember, coming back to him with an invisible slap that makes Jared snap his eyes open very much against his will, finding Jensen walking out of his bathroom with only a towel around his hips.

There’s so much to process Jared thinks his brain is going to explode.

First, and foremost, Jensen is _there_. A teeny tiny fucking towel barely covering everything Jared would like very much to look at, hanging so low on Jensen’s hips that Jared can see his brother’s happy trail winking at him. And, come _on_ , Jared is kind of still a teenager with raging hormones and he _just_ woke up to Jensen almost naked and still wet. Of course his morning wood becomes a full on erection in less than a blink, but that’s not only _his_ fault.

It’s Jensen’s and nature’s fault. Both of them evil little fuckers who love to make Jared’s life a living hell.

Then, there are the memories. Not all of them are that important; Jared has weird blank spaces in between and he’ll live without ever finding out about them. Then, he has the really preeminent ones. _Jensen’s memories._

He crawled in his bed. This is Jensen’s room.

And holy fucking shit, where the hell is his shirt?

“Already feel like dying?” Jensen laughs from the bathroom and Jared can’t find it in himself to answer, eyes glued to Jensen’s naked body as his dick twitches painfully in his boxers. Yeah, he feels very much like dying but Jensen has no idea of the real reason for that.

Sure, it feels like someone just stabbed his forehead and that sucks. Yet Jared would deal with a horrible headache any day of the week rather than not knowing what he told Jensen last night when he cuddled in his bed like a toddler.

A toddler that takes off his clothes, apparently.

“Yeah.” Jared whines, making sure to use the blankets around him to cover himself. Especially his crotch. How is he going to explain Jensen he’s painfully hard because of him? “What— what happened last night?”

“I was hoping you would tell me that.”

Jensen decides he’s not torturing Jared enough right then, walking closer to the bed still only wearing the  miserable excuse for a towel. Jared backs up right away, lying down on the edge of the bed so there’s a lot of space in between them when Jensen sits own on the mattress too.

_God, how he would love to lick those stupid drops of water from Jensen’s chest._

“I, uh—” Jared blinks, looking down at his own hands, feeling too ashamed to look his brother in the face. He needs to remember what the fuck he said last night when he came tumbling into Jensen’s room. “I don’t remember.”

Not most of it. He _thinks_ he talked to Jensen about how much he likes his eyes at some point and, fuck, Jared hopes that part is not real.

Jensen snorts. “You wanted us to cuddle like we did when we were kids.”

Fuck his life. Jared groans again, looking for the pillow to put over his face. Jensen laughs— _of course he does, what an asshole_ —and the sounds make his head hurt even more than before.

“Please don’t do that!” Jared pleads, peeking up from behind the pillow and Jensen shuts up with a delighted expression. He’s enjoying this a little too much. “Just— shhhh, no loud talking.”

“Is that how you thank me for saving your ass from getting caught?” Jensen teases, petting Jared’s arm.

The contact makes Jared jump on the bed and away from Jensen, who looks rather comical with his eyes wide and expression confused.

Jared doesn’t think that Jensen touching him in any way is going to help with his hard-on.

“Sorry. I think I’m still kind of dizzy,” He hopes that explanation is enough, because he’s too hungover to think of something better. “Mom and Dad know?” There goes any permission to do anything for a month or more.

Jensen smiles smugly at the question and puffs his chest out. Jared is too damn tired and confused to shame himself for how cute he thinks that is.

“Not at all. I got you covered, little brother.”

“Fuck, thank you.” Jared slides back into the bed, making sure to be covered by the blankets at all times. “Why am I shirtless, by the way?”

“Beats me. I was trying to get you in your bed and you started to undress and decided to sleep in my room.”

Yeah, sounds like something Jared would do when drunk. Look for Jensen, get naked, try to get in his bed. Basically all he wants to do when sober but he would never dare.

“Sorry about that.” Jared looks around himself, thankful for the closed curtains. Jensen’s room is still dark for the most part and that’s probably Jensen trying to make his hangover not as annoying. _God, his head is killing him_. “Did you sleep in my room?”

“No.” Jensen says with another shit eating grin. _Oh fuck, what now?_ “You asked me to stay here with you. Actually, you hugged me and wouldn’t let me go, kind of how you used to when we were kids. It was cute.”

Of course he did.

He would go and bang his head against the wall if that wouldn’t be the quickest way to die considering he already has a horrible headache and still wants to throw up. A little bit more than before now that he knows he was such an embarrassment around Jensen.

But apart from all the unnecessary touching it doesn’t look like Jared did much to get him in trouble. Jensen is acting like he would any other day and is not calling him a freak. It seems like he didn’t spill anything important about his life-long love for his brother.

“Now, you would tell my why you went to drink like that, Jay?” Jensen asks with a little tap to his shoulder. Jared makes sure to not jump like a scared cat this time.

He sighs, using two fingers to rub his temples and tries to make some sense of the mess in his head  before answering. Jensen is just being Jensen, worried about him and trying to make it all better.

“I felt really bad after the date,” he lies, praying it sounds convincing. “The guy was an asshole, said some rude things and well, I guess it got to me. You know sometimes I don’t have the best self-esteem.”

It’s not completely truth, but it’s also not a full-on lie either. Jared felt shitty after the date, but it wasn’t until he heard the news about Cindy that he wanted to go forget about everything. The part about his self-esteem is truth though and Jensen knows that.

Jared opens his eyes again when he doesn’t get an answer and that’s when he sees why. His brother looks like he wants to kill someone.

“Jen—”

“Who was it, Jared?” Jensen asks through his teeth, balling both hands into fists.

“Jensen, it wasn’t that bad.” Jared hurries to say, wanting to yell at his dick for suddenly finding it attractive when Jensen gets so angry and protective. _Not the time_. “It just got to me because I’m a cry baby, you know it. I overreacted last night.”

“He made you feel like shit, that’s enough in my book for me to want to break his fucking nose.”

If he spills that it was Tahmoh, Jared knows Jensen will get it done. “Jensen, I swear I’m fine. I told Chad and Sandy I wanted to go out and get something to drink to not think about it, and it has gotten out of hand. But I’m okay, I promise.”

Jensen doesn’t look that convinced, arms crossed and still frowning. How can he be cute even when he’s mad? Goddamn it.

“I’m alright now.” Jared bites his lower lip, “I mean, my head is killing me and I want to puke. But other than that, I’m okay.”

“ _Fine_.” Jensen gives up after a moment. “But if some other asshole is rude to you on a date I’m going to have words with them. And you’re not a cry baby.”

“Yes I am.” Jared brushes it off, shrugging and letting himself fall back on the bed. He’s a fucking faucet and gets really emotional over everything. He was such a cry baby when he was a kid, always looking for Jensen once he started to tear up. Now he just handles it better.

“You want to stay to sleep here all day?”

 _Jensen is the best._ “Yes please.” Jared smiles at him, turning on the bed.

“Don’t worry. I’ll keep Mom and Dad away and then get you something to eat.”

He’s more than the best. He’s _everything_. Jared really doesn’t deserve such a great brother.

“Are you alright?” He decides to ask instead. Jensen looks like there’s something bothering him and now Jared is almost sure is not about him drinking or Tahmoh being a dick.

“Oh, yeah. It’s nothing.” Jensen stands up again, leaving his phone on the bedside table. “I had a problem with Cindy earlier today.”

“What?” Jared needs to know this. Every detail of it. Not that he wants Jensen to have problems in his relationship; if Jensen is happy with Cindy then Jared is happy too. This is simple, fuckedup curiosity. “Jensen, I’m sorry. Is everything okay now? What happened?”

Jensen looks like he’s really done talking about it so he just shrugs. “Nothing important. She wanted to stay here on the weekends but I thought about it and said no. This is Mom and Dad’s house and I don’t think I should bring someone else to live with us just like that. Not even my girlfriend.”

It’s really hard for Jared to pretend he doesn’t want to jump up from the bed and cling to Jensen in a hug. _He’s not bringing Cindy!_ Jared won’t have to see them act as a perfect happy couple for the following months.

He doesn’t think anybody was ever this happy while simultaneously being hung over.

“I’m sorry, Jen.” Is what he says instead, using his best sympathetic tone. “I’m sure she’ll understand.”

Jensen nods and ruffles his hair gently, saying he’ll bring Jared breakfast in a while.

Now Jared just wishes he knew Jensen was going to say no to Cindy the night before. He could have saved himself a really bad drunken night and the embarrassment of cuddling in his brother’s room. 


	9. Chapter 9

 

 

 

  
  
  
Jared learns  _Literature-Guy-Amell’s_  name on a Monday morning when he asks him out after their only class together.

He actually finds out it’s  _Stephen_  when their teacher congratulates him on the great analysis he did for their  _Great Gatsby_  essay and it wouldn’t be a better timing or it would have been a little awkward to get asked out and then have to ask for their name.

It’s a surprise it happens in the first place, of course. Jared is finishing packing all his books after their Literature class when Stephen sits on the chair by his side, looking at him with a mischievous little smile.

“Hey, Stephen.” Jared takes the opportunity to throw around the recently learned name. They haven’t talked much since that time they ran into each other after his horrible date with Tahmoh and even then them Stephen knew his name. “Great job on the essay.”

“Thank you. I bet yours was great too. You always have good comments to make about everything we read.” That might sound like a lame compliment to anybody else but it’s like poetry in Jared’s ears. He loves his literature. If someone likes what he has to say about it he’s more than pleased.

“Wait until we get a really cheesy romantic novel. I’m going to talk the entire time.” Jared jokes, standing up and taking his bag.

Stephen moves with a jump, getting in his way.

“You like romantic novels?” He asks after a second and it seems like he’s trying to keep the conversation going. Jared wonders why, they have never really tried to talk more than five words before are there is no group project they need to work with or any reason for Stephen to want to keep talking to him.

“I like romantic  _everything_ ,” Jared laughs. “I’m a romantic fool.”

There are two seconds of silence where Jared wonders if they are over with the conversation and he’s supposed to round Stephen and go to his next class when he speaks again.

“Would you go watch a romantic movie with me, then?”

Jared opens his mouth and nothing comes out of it. Would he  _what?_  But before he can ask Stephen starts over and this might the very first time Jared has seen him blush.

“I mean, I don’t know if there’s anything romantic right now but we can  _try_.” Stephen explains himself, moving his hands a lot. Jared never noticed how he usually does that when he speaks. “We could watch some other romantic movie at my house if we can’t find anything good. If you want to go to my house, of course. And we could eat, if you like to eat. I mean—!” he shakes his head and huffs to himself.  _“Of course_  you like to eat. We can go eat anything you like, that’s what I meant. We can get something you like after the movie. Or before. Whatever you want.”

Stephen finally shuts up after what looked like too much talking and babbling, looking at Jared for an answer. Jared, for his part, has no idea of what to say.

“You’re asking me out?” He says after a painfully long pause. It’s a stupid question, it sounds a lot like a date but Jared wants to make sure just in case.

“Well, yes.” Stephen nods and rubs his hands together. “You don’t have to agree if you don’t want to, of course, but— before I saw you with Tahmoh I didn’t know you liked guys so I never said anything.”

Jared is not a big deal around High School and people barely know who he is. The fact that he’s out of the closet doesn’t mean everybody know it because, of course, they don’t care. It’s not Stephen’s fault.

He didn’t know Stephen liked guys himself to begin with so they are on equal ground here.

“I always thought you were cute and really smart. The best combination.” He adds with another smile that gets Jared to blush and smile back, tucking some of his hair behind his ear.

“Thanks.” What else is he supposed to say to compliments? Stephen is very good looking himself. Jared noticed that since their first class but didn’t even think of ever flirting with him because, one, he didn’t know Stephen liked guys and two, he looks like the kind of person who would be out of Jared’s league. “I—  _uhm_ , I would really like that. The movie and the eating.”

“Really!?” Stephen sounds delighted about it. Jared doesn’t think anybody has ever been this happy to hang out with him, including Chad and Sandy. “That’s great! I was really nervous and thought you were going to say no.”

Jared laughs at that, taking Stephen’s phone to write his number when he hands it to him.

“Yeah, I could tell.” He teases. “ _Of course I like to eat_.” Jared repeats with a smirk and Stephen laughs and shakes his head.

“I bet that one is going to chase me the rest of my life.”

“I don’t know about the rest of your life but it's sure going to be mentioned next… _Friday?”_  Jared guesses and Stephen nods. “It doesn’t have to be a romantic movie, by the way, I like other movies too.”

“I want us to do something you really like.”

That’s sweet. The kind of sweet that gets to Jared and has him smiling and letting out little embarrassing sighs the rest of the day after they take each other’s numbers and say their goodbyes.

Sandy is ridiculously proud about Jared getting a date on his own  _— “They grow up so fast!”_ she tells Chad while they both pretend to wipe invisible tears from their eyes — with someone who is already really nice. Chad has two classes with Stephen and says he looks like a stand-up guy. But this time they are going to be close enough in case Jared needs to  _“leave the motherfucker alone if he’s an ass too”_ as Chad likes to put it.

As it turns out, Jared doesn’t need to escape from this date.

He has a blast with Stephen on Friday.

They go watch a new romantic comedy that turns out to be shit. Stephen makes him laugh the entire time by making fun of all the painfully bad moments in the movie until someone behind them starts to shush them. Jared pays for the popcorn and Stephen buys him a bag of gummy bears when he mentions his love for sweets and candies.

After that they go share a pizza at Jared’s favorite place and laugh even more than they did at the cinema.

It feels like hanging out with Sandy and Char.  _Or with Jensen_. He and Stephen have a very similar sense of humor and it turns out they like a lot of the same things. Getting along it’s extremely easy, almost as if they had been friends for years.

He learns that Stephen is from Canada and moved to Texas a couple years ago. He goes back to Vancouver for vacations and will probably end going to college there too once they graduate.

In between all the teasing and talking, Jared learns he’s not the only one who isn’t the best at dealing with a long time crushes. Stephen mentions a girl named Katie, who happens to be his ex-best friend; apparently he was in love with her since they were kids until he spilled it out and Katie rejected him.

“Ouch, dude, I’m so sorry.” Jared winces after Stephen is done telling the story, taking another slice of pizza. “That sucks _. Love sucks_.”

“Tell me about it.” Stephen sighs and shrugs. “She doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, nothing I can do now but move on.”

“Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.” Jared nods to himself, not catching the way Stephen stops eating and gives him a funny look.

“So, who’s your impossible crush?” He asks, making Jared choke on his pizza. “Come on. Takes one to know one. And that ‘ _love sucks’_ comment?  _Please_.”

“You pay way more attention when I speak than Tahmoh did.” Jared jokes in between coughing, making Stephen throw his head back and cackle loudly.

“I’m a good listener, Jared.”

He considers it for a slip second.

Being able to talk about his feelings — that he’s trying to get rid of, thanks a lot — for Jensen with his friends had always helped him a lot. If Jared had to swallow it down every single day and pretend it doesn’t exist he would have gone crazy by now. Stephen looks like a nice person and he just told him a lot about himself and how he got his heart broken a while ago. Jared could return the favor telling him about Jensen.

But the whole pseudo-incest part makes it a little bit complicated. He’s starting to get along and really like Stephen and he doesn’t want to ruin it by freaking him out.

“I got caught out on someone who’ll never, not even in a million years, feel the same for me.” Jared explains with a shrug, looking down. “It’s fucking complicated and I dealt with it for quite a long time until I saw it wasn’t taking me anywhere.”

“So you decided to move on.”

Jared nods and raises his glass with coke towards Stephen. “To moving on.” He jokes, and Stephen follows along with his silly toast, repeating  _‘to moving on’_  and winking at him with a smile.

 

 

—

 

 

 

He ends getting along with Stephen better than he could have ever dreamed of.

The guy is, without discussion, someone Jared knows he could eventually fall in love with.

He is the kind of person Jared likes. He’s funny, smart, he’s sweet and polite but also likes to tease him and knows how to take a joke. They can discuss about literature or the logic behind bad movies for hours without getting bored and they both have a really bad addiction for science fiction. They are really compatible and enjoy each other’s company. Maybe someday, sometime, Jared will look at Stephen and think  _“I’m starting to fall in love with you.”_

But he knows he doesn’t. At least not yet.

Jared only feels that way when he looks at Jensen.

He knows falling out of love after looking at Jensen for years and knowing that there’s nobody he’ll ever love or want more is not something he can achieve in a short amount of time. Jared has to keep his mind set on it if he wants it to eventually happen. Jensen has meant everything for him for so long that a part of him wants to cling to that love. Jared feels secure around Jensen, he’s happy, he can be himself. Jensen makes him feel like nobody else does; nothing matters as long as he can be around his brother. The world could end tomorrow and Jared would ultimately accept it as long as he could spend his last hours by Jensen’s side.

It’s natural for him to want to keep all those feelings around but he still knows he has to let it go. It’s for his own good.

And Stephen helps a lot with that.

It’s different than when hangs out with Sandy or Chad, even if they are becoming great friends. It’s like mixing how he feels when he’s around with friends and how he behaves with Jensen.

They joke and laugh and flirt until Jared’s cheeks are burning hot from hearing Stephen name the things he likes about him in between doing homework together. They keep going out on dates and it’s obvious they like each other and they are more than friends hanging out. They aren’t exactly a couple, they haven’t even kidded yet, but Jared thinks it’s all going in the right direction.

His mom already asked him about Stephen after he spent an hour with him on the phone, discussing the current episode of The Walking Dead while they were both watching it in their rooms. Donna insisted she wanted Jared to bring him home, but Jared kept telling her they aren’t boyfriends or anything.

Jensen hasn’t paid much attention to the subject. Between his new job and keeping things smooth with Cindy he has his plate full. Jared seems him around a lot more now that he’s living with them again but they are both busy and always have things to do. Jensen knows Jared is kind of dating someone new and has vaguely asked him about it here and there.

As long as his family is concerned, he’s just interested in a guy and they are getting along pretty well so far. That’s  _it_.

He’s not bringing Stephen home yet because Jared knows his parents are going to make a big deal out of it and put Stephen on the spotlight.

Jared plans to keep his  _still-not-boyfriend_  away from his home until things get serious. Or if they decide to just stay as friends — which would be a bummer, Jared might not be in love but he  _likes_  Stephen and hopes their relationship is going somewhere — then he’ll feel much more confident to bring him around and let his family meet him.

Life never works how Jared plans it out though. He should know it by now.

As soon as he decides he’s not going to introduce Stephen yet it all plays out for it to happen either Jared is on board or not.

It all goes down on a Saturday night better known as “family game night” around the Ackles-Padalecki household since he and Jensen were kids.

The “game nights” were something Donna and Gerald made up years ago when the were recently married and wanted him and Jensen to get along — not that it was that difficult to begin with — and get used to doing activities together and play in each other’s company. Some idea they got from a _“single parents getting married again”_ book and decide to implement around the house.

During those nights all four of them would play board games, order anything Jared and Jensen wanted, watch movies and basically spend time in family.

It was a blast for them when they were kids. Who doesn’t want a night once a month where they can play, eat and watch anything they want? Jared lived for their family nights.

The thing was that they liked it so much it almost became a tradition. He and Jensen grew up and don’t do it every month now, nobody has time for that, but they make sure to bring up the good old game night at least a couple times a year.

With Jensen moving out soon and Jared starting college in some months their parents have been getting really emotional over their kids growing up and leaving, which eventually lead Jensen to propose they could spend some quality time playing board games and watching a movie that Saturday.

The exact same night Stephen decides to surprise him by going to his house to invite him out.

“Ten minutes!” Jensen yells from outside his door, knocking and calling for Jared to move his ass to the first floor already. Jared smiles and closes his chemistry book, getting down from his bed with a yawn. They probably have everything ready. The games, the food and the movies. It’s been a while since they all had a family night and Jared is actually excited for it.

Not to mention he has always teamed up with Jensen for them during the past years.

They are the  _dream team_  when it comes to anything that involves pairing up and competing against other people. Jensen would invite some of his friends for those nights when they were all still in High School while Chad and Sandy have been around to be part of it as well. It doesn’t matter who they are playing against, Jared and Jensen  _always_  win.

They are the perfect unbeatable team.

“Jay!” He hears Jensen call from the first floor and he chuckles, walking out of his room barefoot and wearing an old shirt that used to belong to his brother. Jared loves all the clothes he can snatch for himself before Jensen can throw them away.

He uses Jensen’s old favorite Zeppelin shirt to sleep. It makes him feel closer with his stepbrother and he really likes that.

“Coming!” He shouts back, running to the first floor. Donna and Gerald already have everything set up. Pizza in the kitchen and the Pictionary board on the coffee table in the living room. Oscar is following Jensen around as he leaves his stack of movies in front of the TV and tries to pick which ones they are going to watch once the game is over.

“Ready to beat mom and dad once again?” Jensen flashes him as smile when Jared gets to his side to help him decide. His brother looks like a kid, competitive as always and itchy to start playing already.

“We’re definitely going to win this time!” Gerald announces from the kitchen and both of them laugh at their dad at the same time, rolling their eyes and brushing them off.

“You kids are too cocky.” Their mom chuckles, sitting down on the couch and letting them finish organizing everything.

“We deserve to be cocky,” Jared says. “Nobody can win when me and Jensen pair together.”

“Let’s bet some money this time and actually make something out of beating our old folks.” Jensen snickers behind him and Jared laughs, turning around to fist bump with his brother like they would when they were little.

“Who do you think you’re calling old!” Donna protests.

“Seems like we forgot to teach these kids to be polite.”

Jared goes sit down next to his mom, laughing with Jensen at their parents fake-complaining over how annoying they both get during game nights. He knows it’s going to be a great time. Not only because it involves spending the next hours pairing up with Jensen and bragging once again of what a great connection they have for everything but he knows someday they won’t be able to do this anymore. Jared wants to enjoy it while he still has the chance.

“Did you order more food?” His dad asks and Jared looks to the door, hearing the doorbell. “Jensen! I think three pizzas are more than enough, son.”

“I didn’t order anything else!”

Jared seriously doubts that. “I’ll get it, I’ll get it! It’s probably a mistake.”

He lets out another loud laugh as he hears his dad commenting how he knows Jensen enough to be pretty sure he could eat five of those pizzas on his own and still be hungry. That’s true. Jared has no idea where Jensen keeps all the food he’s always eating.

“If you’re here to drop food, we didn’t order it. But I’m sure my brother will devour it anyway!” Jared says with a loud voice as he swings the door open, hearing Jensen’s offended  _“hey!”_  from the living room, making him laugh again.

“Not really. I only came here to see you, but I could pretend to be a delivery guy if that’s what floats your boat.”

Jared blinks and finally takes a moment to  _look_  at the person at the door, recognizing the teasing tone behind the words.

“Stephen!” He squawks heart stopping in his chest with a painful jump.

It really shouldn’t be that surprising. They have been practically going out for a while without making it official. He has walked him home a couple times after dates so it’s not like Stephen did something stalker-ish like finding out his address without Jared giving it to him. Dropping off to say hello after weeks of holding hands at the movies and openly admitting they are into each other is not that much of a plot-twist. This is just Jared cursing his luck for making Stephen chose the exact day when all his family is home to come visit him.

“Hey, Jay.” Stephen smiles back, not noticing anything weird in Jared’s behavior. “I hope I’m not interrupting. I was around the neighborhood and I thought I would come say hello.”

Jared tries to smile back, looking back at the living room and then to Stephen.

“No! It’s— it’s fine,” he doesn’t want to be rude. It’s a sweet detail and Jared would usually really appreciate but he’s not exactly ready for his parents and Jensen to meet his maybe-future-boyfriend. “You just—  _sorry_ , you surprised me.”

Stephen has proven to be really good at picking up when something is up with Jared, so it doesn’t take him more than two seconds to notice he’s almost jittering at the door.

“Is it a bad time?” He says with a guilty tone. Jared starts shaking his head right away; the last thing he wants is to make Stephen feels bad. “I tried calling to your phone but you wouldn’t pick up.”

“I provably forgot to charge it. It’s okay, you really don’t have to apologize.” Jared likes this kind of details, the sweet little moments are the ones that speak to him. Making Stephen feel like this was a bad idea will only serve to make him stop having those special little moments Jared likes so much. “It’s just that—”

“Hey, Jay.” He suddenly hears behind him, Jensen’s hand coming to rest on his shoulder as he steps outside with him. “What’s taking you so long?” His stepbrother asks before noticing Stephen and realizing he’s not a delivery guy. “And who is this?”

Well, fuck his life. There’s no way Jared can slip out of this one.

“ _Uh—_  I’m just talking,” Jared giggles nervously, giving Jensen a quick look. He has his eyes glued to Stephen, a little frown on his face. “Oh! Yeah sorry, this is  _my_ — well,  _no_  not ‘my’,” Jared laughs again, hands starting to sweat as he tries to find the right words.  _Fuck, fuck, fuck._  How is he supposed to introduce Stephen? Just his friend? Something else? He doesn’t even know what he and Stephen are. “He’s,  _uhm—_  he’s— well, you see. Jensen, he—”

“Stephen Amell.” He extends his hand towards Jensen, interrupting Jared’s horrible attempts to introduce him. “You must be Jared’s brother. I have heard so much about you.”

Jared wouldn’t call it ‘so’ much. He has talked about Jensen a decent amount of time in front of Stephen because he knows he almost grows hearts in his eyes when he talks about his stepbrother for too long, Chad says it all the time, so Jared has been trying to avoid letting it show too much. Stephen is simply being polite.

“That’s odd. I haven’t heard about you at all.” Jensen answers with a hum, making Jared want to elbow him right in the stomach _. Oh. Dear. God_. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Jensen.”

“He’s always joking like this!” Jared says with a really loud laugh. Like, too loud to be sincere, making a point to step on Jensen’s right feet without Stephen noticing. He can feel his brother tensing behind him and trying not to curse out loud. “That’s Jensen, always joking!”

Stephen chuckles, apparently believing his lame-ass excuse for Jensen’s obviously rude introduction.

“So, what brings you by, Stephen?” Jensen keeps talking, leaving his elbow on Jared’s shoulder so he can lean over him. “We don’t admit visits at late hours in this house. This is a decent family.”

Jared elbows Jensen’s stomach this time, caring very little if Stephen can see it or not, laughing uncomfortably loud again.

“He’s just being an ass. You know how big brothers are.” Jared smiles until his cheeks hurt.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry.” Stephen laughs, amused by his little interaction with Jensen. “I actually just came to say hello to Jared and see if he wanted to do something tonight.”

Jensen, of course, keeps talking before Jared can say a word. What does Jared have to do next? Punch him in the face? Jensen can take a hint better than this.

“Well, that’s nice of you.” It doesn’t sound sincere at all, Jared catches on it that because he knows when Jensen is being a sarcastic shit, but Stephen of course doesn’t see it. “But, you see,  _Stephen_ , we’re kind of busy tonight with this family tradition we have—”

 _“Stephen?!”_  Jared hears his mom from the living room. He closes his eyes, waiting for the next bomb to explode. Well, it was nice to try to keep Stephen un-introduced to his family for a little longer. There’s no going back now. “Isn’t that the guy Jared has been dating?”

 _He hates his life so much_.

Donna gets there even faster than Jensen did, making his brother and him move away so she can in front of them and take a good look at the guy she has been dying to meet.

“Hi, I’m Donna, Jared’s mom.” She says with a big smile, pressing a kiss to Stephen’s cheek after he mumbles ‘nice to meet you’. Donna takes a step back, looking up at down and Stephen and them smiling again. “Well aren’t you handsome! No wonder Jared is always talking about you with Sandy and Chad.”

Jared facepalms himself as hard as he can, shaking his head in defeat.  _There you go_. The first words his mom said to Stephen.

“I wouldn’t say ‘always’.” Jensen mumbles somewhere behind them but it seems like only Jared hears him. Stephen is too busy smiling to his mom as if she hasn’t thrown Jared under the bus two seconds ago.

“That seems fair considering I’m always talking about Jared to my friends.”

Jared looks back at Stephen, cheeks burning hot. Donna laughs in delight, looking one hundred percent charmed by him on the spot.

“You are too sweet. What a charmer you got there, JT.” She pats his arm in a little congratulation and Jared can only nod, still flushing to what Stephen admitted to his mom’s face. That makes their whole relationship a lot more serious, right? He basically told his mom he likes him. “But, honey, please come on in. How rude of my two kids to have you standing here.”

 _“What?”_  He and Jensen say at the exact same time, looking at their mom. Okay, he just introduced Stephen and that went as bad as expected from his family’s part but they are still not to the point where he brings Stephen in to spend the rest of the night with them.

“Oh, no, it’s alright.” Stephen declines politely. “I came over to say hello and maybe ask Jared if he wanted to do something but I heard you guys have a family night planned and I wouldn’t want to interrupt.”

“Not at all!” Donna takes Stephen’s arm, gently pulling him into their house. “You’re not interrupting. You can stay for a while if you want, come on in, please. I’m sure Jared’s dad will be just as happy to meet you.”

So, this is happening now.

Stephen is staying for their family game night. Jared was trying to keep this moment from happening too soon and now Stephen is staying for their special night he and Jensen have been getting excited about like kids for almost a week.

Jared mouths  _‘I’m sorry’_ to Stephen when he gives him a look right before his mom takes him to the living room. He doesn’t look uncomfortable with the situation at all, though, already talking to his mom and then going to shake his dad’s hand with that friendly smile Jared knows so well by now.

“ _That’s_  the guy you have been dating?” Jensen asks from behind him and Jared nods, turning around. His brother doesn’t look as excited as his mom is about the entire situation.

“Yeah. And by the way? I did tell you about him.” Jared whispers, hitting Jensen in the stomach with the back of his hand. “Way to have my back, man.”

“You  _barely_  named him,” Jensen complains, rubbing his stomach as he huffs. “I heard you were starting to go out with him. I didn’t know you were in such a  _serious_  relationship already to go and invite him to one of our game nights.”

Jared thinks there’s a real accusation between Jensen’s words. He didn’t plan this and it’s not exactly his fault that things worked around this way, but he still feels guilty about it. Jensen has made a point to never bring his girlfriends to their family nights together. They both had friends coming over in the past a couple times and they would only stay part of the night sharing with them. It’s mostly a family thing, Jared has even asked Jensen why he didn’t bring his girlfriends for them and he always insists how bringing his current girl would make the night kind of weird and not the same as always.

Cindy has never been invited to one so far and if Jensen brought her Jared would be more than bitter.

But it’s not the same, of course. Jared would be bitter because he’s in love with Jensen and sees him with his girlfriend more than enough already to also have to share him during their special nights.

He has no idea why this is bothering  _Jensen_  so much. Sure, it breaks their tradition a little bit, yet it’s not such a big deal.

“I didn’t invite him.” Jared whispers again, seeing Jensen’s cross his arms over his chest. “You heard him; he came to invite me out. And he probably won’t want to stay long after all the introductions are over, come on.”

He couldn’t be more wrong about that.

After talking with Stephen for a couple minutes his dad thinks it’s a wonderful idea to have him staying for their “games night”. Stephen is, of course, such a nice and polite guy that he accepts the invitation to stay and play with them all kind of silly games they have in mind. Apparently his family does something like that too during Christmas and when all his cousins are around.

It gets really tricky when after good fifteen minutes of asking Stephen about himself and his family his mom suggest they should mix up their usual teams a little bit this time.

“We have been playing in the same teams for years, why don’t we make a couple changes for tonight since we have visits?” Donna smiles at Stephen. “Jensen should pair with us so Jared and Stephen can be together.”

His brother looks like their mom just slapped him across the face as soon as she talks.

Jared has no idea what to say to the idea, as much as he likes Stephen and how nice he’s being to his family, he doesn’t want to break this tradition he has had with Jensen since they were kids. It might look like nothing, is a lame round of Pictionary where only Jensen can draw decently and then Jared can kind of sketch a little bit. There’s going to laughing and yelling either way; plus he and Jensen won’t die for not teaming up for one round one night.

And he still doesn’t feel good about it.

“That sounds like a great idea.” Gerald adds, clapping Jensen’s shoulder. “Playing the same way every time takes the fun out of it! Let’s let Stephen and Jared team up together.”

Jensen looks directly at him, not saying a word. He’s waiting for Jared to say something, to put a stop in it and say he doesn’t want to change Jensen for Stephen. There’s nothing boring about teaming the same way they have always done. Jared likes it just fine.  _He loves being the dream team with Jensen._

“We have always paired together since we were kids.” His brother lets out trough his teeth, not even trying to pretend he’s okay with the situation.

“Exactly, I don’t think is fair to leave Jensen with you two. I mean, you suck.” Jared tries to joke, “Me and him are really good playing together, so—”

“So it’s going to be more interesting if we make a little change for tonight, right honey?” Donna looks at Jensen, looking for support. He’s still looking at Jared, jaw set.

“I suck at drawing too. The person who teams with me is going to lose anyway.” Stephen adds from his seat next to Jared. “But you’re pretty good at it for what I have seen; I think we could make a good team, huh Jay?”

He winks at Jared, bumping their knees together. Jensen snaps  _“let’s just start the damn game already”,_ tearing his eyes away from Jared.

It only gets worse from there.

Jared has the feeling that nobody else really sees it, as if he and Jensen could cancel everybody else in the room and just feel the tension from each other. He’s far from happy about them having to change their usual teams, which Jared still reasons it’s not a big deal but also agrees with, thing that makes him obviously cranky the entire time. Jensen and his parents are a terrible team considering his mom and dad have always been really bad at it on the first place.

He and Stephen don’t do that bad on their own. Stephen didn’t lie about how bad he is at drawing, he does suck, there’s no denying that. He makes it up by how fast he can guess whatever Jared draws and making everybody laugh whenever is his turn to do anything.

There are a couple moments when he and Jensen completely forget that they are in opposite teams and guess each other’s drawings out of turn. His parents and Stephen find it funny while Jensen just seems frustrated about it.

Jared feels like he’s in the middle of the situation, both enjoying Stephen’s company and having fun at moments but also missing a tradition he had with Jensen since they were kids and wishing he could take away the slightly hurt expression from his brother’s face.

After two rounds of Pictionary where he and Stephen win with no precedents they all go to the kitchen to eat pizza while chatting and laughing. Stephen sits by his side on the table — that is actually  _Jensen’s spot_ , but Donna makes a face before Jensen can say anything about it — and shares the last can of Coke with Jared even if that’s actually  _Jensen’s_  favorite soda and usually he would share it with him instead.

Jensen ends sitting across the table, munching on his slide of pizza in silence and looking far from interested to hear any of Stephen’s stories.

“Vancouver is a lovely city. Me a Gerald have been there a couple times and really like it.” Donna keeps chatting nonstop after Stephen talks about the Christmas he spent there last year. Jared appreciates how nice he’s being with his family, putting up with his mom’s eternal list of questions and his dad’s really bad jokes. He keeps flashing Jared little smiles and making comments to make him blush.

“Most of my family lives there,” Stephen says. “Anytime you want to come back just let us know. We’ll be happy to have you there.”

“You’re such a sweetheart.” His mom gives him an obvious look. “You snatched yourself a wonderful boy, Jared.”

“Thanks mom.” Jared says with gritted teeth and an obvious blush. They keep talking as if they were boyfriends already and Stephen hasn’t said anything about it. He really hopes they are not freaking him out or making him feel like he has to ask Jared to get more serious or something.

Stephen must sense what Jared is thinking because he chooses that moment to hold his hand under the table, nudging him with his knee. Jared bites his lower lip to not smile, looking at Stephen through his bangs.

“So, Stefan, are you moving back to Canada once you graduate High School?” Jensen asks loudly from across the table, raising both eyebrows at him.

Jared makes at face at him, widening his eyes and shaking his head slightly.

“ _Stephen_ ,” He corrects like it’s nothing, not taking offense on Jensen’s mistake. His brother mumbles  _‘Oh, right! Sorry!’_  that doesn’t sound sincere at all and Jared wishes he was close enough so he could kick him under the table. “And I still don’t know. I have been thinking about it and all I know is that it could be a possibility.”

“Which means you will probably be in another country by this time next year.” Jensen nods to himself. “I’m sure all your friends are going to miss you. Two of my best friends moved to California and it was hard to get used to them being away.”

“Yeah, I have both friends here and there so it would be nice to see them again but I’ll miss a lot of people here,” Stephen makes a point to look at Jared when he says it, squeezing his hand gently. “I guess we’ll see what happens.”

“Isn’t that just lovely.” Donna interrupts before Jensen can add anything else. “Would you like another slice, honey? Come on, Jensen; help me out bring more soda for everybody too.”

Jared stays at the table listening to his dad talk to Stephen about the places he and his mom have visited the couple times they have traveled to Canada until he remembers his phone is still dead somewhere in his room and haven’t told his friends anything about Stephen’s surprise visit and his parents finally meeting him. He excuses himself from the table, taking his empty plate with him to take it to the kitchen before going to his room to charge his phone.

His mom and Jensen whispering about Stephen makes him stop at the kitchen’s door.

“Well, you could be a little nicer to your brother’s boyfriend.” His mom says in a low voice, apparently walking around the kitchen.

“He’s  _not_  Jared’s boyfriend.” Jensen hisses in response right away. “And I’m being nice.”

“Then don’t bring up the fact that he might move away and  _don’t_  change his name.” Well, alright, apparently not only Jared caught up on that. “This is the first time Jared brings a boy around, Jensen.”

That’s kind of true. Jared didn’t exactly invite Stephen over but he never really introduced anybody to his family before. His mom and dad seem to like him very much.

Jensen is another story.            

Jared guesses he’s being his protective territorial brother once again, same thing what happened with Jason before. He doesn’t follow Donna’s recommendation to talk more to Stephen the rest of the night and pretty much ignores him as much as possible, talking to Jared as if Stephen wasn’t  _right there_. When they all go to the living room to choose a movie his parents tell Stephen he can help him and Jensen pick something from their endless amounts of DVDs. Jared doesn’t really care — he shares tastes with both of them so he’ll enjoy whatever they choose — so he stays out of it only to end regretting it moments later when Jensen picks one movie and Stephen picks another and  _he_  is the one who has to decide which one they are watching that night.

“Uh —” Jared smiles, looking from Jensen to Stephen, not knowing what to do. “What about  _Dirty Dancing?”_

It’s probably the only time in Jared’s life he doesn’t enjoy his favorite movie as much as always. Stephen sits by his side on the couch — again, taking Jensen’s usual spot — and laces their fingers together once the lights go off. As much as Jared loves the little contact and even if has dreamed about watching Dirty Dancing while holding hands and almost cuddling with someone who likes him, it doesn’t feel right.

Jensen is sitting on the other couch mouthing along the lines of the movie without realizing and Jared wishes he could be next to him to quote Johnny and Baby to each other.

Stephen announces it’s getting pretty late and he should leave now once the movie is over, saying his goodbyes to Jared’ family and thanking them all for the invitation to stay, assuring he had lots of fun and it was great meeting them. His mom presses a loud kiss on Stephen’s cheek and his dad tells him he can come back again and feel at home anytime. Jensen barely waves at him from the couch, not taking his eyes away from the TV.

“I’ll walk you to the door.” Jared offers, walking out of the house by Stephen’s side and closing the door once they are both outside on the porch.

He prefers to talk to him right there instead of inside of the house with all his family paying way too much attention to everything they say.

“Thank you for staying and putting up with us,” He smiles at Stephen once they are out, rubbing the back of his neck. It’s a little cold and just now he’s realizing he was wearing Jensen’s old shirt and some shitty jeans the entire time. “I hope it wasn’t uncomfortable or something.”

“Are you kidding? Not at all!” Wow, Stephen is beyond nice. His mom is right; Jared did snatch a pretty great guy. “Your family is great, is nice to see you’re all so close. Why would it be uncomfortable?”

Jared looks down, feeling his cheeks heat up at the question. This is something he didn’t want to discuss just yet but maybe is better to get it out of the way.

“You know,” He shrugs, “My mom kept talking about us as if we were—  _you know_.” Jared moves his hands in the air, pointing to the space between them. “ _Together_  or something. And we’re nothing specific and we’re just starting to date. I have a lot of fun with you and I didn’t want to freak you out.” Jared clears his throat, making a point to not look up. “That’s why I didn’t bring you around before, I knew they would make all these comments and we haven’t even kissed yet—”

Stephen fixes that right on the spot.

He cups Jared’s face with both hands, tilting him up just as the he leans forward to press their lips together. Jared is not sure how to react, surprised by the sudden kiss, so he lets himself melt into it, closing his eyes and kissing Stephen back.

It’s more than the small kiss he had with Jason. This is one lasts longer, with Stephen opening his mouth just so and brushing Jared’s lower lip with his tongue, causing Jared to gasp into the kiss and press himself closer. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands while Stephen seems he’s very aware of the way he strokes Jared’s cheeks with his thumb, making sure to keep Jared’s face close enough so they can keep making out.

He’s so distracted by the kiss he doesn’t hear the door opening and someone stepping out until Jensen clears his throat standing right in front of them.

Jared’s heart jumps in his chest even more violently than it did earlier that night when Stephen got to their house, pulling away and breaking the kiss immediately.

Jensen has something in his hands and Jared dare to take a peek to confirm that his brother is there to take out the trash and the empty boxes of pizza. He can feel his face absorbing all the blood in his system, heart beating as if he just finished running a marathon. Stephen seems just as embarrassed to be caught making out with Jared by his big brother.

“Oh, sorry, Jensen.” Stephen smiles nervously at him and Jensen looks like he simply wants to  _murder him._  Jared doesn’t think he has ever seen his brother look so pissed off. For a good moment he even worries Jensen is going to throw everything in his hands and tackle Stephen to the floor. “I was about to leave, thanks again for everything.”

Jensen doesn’t say a word; eyes fixed on Stephen and face serious.

After what seems like the longest and most awkward minute of his life with none of them says a word, Stephen mumbles  _“Okay, I’m going now. Bye, Jared, talk to you later”_ and presses a quick kiss on his right cheek before walking away.

He and Jensen stay there. With Jared standing on the same spot he was during the kiss and Jensen in front of the open door. They are both looking at each other,  _just looking_. Jared feels kind of embarrassed about being caught kissing Stephen and doesn’t like the idea of Jensen being the one who saw them, but other than that, he’s okay.

There’s no guilt, like that time at Sandy’s birthday party after he kisses Zachary.

He doesn’t feel bad about kissing Stephen. He actually quite liked it.

Jared simply doesn’t understand what’s going on with Jensen.

 _Why he’s looking at him like that._  Why was he acting so weird the entire night? Even for his usual protective big brother mode, it was all a little bit too much.

It’s new territory for Jared; he has always known how to read Jensen. They don’t use words to communicate at times, just needing a look to understand what the other is thinking. He has always known Jensen better than anybody else in his life and right now Jared has no idea what is going on with his brother.

“It’s getting late. I’m going to bed.” Jared decides to leave after a while of them not saying anything, moving past Jensen to get in the house.

Before he can go through the door, Jensen finally speaks again.

“You really like this guy, huh?”

He can’t get anything out of Jensen’s tone or what he really wants to know by asking that question. There’s something there and Jared wishes he knew what it is. He doesn’t like how this feels. Jared hates the sensation of not clicking with Jensen like always; not understanding what is this new awkwardness and tension between them.

What is Jensen getting at with all this?

“Yes, I do.” Jared answers after a moment before he keeps walking to go upstairs, glad that they are not facing each other at the time.

For some crazy stupid reason he has the feeling that if Jensen could look him in the eye at that moment he would see that as much as he likes Stephen, it still doesn’t compare to how deeply Jared loves  _him_.

 


	10. Chapter 10

  

 

 

  
  
Cindy and Jensen break up some weeks before Jensen’s birthday.

Full on  _we-both-need-to-move-on-and-definitely-see-other-people-_ break up. No  _“we need some time”_ , no “ _this is just temporal”._ It’s definitely over and for what Jared hears none of them wants to fix it. They are done with each other.  _Jensen is done with Cindy._  With the girl he was going to move in and start a life together at another city. The person he was supposed to be in love with. And yet Jensen makes so little comment about until  _a week_  after it happens that Jared feels like he’s missing a big chunk of the story. All he always heard was how great things were with Cindy, how amazing Cindy was,  _yada-yada-yada_.

At the same time, Cindy was always more than eager to spend every free minute she had traveling to San Antonio to visit Jensen.

Jared thought things were perfect between them, fucking couple of the year status and all.

Apparently he was wrong.

The way Jensen handles the whole thing is just  _weird_.  He doesn’t bother to tell Jared or his parents for a whole week as if it wasn’t a big deal at all.

Finally, the way Jared finds out is probably the most peculiar part of it all. It happens when they almost start a discussion about  _Stephen._  That’s how it happens. Days later and because of a completely different subject.

After Stephen’s sudden visit to his house on that Saturday night and his family finally meeting him, Jared has been going out a lot more lately. They are still not a couple, the  _“what exactly are we and where is this relationship going?”_ conversation hasn’t popped out yet. They don’t call each other pet names or label themselves as boyfriends. Jared thinks they are going in that direction though, and for the way things just keep getting better he guesses it will happen sooner or later.

Chad and Sandy have been fully supportive and had no trouble letting Stephen slip in their time together either at School or after it. Stephen gets along with Chad pretty good, which is a surprise considering Chad can be an asshole to most people and not easy to deal with. You either love Chad or can’t stand his fucking guts.

Not to mention Chad hardly gives enough shits about anyone to be friendly with them.

He told Jared he was mostly doing it for him — he likes Stephen just fine and thinks he’s fun to be around, but the main reason he’s being nice to him is because he knows Stephen is making Jared happy — and Jared honestly can’t thank Chad enough. It means a lot to him that his  _probably-boyfriend_  gets along with his best friends. Especially with Chad, who has been such an important part of his life since he was little.

Spending so much more time with Stephen also meant spending less time with Jensen.

Jared is not doing it on purpose, it also made him shorten his working hours at the shelter and adding Stephen to some afternoons he would usually just spend with Sandy and Chad.

Making Jensen and Stephen hang out together seems a little weird, so Jared blocks the possibility before it ever happens.

He’s not just cutting some of his Jensen’s time. Hanging out with Stephen means he needs to cancel what he would usually do if they weren’t together. It’s not conscious or deliberated.

It just  _happened_.  Jared never thought it would be a big deal since,  _hello_ , Jensen did pretty much the same thing when he started dating Cindy and,  _double hello_ , Jensen is not in love with him and thirsty to spend every day of his life by his side — while Jared  _of course_  is — so he imagines Jensen is hardly going to notice.

Being wrong about all this is starting to be the usual state for him.

Jared gets home that Sunday in the afternoon after finishing a group project with Stephen and getting something to eat together, stopping for a couple minutes to play with Oscar in the backyard and then heading to his room, wanting to take a nap before studying for his Biology test.

His mom and dad left to do some grocery shopping and it looks like Jensen is in his room, blasting his favorite Led Zeppelin CD so goddamn hard the entire neighborhood must be able to listen to it.

“Jensen?” Jared knocks on his door before opening it. “Hey I was thinking of taking a nap, do you think you can maybe— are you smoking?”

He spots under the doorframe, looking at his brother with his mouth hanging open. He hasn’t seen him smoke in  _years_. He was probably fourteen or fifteen the last time it happened. Jensen did it mostly when he was starting college and some of the classes would stress him too much. Their parents never found out and Jared always made sure to cover for Jensen when his clothes would smell like smoke. He knew Jensen only used to do it when he was really stressed and he quit after his first semester.

His stepbrother looks at him from his bed, rubbing the cigarette between two fingers and nodding before blowing the smoke away.

“Sorry, I didn’t think you would get home soon. I can put it out if the smell bothers you.”

It doesn’t. Jared is used to Chad smoking, even if he tries to not do it around him and Sandy too much to not annoy them, so it’s not a big deal for him.

“Jensen.” Jared calls again, closing the door behind him. He doesn’t care for the smell; he wants to know what’s going on. The idea of anything worrying his brother makes Jared want to make something to fix it immediately. All he wants is Jensen to be happy. “What is going on? I haven’t seen you smoke in years. You said you quit.”

“Sometimes old habits die hard.” Jensen puts the cigarette away and moves from his bed to go open the window. “I haven’t done this in years so I guess you could call it a little slip.”

He tries to smile but Jared can tell is not a real smile. He can tell when Jensen is pretending.

“Then something  _is_  going on.” Jared insists, going to turn down the volume of  _All of My Love_  so they can hear each other.

“No big deal.” Jensen brushes it off. “What are you doing here so early, thought? Aren’t you supposed to be spending the day with Stefan?”

Jared knows Jensen is trying to change the subject as much as he knows Jensen has been changing Stephen’s name on purpose.

“It’s  _Stephen_ ,” He corrects, crossing his arms. “And you know it.”

“Yeah, right.  _Him_.”

It’s no mystery that Jensen is not exactly kind to Stephen. He doesn’t seem to adore him as much as his parents do and he barely acknowledges his presence when he comes around the house. He’s always pretending he completely forgets who Jared is talking about when he names him  _—  “Who?” “Stephen.” “Doesn’t ring a bell.” “Stephen Amell.”  “…who?”_  —, constantly trying to make it look like Stephen is just a new friend that Jared will get bored to hang out soon and not someone that might become Jared’s first official boyfriend.

So far, he has no idea why. Jensen can be the over protective brother he has always been if he wants to but he could also be a little bit supportive about Jared’s decisions on who he wants to date.

“I still don’t know what’s your problem with Stephen.” Jared mumbles, rolling his eyes and looking away from Jensen. “He has been nothing but polite and nice to you when he comes around. What’s your issue with him?”

“I don’t have a problem with that  _kid_ ,” Jensen snaps defensively, going back to his bed. “I barely know him, why would I have some kind of issue with him?”

“You tell me! You’re the only one who doesn’t seem to like him around here!”

Even Oscar likes Stephen. And that might have something to do with the fact that Stephen loves dogs too but hey,  _Oscar doesn’t like Cindy_.

“So what if I don’t? I don’t have to adore all your freaking  _friends_ , Jay!”

“Nobody says you have to!”  _Where is that even coming from?_  Jared is not asking his brother to kiss the ground Stephen walks on. Just for him to pretend to be nice at least. Is that so hard? “All I’m asking is for you to not act like you can’t stand to see him around!”

“I would if at least you chose to hang out with him here!” Jensen groans, falling back on the back, arms behind his head as he looks to the ceiling, obviously pissed off. “All you do since you meet that Stephen guy is run off to be with him any chance you get!”

“That’s bullshit!”

It’s not that much bullshit, but  _still_. What is Jensen’s problem with all this? He’s the one running after Cindy to live with her at Austin so he’s got some nerve to give Jared shit for wanting to spend time with Stephen!

“Oh, please.” Jensen smirks sarcastically, shaking his head. “I have barely seen you for days because all you want to do is hang out with that guy, Jared. Doesn’t he have other friends?”

“You never seemed to mind when I go out with Chad or Sandy. What is it about Stephen that bothers you so much, Jensen?”

“I just don’t like him!” His brother seems more than done talking about it, turning to stare at Jared with an angered expression. It still feels new, for them to fight this way. Now it’s not the first time but its sure is just as uncomfortable _. It’s not them_. They don’t fix problems by yelling and getting pissed at everything the other says.

“You could still be nice! I have been nice to  _all_  your girlfriends  _always!”_  Girlfriends that got everything Jared could dream of. Girlfriends who got to touch, kiss and be with Jensen in the way Jared wished he could right in front of his face.

And Jared was still polite even when his stupid heart was breaking because he knew how much it meant for Jensen for him and his girlfriends to get along.

“It’s not the same!” Jensen sits back up, and something in his face throws Jared off for a moment. “They were my girlfriends, Stephen is  _not_  your—!” His brother stops for a split second, looking for the confirmation of what he’s about to say. “He’s— he’s not your boyfriend, right?”

There’s  _something_  in his tone. The way he’s looking at Jared.  _What is going on with Jensen?_

“Well, n-no.” Jared looks down blushing at the admission. “We’re not there yet. But that’s not the point here, okay?” It doesn’t matter what he is with Stephen. They are just friends until now and Jensen hasn’t been exactly the sweetest person regardless of it. “I’m nice to your friends; I’m nice to all your couples! And you want to hear something?” Jared can play this game too. Jensen wants to be an ass about the people he likes to be around? Well, Jared got some news for his stepbrother. “I don’t like Cindy all that much and yet I’m still nice to her!”

He expects Jensen to get really angry at him for that, Jared is

“Well, we broke up a week ago so you can dislike her all you fucking please!”

Jared’s chokes on his own words before he can reply anything.

 _What. The. Fuck_.

The first thing he thinks it’s that it can’t be truth. Jensen got so riled up with their discussion he said something that makes no sense and he’s about to take it back. Jared looks at him in silence, waiting for him to say that’s not really truth, but he doesn’t. Jensen huffs and looks away again, nibbling on his lower lip.

_Is it true? Jensen and Cindy broke up?_

And it happened a fucking week ago? How come Jared didn’t hear of it? These are huge news! Like the biggest damn news he heard so far this year.

He can’t believe Jensen didn’t bring it up sooner. This is the girl he was supposed to move in with. The person Jensen was ready to start a live together with.  _And he didn’t tell Jared the second it was all over_. He feels a little bitter and cranky when he focuses on that part. He and Jensen are supposed to be really close. And yes, he’s trying to put some “healthy” space between them but still. He deserves to know if something like  _this_  happens!

“Jensen.  _What?”_  Jared blinks, feeling his brain filling with questions too fast for him to pick a more logic one. “ _Jen_.”

He walks towards the bed, completely forgetting his moment of anger and their main discussion about Stephen. That can wait. It’s suddenly not a top priority or anything.

There are so many things he wants to know. When it happens, how it happened, who did the first step to start the “we’re done” conversation.

But above everything, there’s one thing Jared needs to know right now and what he cares for the most.

“Jen, are you alright?” He doesn’t like Cindy all that much. He doesn’t like her taking his brother away. He’s jealous that she gets to love his brother in front of everybody while Jared has to keep it as his constant dirty little secret, but if she made Jensen happy and now his brother is in pain because of it Jared will help him to get her back no matter what. “Oh, fuck, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry, Jay.” Jensen sighs and then smiles just so. This time, Jared can tell it’s the real deal. “I’m actually just—  _fine_. I thought I would be really bummed but I’m not. I don’t mean to sound rude, Cindy was special to me, but I’m not even sad.”

Woah, okay. This is huge.

Jared is instantly relieved to hear Jensen is not hurt or having a hard time over the break up. As long as Jensen is alright he can handle the rest.

And honestly,  _this is fucking huge_.

“You don’t care you broke up?” Jared moves on the bed instantly and Jensen scoots over to make more room for him. He crosses his legs and waits impatiently for the answer, hoping it doesn’t look like he’s starting to enjoy the shit out of this conversation.

“I sound like an asshole, don’t I?” Jensen chuckles, biting his lip and giving Jared a guilty look. Jared wants nothing more than kiss it away. “I swear I liked her and I enjoyed our time together but…God, I’m really not a little bit sad.”

 _Not even a little bit_. He could be a fraction of sad, but he’s not. Jared feels like he just woke up in the middle of Christmas morning all over again.

“Hey, it’s not your fault. What can you do if you don’t feel that way?”

Jensen laughs this time, pulling Jared close. He’s more than pleased to have to scoot even closer to his brother and put his head over his shoulder. “I know but I feel like I should, you know?”

“So, what happened? I thought you were Disney World level of happy together.” Jensen chuckles again, making Jared proud of causing him to keep smiling his real smiles thanks to his silly comments.  “I mean, you were going to move in with her.”

“You want to know something? That was her idea. I wasn’t that convinced.”

 _Holy fucking shit_. This thing just keeps getting better.

Jared has to repress an excited gasp to hear it, head turning so fast to look at Jensen he thinks he pulled a muscle on his neck. No big deal, he can handle with the pain later.

“Oh God, you’re kidding me! You didn’t want to move to Austin?”

“Do I look like someone who would be up and ready to move out? Jay, I have been coming back home as much as possible in the last four years. I love living here.”

It’s probably one of the best thirty minutes of Jared’s life. To sit there and listen to Jensen explain how he was never one hundred percent convinced about leaving to Austin but he was doing it to please Cindy. Apparently they had been having some troubles and Jensen was ready to try to make the relationship work since he liked Cindy enough to compromise. One of the things she didn’t like was how he would always spend all of his free time going back to San Antonio rather that staying with her. She kind of guilty tripped Jensen about still being so drawn to his parents’ home —  _boy, did Jared get angry to hear that part_  —, telling him how he was soon going to graduate and needed to start thinking about his future. Was he always going to keep traveling back home? Jensen wanted to get his master’s degree at Austin too so the adult thing to do would be to get a real apartment and keep moving on with his life.

He liked Cindy and wanted things to work out with them. She has pretty good arguments to slowly convince him of her idea to live together and have Jensen moving to another city to keep studying while working.

Jensen was ready to give it a try but he was never one hundred percent convinced. That was what eventually made it all come crashing down.

Now Jared understands what Jensen meant that night when he came into his room when he was pretending to be sick and said that sometimes _‘you gotta do what you gotta do.’_

His brother never wanted to do any of it but thought that he had to.

“As soon as I moved back here I started to realize I didn’t miss her.” Jensen whispers and Jared bites his tongue to not laugh out loud, full of delight. They are both lying down on the bed now, squeezed together so they can fit side by side. “I mean, sure, I liked having her around and she’s a really great girl but I didn’t feel like I couldn’t go on if she wasn’t with me.”

Best conversation of Jared’s life,  _he swears to God_. “Damn, that’s harsh.” He chuckles this time and Jensen doesn’t take long to join him.

“Tell me about it. I started to think _, ‘shouldn’t I miss her more than anything?’_  This is the girl I’m moving in with next summer; I should want nothing more than be at her side and feel awful whenever she leaves. But I didn’t.” Jensen shrugs and then hums, suddenly realizing something. “It’s like— I should miss her like I miss you, you know? I fucking hated leaving San Antonio because it always meant seeing you a lot less.” His brother sighs, and then adds. “Being away from her never even compared to how I felt when I had to be away from you.”

Jared is not sure if Jensen realizes what he’s doing to him at that moment but he could start crying at any second now. It feels like his heart hurts in his chest but in the best fucking way it ever did in his life. Knowing that Jensen’s feelings for Cindy doesn’t compare to the ones he has for him is beyond mind-blowing. And they might be only brotherly feelings, nothing like the romantic ones Jared has in return, but at that moment he doesn’t give a fuck.

Jensen has always missed him as much as he does when he has to leave.  _He missed him more than he ever missed Cindy._

Jared could choke on the bliss pumping in his body right that second and he would die utterly happy.

Knowing his brother cares that much for him means the world to him. He might never get Jensen loving him back and Jared might be trying to move away from that feeling but in moments like this, hearing Jensen saying something like  _that_ , makes Jared realize that as long as he has a portion of Jensen’s love —  _any_  kind of love — he’s the luckiest guy on earth.

As long as he got Jensen, he got everything.

“There’s nothing I hate more than watching you leave.” Jared whispers, turning his face to stare at Jensen. He smiles in return, sweet and full of emotion, one of his hands moving close so he can stroke Jared’s hair carefully.

Jared wishes they could stay like that forever. The two of them pressed together on Jensen’s bed, looking at each other and talking how they can barely make it when they are apart.

He’s not certain of how long they stay there in silence, simply looking at each other while Jensen strokes his hair and he absently rubs the back of Jensen’s hand with his thumb.

All Jared knows for sure is that loving his brother is what he was created for.

 

  
—

 

 

For Jensen’s birthday, there’s a huge party planned.

More because of all the things they are going to do rather than the size of the thing itself, but Jared couldn’t be more excited either way. It’s Jensen’s birthday. The perfect reason to spend more time that he’s allowed to around his brother like they used to.

Tom and Mike are traveling all the way from California for an entire week to visit Jensen. On Saturday night they are all going to a local bar at San Antonio along with Chris and Alona; the best part? Jared is included in it too. Jensen asked him a couple weeks before if he wanted to tag along — he can bring his friends if he wants to — and as soon as Jared almost beamed in response his brother started to make arrangements with Alona to get them fake IDs.

On Sunday, after the party, Jensen and his friends are taking a short trip together. They don’t get the chance to hang out that often since Tom and Mike left and Jared understands it’s a “friends only” kind of moment. He’s more than happy that he gets to be in one of the parts of Jensen’s celebration so he tells Jensen to not worry about it when he suggest Jared can come with them too.

Sometimes he wants time with Chad and Sandy alone too and as much as he loves having Jensen around there are moments when you just want to be with friends. Jared tells Jensen to go and enjoy his trip with them, they get few opportunities to hang out together like they did back in High School; he’ll stay home.

Not to mention he has school and tons of homework. His parents wouldn’t give him permission to skip to go traveling with Jensen.

He’s already testing his luck by using a fake ID without their parents finding out and ripping him and Jensen new asses. It all works out thanks to his aunt getting sick and needing Donna and Gerald traveling to Dallas to make a quick visit —  _‘thanks to’, Jared feels like an ass_ —, thankfully it’s nothing too bad but they want to be sure everything is alright.

Their mom insists she feels awful for not being around for his son’s birthday but Jensen assures her it's fine. Their aunt needs them and he’s going to be out during Saturday night and then leave for three days with his friends. They can all celebrate in family once their parents are back, is no big deal.

Jared can tell she’s not exactly happy about it but there’s no other option. Jared promises he’ll cook Jensen his favorite meal that day in her name and Donna leaves him money so he and Chad can order pizza on Saturday night after Jensen leaves with his friends.  _Because she thinks they are staying home._ Jared is keeping his fingers crossed for them to not figure out what he’s actually going to be up to.

As soon as their parents leave on Friday Jensen is out the door with Jared to go pick the fake IDs from Alona’s place. Chad knows someone they could get them from a little cheaper but Jared knows his brother used to get fake IDs all the time when he was in High School so he prefers letting Jensen do the illegal work.

Things seem to be getting better with them for the past weeks, kind of how it used to be before. Not in the sense of how much time they spend together — Jared still has thousand things to do and Jensen has his new job — but for how it feels to be around each other.

Jared thinks is because of that conversation they had about Jensen breaking up with Cindy — that it still looks like it’s permanent and there’s not a chance of them getting back together; Jared wishes he could hide how happy that makes him — and at the same time it seems like it’s something else.

He can’t exactly describe it, it’s just  _there_.

Maybe is the fact that now Jensen isn’t moving out in summer. He’s still planning to get his master’s degree at UT but he’s going to get a new dorm and keep traveling back to San Antonio on the weekends.

Jared doesn’t feel like his time with Jensen is slipping from his fingers.

The plan for him to move on started from the foundation that Jensen was leaving him. Now he’s staying, but Jared had enough time to think about it in the last months and realize that he has to let go of Jensen anyway. It needs to happen whether he likes it or not. He already started the process so he might as well keep going with it.

At least now he knows his brother will still be  _there_  even after Jared finally succeeds on getting over his feelings for him.

It’s a goddamn relief and makes things much easier.

The morning of Jensen’s birthday Jared is cheesy enough to wake up early to make him breakfast, bake him a little cake and take it to his room.  _Perfect reason to spend more time with Jensen than he’s usually allowed._ Jared wasn’t joking about that.

He leaves everything on the bedside table before jumping into the bed to wake his brother; soon enough they end almost wrestling over it with Jensen tickling him and calling him a horrible person for waking him up like  _that_  on  _his-fucking-birthday_ until Jared is laughing so hard he feels tears falling down his cheeks. They settle down after Jensen makes him call uncle, rolling off of him while Jared is still giggling, telling him to eat his damn breakfast already and stop being such a cranky old man.

That earns him another five minutes of Jensen tickling him and making him cry from laughter.

They eat together sitting a little too close to each other on Jensen’s bed, opening the presents their parents left and giving Jared the opportunity to give Jensen what he bought for him.

It took a considerable chunk of money from what he has been making at the shelter since last year. It’s worth every penny when Jensen rips off the colorful paper and sees the autographed Led Zeppelin album, looking like he’s about to get a heart attack from simply holding it in his hands.

Jensen basically tackles him on the bed with a bone crushing hug, arms firmly wrapped around Jared’s waist and face pressed to his neck, thanking him over and over again so fast Jared can  barely understand what he’s saying.

“Holy shit! Jared!” Jensen keeps turning the vinyl in his hands, mouth open and letting out little gasps. Jared feels in heaven. “This must have been expensive as fuck!”

“Well, a little, but it was an auction on eBay. I got around it pretty good.” He says proudly.

“I can’t fucking believe this. Thank you so much little brother.” Jensen pulls Jared close again, pressing a loud kiss to Jared’s forehead. He chuckles and almost nuzzles on Jensen’s neck, heart pounding out of control in his chest.

He loves Jensen’s birthdays.

The rest of the day seems to pass  in a blink. Jensen has to leave to go pick Tom and Mike from the airport and Chad gets there while Jared is cooking lunch as he promised to Donna, making sure to add everything Jensen likes. Gross coconut rice and all.

Sandy can’t go with them to the bar that night because she’s grounded after smacking Tahmoh’s face with a locker’s door and getting detention for a month. Jared feels bad for it; she was just doing it to defend him. Tahmoh came to stand next to Jared’s locker last week and got pretty rude with the things he was saying; he found out Jared was kind of dating Stephen and was still bitter about Jared “dumping him” at the restaurant weeks ago and somehow half the school hearing about it — Chad’s doing, Jared guesses —.  Sandy’s patience got to her limits when Tahmoh moved from rude to hurtful and offensive, swinging the door of Jared’s locker open and hitting Tahmoh right in the face. He broke his nose and needed five stitches because of it.

She keeps saying it’s fine and for them to have fun when they talk on the phone and Jared puts her on speaker so he can keep cooking. Chad has the mission to not let Jared spend every second of the night with Jensen but Jared knows his best friend enough to be sure he’s going to get too drunk to be able to do that.

They have lunch with Tom and Mike when Jensen drives them home. Jared gets a little bit nervous around Tom, as he always has, because Tom is the one Jared likes the most from all of Jensen’s friends since they were all kids. Tom doesn’t seem to notice, happily chatting with him about how much Jared is growing up and complimenting his cooking abilities — making Jared blush dark red and stutter in return — until Jensen clears his throat and jokingly says  _“I’m getting a little jealous over here, Jay. This is why I don’t like inviting Tom over.”_

Mike replies that he’ll give him Tom if Jared promises to cook for him for a year in return and they all laugh and seem move past Jensen’s comment without digging too much into it. His brother winks at him from across the table and Jared beams on his sit, looking down with a smile so big it hurts his cheeks.

Alona and Chris get there at night and then they are all ready to leave.

The fake IDs work perfectly. Jared is a little nervous when he has to show it to the security guy at the door but he only takes a quick look to the picture and Jared’s fake birth date before letting him in. The place is fucking  _huge_ and they get one of the last empty tables at the bar to sit down and start ordering drinks.

They order the weirder and most expensive drink they can find for Jensen and then pass it around between them when he can’t bare to finish it.

If there’s something Jared has always liked it how amazing Jensen’s friends are. He has known them all his life and they are all incredibly nice to him and Chad. They don’t treat them as kids ruining the night or like they have to babysit them, making them feel part of the group and including them in their jokes and making them part of the conversation. They order beers and talk about Jensen’s embarrassing stories from High School and college until they are all laughing at his stepbrother’s expense.

Jared doesn’t know how long they stay there laughing and drinking but after a while everybody evaporates from the table momentarily. He can see Chad and Alona doing tequila shots at the bar and it seems like Tom and Mike decided to go dance. Chris is nowhere to be found and Jensen is coming back with a bottle of water for them to share.

They have been both drinking enough to feel buzzed, still far away from getting drunk. Not that Jared wants to and Jensen says he doesn’t need to be hungover for the trip, so they decided to stay away from the drunken area for the night.

“Having fun?” Jensen asks loudly, leaning close until his mouth is inches away from Jared’s ear so he can hear him. He opens the bottle of water to take a sip and then passes it to Jared, staying pressed in each other’s spaces.

Jared takes the bottle with a smile, leaning to talk close to Jensen’s ear as well. “Tons! This is place is amazing!”

It’s the first time he has been at a bar being the  _goody-goody_  guy Jensen always says he is. He’s a worrywart so he would have been freaking out about being caught in any other case, the fact that Jensen is there makes Jared feel like everything is okay. Nothing bad can ever happen while his stepbrother is there with him.

He takes a sip of the water and keeps grinning at Jensen, letting himself think how they are basically indirect-kissing since they are drinking from the same bottle.  _Romantic fool indeed._  Jared will take anything he can get when it comes to this kind of things and Jensen.

His brother takes a look around, same amused smile lingering to his lips and making him look way too attractive for his own good. Jensen is the definition of gorgeous. Jared wishes he could sit around and stare at him all day.

“The music is pretty good, too.” Jensen turns around, suddenly offering him his hand. “Care to dance?”

Jared snorts, leaning back into his hair and shaking his head violently. “You must be joking!” the music is good and everybody at the huge dance floor seem to be having a great time. There’s just one little problem with Jensen’s suggestion. “You know I can dance for shit, Jensen!”

Not to mention they have never danced  _together_. Jensen must be really feeling the couple beers he had so far because where is this coming from?

“Oh, come on! Just for fun!” Jensen insists, keeping his hand extended towards Jared. “You have always said you want to be able to dance with someone who doesn’t care that you suck.” That’s true. Fuck him for having such good memory. “You are a  _Dirty Dancing_  fan after all! As long as you don’t think is lame to fulfill that illusion with your brother, of course.”

If only Jensen knew that it happening with him would make it beyond perfect.

Jared chuckles, biting his lower lip and considering it, eyeing Jensen’s hand. It looks like none of their friends are coming back to the table yet and the place is so huge that nobody is going to notice Jared being the worst dancer in the whole world.

“Please?” Jensen says with that voice Jared can’t resist. “Nobody puts Baby in a corner!”

“ _Oh God_. Fine!” Jared gives in with a nervous laugh, leaving the bottle on the table and taking his brother’s hand, letting him lead him all the way to the middle of the dance floor. 

The bar is completely packed which makes it a difficult task to move in between the other people dancing and drinking but Jensen makes sure to keep his hand locked in a tight grip, leading Jared in between the crowd until it feels like they are lost in the sea of people. Jensen turns around with a smile, leaning to press his mouth against his ear, needing to speak even louder now that they are closer to the huge speakers. Jared takes a sharp breath at the sudden lack of space, feeling Jensen’s hand slide up from his hand to his shoulder, keeping their bodies close.

“Nobody here cares if you can’t dance! There’re tons of people here, nobody is going to focus on us.” He pulls back and gives Jared an encouraging nod that makes Jared relax instantly, looking around them. Jensen is right. There are so many couples dancing and everybody seem to be having too much of a good time to sit around and judge if anybody there can’t dance to save their lives. When he looks back at his brother, feeling more excited, Jensen winks at him and mouths  _‘let’s have some fun’_ , suddenly grabbing his hand again to make Jared twirl, causing him to start laughing, letting Jensen turn him around.

It doesn’t take him much time for Jared to start enjoying himself, only focusing on Jensen and the music, not caring how badly he’s probably doing it or how Jensen is way better at him than this. Jensen doesn’t seem to mind, either, smiling at Jared the whole time and looking like he’s having the time of his life.

They aren’t dancing together as much as other couples are, but it’s pretty close to it. It’s no slow dancing from the romantic movies Jared loves; Jensen doesn’t have his hands around his waist and he’s not able to lean his head on Jensen’s should. And it still works.

He and Jensen don’t touch like the other couples do but they still  _touch_. They are small, simple touches that might look like nothing to other people while they mean the world to Jared. Jensen’s hands holding his hips and pressing him a little closer, legs brushing and arms brushing, their chests almost pressed together thanks to how full the dance floor is.

The bar being so packed and nobody around them knowing who Jared is serves for two things: first, he can relax about any of them noticing what a sucky dancer he is. And second, it means nobody there knows they are brothers.

Jared can move closer to Jensen at moments, put his own hands on Jensen’s back and slide them down his spine, only to get a smirk in return from stepbrother and him brushing Jared’s sweaty hair out of his forehead, cupping his face for a second before moving his hands back to his hips.

He doesn’t know why but Jared knows Jensen is thinking the same.  _They can do this_. The touching, moving in each other’s spaces without anybody judging; Jensen leaning close to joke in Jared’s ear and Jared pressing his face into Jensen’s neck to laugh against his skin, bodies slightly rubbing against one another.

Other people must think they just met and they are flirting for the first time. Some of them can even think they might be a couple. None of them know that if they did this someplace else they would probably get weird stares from friends and people who know they are family.

Jared has always wanted to touch Jensen more than he’s allowed. It feels natural when they are alone in one of their rooms or there’s nobody around in the house. They brush against each other more often, sitting so close it would be uncomfortable with anybody else, being physical for no reason. They touch, hug and are all over the other when they are alone. It has never crossed the line Jared wants but he still knows they are more physical than any other siblings he knows.

It’s the first time he can do it like this, in public, with tons of people moving and dancing around them when Jared presses a kiss to Jensen’s cheek and whispers  _“happy birthday”._  Jensen wraps his arms around his body in response, keeping Jared pressed tight to his chest while they keep dancing, kissing his forehead in return. Jensen slides his lips down one side of Jared’s face until he gets to his cheek, causing Jared to smile so he can kiss him again right over one of his dimples.

They look at each other for a second and it’s like a sudden silent agreement that  _yes_  they are touching and kissing more than they should and  _yes_ , it’s not normal, but they also don’t care. It’s obvious that they are having a great time and enjoying whatever it is that is going on between them in the middle of a bar where nobody they know is close enough to make it feel wrong. So they keep going.

Dancing, touching, flirting and making sure to add kisses that might look innocent. On their cheeks, foreheads, hands. Whatever they can get that doesn’t become “too far” but is enough to pretend is more than a casual kiss between brothers.

Jared thinks he never had a better night in his life.

They only go back to the table when they are too exhausted to keep dancing. Jared is sweating past his shirt and Jensen’s face is so red it makes his freckles stand out. They hold hands walking out of the crowd and make sure to stay pressed close when they have to stop touching in front of everybody else.

Is no surprise to find the rest of their friends piss drunk at the table. Mike completely passed out and is using Tom’s right arm as pillow, snorting loudly while Tom and Chris record him with their phones and loud way too much at something that is not that funny. Alona can’t stand by herself and Chad seems like he’s the more coherent one, although he keeps talking about some nonsense he read online the other day the empty sit by his side.

Jensen says is time for them to leave and Jared couldn’t agree more. Tom makes sure to carry Mike to the car and Chris helps Alona. Chad gives Jared a weird look while they leave the bar and it looks like he knows what he has been up to. In the end, Chad just claps his back and doesn’t say anything, squeezing himself between Chris and Mike in the back of Jensen’s car.

It’s good that he and Jensen didn’t drink more than a couple beers or else they would not be able to drive back home.

They only drop Chad off at his place. All of Jensen’s friends are staying for the night to leave for their trip the next day. Is easier if they all wake up there so nobody is late the next morning.

There aren’t enough beds for everybody though and he and Jensen aren’t anybody sleep at their parent’s room for shit. Alona gets the guest room, Chris falls asleep on the couch as soon as they walk in and Jensen tells Tom and Mike that they can take his bed for the night. He’ll go look for one of the old air mattresses they have at the garage.

“Hey, we can share my room.” Jared shrugs before Jensen goes downstairs again. “As long as you promise not to kick me or drool on my pillows.”

Jensen seems like he considers it, rubbing is chin. “I can’t make any promises.”

“Then good luck sleeping on that shitty air mattress, birthday boy.”

They both stare at each other for a moment, trying to hold their smiles and look serious right before Jensen calls dibs for the right side of the bed and runs to Jared’s room. Jared curses and rushes behind him, trying to grab Jensen’s shirt to make him stop. He always sleeps curled on the right side of the bed. Jensen will get pushed off and will have to sleep on the floor if he even dares.

Jensen makes it to the bed first but Jared almost tackles him a second later, clinging to his back laughing before Jensen turns around and gets rid of him, starting a really funny wrestling competition over his blankets. They laugh and huff for good ten minutes, pulling old tricks like they did when they were kids like tickling, pulling each other’s hair playfully or threatening to lick the other. Jensen wins the match, distracting Jared for a moment before pinning him down when he manages to get back on top of him.

“Right side is all mine, Jay.” He announces with a cocky voice while Jared chuckles and tries to get free. Jensen easily pins both of his arms over his head with one hand, using the other to start tickling Jared again.

“No, no,  _no—!”_  Jared howls between laughter, kicking and trying to get free. “Fuck! Okay, you win, you annoying birthday child! You can have the right side!”

“That’s what I like to hear.” Jensen winks, finally stopping the dam tickles but not freeing Jared just yet.

“You cheated anyway.” He snorts, breathing heavily under Jensen.

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“And you’re one to complain about me kicking when you snore like a banshee.” Jensen pinches Jared’s sides with two fingers, making him squirm over the mattress while he tries to get away from the touch in between giggles. Jared is not even buzzed anymore after not drinking anything after dancing with Jensen but it feels like it, a happy and blessed sensation making his body tingle as Jensen keeps trying to make him laugh.

“Whatever! Nothing is worst than drooling.” He makes a gagging noise, wrinkling his nose. “Leaving spit everywhere while you sleep, that’s other level of grossness, Jensen.”

“Why are you being mean to me on  _my_  birthday? That’s just uncalled for, Jay.”

His brother keeps digging his fingers on his ribs, almost making Jared vibrate on the bed as he tries to hold it together to not start cackling like a mad man again. They are both out of breath and Jared’s hair is a mess until Jensen stops tickling him to brush his bangs out of his forehead. Jared closes his eyes for a second and nuzzles into the touch, remembering Jensen kissing the same spot he’s now stroking with his palm. He lets out a little happy sigh before opening his eyes again, finding Jensen looking directly at him with a serious expression.

“Well, it looks like your birthday was over like two hours ago.” He chuckles, feeling Jensen’s hand slide from his forehead to his cheek. He slips one of his wrists from Jensen’s hold over his head, using his own hand to put it over Jensen’s on his face. “I’m willing to share beds with you only because I’m the  _best_  brother in the world and you are probably  _dying_  to share a bed with me and do something embarrassing like cuddle me and hug me the entire night until we wake up and _—_ ”

Jared doesn’t even see it coming. He’s too busy talking shit to try to make Jensen start laughing at him and say he’s out of his mind when it happens.

Jensen suddenly, and without any warning, leans down and presses their lips together, finally kissing Jared.

It feels like everything implodes around him, like his entire life is crashing on and over him from the moment Jensen’s lips touches his own. Jared has been dreaming about being able to kiss Jensen most of his teenage years, he thought about it until it became an obsession itself. He wanted his first kiss to be with Jensen and felt like he was cheating when it happened with someone else. Jared thought about Jensen after the first time he kissed Jason and doesn’t seem able to get his mind away from his brother the times he has kissed Stephen.

But as much as he thought about it, he also knew it would never happen. It was labeled as complete and utter fantasy in his head until that night, two seconds ago.

 _Jensen is kissing him_. The motion sounds ridiculous and yet there he is, pressed under his brother and feeling him carefully letting go of his other wrists to he can properly cup Jared’s face and deepen the kiss when Jared slowly starts to kiss him back.

The sudden realization of the meaning behind that kiss is what makes him gasp and squeeze one of Jensen’s hands.

It’s all he has ever wanted since Jared has memory. And now it’s finally fucking happening.

He throws his arms around Jensen’s neck, pulling his brother down so there’s no space in between them, making sure to return the kiss  _for real_  now.

It’s not like kissing Jason or Stephen, the rush of feelings and joy almost overwhelming. It’s ten times sweeter than Jason’s kiss and yet way more passionate than the one he shared with Stephen.  _It’s perfect._  And how cliché of Jared to label his first kiss with the love of his life as "perfect". But it is. With just the right amount sweetness he always gets from Jensen and the desperate urge of  _want_  and  _need_  that none of them seems to be able to control at the moment.

He can hear his own heartbeat in his ear, the sound of  _‘yes, yes, yes’_ with each thumb of his chest encouraging him to open his lips and slide his tongue in Jensen’s mouth so they can properly make out. He’s not an expert or anything and yet he doesn’t care.  _He’s kissing Jensen_. Jared doubts he will ever care for anything again.

It feels like Jensen’s hands are suddenly everywhere, moving from his face to his neck, and then dong his chest, touching and groping over Jared’s clothes.

He hears Jensen humming his name against his lips and it makes Jared’s toes curl and his heart swell in his chest.

The space in the middle of his body that always seems to be calling and aching for Jensen stops hurting all together. All the cracks and empty gaps between his bones filling up and making Jared feel whole for the first time in his life.

Everything is in place and how it has always supposed to be. He feels comfortable in his skin and so filled with happiness he could cry from it.

That’s when the door swings open and Alona stumbles in Jared’s room. Between Jensen carefully stroking his right cheek with his thumb and Jared trying to start sucking Jensen’s lower lip.

They both pull apart as if they just got electrocuted, ending at the opposite sides of the bed.

Alona blinks, staring at them and then breaks in loud cackles, covering her eyes.

“Jesus fuck, Tom! Mike!” She bats one hand in their direction before turning away, looking for the door. “Don’t go at it on someone else’s bed! You two are too horny all the time!”

She snorts and almost trips on her way of the room, giggling and mumbling about how she’s  _so_  going tell Jensen how Tom and Mike were almost  _fucking_  on his little brother’s bed.

Jared covers his mouth, taking a deep breath after what he thinks it feels like a little heart attack. He turns to look at Jensen, who’s also staring back at him without saying a word. He seems just as startled, breathing fast and erratic. It doesn’t seem like Alona realized it was actually them, thinking she ran into Tom and Mike making out.  She had a lot to drink that night so it’s not much of a surprise.

They look at each other in silence for a long second before they hear something breaking outside and Alona giggling again. Jensen shifts on the bed, looking at Jared and then at the door.

“I’m going to make sure she makes it back to the guest room alright. I’ll be right back.” Jensen whispers and he nods in return, helping his brother untangle himself from the mess of blankets so he can rush to help Alona before she gets hurt.

As soon as Jensen leaves his room, Jared lets himself back on the bed, starting to laugh quietly.

The rush of adrenaline he got when he thought they got caught was pretty scary, but as it slowly fades away Jared can still feel the pleasing bliss he had from kissing Jensen.

His brother. Lifetime impossible crush.  _Kissing him_.

Jared laughs again and then turns to hide his face on his pillow, not knowing what to do with himself. He wants to jump around and yell until his throat hurts. He’s so happy he doesn’t know how to handle it. Jensen just kissed him which of course has to mean that he’s at least starting to feel like Jared has for the past years.

_Jensen. Fucking. Kissed. Him._

He wants to stay awake and wait for his stepbrother to be back so they can keep going. Jared just got the first taste and knows he won’t be able to get enough of the soft feeling of Jensen’s lips and the way he would cup his face and stroke his cheeks as they kissed.

Jared really wants to stay awake. Yet he can feel all the emotions and exhaustion from the day combine with the alcohol he drank that night and starting to drift his mind away. He can hear Jensen whispering outside and trying to get Alona to come to him to the guests’ room; he told Jared he would be back soon. Jared wants to wait for him.

After a couple minutes of fighting with his heavy eyelids, he gives up, turning on the bed and hugging one of his pillows. Jensen is coming back at some point and they are going to share the bed anyway. That’s enough to make Jared fall asleep with a little smile on his lips, knowing they will be able to talk about it in the morning when Jensen wakes right next to him.

 

 

   _—_

 

 

Jared blinks awake the next morning when he hears Jensen softly calling him and shaking his shoulder, his brother’s voice talking about  _something_  that Jared simply can’t concentrate on. It’s nice enough to hear Jensen anyway so he hums and hugs his pillow tighter, nodding along even if he’s not paying attention to what his brother is saying.

“Jay.” Jensen insists, shaking him again gently. “Come on, take these painkillers. I don’t want you to get a headache like you did last time you went drinking, little brother.”

That somehow manages to make Jared focus a little more, cracking one eye open. Jensen is sitting at the edge of the bed with a glass of water and a pill of ibuprofen on his palm. The sight of his stepbrother causes him to suddenly remember what happened last night. They dancing and flirting at the bar, wrestling on the bed playfully and then Jensen leaning down and  _kissing him_. The rush of happiness is back just like that, pushing Jared to blink awake and sit on the bed.

He doesn’t really feel hungover. Jared feels  _fantastic_. He obviously got asleep last night waiting for Jensen to come back but now they can sit and talk about what happened.

“There you go,” Jensen smiles slightly when Jared yawns and then takes the pill. Now that Jared starts to be more awake he can see Jensen already took a shower and is wearing something different than last night. “I wanted to make sure you were alright before leaving with the guys.”

Fuck, the trip. Jared completely forgot Jensen will be gone for the next days.

That’s a real mood kill. He here thought he would be able to drag Jensen back in bed and cuddle with him for a couple hours before going to get breakfast together and possibly spend the rest of the day talking about  _why Jensen kissed_  him and  _what took him so fucking long_  in between making out.

He’ll have to wait to do that until Jensen is back.

Jared whispers  _“thank you”_  to his brother with a little grin, taking the glass from his hand. He can feel Jensen’s eyes on him while he swallows the ibuprofen and drinks down some water. It’s kind of an awkward silence but Jared doesn’t mind. Of course it’s going to be a little uncomfortable until they both talk it out  _—_ that’s expected after kissing with your stepbrother,  _mind you —_ , but it will all be alright soon enough.

“Are you leaving soon _—?”_

“Jared, listen _—”_

They both start at the same time when Jared puts down the glass and then stop. Jared tries not to chuckle, looking at Jensen and nodding at him so he starts talking first.

“Jay, look.” Jensen takes a deep breath, rubbing his hands together. It’s not until then that Jared realizes how nervous he looks.  _It’s him._  Jensen doesn’t have to be nervous around  _him_. Much less after last night and what it means for both of them. “I think I maybe drank a lot when we were at the bar, I don’t know.”

Jared blinks, not expecting that _. No he didn’t_. Jensen had as much as he did and it wasn’t more than two beers. That’s why they were able to get their friends out of the bar and why Jensen could drive them without trouble. Jensen said himself he didn’t want to drink that much because of the trip.

“And I know that’s no excuse,  _I know it,”_  Jensen sighs again and then takes a moment to rub his eyes. He looks tired, like he didn’t really sleep at all last night. Jared wants to argue but Jensen keeps speaking before he can say anything. “I should have known better than that, Jared. I don’t know what happened to me. _”_

“Jensen _—”_  Jared tries to stop him, a smile tugging his lips. He doesn’t need to guilty trip himself about this. He sure started the kiss but of course Jared wanted to kiss him back.  _God, he didn’t think he would actually have to put it into words for Jensen to understand it._ His brother can be so dense.

“No, please let me finish. I really need to apologize. This was all my fault.”

Those words actually do the trick, causing Jared to shut his mouth close.  _Apologize?_  What Jensen needs to apologize for? What the fuck does he mean by “fault”?

“Yesterday when I _— you know,_ ” Jensen moves a hand between them, not even using actual words to describe the fact that they kissed. “I guess I got caught up in the moment or something. We went drinking and dancing and then we were joking and for a second I forgot it was  _you_  and I _— fuck_ , I’m so sorry, Jared. I can’t believe I fucked up this bad.”

He’s going to throw up.

Jared thinks he’s going to get sick, right there, in the middle of Jensen giving a big speech while he tries to apologize for kissing him. He’s going to puke on his bed and then try to jump out of his window.

He feels a painful pinch in his stomach and he holds his breath.

Jared can’t really decide which part hurts the most. The way all the happiness and hope that had been pumping in his body seems to disappear in a painful smack or the different little phrases Jensen just said. Jared can’t honestly pick which one is the worst between  _‘I forgot it was you’_  or his stepbrother implying that him kissing Jared is  _‘fucked up’._

“You’re my little brother, Jared. And I’m sorry if what I did last night makes things weird. The last thing I want to do is ruin our relationship, you know?” Jensen seems a little desperate as he keeps talking, voice quivering as he rubs his hands together and looks around, shaking his head or giving Jared the worst guilty eyes he has ever seen. “I’m such a fucking idiot. But I promise it will never happen again, Jared _. I didn’t mean to do that_.”

Oh God.

Jensen regrets it. That’s what this is all about.

He had a little slip last night and now he’s regretting and apologizing for ever kissing Jared. Jensen didn’t mean to do that. Hell, maybe his brother did drink a lot last night without Jared noticing and everything that happened was because of the influence of the alcohol.

 _How stupid is he?_  How he could  _ever_  think that Jensen would want this to happen? Of course he regrets kissing him. He just called it ‘fucked up’. That’s what Jensen really thinks of the possibility of them being more than brothers or having any kind of romantic feelings for each other.

 _It’s fucked up_. Like Jared has been all his life.

“I mean, we’re brothers.” Jensen gives him a weak smile. Jared wishes he could hide away and not listen to this. He wants to cover his ears and curl back in bed and not have to listen to Jensen say all this to him. “What I did was wrong and I’ll never fuck up like that again, okay? I promise.”

 _Wrong_. Yeah, Jared knows. He has known since he was thirteen and started to notice how he felt different every time he looked at Jensen. The way he wants his stepbrother is wrong. The way he loves Jensen more than anything in the world is fucking wrong.

He came to terms with that long ago. Jared is the definition of wrong and sick and  _fucked up_.

Hearing it from  _Jensen_  hurts more than all of the past years of unrequited love combined.

“Jared?” Jensen whispers, waiting for an answer. He can only manage to look back at him and nod weakly, giving him the best fake-smile he can at the moment. Just looking at Jensen’s face pains him, remembering the sensation of Jensen’s lips brushing his mouth and stroking his face.

He wants Jensen to leave now.  _Please_. Jared has never wanted to be alone as  he does at that moment. He wants to roll in his bed and  _die_. He feels like absolute shit and yet crying in front of his stepbrother doesn’t seem like the best move for him right then.

 _Please?_  Could Jensen just leave him alone  _now?_

“Okay then.” His stepbrother nods and gets up; for a moment Jared thinks he actually said it out loud until he realizes he’s biting the inside of his lips to keep them tight shut. “The guys are waiting for me outside; I just wanted to talk before I left. Take care while I’m gone, alright?”

Jensen stretches his hand out to brush Jared’s bangs out of his forehead as usual but stops right before he can make contact with his skin. Jared can feel his chest tightening when Jensen pulls his hand back with a guilty expression, regretting the touch before it even happens.

“See you in some days, Jay.”

Jared thinks he mumbles a weak  _“bye”_ before Jensen turns around and leaves his room, closing the door behind him. The sound of the main door being closed and Jensen driving away with his friends in his car is just as heartbreaking as the rest of his morning.

He stays there, sitting on his bed and looking at the closed door where Jensen left until his eyes start itching. Jared doesn’t realize he’s crying until a loud sobs comes out of his mouth, curling over himself and hugging his middle, wishing that could be enough to piece everything back together.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Everything after Jensen leaves for that trip feels like a nightmare.

Jared is not sure it’s really happening at times, hoping he’s going to eventually wake up and figure out that none of it happened. That he didn’t get everything he ever wanted just to get it ripped from his hands by Jensen himself.

Loving Jensen was never easy but knowing what he would think of his feeling for him makes it worse than it ever was.

It hurts. All of it. Every moment of every day.

Wherever he goes, whatever Jared does, all he always finds is the pain from Jensen regretting ever kissing him. Jensen apologizing after what Jared thought was one of the best nights of his life. Probably regretting what they did at the bar, they way they touched and looked at each other, finding wrong and fucked up everything that made Jared feel happy and complete for once.

He called Chad and Sandy the day Jensen left and they got there in record time after hearing Jared cry on the phone. Explaining what happened had been bittersweet, both remembering what happened the night before and then repeating what Jensen said in the morning.

“He’s an asshole.” Chad had hissed that afternoon, looking like he wanted to punch something. Or someone. “Jared, I’m sorry, I should have stopped it yesterday at the bar when you guys—”

“No. It’s my own fault.” He had replied, ignoring Sandy’s insistence for him to take a nap and give his body a break after he had such a bad breakdown. Jared doesn’t know how long he cried this time and doesn’t care anymore. “I know what I was getting into and I still kept going anyway.”

Jared got warned more than once about what would happen if he didn’t get over his stepbrother. He knew Jensen would never feel the same way and yet he kept insisting and trying and giving himself fake sparkles of hope. Reading too much into their relationship, lying to himself and saying Jensen was probably feeling and thinking the same.

He trapped himself there and now Jared has to deal with the hell that is inside.

Things turn even worst once Jensen gets back home.

Jared knows he’s acting “weird” around his brother and he doesn’t give a fuck to hide it anymore. He avoids Jensen, doesn’t talk to him, tries to stay as little as possible in the same room and never —under any circumstance — stays alone with him. What used to be a source of comfort now makes Jared feel sick. Having Jensen close enough is stressing and puts Jared on the edge, desperate to put distance between them at any cost.

It’s awkward and uncomfortable to only look at Jensen in the eyes.

Jensen doesn’t say anything in return nor tries to ask him what is going on. He gives Jared space and stays out of his way as much as he needs it. Jared guesses Jensen is thinking he is freaked out because of the kiss.

There’s no point in explaining the real reason. Jensen is staying away and that’s all that matters.

Their parents think they had another fight while they were out of town and once again his mom tries to make peace between them, going to Jared’s room every night and asking him if he wants to talk about whatever happened between him and Jensen. Donna says it can’t be that bad, they need to talk it out and move on. “You have always been such close brothers, honey, I’m sure it was not such a big deal.”

Jared doesn’t try to make an excuse. He lets her talk and talk and then comments he’s really tired and has to go to bed. It becomes a little ritual for almost a week. Donna coming over to ask Jared about the “fight” that never happened and him not giving her a real answer.

He doesn’t have one. He’s just escaping.

From Jensen and the burning pain in the middle of his chest. From the feeling that he wants to scratch his skin off every time he catches Jensen starting at him. Jared wishes he could crawl out of own his body, uncomfortable and disgusted with himself most of the time. He’s sick. He’s so fucking sick. Jensen said so himself. Kissing him was wrong. What would Jensen think if he knew Jared thought it was the best thing to happen to him?

All Jared has been in his life is wrong.

It turns him into an emotional ticking bomb, a walking nervous breakdown ready to explode at any time for no reason. He yells at Jensen one time they bump into each other in the kitchen, backing away as if he just got burned. He doesn’t want Jensen close, doesn’t want Jensen touching him.

Jared wants to be so far away he never feels like a pile of broken pieces every time he looks at his stepbrother. Not being able to feel complete because he can’t be with him.

Getting a taste of what it could have been is more of a torture that repeats in his head like an endless video tape. Jared wishes he could remove it from his head along with Jensen from his heart.

How could Jensen do something like that to him? He always promised he would never let anyone hurt Jared and now look at what he did. It’s really damn ironic that Jensen, his oh-so-protective big brother, is the one doing this to him.

He’s sad and hurt every day. Rinse-repeat. Going to class like that, to his club rehearsals, to work at the shelter, hanging out with Chad, Sandy and eventually Stephen — who keeps asking him what is going on with him but stops once he realizes Jared really doesn’t want to talk about it —, the horrible guttering feeling is always there.

Jared is so tired. It feels like it’s been weeks since the last time he talked to Jensen, hurrying out of his way whenever it looks like his brother wants to talk to him. He doesn’t want to hear it again. Jared had more than enough of Jensen apologizing and saying what he thinks of the possibility of something happening between them.

All he wants is Jensen away from him. It makes everything a little bit easier if Jared doesn’t have to see the regret drawn all over his stepbrother’s face whenever they look at each other.

He’s glad Jensen is not trying to approach him directly and alone. Jared knows he’s not going to be able to handle that.

Then, of course, Jensen changes his mind about giving him his space on a Friday night when Jared is coming back home and their parents are out visiting some of dad’s friends.

Jared gets there in silence, hoping to not catch any attention on himself, thinking there are more people around the house. He would have stayed with Chad until later if he had known it was just Jensen. They weren’t doing anything special that day but lately Jared tries to hide away from his house as much as possible. He would go to Chad or Sandy’s place to sit in silence in their rooms while they do their own thing. That’s way better than staying at home with Jensen.

He tip-toes out of his shoes and heads to the staircase, hoping he can sneak past Jensen’s room without him noticing Jared is home so he can go to bed without talking to anyone.

The light of the living room is not on. That’s what makes him walk past it without noticing that his brother is actually sitting there, waiting for him, until he whispers his name and stands up, walking towards him.

Jared gasps out loud, almost jumping against the wall at the sudden sight of Jensen in front of him. He touches his chest with one hand, blinking at his brother and then back at the living room, trying to figure out where the fuck did Jensen came from.

“You scared me.” He pants, looking down instantly. “I thought you were in your room.”

“Sorry about that.” Jensen doesn’t sound sorry at all but Jared is not about to comment on it, too entertained by the carpet under his feet. “But we need to talk, Jared.”

Oh fuck. No, no, no. Jared needs to get away from there. They don’t need to talk about anything, talking is just going to ruin things even more.

“Jensen— it’s fine. We really don’t have to,” He takes a quick peek at his brother, hands starting to sweat as he pulls back his hair nervously. “I’m really tired and I have to work tomorrow, so…”

“Jared, we do have to. We haven’t spoken in weeks. Are we just going to pretend everything is alright?”

“Yes” Jared mumbles, looking at the staircase now, hoping for his parents to appear. Jensen mumbles ‘not home’ and crosses his arms. “Yes, we are. We are perfectly capable of—”

“But I don’t want us to pretend!” Jensen argues, interrupting him mid-phrase. “Jared, I told you I didn’t want to ruin our relationship and I clearly did that night. Please let me make it up to you. Let me apologize again, fuck, whatever you need me to do I will.”

“No!” He almost yells this time, surprising Jensen for a split second. “Jensen, stop. Please stop apologizing, you don’t need to anymore.”

Jared can’t handle another round of that. He had more than enough the morning after Jensen’s birthdays. The things he said are still chasing him weeks later. He doesn’t need to add more to the already huge guilt and sadness he has been carrying around ever since. Jared tries to turn around to go upstairs but Jensen grabs his left wrist before he can leave.

He shakes Jensen away and tugs his arm from his brother’s hold so hard Jared almost falls, pressing his body against the wall and looking at Jensen like a cornered animal. Jensen’s face looks equally confused and hurt at his almost violent reaction, reaching over and whispering “Jay” with that gentle voice that always helped Jared calm down but now it only serves to put his nerves out of control. Jensen being sweet only reminds him of the night of his birthday. Jared really doesn’t want to go there right now. It’ll only cause him more pain.

Pressing his body against the wall he almost flinches away from the touch.

“Jared, come on.” Jensen almost pleads, letting go to his attempt to hold his arm again. “Look at us! I can’t even reach over to touch you anymore, fucking hell!” He rubs his eyes with both hands, taking a deep breath. “I’m so sorry for what I did that night, I’m sorry for kissing you. I made a huge mistake and now you can’t even look at me—”

“Jensen, don’t. No. We’re fine. I swear.”

“We’re not fine! And I’m sorry for that! I’m sorry for getting— confused that night and getting all kind of weird thoughts. I swear I would never think that way about you, you’re my brother.”

“Please, please stop it—”

He wants Jensen to stop talking and let him go. Jared doesn’t want this. He’s not asking for more apologies. Jared just wants to leave before he starts crying, eyes getting blurry as Jensen keeps going, biting on his lower lip to stop it from trembling like it always does when he’s about to tear up.

“Jared, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t—, Jensen!”

“Kissing you was a huge mistake that I’ll never repeat again.”

Jared is done listening. He’s tired and angry and hurt all the time. He wakes up feeling that way and goes to sleep trying to no remember everything that burns inside of him. All he thinks about is Jensen. All he wants is Jensen. Jensen, Jensen, Jensen. Why can’t his brother leave him alone? Jared never asked to fall in love with him.

“Stop it, Jensen! Goddamnit!” He screams, right in his brother’s face. Jared is done listening to Jensen apologize for the one thing he has been dreaming about all his life. “Did it ever occur to you that I wanted that fucking kiss?!”

Jensen’s face looks like Jared just slapped him, mouth open and expression black. Surprise, surprise. The cat is out of the bag. Who cares at this point? Jared can barely stand being in the same room with Jensen now. There’s no way they can fix how he feels after what happened. What does it matter if he spills it all at last? Jensen got to apologize all he fucking pleased. Is Jared’s turn to tell his brother a couple things.

“Why?” Jensen whispers after a second and Jared actually laughs. Throwing his head back and shaking his head. It’s almost a nervous laugh right before he starts tearing up.

“Why do you think, Jensen?” Jared throws his arms in the air. This is the closer they have been since the morning after the kiss. It stings to feel Jensen just centimeters away. “You can’t honestly be that blind.”

No way Jensen hasn’t seen anything in all those years. He can’t tell Jared that he never found their relationship a little bit peculiar. The way they touch, look at each other and can’t stand to be away for too long. How Jared has always been dying to get every drop of his attention. He has chosen Jensen over everything since he was five. The way he loves him is so obvious it’s a fucking miracle Jensen didn’t figure it out on his own long ago. They are not normal stepbrothers and Jensen knows that.

There’s absolutely no way this is a surprise for him. Even a tiny part of him must have known that there was something else going on between them. Jensen is not that fucking naive.

“Jay…we’re brothers.” Is what he replies instead, expression unreadable. Jared has no idea what Jensen is thinking at that moment and honestly? He doesn’t care anymore either.

Wow. They are brothers. Those are news for him for sure! Not like that little fact has been eating him alive since he was thirteen!

“Don’t you think that has been killing me for years but it still never stopped me from feeling this way!?” Jared yells again, not caring to hide his tears from Jensen, taking deep breaths in between talking so he can at least make some sense. Jensen is just starting to find out how things have worked for him. This is just the fucking tip of the iceberg. “Do you know how sick I feel because you only see me as your little brother while I want to be more than that, Jensen!?”

There is no taking it back now. He has been swallowing down his feelings for so long Jared knows is time to pour it all out, let Jensen see what he has been missing for years. It’s time to officially introduce him to Jared’s personal and painful elephant in the room.

“You have no idea what it’s like to wake up every day knowing I’m in love with my big brother! You don’t know how much everything hurts since I’m thirteen!” Jared points at Jensen, roughly cleaning his tears from his cheeks. “Do you understand how much I fucking hate myself for falling in love with the only person I could never have?!”

He breaks down crying after yelling the last part, hiding his face between his hands as he tries to put himself together, hearing his own little sobs coming out from his mouth. Jared tried so hard to keep it down since he found out. He really did. Jared wanted to be normal and love Jensen how he was supposed to. He did his best to hide it away and push all those feelings away. But after kissing with Jensen and feeling like there was something else between them it became too hard to keep the lie going.

“Jared—”

When he looks up, cleaning the tears from his eyes so he can finally leave before this gets even worse, he sees Jensen reaching over with both hands to cup his cheeks, expression broken. Jared knows that face. It’s the ‘make-Jared-feel-better’ face. Is how Jensen would look at him when Jared broke down crying for one reason or another when they were kids. Jensen hates seeing him cry, he has told him a thousand times. He’s that protective big brother. He always wants to make Jared feel better when he’s sad, but this time he can’t. If Jared lets him close again he’s sure he’s going to completely break apart and he would have no idea how to piece himself together and recover from that.

“No, no.” Jared bats Jensen’s hands away before he can touch him, stumbling towards the staircase. “Don’t try to make me feel better. Don’t apologize. I had enough of that already.”

Jensen looks like he wants to argue against that, advancing one step closer — that Jared adds again a second later— mumbling _“Jay, please”_ with a expression that breaks Jared’s heart all over again.

“I had enough of everything. I’m tired of trying.” All he did last year to get over him, how hard he has been pushing himself to get out of his comfort zone. He’s tired of pretending everything is alright. He’s tired of trying to fix something inside him that will always be in peace. Maybe it’s time to accept it and live with it. “I’m tired of being in love with you, Jensen.”

That’s the last thing he says before turning around to go to his room, desperate to get away from everything and not have to see Jensen’s pained eyes and the way it looks like he wants to make it better when he can’t. Nobody can.

Jared just wants to be alone for once.

When he gets to his room and leans against the door crying, Jared doesn’t hear Jensen trying to follow him.

 

 

—

 

 

Life keeps moving on after that.

Classes are still going; days keep passing, nothing stops to give Jared time to deal with the fact that now Jensen knows everything he always tried to hide away.

It feels off to wake up every morning knowing Jensen knows everything, or at least the most important part of it. They still have to live under the same roof, of course; their fucking rooms are side by side so there’s nothing Jared can really do about that. He’s going to still be his family and his stepbrother for years. There’s no way to backtrack of all the things he yelled that night and finally spilling his big dark secret he kept close to his heart for such long time.

They are not avoiding each other exactly. Now they basically exchange small words like ‘good morning’ before Jared goes to school and Jensen leaves to work and they say a thing or two when they are all eating at the table in family. Jared never looks at him in the eyes now, keeping his head down, not making things worse between them.

Their mom stopped trying to figure out what happened and she’s not insisting for him and Jensen to work it out. It must look that bad.

It’s almost like Jared is living with someone he just met. He lives with his mom, dad and a guy he only talks to when strictly necessary and then makes sure to stay out of his way the rest of the time.

Jensen never tried to follow him or talk about what Jared told him. He didn’t take a position about it. Jensen knows Jared has been in love with him for years and that’s it. He’s not angry, he’s not looking for him to find out more, he’s nothing. Sometimes Jared wonders if Jensen even remembers everything he spilled out nights ago.

It’s like he doesn’t care. That hurts more than anything, the lack of proper reaction from Jensen.

For a while Jared worried Jensen would tell his parents, make them take him to the psychologist or something like that. He expected yelling and discussions and Jared being accused of being a freak. But he got nothing.

Jensen tries to stay out of his way just as much, doesn’t speak to him, and doesn’t stay with him in the same room. At the same time he doesn’t look disgusted to be around Jared and whenever they bump into each other by mistake Jensen doesn’t act grossed out or like he’s judging him somehow.

They are two strangers who used to be best friends and stepbrothers. Jared can physically feel their relationship slipping from their hands every day they spend apart.

He’s getting pretty good at handling the broken pieces inside of him though. It still hurts, day after day, nonstop and no matter what Jared is doing. A part of him is always out of place, like constant switch turned on and remaining him day and night of how long ago it’s been since the last time he touched Jensen, craving to get even the tiny piece of affection from his brother.

They are horrible weeks, one after and other, so Jared gets used to the horrible. This is his life now, at least until he graduates from School.

Jared stays mostly out of his house during spring break, asking Hilarie and Jeffrey to give him extra hours at the shelter. When he’s not there he’s with his friends or without with Stephen. He’s another one who stopped trying to figure out what’s wrong with him. Sometimes he makes little comments, here and there, over how Jared looks miserable even when he’s pretending to be happy. He ignores them all and makes sure to change the subject, pulling on a fake smile and asking Stephen about his day instead.

They usually spend Easter all together. His parents invite their family and make a big reunion to celebrate and have fun. Jared always helps Donna to cook before painting eggs with Jensen to hide around their backyards for their little cousins and other kids from their neighborhood. That’s something else they used to be since they were kids, although Jared was really bad at finding the eggs so Jensen would make sure to help him look around or give him half of the ones he would find.

This time Jared stays in his room instead.

He tells his mom he’s feeling sick so he can miss the whole thing. Jensen knows he’s faking it this time for the quick look he gives Jared across the table the night before when he tells his parents he’s not feeling well for the family reunion; he’ll probably say hello to everybody and then go back upstairs.

His brother doesn’t call him out on it and Jared appreciates that. He also can’t help but wonder if now Jensen figured out that the time he was “sick” after he and Cindy announced they were going to get an apartment together was also bullshit.

Jared thinks about details like that all the time. Is Jensen regretting the way the grew up now that he knows how he feels? Maybe he wishes he could change how close they became since they were kids. It’s not that crazy. Jensen might be lying down in bed every night wishing he could take back all the little touches and special moments he shared with Jared since they were little. Jared wonders if he regrets their parents getting together and them becoming a family in the first place.

As much as they stay out of each other’s spaces, living with Jensen so close it’s still a torture he doesn’t want to keep dealing with for the next four years of his life too. He has a solution for that and lets his family finally found out one week after Easter when they are all eating lunch together for Jared’s request.

“So, there’s a reason why I wanted for us to eat together.” Jared says after finishing his food, playing with the vanilla ice cream their mom served as dessert. “I’m going to be graduating in two months and I know you have been asking me about colleges and what I’m going to do once I’m done.”

He makes sure to look at his parents, giving Jensen just a tiny little peek.

“I have been applying to different schools but I then realized I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go. I’m not even sure of what to study.”

That’s a little bit of a lie. He wants to be an industrial engineer, although not being sure of which college he would go to is all true. Jared wanted to go to the University of Texas at Austin for a long time but now he knows it would be a disaster. Jensen is going there again to get his master’s degree next and it would be easier for his parents to have them both living in the same apartment at another city. Jared knows he can’t keep doing that anymore. Staying around Jensen the next parts of his life are not an option for him after everything that has happened between them.

“Wait a second; you’re not going to do anything once you graduate?” His dad asks, voice confused.

“I thought you wanted to study in one of the schools at Texas.”

Jared is surprised to hear Jensen’s voice. When he looks up, his stepbrother is looking directly at him after what feels like years. That’s what Jared told Jensen during Christmas the last time they discussed about college options for him; he still remembers how happy Jensen was about him not going that far away from home to study.

His heart makes a painful little jump that Jared chooses to ignore, moving his eyes away from Jensen to look at his mom and dad instead.

“No. That’s not it. I’m doing something, but it’s something— a little different.”

He leaves the brochure Ms. Huffman gave him last year on the table, smoothing the edges before opening it and turning it around so his parents can see it. There are things written all over it now, both Jared’s and Ms. Huffman’s handwriting here and there, making little annotations for things they need to remember and important dates. It has Jared’s name at the bottom left and a big “accepted” stamp right next to it.

“I got a scholarship to study in France for six months.”

Their parent’s faces are especially funny, as if they just got showered with a bucket full of cold water. They are both looking at him with their mouths wide open, going from his face to the brochure Jared pulled from his lap. He smiles to them nervously, hoping they are okay with his new post-graduation plans.

Donna is the first one to react, letting out a pleased “Oh my god, JT!” moving from her seat with a jump and rounding the table so she can give him a big bear hug. Jared laughs as soon as he feels his mom’s arms around him, instantly relieved.

“A full scholarship?” She repeats with a huge smile and Jared nods. “At France?! Honey, that’s wonderful! Congratulations!”

“It sure is! We’re so proud of you, son.” His dad is the next one to come around to hug him close, clapping his back while his mom starts to tear up. “Why didn’t you tell us anything before?”

“How did you get it in the first place, honey? What did you have to do?! Jared Tristan you better sit down here and tell me everything.”

He has to sit down for the next minutes quickly explaining about how he didn’t say anything because he wanted to wait until he was accepted to tell them. He found out a couple weeks ago and now it’s one hundred percent confirmed that he has a scholarship to study at the École Normale Superieure — ENS — in Paris. He had to present all his test scores, letters of recommendations from different teachers, his resume and write an essay to get accepted in the school. Jared also had to talk about his extracurricular activates —they really liked that he won two awards for is debate team in the past years — and he had an interview in French with one of the professors in charge to give the scholarship.

Ms. Huffman had been more than supportive the entire process, encouraging Jared and insisting what a great life experience this was going to be for him. He helped him to correct his essay and practice for the interview.

Jared mentions how it all happened “really fast” in the past months and skips the detail that the process began some days after Jensen came back from his birthday trip.

He started the whole thing out spite — like a really bad temper tantrum because of what happened —, but as his chances to actually get the scholarship got higher and the relationship with his brother became worse Jared decided that this was something he actually wanted to do for himself.

He needs a break from everything. Jared wants to stay away from all that has been happening in the last year. Being around Jensen every single day is not going to help his cause and being an ocean away from all his troubles seemed like paradise to him.

Using the time and space to think and put himself back together, figuring out what he’s going to do with his life, is what Jared needs.

Donna tears up while Jared explains the whole story, repeating how proud she is of him and that even if they are going to miss him this is going to be a great experience in his life. His dad keeps insisting about calling the rest of the family to tell everybody the good news. Jared sees they are both so happy that he accomplished something like this that he gives green light for them to tell anyone they want.

After another round of hugs and more tears from his mom Jared excuses himself to go upstairs for a moment as his dad starts calling someone from the family and his mom rushes to the kitchen swearing she needs to bake a congratulatory cake right away.

Jensen doesn’t say a word the entire time.

He stays there, sitting on his side of the table without looking at him. There are no intentions to pretend in front of his parents and give him at least a fake-smile or a kick hug that would throw them out of his back later. Nothing.

Jared stops to glance at him for a second, studying his blank expression and wondering how much Jensen truly cares that he’s leaving. Maybe is better this way.

It hurts that his brother doesn’t care. But when something related to Jensen haven’t been hurting for the past months? His chest aching for his brother almost feels like home.

He hurries to the second floor to grab his phone and tell Chad and Sandy he already told his parents and they are taking it pretty well. His friends found out about Jared’s plans soon enough, when the scholarship wasn’t secured yet, and as sad as they both has been about Jared leaving for six months they also understood Jared’s reason behind it. At this point they just want him to be okay again. God knows they have been trying to cheer him up and do their best for Jared to not be miserable every single day.

If this is what Jared really wants they are one hundred percent behind him; he still can’t believe he has the best friends in the world in them.

‘Told you they would be happy!’ Sandy texts back along with too many hearts. ‘Congratulations again, Jay.’

‘You better fucking get us really good wine when you go there, JT.’

Jared chuckles at their answers and puts his phone in his pocket, turning around to go to the first floor again and keep talking to his parents over all the details about the school and where he’s going to stay.

He doesn’t expect Jensen to be standing in front of his door when he opens it, blocking his path and not leaving Jared any chance to run away from him.

He opens and closes his mouth, backing away. His nerves go from zero to a million in the fractions it takes Jensen to walk in his room and close the door behind him. They haven’t been alone in so long, let alone talk or make prolonged eye contact. Jared swears he could hyperventilate from the idea alone, his brain screaming for him to get the fuck away from there.

The idea of Jensen being close and knowing how much Jared feels for him is terrifying. It makes his skin itch and burn again. He wants to hide and look away, ashamed that Jensen can see everything Jared always tried to keep buried deep inside of him.

“So that’s it?” Jensen asks with a harsh voice, almost forcing Jared to glance up with it. “You tell me you love me and then you leave?” his heart skips a beat at the words, leaving him out of breath like a punch “France, Jared? Fucking France?!” the yell makes Jared jump on the spot, anxiety dripping from every part of his body. “The other side of the world, huh? That’s going to be us from now on, then? Avoiding each other so much we end living in different countries?!”

Jensen looks furious. This is not the first time he has seen his brother angry but it has never been at him. Not like this. Jared doesn’t like the way Jensen’s eyes seem to be filled with pure bitterness towards him but there’s nothing he can do to make it better at this point.

They are far from ever being what they used to. Thinking they can go back is ridiculous.

There’s no point of return for them anymore.

“It’s only for six months!” Jared whines in return and it sounds more like a little pathetic cry in comparison to Jensen’s tone. “What do you want from me, Jensen? What else do you fucking want?!” He kicks his bag, throwing it to the other side of the room. Jared can feel his chest contracting but he swears he’s not going to cry this time. “I have loved you since I have memory and you have been my life ever since! Now I’m trying to— do something, move on!”

He doesn’t want this. More yelling and more fighting with Jensen. If they are never going to fix the mess that is their relationship he at least wishes he could spend their remaining time in peace. Jared hates seeing Jensen angry at him. He misses the time Jensen was the person who could make everything better by just looking at him.

“I’m trying to stop this.”

He doesn’t need to say more. Jensen knows what “this” means and how Jared is talking about everything by just saying that. He and Jensen never needed many words to understand each other anyway.

At least they haven’t lost that yet.

“You never told me you wanted to go to France.” Jensen hisses after a moment, hands closed in fists.

“You never told me about moving in with Cindy.” Jared snaps back in a heartbeat. “I guess we stopped telling each everything a long time ago.”

“That’s what this is about?” His brother mumbles, looking up and down at him like he can’t believe him. Jared wants to take the pain away from his brother’s expression. He would take all the hurt from Jensen and carry it himself if that meant making him happy again. _Jared loves him_. With everything that has happened, he still loves Jensen with everything he is and doesn’t want him to feel this way because of him. “Revenge? Making me feel like shit? Is that it, Jay?”

“NO!” Jared cries out instantly, the desperate need to make his brother understand he would never do something like that, it's so overwhelming it almost chokes him for a second. “The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you, you idiot.” How can Jensen not see it? After everything they have been through together, how could he ever think Jared would do this to hurt him? “This is me trying to get over you, Jensen. This is me trying to fix whatever is left between us. So, please, _I’m begging you_ , Jensen. Let me get over you at last.”

What he sees in his brother’s face as soon as he’s done talking makes him wishes he could take back everything that happened between them in the last year.

Jensen looks like he’s trying to not tear up and the sight alone is enough rip apart the remaining parts of Jared’s heart. He doesn’t remember when was the last time he saw him crying. Maybe when they were kids, and even that is too much. Jensen was never a kid who would cry for everything like Jared. Donna once told him Jensen didn’t cry when she and Jensen’s dad got a divorce or when he moved out of the house and left them both all alone. Jensen can handle his emotions so well, Jared always admired how put together his stepbrother could be under any situation.

He wants to reach up and erase the deep lines of pain around Jensen’s eyes and the wrinkles on his forehead. For a while Jared used to think he was born to love his brother. That’s what he does best. Loving Jensen feels like pure air and the most natural part of his life. He loves Jensen so much sometimes he wonders if someone ripped him open in half they would only find that inside of him. Infinite love for his brother.

Jared loves Jensen so fucking much that seeing him like this kills him inside. He wants to make it better; he wants to make all the pain go away. Loving Jensen with every inch of himself and not being able to show it to him right on the spot, when it looks like his brother needs it the most, is the worst torture Jared ever had to deal with.

After what feels like the longest minute of his life Jensen steps away, looking down and giving Jared space to walk out of the room if he wants.

_He’s letting Jared go._

For a second he thinks about staying there with Jensen, feeling like leaving now that his brother seems like he’s about to fall apart is not something he can bring himself to do. _But Jensen is letting Jared go._

He just begged Jensen to let him get over him at last and Jensen is doing exactly that. Giving Jared the chance to get away from everything, including him. And that’s the right thing to do.

Staying would only serve to ruin the remaining parts of what they once used to be.

Jared walks past Jensen, leaving his room and trying to not look back.

 

 

 —

 

 

Everything keeps turning and moving even after what feels is sure going to pull apart Jared’s life, the date of his graduation and trip to France seeming sparingly close.

Stephen asks him for prom almost two weeks before “the big night” all seniors have been talking about for months.

With everything that had been happening Jared completely forgot about it and then reluctantly accepted to go with Chad and Sandy as a group when his friends insisted there was no way he was missing prom. He didn’t feel like putting on a damn tuxedo to go sit down considering he wouldn’t be caught dancing in front of everybody else in their school but Sandy had been so excited about it that he didn’t have the heart to say no. Chad doesn’t like school dances and even he was going to please Sandy, not to mention he told Jared he could use the distraction with all the shit he has been dealing with.

He completely ditched the idea of going to prom with Stephen even before Jensen’s birthdays after one afternoon he told Jared that he was also really bad and dancing and never really liked school balls.

Jared has been disappointed at the time but also understood where he was coming from. It seemed like he was going to graduate from High School without ever getting a date and a romantic night for any of the dances organized for the past four years.

The proposal takes him by surprise when he’s hanging out with Stephen at his place one day after school and he brings Jared a  _Ben and Jerry’s_  cookie dough tub of ice cream. The word _“Prom?”_ spelled with small m&ms is the first thing Jared sees after he opens the tub and it’s the perfect amount of cheesy Jared has loved all his life. It actually pulls a real laugh and big smile out of him for the first time in weeks.

“I thought you hated prom and didn’t want to go!” Jared says, looking back at Stephen and stealing one of the chocolates to eat them right away.

“It looked like you could really use a little distraction from whatever is going on.” He shrugs, stealing one of the m&ms for himself. They are in a weird point where they are still kind of going out but they haven’t kissed or done couple-like things in a long time. At least not since Jensen kissed him.

It seems like they both accepted they could be perfect for each other but there’s something that won’t let them get there. It’s not awkward to still hang out thought and Jared is very grateful for that. He got to really like and appreciate Stephen this past year and doesn’t want that friendship to go away.

“But hey! You haven’t answered me!”

Jared laughs again, nodding and feeling a little less reluctantly about the whole prom thing. It could be kind of nice and he’s going to have a great date for it, which is something he used to really want some time ago.

He leans forward, pulling Stephen into a hug and whispering  _“thank you”_  into his ear. Stephen rubs his back gently and replies _“I’m still going to suck if we try to dance, thought, fair warning”_  causing Jared to break in cackles again.

Sandy swoons with the idea of Jared going with Stephen to prom, happy that he gets the romantic night Jared always wished he could have. They make plans to go all together for dinner and then make it to school. Chad has no intentions to ask anybody out officially after the disaster with Sophia, set on his idea of not wanting anything serious with anybody. Sandy has almost four different guys wanting to go with her but she says she would rather spend the night with friends.

His mom gets just as excited about it when Jared tells her Stephen asked him to go to prom together and she swears they are going to get married someday.

He smiles and doesn’t say anything, letting his mom tell him her own story of how she got asked out for prom when she was a teenager, not feeling like explaining that as much as he likes Stephen there is no way he can become anything with him while he still has feelings for Jensen. It wouldn’t be fair for Stephen or himself. Jared needs time away to heal first.

There are still so many things to do until the last Saturday of May — the night of the prom — that it seems like it all flies away in a blink.

Between going to rent tuxedos with Chad, preparing more details with his parents for his trip, studying for finals, going to work and staying as far away from Jensen as possible Jared feels like the Friday before the party almost sneaks up on him.

They don’t have to go to school that day, which Jared thinks is an utter exaggeration, the prom is not until the next day, come on. Nobody needs an entire day to get ready for a party. He’s probably just being bitter about it because most of his favorite classes are on Fridays; Chad texts that morning calling him an ‘annoying little nerd’ and Jared doesn’t fight it, nodding to himself.

He skips breakfast in favor of staying a while longer in bed, using his laptop to keep searching for the best touristic locations to visit in Paris. He has slowly been getting more and more excited over his trip in the past days.  _This is going to be really good for him._

Jensen is home early to have lunch  but, as it has been in the last weeks, Jared barely greets him when he walks to the first floor in his pajamas, hurrying to the kitchen to help his mom with whatever she needs. The less he has to be around his stepbrother, the better.

As much as Jared is now used to carry around the pain from everything that went down between them that doesn’t mean he can deal with both of them being miserable in each other’s presence.

It turns out his parents are taking a quick trip to Dallas to check on his aunt again that afternoon. Is a last minute thing and it doesn’t look like it’s anything too bad like the last time but his mom is too nervous about her getting sick so often to simply ignore it. They are coming back the next day, probably at night, and she promises Jared she will be there when Stephen gets home to pick him up and take a million pictures of them together.

Jared assures it's all fine, helping her serve their lunch and take it to the table. They eat together in family chatting about Jared’s prom and their parent’s surprise trip. Jensen mentions something about Tom being in town and hanging with him earlier that day but stays quiet the rest of the time. He has been doing that a lot more lately, barely speaking whenever Jared is there with him.

It’s a fucking torment to hear so little of his stepbrother as the days go by. Soon enough Jared is going to leave and he wonders if Jensen and he are even going to say goodbye before he’s gone.

“There’s still so much to do before you travel, honey.” His mom comments as they almost finish eating. “We have to buy some new clothes, get you new luggage you can take. That video conference with the counselor you got assigned to at the University in Paris.”

“What does Stephen think about you leaving?” His dad asks, taking Jared a little bit by surprise. Jensen flinches at the other side of the table for a second but keeps on ignoring their conversation.

“Well, I told him after I told you and he’s also going back to Canada.”

It’s sad to think they won’t see each other that much after they both graduate. Jared found a great friend in Stephen and it’s still a little sad they couldn’t make things work, especially because of him. Maybe if they see each other again later on something could actually happen. Jared knows for sure that if he gave himself the chance he could eventually be happy with Stephen, but he can’t make him wait forever. If it’s meant to be, it will happen, he figures.

“Oh, I’m sorry, JT.” His mom pats his hand across the table. “I know how much you like him.”

“Yeah, well…” Jared looks down at his plate, moving around the last parts of the onion cake. “He said he always dreamed of going France so, who knows, maybe he’ll go visit me sometime.”

Stephen knows some French as well because one of his parents is from Quebec. It could work out, he could even stay living there too if he finds a scholarship eventually. Stephen has the grades to pull it off if he wanted to.

“I have been reading online and there are good chances that people who go to ENS for exchanges can easily get accepted to study their careers there too if they are interested.” He comments after a pause. “Maybe if I do well the first six months I could stay in France to get my bachelor’s degree if I can get another scholarship and—”

They are all surprised when Jensen suddenly stands up from the table, making the chair fall as he does so, startling Oscar and making their mom jump on her seat. Jared stops talking immediately, looking up at his stepbrother with wide eyes as Jensen stares at him like he hasn’t done in weeks.

“You’re planning to fucking stay there?” He hisses through his teeth, hands gripping the edges of the table.

Jared opens his mouth, not knowing what to answer or what he’s supposed to say, heart froze in the middle of his chest. Jensen bites his lower lip and glances down before he can answer anything, mumbling _“fuck this”_  and turning around, kicking the chair out of his way and walking towards the door in an angry rush.

His parents call after him, Donna repeating his name and telling him to get back in there.

They all hear the main door being closed with a harsh bang and then nothing, the awkward silence after what just happened and the sudden lack of Jensen’s presence making Jared feel like he’s drowning.


	12. Chapter 12

  
  
Jensen still remembers the first time he saw Jared.

His stepbrother wasn’t more than five, hiding behind Gerald’s legs and holding Oscar in his arms — who was only a little bungle of fur at the time —, pouting and frowning at all the other kids who tried to touch his puppy, pressing Oscar closer to his chest and backing away, repeating  _“No, no, it’s for Jensen. You’re not Jense_ n” with a little frown on his adorable face.

He knew it was Gerald’s kid right away. He liked his stepdad already, knew his mom had been dating him for a couple months and he had taken them to the amusement park almost a week before his birthday. He had shown Jensen a picture of Jared and told him he was four years younger than him, letting Jensen keep the picture when he asked for it.

It’s weird to explain the instant rush of affection he felt for Jared as soon as he saw him waiting to give him his birthday present — he had told Gerald days ago he wanted a dog but his mom wouldn’t give him one just yet — and not letting one anyone else get too close.

Jensen knew Donna liked Gerald a lot even since that age and the idea of them getting married and him getting  _Jared_  as his little brother used to sound like the best thing that could ever happen in his life back then. He only needed one afternoon  playing with Jared and Oscar in his backyard, watching Jared laugh at his jokes and constantly hug him wishing him a happy birthday to completely fall for the damn kid.

And it hasn't changed one bit ever since. Jared quickly became one of Jensen’s top priorities, absolutely in love of the idea of becoming his big brother. No matter how many years passed and how much they kept growing up, that rush of affection and almost unbelievable love every time he saw Jared stayed there, as intense as the first time, wanting nothing but to keep a constant smile on his stepbrother’s face.

He grew up knowing that was the luckiest kid in the world for getting a second chance to have a family with Jared in it. Jensen couldn’t explain it but it being around his little brother always managed to make him happier than anything. The bond they forged as the years passed was something Jensen had always been particularly proud of, not caring how sometimes his friends found weird how close he was with his little brother.

Jensen never minded it. He loves feeling like he and Jared could be both best friends and brothers, knowing there was nothing that could get between them.

_And now look at them._

He and Jared couldn’t spend more than a week apart, always clinging to every chance they had to talk and see each other, too comfortable in each other’s companion to want to let go. Now they can barely stand to be in the same room for more than five minutes without one of them wanting to run away and not make any kind of contact.

How did things get so out of hand?  _How could he let this happen to them?_

Jared has been  _everything_  for him since they were little; making him happy and keeping him safe has been one of the main priorities in his life. Jensen loves his stepdad and damn right he loves his mom but the way he has felt for Jared since he saw him that day is something Jensen can’t even explain to himself sometimes. Jared is above everyone, he never had a doubt of that.

But until now, Jensen never stopped to wonder why.

He sighs, sliding his fingers over the neck of the bottle in front of him, reading the brand of the beer he’s drinking for the thousand time that day. His phone is over the table too, battery pulled out and left at one side to keep away the temptation to turn on the damn thing. Jensen really wants to be alone at the moment and after the way he left his house some hours ago he knows his phone is going to be blowing up with voicemails and messages.

The place is almost empty at that time on a Friday afternoon, making his lonely drinking a little bit more pathetic but, hey, he’s above? that at the moment. Pathetic is the perfect way to describe his entire life in the past months.

He completely ignores the sound of the door being opened, thinking is probably the bartender going out considering there are only four other people with him in there, yet he doesn’t look out when he hears someone order a beer even when he recognizes the voice.

“How did you find me?” Jensen mumbles without turning back, grabbing his beer to take a long sip.

“We used to sneak in here when we were back in High School, remember?” Tom sits right in front of him, his usual calmed smile getting under Jensen’s skin when he feels so damn confused and out of place. “Of course you were going to be here.”

He nods twice, nibbling on his bottom lip and not saying anything else. He’s not in the mood for chatting, that’s why he came here, completely forgetting that his friend was in town and he’s one of the only people who could easily find him around town.

Tom doesn’t add anything until the bartender brings him a bottle of the same beer Jensen is drinking, leaving them alone after Tom thanks him and starts drinking in silence.

If he considers it, he would rather stay alone but this is a public place and he can’t tell one of his best friends to please fuck off because Jensen really feels like pondering alone about the last years with his life along his little brother, who’ll be leaving and probably staying to live at the other side of the world — as far away as possible from him — in almost a month.

“I heard Jared is going to prom with Stephen.” Is what Tom says next after almost ten minutes of them drinking in silence, putting his elbow on the table and leaning his face on his open palm, eyeing him.

Jensen sighs and rolls his eyes, trying to bite down his tongue to not say a word about it. He heard more than enough about Stephen in a while, more often than before now that he’s taking Jared to the stupid High School party the next day. It’s been  _Stephen this_  and  _Stephen that_  for two weeks straight at his house. One more fucking comment about him and Jensen is going to rip off his ears with his own hands.

Tom snorts instead, getting a frown from him in response. He’s really not in the mood for whatever his friend finds funny right now.

“That’s the exact same face you would do when we were ten and Jared had that phase when he would tell everybody he was going to marry me when we grew up.”

Jensen remembers that.

For almost three months Jared had started to say, out of nowhere and without explanation, that he was going to marry Tom when they were grownups. It started completely out of the blue and after Tom spent one afternoon playing with them after school. Jensen didn’t make much of it at the start, Jared was only six at the time and probably excited over how sweet Tom was to him. Jensen used to think it was only logical, who  _wouldn’t be sweet to Jared?_  He was adorable and funny and an amazing little brother. Tom was especially nice to Jared back then because he was the only one of their friends who didn’t have a sibling and, again, Jared was great.

That was until Jared seemed like he couldn’t get enough of Tom. He was always whining to Jensen to invite Tom over to play, to ask him if he would like to come to his next birthday party, to ask Tom if he could come with Jensen to his house. It was ‘ _Tom, Tom, Tom’_  all day long mixed with his sudden idea that they were going to get married.

“I remember those months very well because you were insanely mad at me the entire time.” Tom chuckles, shaking his head at the memory. “At first I had no idea  _why_  but then you ripped that Valentine’s card Jared made me and I understood  _what_  was really going on.”

Jensen blinks and looks back at his friend at that, suddenly recalling what he’s talking about.

“I didn’t rip it.” He corrects, moving the bottle in his hands. “It was an accident, I told you—”

“Yeah and I pretended to believe you, but I  _saw you_  do it, Jensen.”

He stops talking and glances at his friend, not knowing that part of the story. It was so long ago that some of the details are a little fuzzy yet he’s pretty sure that Tom never mentioned him seeing Jensen rip the card back then.

They were all at Tom’s house after soccer practice but Alona insisted she wanted to go outside to keep playing before doing homework and as always, all of them did as she wanted. Jensen stayed inside a little longer talking to his mom on the phone and that’s when he saw the card on Tom’s bedside table, recognizing Jared’s drawings in crayon right away. It was a silly thing to do, but Jensen was just a child back then. Jared would always give  _him_  any type of cards he had to do at school. Jensen already had a collection of Halloween, Christmas, Easter and last year’s Valentine’s card too, all full colored and decorated with glitter by Jared himself.

That time Tom got Jared’s card instead, the last time he went to their house, giving his little brother a big hug as a thank you and then letting Jared eat the rest of the chocolate he was saving in his pocket. Tom had chuckled reading the card, telling Jensen how cute his brother was.

Jensen knew how cute Jared was. It was his brother. There was nothing he didn’t know about Jared, but suddenly he was all obsessed with Tom for no reason.

It was a childish moment of rage and jealousy when Jensen grabbed the card after hanging up with his mom, ripping it in a half and then leaving it back on Tom’s bedside table.

He had told his friend that he dropped the card by mistake when he was taking a look and then it got caught under his bed when he tried to pick it, ripping the whole thing without meaning to.

“I came back to the house for Mike’s inhaler and I saw you take the card and rip it apart. I decided to hide before you could see me and then pretend like nothing happened.” Tom shrugs, teasing little smile still lingering on his lips as he raises both eyebrows at him. “That’s when I realized why you had been so mad at me and you were acting like a dick with me for months.”

It’s been more than ten years since it happened but it still manages to make Jensen flush and look down, clearing his throat and suddenly feeling dumb about the whole thing.

“…you never said anything.” Jensen whispers after a moment, confused over why Tom didn’t confront him the moment he lied about what happened with Jared’s hard.

“What for?” Tom answers, brushing it off with a shrug. “I wasn’t going to make you feel bad. You looked like you were dealing with a lot already by how mad you were over Jared wanting to marry me.”

They stare at each other for a moment before Jensen groans and looks down, Tom breaking in laughs as he pats his back.  _God, he can’t believe he got caught doing that and just now he came to find out Tom knew the true this whole time_. That’s what he gets for being a little shit kid, Jensen supposes.

“It’s the exact same face you had back then whenever Jared said he wanted to marry me because, even since we were kids, you have always hated the idea of not being Jared’s favorite.”

“What?” Jensen frowns again, giving Tom a weird look. Now he’s exaggerating.

“You hate the idea of Jared liking someone more than you, always have.” Tom insists, pointing at him and taking a drink of his beer. “You hate the possibility of Jared favoring someone more than you. Come on, Jensen, you know you can’t stand the idea of Jared not picking you over everybody else.”

If he thinks about it logically, Tom kind of has a point. Jensen has always been a very possessive person in general. It gets a little out of control when it’s about Jared, but that’s only because he is Jensen’s little brother and he has always picked Jared over everything else.

“You make me sound like such an asshole.”

“Not at all.” His friend assures him, patting his arm again. “I make you sound like the jealous person you are because it takes one to know one. I’m the exact same way with Mike since we were all kids.”

They all knew Tom and Mike were completely in love with each other before they realized it themselves. Jensen saw it coming way before Tom even dared to tell him he had a big crush on Mike when they were all teenagers. Sometimes him, Chris and Alona would sit alone watching Tom and Mike talk in class and make bets over how long it would take them to spill their obvious love for each other. Jensen picked how Tom used to favorite Mike since they were all kids, they were all best friends but those two were another level of best friends. The eventual couple in the group.

Although as much as he always knew Tom had it bad for Mike, he never thought Tom’s possessiveness for his friend as bad as he has it for Jared.

“I never saw you as the jealous type.” Jensen comments as he studies Tom’s face. He always looks so calmed down and put together, the one in the group to make them all put their feet back on earth. Tom is the responsible one, the guy who makes the good calls and kept himself together.

“But I am.” Tom chuckles in response. “Just like you are. That’s why you can’t stand the idea of Jared eventually loving Stephen more than he loves you.”

“He doesn’t  _love_  Stephen.” Jensen snaps back like a knee-jerk reaction, something almost growling in the middle in his chest to make Tom take that back immediately. No fucking way.

They have barely been dating for some months; Jared  _can’t_  be in love with that guy.

“But it could happen. With him or someone else.” Tom explains with a calmed voice as Jensen starts to feel more pissed off with their talk. “Jared is going to find someone eventually, and as much as it might suck, he’s going to love that person more. And they’ll love him more than you do, too.”

That gets to Jensen more than anything he has heard that day, burning deep inside of him and making him feel both angry and anxious at the same time. Tom doesn’t know anything, he’s wrong about that part. Jared might dating someone and get pretty attached to them, Stephen or whoever it is, but no matter how much his brother likes them it’s never going to be the same to what he and Jensen have.  _Never_. They have known each other since they were kids, they grew up side by side being closer than other siblings do, and they share a bond nobody else does.

Tom couldn’t be more fucking wrong.

“No. Not like that.  _Not like us_.” He hisses in response, digging his nails in his palms, the picture of Jared smiling at him almost embroiled behind his eyelids. The feeling Jensen gets in the middle of his chest whenever he looks at his little brother, how he has meant everything for Jensen since they were little. There’s no way someone will ever look at Jared and feel the way he does. “Nobody will  _ever_  love Jared like I do.”

He doesn’t have a doubt in his mind. Jared has been his everything for so long Jensen is no entirely sure how he’s going to live away from him. His little brother is everything and will always be.

How could Tom ever compare his love for Jared to someone else’s? There’s nothing more important in Jensen’s life. Loving Jared is all he has done since his brother was five and probably all Jensen will for the rest of his life.

“…I always found curious how close you were with Jared, even for stepbrothers. But after the Valentine’s card, I understood.” Tom nods to him, taking Jensen’s bottle from his hands and putting it out of his reach. “I also understood that as much as I got what was slowly growing between you and Jared, you never seemed to  _really_  notice it.”

It’s always been there, Jensen knows, but he mostly pretended to be blind and don’t see it. Everything was easier that way, if Jensen didn’t pay attention and convinced himself that nothing was truly going on.

Thinking about why he was so close with Jared or the reason behind how strongly he felt for his little brother would never cause any good, so Jensen decided to ignore the whole thing. It was a silent understanding with himself. He loved Jared more than anything but never questioned himself why or where that love stopped being brotherly and started being something else.

 _Where was the line between a familiar touch and romantic one_? Jensen erased the difference in his mind and never allowed himself to think about it. Jared was family. Jared was his to protect. Thinking beyond that was always completely forbidden and Jensen never considered until the invisible wall he built in his head to keep himself from all those questions started to fall apart in the last year.

To tell himself it’s new would be a lie. Everything, all he feels for Jared, has always been right there. Jensen has simply been pretending to not see it.

“He’s my little brother, Tom.”

How could he ever allow himself to think that way? How could Jensen risk the person he loves the most without knowing what is going to happen if they give it a try? He would never forgive himself if he hurt Jared. But now it seems no matter what he does, that keeps being the result.

“And he’s never going to stop being your brother. That doesn’t mean you guys can’t be something else.”

Jensen looks down, trying to calm himself down and think rationally about this. Could that even work? He always made himself only look at Jared as his brother, any other thoughts beyond that completely forbidden. He can’t deny that being able to be something else with Jared makes everything that has been burning inside of him for months calm down, heart beating painfully hard at the idea alone.  _Him and Jared._

“The way he looks at you, Jensen. I have never seen anyone look at you like that, ever.” Tom’s words aren’t helping to keep his heart under control, every single part of him enjoying way too much to hear that. “It’s like you hang the sun in the sky for him every single day, man. Jared  _loves_  you.”

Jensen knows that a little too well now. He still remembers the mix on confused emotions he went through after finding out his little brother was in love with him.  _Surprise, doubt, worry, denial._  But more than anything, Jensen was goddamn fucking happy. The guilt that came over liking the idea of Jared loving him was just as overwhelming, and he still couldn’t deny a  big part of him loved it. He pushes it down, tried to keep reminding himself he and Jared were brothers and that could never happen between them.

He’s the big brother; he’s supposed to keep Jared happy and safe. Being something more than family could bring them tons of troubles and who knows if they would work as a couple.

But as much as he tried, Jensen knew that as soon as Jared told him he loved him, he wanted to tell Jared he loved him too. He tried to make his guilt bigger than his love for Jared and then failed in the attempt.

There was no hiding it anymore. Not after  _everything_. Not after the night of his birthday, their kiss and finding out how Jared felt about him.

_Jensen was just as in love with his brother._

“…he’s leaving. He’s going to France.” Jared begged him to let go of him. Jared wants to move on. Jensen was too blind to notice Jared’s feelings for all these years, hurting him without realizing and now his brother wants to get over him. Jensen can’t fight against that.

If that’s what Jared wants, Jensen has to respect it.

“For only six months, he told me when I went to look for you at your house today.” Tom smacks the back of his head, making Jensen huff and look away again. “Last time I checked, long distance relationships weren't impossible. So, after all this, you’re just going to let Jared leave?”

“That’s his choice.” One Jensen will support even if it means ripping his heart from his chest from seeing Jared leave him.

“What about your choices, Jensen? What about the way you feel?”

 _The way Jensen feels?_  It has been getting clearer in the past weeks. Jensen feels for Jared, only for Jared. There’s no comparing with anything else. He might have guilt and worries about fucking things up between them, but it’s all already ruined, so Jensen might as well try the last card he told himself he would never try.

There might be something that could make it all better and it seems to be what they both deep down want.

Jensen’s just scared of losing the most important person in his life in the process.

“I just want Jared to be happy.”

That’s all he has always cared about since day one. Jared is the sweetest, most considerate and giving person Jensen has ever met. Jared gives and gives and gives until there’s nothing else left for himself and he never cares. Jared deserves the world and Jensen would give it to him if it was in his power.

He loves Jared with every inch of his being and wishes he could make sure that Jared gets everything he has ever wanted.

“This is just my opinion, but he seems the happiest when you’re around.” Tom hums, drumming his fingers on the table. “Same for you with him.”

There’s no denying that. Jensen craves to be around Jared as much as possible, leaving for Austin feeling like a nightmare every week he had to drive back to college. For a while he thought that moving there with Cindy was the right thing to do, but the more he thought about it, the more Jensen realized that he only felt at home around his brother.

“I’m scared it will change everything.”

That it will mess things up between them. Although, so far,  _not_  getting together seemed to be what brought them to his point.

His relationship with Jared always worked perfectly until their feelings for each other started to interfere. Or more like Jensen realizing how he felt for his little brother and then ruining everything by apologizing after that kiss that he so badly wanted too, thinking it was the right thing to do.

Now he knows better than that but wonders if it’s too late to fix it.

“Yeah, it will.” Tom nods and then sighs, a smile appearing on his face again. “But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing, right?”

No. Not it doesn’t.

It could change for the good. It could change to be something so much better than it always was.

Jensen has the chance to do it, make it right.  _To make it work_. Things between him and Jared are completely out of balance and there’s one thing that could glue everything back together and is the only thing Jensen knows for sure he  _wants_.

Beyond guilt, and taboos and thinking about what’s right. Above everything and everybody, there’s Jared.

And as long as Jensen has him, he doesn’t care for anything else.

“You’re too damn smart for your own good.”

“And you’re too damn in love with that little brother of yours.” Tom snorts, pointing to the door with his head. “Go tell Jared how you really feel before it’s too late, Jensen.”

He stands up in a jump, looking for some money in his wallet and leaving enough to cover for both his and Tom’s orders, picking the pieces of his phone to put it back together on his way home.

 _‘Too damn in love with that little brothers of yours.’_  Jensen only hears the truth in that phrase.

He has always known he loves Jared but it seems like just now he allowed himself to understand the real reason behind it.

 

 

—

 

 

Jared wonders if  _Dirty Dancing_  is slowly losing its magic or he expects too much of a romantic movie about finding love during summer vacations. It’s not like it can fix his entire life by just watching it, but it always seemed to cheer him up one way or another whenever he was feeling down. It  _is_  his “go to” movie after all.

Right now it’s not doing shit from distracting him about Jensen leaving like he did that day.

It’s been hours and he still doesn’t know where he is. They all tried calling him and Jared asked Tom to please find him and make sure he was okay when his brother’s friend stopped by to say hello.

His mom had been both upset and nervous about Jensen’s reaction. He wasn’t one to react violently to things, even less walk out during the discussion of something important for Jared.

She doesn’t know the whole story, of course, so there’s no way she understands all the different meaning behind Jensen leaving.

His parents had to go to Dallas anyway, telling Jared to please let them know when Jensen got back home. He had been about to go outside and look for his stepbrother himself but it was pretty obvious that Jensen wanted to be away from him. That didn’t stop him from feeling like a walking ball of nerves, pacing around the living room for almost an hour, leaving Jensen ten voice mails and three texts asking him to at least tell him if he was okay and, last but not least, crying in his room after feeling too guilty over what was happening.

He had always been a crybaby after all.

And now there he is, sitting on the floor in front of his bed with a blanket around him, watching Baby being braver than he has ever been, doing everything she can to help Johnny get out of troubles.

The sound of someone opening and closing the door works as an anesthetic, calming down Jared’s nerves as soon as he hears Jensen’s voice downstairs, greeting Oscar. It feels like he just swallow four pills of  _Xanax_ , body relaxing and heart going back to beat at a normal rate now that he knows that Jensen is home safe.

As long as Jensen is okay, the rest doesn’t matter.

Jared leans back on the front of his bed, letting out a long tired sigh and trying to pay attention to the movie. He’ll be able to sleep tonight now that Jensen is there, even if he goes straight to his room and ignores Jared for the rest of the weekend. His levels of worry for Jensen are too high for him to enjoy  _anything_  if he doesn’t know his brother is alright.

“Jay?” the voice from the door takes him by surprise, looking up from the floor to see Jensen standing under the frame, looking like he just ran from God knows how far. He’s breathing hard and his face is colored with a dark red, chest moving up and down quickly.

“Hey.” Jared breaths, looking up and down at him, surprised that Jensen is talking to him at all. “Don’t run away like that again. We were all worried.”

A part of him wants to jump and slap Jensen’s chest and face and then bring him close in a hug, muttering about never  _giving him a fucking scare like that again_  and to  _not dare to leave the house angry, something could happen to him_. But of course he doesn’t.  _Jared can’t_. They are not that kind of brothers anymore.

He looks back to the TV instead, ignoring the sting in his middle, pretending to pay attention and waiting for Jensen to get out of his room and go back to their now  _usual ‘stay as far away from me as possible’_  behavior.

Instead of doing that Jensen closes the door but stays inside, walking all the way to the middle of the room to sit down right by Jared’s side on the floor, so close he can almost feel his brother’s body heat.

Jared swallows nervously, taking quick glances and Jensen and then back to the TV.  _What is he doing? Why isn’t he leaving?_

He doesn’t think Jensen is capable of being so cruel to torture him by sitting right  _there_  when he  _knows_  Jared is miserable about having feelings for him and not being able to act on them.

Jensen doesn’t say a word and Jared curses himself in his head, heart starting to race in his chest one more time as he tries really hard to focus on the movie and not have a nervous breakdown from not knowing what his stepbrother is doing there. He licks his lips compulsively, gripping his hands and pulling his fingers under the blanket. His breath is coming out harsh and loud, hiding his nerves is practically impossible.  _Jensen knows he’s causing this on him. Why would he keep going?_

He decides he can’t feel like this for the next hour of the movie that is left, taking a sharp breath and deciding to go for it already. No way things will get worse than  _this_  anyway.

“Jensen—”

“ _Me? I’m scared of everything.”_ He interrupts Jared before he can say anything. It takes him a couple seconds to understand that Jensen is quoting out loud the scene that is currently playing from the movie. Jared’s favorite part, actually. He blinks, confused, but Jensen turns his head to look back at him and keeps going before Jared can ask what is going on. “ _I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am.”_

It's Jared’s favorite quote from the whole movie because of what represents for Baby and what it means for Johnny to hear it.

Is no surprise that Jensen knows the entire monolog by heart as well after how many times he has watched the movie with him. What Jared doesn’t understand is why he’s suddenly saying it out loud.

Jensen reaches over and Jared has no time to see it coming, hand suddenly cupping his face. His thumb slides over Jared’s mouth, tracing the outline carefully before tilting his chin up so Jared can look at him in the eye.

“ _And most of all_ ,” Jensen keeps going, repeating the same words Baby is telling Johnny in the movie.  _“I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you_ , Jay.”

Jared swears his heart stops for a whole minute.

He simply stares back at Jensen, mind empty and any possibility to make any sense of what just happened completely out of the window.

 _Jensen just told that to him, didn’t he?_  He just quoted Jared’s favorite, most cheesy and romantic line from the movie he has loved for many years. The movie they have quoted to each other many times but never that part. The phrase that makes him smile and gasp every single time he watches next to his brother.

The words he once could only  _dream_  Jensen would say to him someday.

“Jensen, you can’t—” Jared starts, voice breaking as he feels him stroke his cheek. He closes his eyes, leaning into the touch for just one second before taking a deep breath and pulling away. “You can’t say that and then just leave, you can’t do that me,  _not again_ , I don’t—”

“Jared, I love you.”

The words have an instant reaction on him, body going cold and then starting to burn up as it sinks in. The look on Jensen’s face is all Jared needs to know to be sure that he’s not lying to him. The sentiment so raw Jared can  _see it_. This can’t be true. No way it’s happening. Jensen wouldn’t.  _He doesn’t_. Jared wants all this to happen so bad he’s probably hallucinating it something worse

He shakes his head, starting to pull away but Jensen keeps the contact on his face, not letting him put more space between them.

“Please listen to me, please. I know this might seem out of nowhere after everything that has happened but, fuck, it’s not at all.” Jensen laughs nervously, the hint of his voice going weak at the end of his words. “This is not something from now, right? You and me. It’s been like this for ever.” He nods and Jared’s eyes widen when he sees his brother’s eyes starting to get watery.

 _What is going on?_  “I always tried to not think about it, you know? You’re my brother, it’s my job to take care of you and make sure you’re alright. I thought I was protecting you by pretending like I didn’t feel the same way but maybe I have been wrong about it this whole time.”

Jared brings his hand up to cover his own mouth, letting Jensen talk while knowing he feels like he’s about to pass out. He’s dizzy and confused and begging in his head for all this to be real.

“I was an idiot to ever pretend like I didn’t want that kiss to happen. God, I was the one who kissed  _you_.” Jensen keeps going and Jared bites the inside of his hand, trying to stay grounded.

“And you wanna know something? Fuck, I don’t care, I don’t care anymore.  _I fucking loved kissing you_ . It felt right. You and me. We have always been different from other brothers because we’re not only that, Jay. You’re  _everything_  to me, not just my little brother.”

It’s everything Jared has ever wanted to hear. Everything he would dream about since he realized he was in love with his brother.

“Why are you telling me this?” He whispers, taking two quick breaths when he feels Jensen brushing away a tear from his skin. “You can’t do that to me, Jensen, not unless you plan to be with me and I know you don’t want to—!”

“But I do.” Jensen smiles, moving closer, until their foreheads are pressing together, causing Jared to start sobbing in silence. “I really, really do. I was wrong to ever think I have been anything but in love with you all this time, Jared.”

“What about us being brothers? What about it being  _wrong_?” Jared tries to fight it, not completely convinced he can suddenly just get everything he wants. It doesn’t work like that. At least not for him. “You said it yourself!”

“Yeah, we’re brothers, and we’ll never stop being brothers. But, again, doesn’t mean we can’t be something more at the same time.” Jensen offers in response, hands carefully cleaning the other tears from his face. “I’d rather be wrong right next to you than be right and away from the only person I have ever loved.”

This time Jared can’t help himself. Everything is happening too fast, the words Jensen is saying feeling like he just put all the pieces back together.

He presses forward, kissing Jensen as he makes sure to pull him close, almost waiting his brother to pull away at the contact.

But he doesn’t. Jensen kisses him back almost immediately, using the hold on his face to keep Jared  _right there_  as they kiss slow and careful, like they both want to enjoy the feeling after the last time it happened. There’s no rush in it this time. Jensen’s lips mold perfectly against his own, and yes, it’s cheesy and stupid and it makes Jared’s heart grow ten times bigger in his chest.  _Jensen is kissing him again_. He was sure that’s something like that would never happen after the night of his birthday but now he has it right there, filling Jared up like it did the first time.

All Jensen needs to do is touch him and everything else seems to face away, the little pieces inside of slowly pressing back together as before, body feeling his own again. The need to scratch himself raw and change everything  is gone as long as they kissing, not feeling sick and disgusting if Jensen feels the same way and wants the same things Jared does.

It can’t be wrong if Jensen loves him too.

They pull away to breath and Jared opens his eyes to see Jensen smile, keeping their foreheads pressed together. His brother licks his lips and nods, going back to follow the shape of his lips with his thumbs. The way he’s looking at Jared leaving him out of breath for a moment, thinking like there’s no way Jensen is staring at him  _like that._

Like Jared is the best thing he has ever seen.

“Even better than the first time.” He assures Jared before pressing another quick kiss to his mouth. “How could I ever think this was a mistake?”

Jared can only shrug, letting out a nervous laugh, blinking away more tears that Jensen makes sure to kiss away before cupping his face again. This is really happening and the overwhelming form it is just starting to hit Jared.

He and Jensen. It could be real for as long as they want.

“So, you’re tired of being in love with me?”

The words confuse Jared for a split second but then they ring in his head loudly, remembering what he told Jensen the night he finally admitting his feelings for him after that really bad fight. There’s obvious doubt in Jensen’s expression, the fear of Jared’s answer making him wish he never told his brother any of that.

“No. I could never.” Jared shakes his head, brushing his nose against Jensen’s. “Loving you is the easier thing in my life, what I’m better at.” He chuckles at how silly that might sound but it’s only right. “Loving you feels natural, is part of who I am. I could never get tired of it _.” Jared was born for it, after all._  “You know me. I love loving you, big brother.”

Jensen looks like Jared just proposed to him on the spot, his smile so big Jared can’t help but start laughing, closing his eyes as Jensen’s hands pull him close into another kiss. They could make out all night if they wanted, there’s nothing stopping them from doing that.  _There’s nothing stopping them from being together._

Jared feels like he’s going to stop breathing at any minute. His heart is sure going to give up after this; as much as he dreamed about being together with Jensen he was always conscious it was almost impossible it could ever happen. Longing something for years and then finally having it at the reach of his hand seems almost uncanny.

He clings to his stepbrother, scared that something —  _anything_  — will happen and Jensen will go away. Jared knows he wouldn’t be able to survive that, at least not after Jensen said he  _loved him_  back.

It’s hard to tell how long they stay there, sitting on the floor with Jared’s favorite movie playing in the background as they keep making out, taking their sweet time to enjoy something as simple as kissing and being able to touch each other at will, going and going  _and going_  like none of them can get enough.

And now that Jared can? He wants to touch  _everywhere_. He wants to slide his hands on every inch of Jensen’s body, following along with his mouth. He wants, wants,  _wants_  all of Jensen. Five years of waiting are more than enough, if Jared doesn’t get a little bit of it right then he might as well explode.

“Moving to the bed.” He mumbles against Jensen’s lips before pulling away, grabbing Jensen’s wrists and making him stand up as well. The sigh of Jensen chasing after the kiss and frowning when he is forced to move causing Jared to chuckle again, pulling his brother with him so they both fall on his bed.

“God, aren’t you are such a bossy brat.” Jensen laughs back, turning them over so he’s pinning Jared down like he did the night of his birthday. He follows the line of his jaw with two fingers, his other hand stroking Jared’s hair slightly.

“What?” Jared asks expectantly, feeling a tad nervous under Jensen’s eyes.

“Just, you know.” He brushes Jared’s bangs away, leaning down to press a kiss to Jared’s forehead. “Happy I get to do this without feeling guilty.”

“That still seems pretty brotherly to me.” He breaths in response, biting his lower lip and hoping Jensen gets what he means with that.

His stepbrother smiles against his skin, hands suddenly sliding down to hold Jared’s hips.

 _“I’m just getting started.”_  Is what Jensen whispers in return, voice making Jared’s toes curl, the hairs of on the back of his neck standing up.

Jensen’s words are more serious than Jared expected. He moves down slow, sliding his lips over the bridge of his nose and then going for his eyelids, pressing a kiss on them as he slides the tip of his fingers on Jared’s eyebrows. He follows the skin of his cheeks and the deep of his dimples, taking his time to kiss every mole he comes across, making sure to comment how much he likes them. It’s almost torture to wait for Jensen to go back to his lips, and when he finally does Jared is so desperate for the kiss that he goes deep into it right, away, opening his mouth to let Jensen’s tongue curl against his own.

Now it’s an eager kiss, especially from Jared’s part. He bites and pulls on Jensen’s lower lip, content to hear a grunt in response. Jensen kisses him back just as impatiently, pressing their mouths together until Jared’s lower lip is tingling and then both have to pull apart to take deep breaths.

His brother doesn’t take much time to recover though; going back to his work so he can follow the trail of kisses and touches down his neck and collarbones. He licks, kisses and then bites inch by inch, causing Jared to squirm on the bed and gasp embarrassingly, hands closing over his covers.

Jensen’s hands slide down his shirt and Jared complies helping him get rid of it as soon as possible, eager to feel more of his stepbrother’s hands all over him.

And he doesn’t fucking disappoint Jared’s wishes.

He goes slow like the teasing bastard Jared is just discovering Jensen can be in bed too, taking his sweet time to trail Jared’s body with hands and lips. He touches everywhere, lacing their fingers together after his hands move down his forearms, teeth pulling on Jared’s nipples gently, making him moan loudly.

Jensen is touching Jared exactly how he wants to touch him return. Every part, every muscle, following every single line. He teases and makes Jared whine in return, kissing down his stomach and stopping just above his belly button to look up and wink at him, making Jared blush violently and over his face with one arm.

He doesn’t know how long it takes Jensen to do his path down his body but Jared loves every second of it.

Someway along the way Jensen starts talking in between, mumbling about the parts he especially likes, complimenting Jared’s looks and calling him thins like  _gorgeous_  and _beautiful_ , making him feel like all his blood is piling up on his cheeks.

Or, you know, most of it. Because a pretty good portion is starting to make his jeans feel a little too tight, bulge now obvious.

Jensen sees it, of course, but ignores it in favor of spending other five good minutes counting and kissing the moles on Jared’s chest and stomach. He tries to make the best of his time by touching Jensen in return, sliding his fingers through his hair and stroking his shoulders and back _. It’s their new little game_. Touching what they are not supposed to touch, reaching parts of each other’s bodies they never knew they would be allowed to feel with their hands.

Jared had never thought of himself as particularly attractive. Jensen is goddamn gorgeous for him, but when Jared looks at himself in the mirror he doesn’t think there’s anything especial in his looks. Yet he never felt more comfortable in his skin and with his body than he does right there, pinned under Jensen and feeling him kiss and stroke every part he once felt unhappy with. It’s impossible to not get tears on the edge of his eyes and his self-esteem shooting to the skies when Jensen looks down at him, rubbing his sides and whispering Jared is the most beautiful person he has ever seen.

It’s almost too good to be real.

Jensen seems to get some pity at last, finally pulling down his pants and making Jared groan when he cups his hard on through his boxers, face going red in record time.

“Told you I was just getting started, baby brother.” Jensen says with a mischievous smile, and a name that Jared was used to hear for years and never thought as something especially sexual makes his dick twitch in his brother’s hand, moaning and arching his back.

_Well fuck, now Jared has a thing for that._

But he can’t forget Jensen is still a teasing asshole, who decides to make his way kissing and touching his inner thighs and calves before deciding to take off his underwear. Jared’s cock arches back against his stomach, head red and a couple drops of precome already sliding down the shaft.

“Happy to see me, Jay?” Jensen waggles his eyebrows at him before pressing a loud kiss on his hip. Jared groans and blushes harder than before, smacking him on the shoulder, causing Jensen to start laughing and keep kissing his V line, purposely avoiding touching his erection.

“You are  _such_  an asshole.” Jared giggles before he can stop himself, looking up with a huff so avoid Jensen’s glare. “Just wait until it’s  _my_  turn.”

“Oh, I plan to take another good amount of time over here,” He almost sing-songs, voice so cheerful it makes Jared’s heart beat a little too hard in his chest. “Make yourself comfortable, geek. Gonna show you a good time.”

“Jock.”

“Nerd.”

“Annoying college b—  _oh, fuck!”_  Jared arches off of the bed, closing his eyes and bucking his hips up when Jensen suddenly wraps his mouth around the head of his dick, making his eyes roll to the back of his head.

 _They can keep talking later, then_. Jensen has better plans.

His brother has never been with a guy before, of course, so this is as much as is first time giving a blowjob as it is for Jared receiving one. The difference is that Jensen has gotten blowjobs before — and okay, yeah, Jared doesn’t want to think about that now — so he knows what feels good on himself. That’s the logic he’s using to make Jared’s see starts behind his eyelids and start moaning his name at the top of his lungs.

He’s also still Jensen, so he’s ridiculous and stops giving him head at certain moments to spread his legs wider and rub shooting circles on his inner thighs, kissing the tip of his dick before swallowing it down again.

Jared doesn’t know what makes his flush harder: Jensen doing that or the sudden realization that he’s literally  _“taking care of his little brother even when he’s sucking his dick”._ Jared never thought he could have something like an incest kink but, hey, he’s not about to complain.

It doesn’t take him long to get to the edge, pulling on Jensen’s hair and almost  _whining “Jen, Jen, fuck, gonna come”_  in between moans, expecting Jensen to pull away.  _But he doesn’t_.

Jensen lets Jared finish in his mouth, swallowing after he comes down his throat, holding his hips down so he can pull his lips away after a moment and jerk him off for all he’s worth the rest of his orgasm.

Jared is a mess of whines and spasms on the bed, digging his nails on Jensen’s shoulders and repeating his name over and over like prayer. Jensen nuzzles his stomach and presses two kisses on the moles Jared knows he has right next to his right hipbone, rubbing Jared’s leg and letting him catch his breath.  _Fucking Jensen. He’s surely going to kill him_.

This was just a blowjob and Jared almost feels like the entire room is spinning around him.

His stepbrother makes his way up his body with more kisses and gentle touches, cupping Jared’s face before they kiss again. Jared’s brain is still disconnected after his orgasm so he’s a little messy and sloppy when he kisses Jensen back, but he figures he’s not going to mind much.

“What do you think? Still felt like brotherly touches?”

Jared grins like a fool, shaking his head and rubbing Jensen’s cheek. “Not at all. That was very non-brotherly of you.”

“Giving you head while Dirty Dancing plays in the background.” Jensen clicks his tongue, looking too proud about himself. “I’m such a catch.”

“You’re my  _stepbrother_.” Jared snorts, pulling Jensen down for another kiss. “Catch my ass.”

“Oh, I sure plan to.”

He gasps when he felts Jensen sneak one hand behind him, squeezing his right ass cheek while winking at him. Jared honestly can’t believe they are behaving exactly how they would do while doing any other thing, like the brothers they have always been, while they are almost having sex.

He loves it.

“Not right now, though.” Jared shakes his head and starts to pull Jensen’s shirt up to take it off, “I told you it was  _my turn_.”

It’s not that unexpected that Jared is way more eager than Jensen. He doesn’t have the patient to go slow when it comes to touching his brother, feeling like he can’t get enough and he needs to reach every inch of Jensen’s skin. He lets Jared do it however he wants to, kissing him as Jared slides and touch as much as he wishes, mouth following the trail of Jensen’s freckles down his neck and all over his chest.

He does the same thing his brother did to him, only a little bit more shyly and desperate. He has been waiting too long to get the opportunity; excuse a guy for being excited.

Jared touches and bites and kisses everywhere he wants. Jensen laughs at how much thought he puts into it, stroking his hair and saying he looks gorgeous going down on his body, making Jared blush even when he is supposed to do the teasing.

Doing this lets Jared confirm once again that he was right. Jensen is perfect everywhere. Every muscle, the softness of his skin and the curves of his body. Jared loves it all. Wants it all. And will make sure to kiss and touch like Jensen did with him.

He’s pretty impressed by the size of Jensen’s cock by the time he pulls down his boxers, not caring how ridiculous it is for him to stop and  _stare_ , biting his bottom lip. Jensen seems both flattered and desperate because of Jared’s reaction, rubbing himself against his leg, impatient to get off after Jared returned all his damn teasing. He almost can’t believe he made Jensen feel like that, turned on and grunting against his neck, repeating Jared’s name in a voice that causes his spent cock to twitch again.

 _Jensen is hard because of him_. Jared almost wants to stop and take a minute to appreciate it, but Jensen looks so goddamn hot panting into his neck and humping his leg that Jared can’t help himself, wrapping his hand around his brother’s cock and jerking him off until he comes all over his their stomachs. The sound of Jensen coming while moaning his name is something Jared is  _never_  going to forget.

His stepbrother rolls them over to their sides as they kiss again, Jensen’s hand rubbing his come on Jared’s skin in a way that can only be classified as extremely possessive. It makes Jared’s skin tingle and a smile appear in his face, humming as Jensen bites down his neck and whispers about wanting to kiss Jared  _all over again_.

He doesn’t have a problem with that.

As a matter of fact, Jared has the feeling they are going to spend a good part of the night making sure to gets their hands all over each other now that they can.


	13. Chapter 13

 

 

  
  
For the first seconds of the next day, Jared thinks it was all a dream and he’s going to wake up alone in his room until he blinks and finds Jensen right  _there_ , sleeping by his side.

The smile that tugs at the edges of his lips is instant, hands hugging his brother a little closer as he nuzzles into his neck, pressing a couple kisses on the naked skin.

He can’t believe all that really happened last night.

They both stayed until God knows what time rolling around in bed kissing and joking and holding each other. Jared finds it rather romantic, how after so long all they wanted was to show the physical side of the relationship they always had to keep in check but they didn’t really get to the point of having sex. Not that Jared doesn’t want to get there because, come on,  _of course he does_. It’s just that for their first night “together” they wanted to do what they did rather than go all the way down already. He can still feel goosebumps on his skin at the memory of Jensen’s lips tracing his body

“Hey.” Jared hears at his side and he stops kissing Jensen’s arm to glance up, happy to see his brother starting to wake up as well. Jensen moves one arm around his hip and pulls him impossibly close right away, yawning and burying his face between the space of Jared’s neck and his shoulder. “Morning, Jay.”

He laughs at the sound of Jensen’s muffled voice against his skin, petting his short hair and laughing harder when Jensen rubs his nose on his neck, tickling him.

“Good morning, Jen.” He hums in return, rubbing Jensen’s back affectionately. He’s still shocked this is honestly happening to him.

“I was wrong. You don’t kick that much so we can make this ‘ _sharing a bed’_  deal a more constant thing.”

He snorts, tangling their legs under the covers and Jensen starts pressing kisses on the side of his neck. The laziness after waking up is still lingering on him, making Jared stretch and nuzzle the top of Jensen’s head with a yawn.

“Well, too bad.” Jared clicks his tongue, faking a disappointed tone. “Because I was right. You drool like crazy, get the hell out of my bed.”

Jensen pulls back with a fake offended expression, mouth wide open as he squints at him. Jared has to cover his mouth to not laugh right in his brother’s face as he hisses _“you’re so gonna pay for that”_  getting on top of him and starting to tickle his sides. Jared throws his head back, chuckling like crazy and trying to kick Jensen away but not being successful. He calls uncle almost immediately, too tired and sleepy to have the strength to fight his brother, huffing when Jensen lets himself fall over him, looking for his lips to steal a kiss away.

It feels like everything is in place. Every little part inside of Jared healed and returned to his place. Like Jensen took him apart but then made sure to actually fit the pieces when he was putting him back together, making sure to not leave cracks and gaps in between that would hurt and make Jared ache. For the first time in his life, the space inside in chest doesn’t make him want to curl over himself and try to hold himself together.  _It’s not there anymore_.

Jensen is right there and Jared doesn’t feel empty anymore.

It’s almost weird to not think something is missing after he woke up for years convinced that he was incomplete.

“Too bad. I’m staying in your bed forever, little brother.” Jensen whispers against his cheek before pressing some kisses there, hands carefully rubbing his sides.

“ _For_ _ever_?” Jared mocks, nose pressed to the top of Jensen’s hair. It feels so nice to just be there, pressed together and naked under the covers. He could easily get used to this.

“As long as you’re staying with me.”

That wakes up something in his brain, the unease causing him to stop moving on the bed and whispers  _“Are you staying though?”_  in return, remembering how it was to wake up after Jensen’s birthday thinking it was finally going to work out just to get his brother taking it all back in a second.

Jensen pulls back, pressing one of his hands on the mattress so he can hold his weight as he looks down at Jared.

“Only if you want me to,” He answers with a little nod, eyes traveling down Jared’s body before coming back to stare at him with clear resolve painted in his face. “Since you told me you loved me, a part of me wanted to do  _this_  right away, the need to be with you crawling under my skin and driving me insane.” Jared gets that; it’s how he has been feelings for years. “But I thought I’d be protecting you and doing the right thing by staying away. I didn’t understand that as long as you wanted it too— well, as long as you want  _me_  too then maybe it’s not such a bad idea after all.”

Jared takes a deep breath, enjoying the sensation of his chest expanding and nothing cracking out of place. Jensen has always been the glue to hold everything together in his life and it finally reached every spot Jared always found defective.

“So, we’re doing  _this_?” Jared asks with the nervousness in his voice still lingering. “You and me.  _Together?”_

“Jared Tristan Padalecki-Ackles.” Jensen announces in a rather formal voice, clearing his throat. “Would you give me the honor of being in a pseudo-incestuous relationship with me?”

 _Oh. Dear. God_. “Wow.  _Really?”_  He bites his tongue to not laugh, giving Jensen a fake offended look. Jared’s trying his best to not spontaneously combust from happiness. “You know I’m a fucking sap and  _that’s_  how you ask me to be your brother-slash-boyfriend after all this time? No poems in between, no swearing to love me until I’m old and wrinkled?”

Jensen hums, rubbing his chin with one hand. “Well, nobody said anything about you getting wrinkled and all that, but now that you mention it—”

“Oh, shut up!” Jared giggles, smacking his chest and cackling when Jensen leans down to kiss the top of his nose. “Way to ruin the moment I have been waiting for years to happen!”

“Don’t be so melodramatic, you theater geek.”

“I mean you think that  _loving_  your brother all your life would earn you a decent declaration in return but—”

“Please give me all of you, Jared.” Jensen says with a soft voice, making Jared stop talking and look up, heart almost flat lining. “Give me everything you are; the good things, the bad, the things that make me want to kiss you in front of everybody and the ones that drive me fucking crazy. Give me everything you are I promise to give you all of me in return for as long as you would have me.”

Jared covers his mouth with both hands, hearts swelling and dying to come out of his ribcage if that meant being closer to his stepbrother.

He loves Jensen so much he can’t believe it doesn’t tear him apart. It’s all Jared is. It’s all Jared wants to be. Loving Jensen is the best thing to ever happen in his life.

Jared nods to Jensen in return, moving his hands to clean his tears;  _why does he have to be such a faucet?_  Jensen beats him to it though, grabbing his wrists and leaning down to press a kiss to the edge of his eyes before brushing their lips together, giving him a little kiss.

“Aren’t you my little crybaby?” He whispers, pulling a smile out of Jared. “Doing this since you were five, making me want to stop it right away.”

“Best big brother in the damn world.” Jared throws his arms around Jensen, rolling them on the bed so they can make out properly, loving the feeling of Jensen smiling against his lips in return.

_Jared could so get used to that._

They stay for a long time in bed. Rolling under the covers and playing around, taking their sweet time to kiss and tease each other in between talking and joking. It’s exactly how Jared imagined it would be to be  _something else_ with Jensen. They are back to how they used to be in the start but now Jared can cup Jensen’s face anytime he wants and kiss him like it’s nothing, this part of their relationship fitting perfectly along the rest of them, almost as if it was supposed be this way the whole time.

Jensen chases him downstairs after Jared hits him in the face with a pillow to make him get up already and go help him cook something for breakfast.

They almost break one of their mom’s porcelains in the process, with Jensen throwing Jared over his shoulder — but honestly,  _how?_  Jared is almost taller than him already _, fucking Jensen_  — and carrying him like that to the kitchen.

They settle down for pancakes and bacon after bickering for ten minutes over what they are going to eat and Jared slips back downstairs to bring his favorite CD down as Jensen starts to mixing the ingredients and getting everything ready.

“Really? The  _Dirty Dancing_  soundtrack?” Jensen mocks him when he hears the music coming from the living room. Jared sticks his tongue out when he gets back, dodging Jensen’s smack on his ass and starting to dance around terribly looking for the bacon. “Man, you do suck. But I gotta admit, I still love it.”

Jared laughs, looking at Jensen over his shoulder to wink at him.

Cooking listening to the  _Dirty Dancing_  songs is by far, the best way to cook for Jared, so his brother will have to just shut up and deal with it. When  _Love is Strange_ starts blasting from their living room Jared decides to sing along loudly just to piss Jensen off, but he’s more than surprised to find Jensen mumbling the words along, breaking in cackles immediately.

“God, I made you watch the movies that many times, huh?” The song is part of one of the best scenes in the movie and Jared always repeats it at least four times when they watch. Poor Jensen dealing with his obsession for so damn long.

Instead of actually answering him or teasing Jared in return, Jensen looks at him and mouths  _“Sylvia!”_  along with the song in the same way Johnny does with Baby in the movie. Jared cackles even harder, throwing his head back.

 _“Yes, Mickey?”_  Jared mouths in return, taking a bite of the bacon and almost choking when he sees Jensen keeps going.

_“How do you call your lover boy?”_

Jared thinks he’s going to start beaming all around of the kitchen.  _“Come here, lover boy!”_

Jensen laughs right back, moving closer to him and completely forgetting about the pancakes on the pan. Jared thinks he has never looked better than that. With his hair a mess after sleeping and a couple hickeys on his neck.

_“And if he doesn’t answer?”_

_“Oh, lover boy!”_  Jared bats his eyelashes exaggeratedly at him, using his index finger to motion his brother to get closer.

 _“And if he still doesn’t answer?”_  Jensen mouths along the song, getting to his side and pressing their bodies together by holding Jared’s hips with both hands.

 _“I simply say— baby,”_  Jared moves his arms behind Jensen’s neck, his back leaning against the counter of the kitchen. He slides his lips at one side of his brother’s neck _. “Oh, baby.”_  He chuckles, pressing a couple kisses on his pulse.  _“My sweet baby.”_  Jared looks up, cupping Jensen’s face to look him in the eye, brushing their noses together. _“You’re the one.”_

Jensen presses their mouths in a heated kiss almost instantly, hands sliding keeping him close by staying on his lower back, nibbling and sucking on his bottom lip until Jared’s head is turning and he’s completely out of breath.

“I might not be able to lift you like Patrick Swayze does at the end of that movie. But I can still do  _this_.”

Jensen holds Jared up by his hips, making him sit on the counter to keep making out. Jared laughs into the kiss, wrapping his legs around his brother’s hips as he leaves little pecks on his lips, a warm feeling making his skin tingle everywhere.

Jared thinks this is way better than the lift during the movie. He likes this version ten thousand times more.

“ _Mhm—_  you know, we’re gonna burn the pancakes.” He manage to let out between kisses but Jensen only groans  _“don’t give a fuck”_  before pressing Jared down the counter until he’s almost lying down on it.

They make a mess in the kitchen his mom is going to kill them for that later that day, but there’s too distracted with each other to care.

The rest of the day seems to fly away with them going back to eat to Jared’s bed, rolling around in bed some more and then changing to the living room to watch some lame movie Jensen finds and makes Jared sit trough — but at least he’s sitting on Jensen’s lap half of it, so is not a complete loss — before they order lunch and go outside to play with Oscar in just their pajama pants. Jared think that both of them suddenly developing hickeys all over their chest is more than suspicious, but there’s nobody else home and none of their neighbors would suspect.

Everybody around there knows he and Jensen are brothers. Nobody would even imagine what they have been up to since last night. For some reason, Jared really fucking likes that. It’s not longer his dark sick secret.  _Now it’s their secret_. Everything is better with Jensen in it.

That night is still prom though, and Jensen insists Jared should go. It’s a fun night to remember before graduating High School and he doesn’t want him to miss it. Jared already agreed to go with Stephen and it would be rude to just cancel on him that exact same, and he’s doing it just for him, so he’s really glad Jensen doesn’t have a problem with it.

They take a shower together — and make another damn mess in Jared’s bathroom — and then Jensen watches him get dressed in his rented tuxedo from his bed, only wearing the same boxers he had the night before.

“You know, being naked doesn’t help.” Jared points out as he fights with his tie, looking at himself in the mirror and getting distracted every two seconds by Jensen lying on his bed looking like  _that_. Nobody should ever be allowed to look like that,  _especially_  Jensen.

“I’m not naked. I have my boxers on.” Jensen smirks and Jared gives him the finger, groaning as he doesn’t get his tie right for the third time, causing his brother to laugh at him from behind.

“Shut up!” Annoying smartass, “I’m trying to get ready here. Stop bothering me.”

“My, my.” Jensen clicks his tongue, standing up and walking behind him until Jared can see him over his shoulder in the mirror. “Seems like the pressure of prom is getting to you, little brother.”  _More like the pressure his dick is going to make in his pants if he keeps seeing Jensen parade around in underwear_. “C’mere, I got it.”

He bats Jared’s hands away from his tie, slowly starting to tie it together himself. Jared looks at his reflection in the mirror the entire time, fidgeting at the look of concentration in Jensen’s face and the way he’s biting down on his lower lip. He can feel Jensen’s deep breathing close to his neck and really, he’s going to get a hard on if Jensen keeps that up much longer.

“There you go.” His brother nods after a moment, grabbing Jared’s shoulders and turning him around to give him an appreciative nod. “Handsome as ever.”

Jared blushes dark red and looks away, hiding his eyes behind his bans as he scratches his neck, embarrassment eating him alive.

“Shut it, you sound like mom.”

“Only telling the truth.” He taps Jared’s chin so he looks back up, stealing a kiss and pulling away before Jared can have the chance to kiss him back. “I hope you have a great time at prom and enjoy yourself, Jay. But you know, just “enjoy” not  _this_  kind of enjoy.” He smacks Jared’s ass with one hand, making him gasp loudly, getting a second kiss right away.

The sound of their parents walking into the house and loudly calling for them is what stops Jared from taking off the tux dragging Jensen into the bed with him. They share a quick look, both of them thinking the same. Who knows if they are ever telling their parents about this but right now is  _definitely_  not the time.

Jensen moves quickly around the room trying to find his jeans and shirt, as close as they have always been, even their parents would find sketchy for him to appear in underwear and covered in bite marks at Jared’s room after they haven’t talked for two months.

“I’ll tell Stephen we can’t  _‘date’_  anymore tonight.” Jared whispers and Jensen stops putting on his shirt for a second, glancing at him with a smile. “Not that we were exactly dating but, yeah. I’ll tell him.”

Jensen’s ridiculously big grin is the last thing Jared sees before his moms walk into his room, blinking surprised to see his brother there — dressed, though, Thank God — and Jared wearing his tuxedo already.

“Jensen!” She crosses her arms over her chest immediately and Jared suddenly remembers.  _Oh fuck, right._  He was supposed to call his parents to let them know when his brother got home. He was a little too distracted sine last night to remember.

“I’m sorry, mom.” Jensen replies immediately. “Sorry for leaving like that, I have been really bummed by the news of Jared leaving to France and yesterday just— exploded.” He gives Jared a quick glance and then looks back at Donna. “We talked it out and it’s all okay again, I swear. Sorry for being such an ass.”

Their mom hums, looking from Jensen to him with a little squint. Jared holds his breath and hopes she can’t see anything suspicious in the room or  _on them_. Jensen made sure to not leave too many marks on his neck last night so his parents wouldn’t notice anything weird. He’s pretty much marked up from his collarbones to his hips.

“So you two are okay now?” Donna asks and they both nod at the same time.

She hums a second time and after a long pause simply gives up, sighing and saying she’s glad they worked things out at last.  _She has no idea_. Then, of course, she walks closer to him to almost squeak in glee about how adorable Jared looks in his tuxedo and what a great night he’s going to spend with his friends later that day.

Jared looks at Jensen the whole time his mom talks, the taste of his kisses still lingering on his lips, causing him to smile at his brother and get Jensen mouthing  _“you look perfect, little brother”_ in return.

 

 

—

 

 

Stephen gets to his house at seven to pick Jared up, getting greeted in the first floor by his dad while Jared takes a last look at himself on the mirror, Jensen’s arms around Jared’s hips and his chin over Jared’s shoulders. He presses a kiss to his cheek and Jared winks at him trough the mirror.

“You think Stephen will think I look good?” He teases; getting Jensen’s smacking his ass as an answer. Jared chokes a laugh at Jensen’s unamused expression.

“ _Ha-ha_. You’re hilarious, Jared.”

“What?  I want to look good for my prom.” Jared shrugs, pretending to now see Jensen frowning at him through the mirror and hugging him closer to his chest in a possessive little squeeze.

“ _And for him?”_

He can’t believe they have been “together” for only a day and Jensen is already letting his jealous vibes show. Not that he didn’t do it before, of course, but now he’s not trying to cover them up and excuse himself with the  _“I’m just a protective brother”_  bullshit.

“I knew you were jealous of Stephen.” Jared snickers and Jensen rolls his eyes, mumbling  _“no shit”_  and making sure to keep him right there in between his arms. He wishes he could stay, he really does. All Jared wants to do is be next to Jensen every single day, he doesn’t matter how codependent that can be. It makes both of them happy, fuck whatever anyone else thinks.

“I saw him kissing you and he ruined games night—”

“ _Oh my God_ , Jensen, he didn’t ruin anything.”

“ _And_  he got to date you and be with you in the way I was dying to do.” Jensen nuzzles his face to the side of Jared’s neck, voice getting lower and eyes a little darker. “How can I not be jealous of  _Stefan_?” He ends with an asshole smirk and Jared can only shake his head and pat his brother’s cheek.

“You dick, of course you were doing that on purpose too.”

“He better doesn't get too handsy tonight during slow dances,” Jensen ignores his offense, “I’ll give him the big brother talk before you leave.”

“You are going to leave Stephen alone. He only invited me because I was feeling like shit in the past months.” He doesn’t mean to make Jensen feel bad but he can still see his brother wincing at the memory. “He’s doing it to cheer me up so you better behave yourself.”

“I’m not promising anything.”

“Jensen.”

“And he needs to keep it in his pants. He’s always complimenting the shit out of you whenever he sees you. Can that dude ever shut up?”

_“Jensen.”_

“Okay, alright!” His brother gives up, sighing and turning Jared around by his hips, looking at him in the eye. “I promise to behave myself for you.”

“Thank you.” Jared smiles, stepping close so he can press a kiss to his brother’s lips — that Jensen is more than happy to return — right as his mom yells  _“Honey, Stephen is here!”_  from the first floor. Instead of pulling apart, Jensen moves one hand to the back of his neck, kissing Jared for a little longer. It makes him want to stay even more. He likes Stephen a lot and he’s a wonderful friend but Jensen is  _Jensen_.

“Go have fun, little brother.”  He winks at Jared when they break away causing Jared’s stomach to wrestle and jump, dumbstruck all over again over how much Jensen can make him feel without even meaning to.

Stephen is waiting for him downstairs and he smiles as soon as he sees Jared, dressed in a tuxedo that looks pretty great on him. He understands that Stephen doesn’t like dances and the idea of prom doesn’t excite him that much but he should consider dressing in tuxedos every single day.

“Hey.” They both say at the same time when Jared makes it to the first floor, his mom and dad standing at one side as Stephen takes a good look at him and then adds, “You look great, Jared.”

“Well thank you, you too. For someone who doesn’t like dances you can pull off the look pretty good.”

“I hate tuxedos.” He whispers, making Jared chuckle before pulling something out of one if his pockets. “Someone told me I’m supposed to bring this—” Stephen fixes the boutineer at one side of Jared’s tuxedo; it’s a white rose with smaller flowers around it. “For you.”

It takes Jared a heartbeat to figure it out. “Sandy?”

“Bingo.”

His mom takes them so many damn pictures Jared gets blinded after a while, tired of smiling for the photos and posing with Stephen around the house. His parents are honestly so intense about this  _‘first guy Jared ever brings home’_ deal. If only they knew the guy Jared has always wanted to date has always been living right there with them.

Jensen appears at some point to watch the whole thing from the second floor, leaning against the railing and grinning to Jared for every picture his parents keep flashing. Jared almost wants to give him the finger and go up there to take that cocky smile out of his face; it might get tricky with his parents and a friend right there so Jared just squints at him in return, shaking his head.

His brother also makes sure to eye Stephen from time to time, glaring until Stephen looks but not doing anything special apart from that. This actually  _is_  Jensen behaving. He could easily be doing there making asshole comments or giving Stephen the “big brother” talk for real so Jared still appreciates the effort.

“Okay, sweetheart, have fun!” Donna kisses his cheek and then Stephen’s, finally letting them go when Jared reminds her they are supposed to have dinner and then make it to prom. “Take tons of pictures with Chad and Sandy!”

“Yes, mom, don’t worry.”

Stephen shakes his dad’s hand and assures Donna he’ll make sure Jared takes those pictures with his friends when she keeps insisting he’s going to end forgetting about it. Jensen goes downstairs when is time for them to leave, giving one last wink at Jared as he walks them towards the door.

“Have fun kids, but not  _too much fun.”_  Jensen waves at them from the door, eyes fixed on Stephen. Jared swears his brother can’t help himself. He still doesn’t mind, Jensen’s possessive side was something he always enjoyed very much and now he knows there’s more behind it, so of course Jared loved it. “Oh, Stephen?”

He turns when Jensen calls for him and Jared holds his breath, waiting for something really bad. “Don’t worry about dropping Jared off, I’ll go pick him up later tonight.”

 _What? Since when?_ They never talked about any of that. Jared doesn’t say anything to argue about it but he exchanges a confused glance with Jensen that his stepbrother completely ignores, waving at them one last time before closing the door.

They go pick Chad and then Sandy after that — both his friends know something is going on as soon as they see Jared, making faces at him when Stephen is not looking and trying to figure out what the hell happened — so they can all go together to have dinner at a local restaurant. Sandy looks lovely in her long purple dress and Jared is quite surprised Chad is wearing his own tuxedo properly and doesn’t have the tie around his head or something like that.

It’s not surprise they have such a good time together. His friends got used to Stephen tagging along weeks ago so it feels like any other night they decided to hang out in group, laughing and joking until Jared chokes on his coke and Sandy ruins her makeup when Chad makes a comment about how bad Tahmoh is going to look in tonight’s pictures with his broken nose and she tears up from laughing  _that_  hard.

They didn’t rent a limousine for the prom like some of his other classmates, agreeing it was kind of a waste of money when Sandy could easily drive them all in her car.

Jared has to admit the school’s cafeteria looks amazing when they walk in, the place already packed and most people dancing in the middle of the room. It doesn’t even look like the cafeteria. The people in charge for the decoration did an amazing job and Jared feels a little guilty for being there enjoying himself when he didn’t help at all in the process.

They take some pictures in group at the entry and then Jared and Stephen get one together considering they are going as a “date”. He also gets one with just his two best friends where him and Chad pick Sandy up from both sides and kiss her cheeks at the same time. Jared knows he’s going to buy that one for sure when they get the chance to see them in the next weeks.

It’s a miracle they can snatch a table so all four of them can sit together, chatting for a while before Sandy convinces Chad to dance with her, dragging him to the dance floor while Chad unties his tie and throws it to the table, telling her they are making a stop at the table with food first. They leave arguing about  _how they just had food,_   _no way Chad is hungry already,_  and Chad answering that if he can’t smoke or get high in there he’s at least going to eat whatever the fuck they have to offer.

“Huh.” Stephen smiles, taking a long look at Jared’s friends as they walk away. “So, Chad and Sandy? You think they are going to get together sometime?”

“Nah.” Jared shakes his head, playing with his glass of soda. Most of them are underage so their school didn’t approve the motion of serving alcohol. Jared knows everybody probably sneaked buzz for themselves anyway and it won’t take long for Chad to find some for all four of them. “I expected it too for a while but they are just friends. We’re all just— very close, I guess.”

“Sorry I can’t dance.” Stephen shrugs with a guilty expression that Jared brushes off shaking his hand in the air.

“It’s nothing, really, I can’t dance either and it was really nice of you to invite me even if you don’t like this kind of things that much.”

“How could I not? You looked like shit for weeks; no offense.”

Jared looks down at his glass, smiling and nodding to himself. He bets he looked like shit, he was feeling very much like that since Jensen’s birthday. So basically almost two months,  _holy fuck._

“But you’re looking much better today.” Stephen adds after a second, catching Jared by surprise with that comment.

They are all alone now, Chad and Sandy dancing with the rest of their classmates in the middle of the cafeteria and nobody else is around them in the tables. The two literature geeks sitting there and refusing to dance, what a surprise. But Jared is enjoying his time with Stephen, he always does, it didn’t take long for him to discover he was a really fun person to be around-

“Yeah, about that—” Jared nibbles on his bottom lip, trying to find the right words of what he’s about to say. He moves his chair closer to Stephen, rubbing his hands and taking a deep breath. “There’s something I need to tell you. We— us, well, I know we’re not exactly a couple and it’s been kind of confused in the past months.”

Stephen nods, listening so intently it makes Jared more nervous than he already is. He doesn’t want to hurt Stephen in any way. He’s wonderful guy and hopes they can stay as friends because Jared now appreciates a lot that he’s part of his life.

“And I really enjoyed the time we spent together, you’re amazing and we’re so damn compatible. It’s feels like I have known you for years.” Jared still thinks Stephen is someone he could have eventually loved someday but now he doesn’t need to ever think about loving somebody apart from Jensen; it wouldn’t be fair to not say something about it. “I’m sorry but I don’t think we can  _date_  anymore in that sense.”

Stephen stays in silence for a moment, looking at Jared in a way that has him holding his breath and worrying he’s not going to take it okay. So far Stephen has been so calmed and comprehensive about everything that Jared hasn’t seen him angry. Now he wonders if tonight will be the first time for that.

After what feels like forever he speaks again, studying Jared’s face and leaning closer to whisper, “So, Jensen, huh?”

Jared stops breathing as soon as he mentions his brother, air catching in the middle of his chest and eyes widening.  _He knows?_  Is it that fucking obvious? Jared’s brain fills with questions so fast it makes his head hurt, anxious and starting to drown in the idea of someone else knowing about him and Jensen. He hasn’t had the opportunity to tell Chad and Sandy but he knows they are going to be supportive. How would Stephen tell?  _Since when?_  Is it because now that he can be together with Jensen he just gave it all away, people can read it that easily all over his face? Is the  _“I got a blowjob from my brother last night”_  that clear?

Even more. If Stephen can see it, who else has? Are his parents suspecting _? Oh fuck_. What if Stephen tells his parents.  _What if Stephen tells everybody?_ It doesn’t sound like something he would do but not everybody is that open about stepbrothers dating no matter how nice they are.

He must see the desperation drawn everywhere on Jared’s face because he raises both hands and shakes his head right away.

“Hey, don’t worry, I’m not judging.” Stephen shrugs and then adds. “It’s okay. He’s not your brother.”

Not in the more technical and blood-related sense, Jared guesses. He told Stephen the whole story about his dad marrying Jensen’s mom during one of their first dates so he has always known he and Jensen are only step brothers. And as much as Jared appreciates what Stephen is trying to do there and understands what he means by that, he still shakes his head in return.

“You know what? He  _is_.”  For a long time Jared dreamed for him and Jensen not to be brothers so he could at least have a chance to be with him. He used to repeat to Chad and Sandy how Jensen wasn’t his brother too, yet now he knows better. Jensen  _is_  his brother. He loves that aspect about their relationship too. If they weren’t brothers they wouldn’t have grown as close as they did and probably not share the bond they now have.  _Jensen is his brother_  and Jared couldn’t be more proud of that. “But he’s also much more than that too.”

It doesn’t seem like Stephen is considering start yelling about how Jared has inappropriate feelings for his sibling or even grossed out about the idea of him and Jensen together. He just nods, still looking like he’s studying Jared.

“That night I went to your house and met your family, I  _knew_  there was something going on.” To his surprise, Stephen smiles. “Man, I thought I was seeing things but— you and Jensen? I have never seen any brothers closer than you two.”

That makes Jared happy somehow. He can’t explain why but it does. He likes hearing people talk about how his closeness with Jensen is so obvious there’s no way someone can unseen it.

“Not to mention the way he was looking at you the whole night.”

Jared doesn’t know what to say at that, frowning for a moment. How was Jensen looking at him during game night? He didn’t see anything weird.

“He looked like he wanted to grab you and drag you as far away as possible from me.” Stephen explains with a little laugh. “Dude, now I get why he doesn’t like me at all.”

“Oh, he likes you.” Jared lies but he Stephen is having none of it. “Alright, fine, he doesn’t. But there’s nothing wrong with you, Jensen is just a possessive dickwad when he wants to.”

“I could tell.”

They both look at each other and then laugh. Jared feels relieved that Stephen isn’t making such a big deal about it. More reasons why he’s a great guy and deserves someone who loves him more than anything. The same way Jared loves his brother.

“If you weren’t in love with him…?” Stephen starts to ask after a moment and Jared knows what he means with that question. There’s no way he can lie about this one.

“I can’t imagine a world where I wouldn’t be in love with Jensen.”

Stephen whistles, raising his eyebrows. “Damn.”

“Tell me about it,” Jared chuckles, blushing and hiding his eyes behind his bangs. He’s not used to tell that kind of things to someone apart from Chad and Sandy. “But, listen, I swear I wasn’t using you or anything. I was staring to fall for you but I had no idea Jensen felt the same way for me.”

“I get it. You like me, but you love Jensen.”

Jared nods again, still feeling his face burning up. Feeling that from someone else seems to get to him even more.

“Hey, it’s fine. If Katie appeared to say she was in love with me I’d go for it without thinking twice.”

“You should give it a try. I got together with my stepbrothers, seems to me that nothing is impossible compared to that.” Jared comments and is glad to see Stephen smile.

“You know what? You’re right, I’ll consider it.

Stephen deserves it. Jared doesn’t know Katie and doesn’t know more than Stephen’s side of the story, but for what he heard they were childhood friends and Stephen always got the feeling that they would be perfect together. Jared hopes it works for him. If there is someone who should be happy in this entire thing is Stephen.

“Would it be really inconsiderate of me to ask you to still be friends?” Jared bits his lower lip, hoping his puppy eyes can have some effect on him. “I have such a great time with you, we like so many of the same things and you’re such a great guy, I feel like an asshole but—”

“Dude, are you kidding me? No way we’re stopping being friends.” He smacks Jared’s hand with a laugh. “I would be offended if you  _both_  said we can’t date and that we can’t be friends on the same night.”

“Sorry about the first part.” Jared still feels bad. Stephen invited him to prom to cheer him up and Jared uses this night in specific to tell him. He found very egoistic not to do it though, he wouldn’t feel right being with Jensen and not telling Stephen what was going no.

“Hey, I appreciate it you telling me. I already knew there was something not completely working between us.” Stephen stands up and Jared does too, confused on where he’s going. He moves one step closer to kiss Jared’s cheek, “You’re great, Jared. Your brother is damn lucky.”

Sandy and Chad are coming back to the table and Stephen assures him it’s all fine and he’s going to spend some time with his own group of friends for a while. As he walks away, Stephen turns one last time to point at him.

“Hey, Jared!” He calls and then makes a sign of zipping his lips, lock them and throw the key away. Jared laughs at how old that is but nods in return. “I won’t say a word!”

 _About him and Jensen_. Stephen could do whatever he wanted on that part. They weren’t together but Jared kind of “broke up” with him on prom night. He could be a dick if he wanted, but of course he’s choosing to support Jared on his decision to date his brother. He really hopes Stephen gets to be together with Katie or someone who makes him just as happy.

 _“Thank you.”_  Jared mutters as Stephen waves and walks away, Sandy and Chad giving him confused stares as they get to the table. They were probably expecting him and Stephen to become a formal couple that night; well, Jared has some big news for his friends.

“Are you finally going to tell us what the fuck is going on?” Chad crosses his arms in front of him. “You suddenly look like the personification of a goddamn sunshine after weeks of looking like shit.” Well, Jesus, did he really look that bad? This is the second person to tell Jared that. “And I’m glad for the change, of course, but I’m going to need you to spill it all right about now, Jay.”

“I think we should go outside.” Jared snickers, knowing they need to be in private for Chad and Sandy to hear the story.

After twenty minutes talking in the parking lot and letting them know everything that happened since Jensen left the day before to what he said when Stephen picked him up, Sandy jumps on him. She wraps her arms around him and clings to Jared, not caring about her long dress and incredibly high heels. Chad throws one arm around him and ruffles his hair, shouting _“way to go, man!”_  as Sandy presses a loud kiss on his cheek. There are some people there who turn to stare at them like they are crazy, imagining they are drunk already. Jared doesn’t give a damn, laughing along his friends and hugging them back.

Is no surprise they are supportive about the whole thing. They have always been there for Jared during the time his feelings for Jensen seemed unilateral and it was just an impossible crush; now that it’ a reality they seem as happy about it as he is. Sandy tears up when Jared repeats all the sweet things Jensen told him the night before and that morning while Chad seems to appreciate the fact that he’s finally getting laid and jumping into the  _“kinky incestuous sex”_ party.

“We’re so happy for you, Jay.” Sandy chirps.

“I told you the project would work, dude.”

Jared snorts. “Excuse me? That project was for me to get over Jensen in the first place. How did it work?”

Chad and Sandy exchange one of those looks Jared always gets suspicious about. He squints immediately, tilting his head. There’s something else going on they are not telling him.

“Guys.”

“Okay, yeah, the plan was for you to move on with your life.” Chad shrugs, messing his blonde hair with one hand and then smirking. “But me and Sands, well, we were hoping that while it helped you it could also work to wake up something in Jensen, you know? We both knew there was no way he didn’t feel something for you too.”

“It was a win-win situation no matter what.” Sandy offers with a perfect smile. “…do you want to kill us for it?”

“Kill you?” Jared repeats, staring at them in disbelief. “You’re kidding! I fucking love you two!”

He has, without a doubt, the best friends anybody could ask for.

Chad makes them celebrate with stolen beers that Jared has no idea where he got from before they head back inside to the cafeteria. Apparently there is some after party that his friends are planning to go to but Jared has to pass on that one. He doesn’t know what is going on with Jensen but he said he would come pick Jared up, so it looks like they have plans.

Jared gets a text from Jensen a couple hours later while Sandy has Chad back on the dance floor, convincing him to dance with her another couple songs before the prom is over.

 _‘Care to bring your sweet ass outside, little brother_?’ coming from  _Jen Heart-Heart_  looks really damn funny and Jared is lame enough to crack up alone on his table looking at his phone. He types a quick answer and takes his jacket from the back of his chair, looking for his friends to say goodbye — Sandy wants every detail the next day, step by step and with special commentary from Jared — and then runs into Stephen on his way out.

He waves at him with a grin so big Jared knows Stephen has an idea of where he’s going.

This is going to be Jared’s life now, looking like a fool in love whenever he gets to be with his brother. Personally? It sounds like a pretty damn good life in Jared’s head.

Jensen’s car is parked right in front of his school; his brother is waiting outside and leaning against the passenger door. The most surprising part of that particular picture if the fact that Jensen is suddenly dressed in a tuxedo too. Jared thinks the last time he saw Jensen dressed like that was for his own High School graduation.

He has to stop and stare. There’s no other acceptable response from Jared.  _He needs to appreciate such view_. The suit looks perfect on his brother, fitting around his shoulders and curve of his back. It’s like he just walked out of some Hugo Boss magazine to go pick him up from prom. Jensen has no right to be that level of good looking. And sure, he’s that level of good looking for him, but still. Is just not fair for the rest of them pity humans who don’t get to look that good wearing a tuxedo.

“You look good.” Jensen hums before Jared can say anything. He wants to say something like  _‘that’s my line’_  but his tongue is still stuck to the top of his mouth, unable to say anything as he keeps looking at his brother. God, he’s hot. “Had fun, Jay?”

“Plenty.” He manages to reply, blinking and trying to make some sense.

“I hope not  _too_  much fun.”

He walks the five steps remaining between them and pulls Jared in by his hands. He can see the intention in Jensen’s actions two seconds before it happens and he takes a sharp breath and stops his face centimeters away from Jensen’s.

“People here know we’re brothers.” He whispers, turning his head around to make sure there’s no other students leaving with him. “You used to come to this school, remember? And you were much more of a big deal than me.”

Jensen groans instantly, frowning and not letting go of his hands. “That’s unfair. I can’t kiss you whenever I want to?  _Bullshit_.”

“You’re cute when you get cranky.” Jared teases and Jensen huffs in return.

“I’ll give you cute.”

“Why are you dressed like that, by the way?” He asks, still too distracted by Jensen’s appearance to think of anything else. Jensen asks him the door of his car so he can get it, motioning with a hand for Jared to sit on the passenger seat.

“You’ll see. I have something else planned for tonight, if you don’t mind.”


	14. Chapter 14

  
  
“Why do I have to cover my eyes again?” Jared laughs, trying to not trip while they go upstairs somewhere he has never been before. He has his own tie wrapped around his eyes — he thinks they would find a fun use for that later — “You do know today is not my birthday, right? Because it would be awkward if you have cake and people jumping out of the corners wishing me a happy birthday when it’s obviously not my birthday.”

“Shut up!” Jensen chuckles behind him, leading Jared so he doesn’t hurt himself and making sure Jared is not cheating and taking peeks.  “Did you ever hear of a surprise?”

“I’m familiar with the concept.”

“Then shut that pretty mouth of yours and play along.” There are two sides of that phrase. For one side, Jared doesn’t want to shut up, this is really funny. And two, he likes the compliment and the ‘pretty’ part lot. This is a thought one to argue with.

“Okay, but if you are kidnapping me and planning to ask money in exchange I gotta tell you I have a big brother who is not going to be happy about this.”

“No kidding.” Jensen chuckles and makes him stop. He can detect the sound of keys clicking and Jensen opening something but then there’s nothing else.

“He’s really hot, although that’s not the point. He’s going to kick your ass.”

“Are you done with your little play over there?” Jensen walks behind him again and Jared shrugs, thinking he’s doing pretty well so far.

“I guess I could be, I like my version of this story much better because I have no idea what—” Jensen makes him keep walking and then stops them both, suddenly pulling the tie away from Jared’s head. “—is going on here.  _Oh my God.”_

It’s a little apartment. They are standing in the middle of a small living room where all the furniture has been organized against the walls so they have space to walk around without bumping into anyone. The windows and walls are decorated with what he can only guess are Christmas lights and the room is only illuminated by the small fireplace in front of him and a dozen candles carefully placed around them. It’s the best visual he ever had to describe the word “cozy”.

“What is this?” Jared asks with his mouth open, turning around to take a look at everything.

“I thought it would be nice if we could go to prom together.” Jensen shrugs and Jared has to purse his lips to not make an embarrassing happy sound and let his brother keep talking. “Our  _own_  version of prom, were I can be both your brother and your date.”

 _That’s why Jensen is wearing the tuxedo_. This is them in the middle of the second part of Jared’s prom. One where he can actually be with Jensen in it.

It’s the kind of deeply romantic gesture Jared would die for. It’s the kind of thing that would happen in a romantic comedy and it would make Jared cover his mouth and want to cry of how utterly sweet it is. It’s one of the things he has always wanted most in life, someone doing sickening romantic things  _just for him_ , only because it would make  _him_ happy, and of course Jensen knows that. His brother knows him better than anyone.

“Jensen.” He turns around, looking at his brother while his cheeks ache at how much he’s smiling. “You made prom for  _us_?”

“I know is cheesy,” His brother nods and then fixes a couple hairs behind Jared’s ear. “But, you see, my little brother loves cheesy.”

Jared bites hit tongue and nods, eyes filling with tears because of course it’s going to happen. He is the definition of a crybaby, both of them know it. There’s no way he’s not going to get sentimental about this.

“I do love it.” More than Jensen can begin to imagine. Jared could try to explain it but it would still not be enough to make him understand how much this means to him.

“And I couldn’t let pass your prom without at least sharing one slow dance.”

Jensen moves to one side of the room, taking out his phone and connecting it to the portable speakers Jared knows he bought almost a year ago, leaving it on the table as soon as slow song starts playing. Jensen extends his hand towards him after turning around and Jared takes a deep breath, feeling warm to the tip of his fingers, air catching in the middle of his throat.  _A slow dance at prom with Jensen_. Yeah, his brother is right. It’s exactly the kind of ridiculously cheesy thing Jared would close his eyes and dream about since he was thirteen.

“You know I can’t dance.” Jared chuckles and his voice comes out watery and a little broken in the middle.

“Oh, I know. You’re terrible.” They both laugh and Jared looks down, cheeks coloring. “But I’m pretty good at leading; I think we can make it work without you stepping all over me.”

Jared licks his lips and then takes Jensen’s hand, walking behind him to the middle of the room and letting his brother turn him around, leaving one hand on Jared’s waist as he holds up the other, fingers closed tightly around Jared’s palm.

Looking at Jensen, Jared leaves his free hand on his shoulder and then starts moving his feet as his brother tells him to, following his instructions and glancing down every now and then to make sure he’s not going to step on him.

It’s actually not that hard one Jared gets his head around the most basic steps; Jensen proud smile and constant assurance that Jared is doing great makes him relax and enjoy himself, knowing that Jensen has seen him at his worst already. Even if he makes a ridiculous mess out of this dance, Jensen is not going to mind.

“See? Told you I’m great.” He winks at Jared when they can keep dancing without Jensen needing to check his steps every two seconds.

“Yeah,” Jared nods, eyes fixed on his brother’s. “You are.”

There is no doubt for him in that. Jensen is beyond great. He’s perfect. And Jared knows he’s not; Jensen has a temper, is a terrible loser, can be a real ass to people just because he feel like it, can’t keep his room organized for shit and is impossible to deal with when pissed off. Jared could name every single one of his brother’s annoying and bad traits, he knows them all. But even so, Jared still thinks he’s perfect.

Jensen is perfect  _for him_.

At some point they end pressed so close they are not even looking at each other anymore, Jared’s cheek leaning against Jensen. Both of Jared’s hands are now around Jensen’s neck while he hugs Jared by his hips as they keep dancing.

“You’re taking this pretty well.” Jared mumbles close to Jensen’s ear. When Jensen doesn’t say anything, he adds. “All of this, I mean. You, me…you know, together.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Jensen whispers in return and Jared decides to not comment back. They both know why; the first time Jensen kissed him he ran away. Jared doesn’t want Jensen to freak out but he can’t help but wonder if something is going to make that happen again eventually. “Well, alright, I do know why. At that moment I thought I was doing something you didn’t want to.”

“I kissed you back.”

“Yeah, that caught me off guard; I didn’t know how you felt at the time. I wanted to kiss you all night during my birthday. I kept thinking it while we were dancing at the bar,” Is funny how back then Jared thought they weren’t exactly doing the slow dance he would love and now they  _are_. “And I kept stopping myself, repeating in my head you were my brother and I couldn’t do it. But then when we were back home and we were both lying down bed— I really couldn’t stop myself anymore.”

“I couldn’t believe you were kissing me.” Jared remembers, still in awe any of this is happening if he’s honest with himself. “I mean I dreamed about it for so long. You feeling the same way I did? I almost had a heart attack that night.”

“Sorry for ruining it.”

Jared pulls back so he can look at Jensen’s face. His stepbrother looks so honestly guilty about running from him. It hurt more than anything, Jared can still feel the sting inside of him if he tries to remember the moment Jensen apologized the next morning and promised to never “fuck up” like that again. Jensen did hurt him but now Jared doesn’t care about it.

“You’re fixing it now though.” He smiles, leaning in so they can kiss. Jared is never going to get tired of it. Being able to kiss Jensen whenever he wants to, and have Jensen kissing him back, is something Jared is going to enjoy the rest of his goddamn life.

Jensen kisses his forehead after they pull away, one of his arms rubbing his back.

“I think I’m taking it pretty well because not everything changed,” He explains with his lips pressed to Jared’s hairline. “We have always been close, we still joke and behave like we have always had but now— there’s more of it.”

They didn’t take away any part of their relationship, they just added more to it

“More is always better than less.” Jared jokes and Jensen laughs against his skin, nodding.

“All I ever wanted was to be around you, make you happy. It was always  _you_  no matter what.” Jensen explains and Jared of course gets it. That’s exactly how he felt for Jensen all this time. “I guess I didn’t want to let myself see that also included wanting you as more than my little brother too. I thought I was protecting you.”

Jared knows there’s the component of Jensen being his big brother in all of this. Jensen has always wanted to protect him and thinking of Jared was more than his sibling didn’t exactly go along with those lines. Jensen didn’t want to “trap” him in a relationship that wouldn’t be easy to deal with, not everybody is going to be okay with it if they even decide to become vocal about it. Who knows what their parents are going to think, there’s no way to know how many friends and family they are going to lose over this. Jensen was protecting Jared from all of it, protecting Jared from  _him_.

“I don’t need you to protect me,” Jared answers, “I need you to be with me.”

“I know that now.” Jensen grins and steals another kiss from him leaving his lips warm and tingly. “Sorry for taking so long to realize.”

“I should definitely make you pay for that.” He teases in return. They aren’t even dancing anymore, standing in the same place and basically balancing from one side to another along with the soft music. “I—…I’m sorry for how I handled things, too. This wasn’t entirely your fault and you were miserable in the process too.”

“I didn’t care for myself, but you— you looked so  _hurt_. And I couldn’t make it better. That was probably the worst part of everything.” Jensen hides his face on Jared’s neck, taking a deep breath as he hugs him close. “Knowing you were feeling like that and I couldn’t fix it.”

 _He’s fixing it now_ , Jared thinks again, stroking the back of Jensen’s hair. It was a pretty rough couple of months that he’s happy to be done with. Jensen is there now and nothing will ever hurt like it did before as long as he stays with Jared.

“I think you should still go to France.”

He hasn’t thought about it at all. Oh God.  _France_. Jared’s plan to escape and sort out his life after everything broke apart around Jensen. He wanted the time to be away to think about everything that had happened and be alone. He’s leaving for six months after graduation but now he’s with Jensen.

“What?” Jared pulls away, confused. “No! I was trying to run away but now we’re together and I can’t— I  _don’t_  want to be away from you now that this is happening! I’m not going!”

“Jay, listen—” Jared flinches for a second, thinking things are about to go down again. They get together and now Jensen wants them to put all that distance between them? That can’t be good. Why would Jensen want him to leave if he feels the same way? Jared can’t be away from his brother after this. He doesn’t want to. “Woah there, little brother. I don’t know what you’re thinking but calm down; I’m not pushing you away by saying that.” Jensen cups his face immediately, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs. “C’mere, baby. I’m not going anywhere and we’re not breaking up.”

He pulls Jared into a hug and he clings to Jensen in return, burying his face in his shoulder, scared of letting go of him.

“Why do you want me to leave then?” It comes out muffled since he’s talking with his mouth pressed to Jensen’s shoulder.

His brother’s soft touches in his hair serves him to calm down a little bit although it’s not enough to take the doubt away from him.

“I don’t want you to leave, Jared. But I don’t want us to get in between your life.” He makes Jared move a step back so they can look at each other while talking. “This is a huge opportunity for you, Jay, you got a scholarship for one of the best Universities in Paris and I can’t tell you how proud of you I am for that.” It makes something in Jared jump; he has always loved making Jensen proud. “And it’s going to kill me to not have you by my side every single day for six months, it’s going to be fucking torture, but we’re going to make it work while you’re away.”

“But I don’t wanna be away from you either.” Jared almost whines and he knows it’s almost like he’s throwing a tantrum. He doesn’t care. Why does he have to be away from Jensen when they can finally be together? Doesn’t sound fair.

“You want to go, though, don’t you?”

Jared bites his lips and looks down. “Not if that means not being with you.”

“Jay. You want to go to France? I saw you pretty excited about it for weeks.”

He was. In between hurting for Jensen and feeling like his world was falling apart it seemed like traveling and meeting a new country — Paris, no less, most romantic city in the world in Jared’s opinion — seemed like the only light in the middle of all the chaos. He had been looking forward to it and getting honestly excited over the idea.

“Yes. I do.” Jared admits, looking up at Jensen through his bangs. “But at the same time I really don’t want us to be away from each other.”

“Nor do I. But you earned this trip and it’s going to be a great experience for you, little brother.” Jensen rubs Jared’s cheeks gently. “We’ll make it work, I promise. Long distance relationship at it’s finest. We’ll FaceTime as much as possible and video chat and I’ll send you cards so it has a romantic touch too.”

That pulls a little chuckle out of Jared, moving into another hug as he thinks about it. He doesn’t want him and Jensen to be away right after getting together — well, they still have a month and some days, but  _still_  — and knows that not having Jensen by his side now that they are clear on their feelings for each other is going to be the hardest thing Jared ever had to do. It’s not going to be like Jensen going to Austin to study. He’s not going to get his brother around on the weekends and they are going to have a huge time difference in between them. Six months apart.

“I swear we’ll make it work, Jay.” Jensen whispers in his ear. “You’re going to enjoy your trip, have a great time and when you come back things will be just like this. It won’t change anything between us, I promise.”

Jared nods into the hug, knowing he can’t get closer to Jensen than this, pressed to his chest and in between his arms. But he still wants to. He wants to hold his brother until there’s nothing in between them or stopping them from being together. Jared doesn’t care how unhealthy and codependent it might be. He wants to crawl under Jensen’s skin and become a part of him, nothing pulling them apart or making them step away.

“I just want us to stay like this.” Jared mumbles and lets Jensen tilt his chin up. He waited so long for them to get to this point, almost convinced it would never happen in the first place. He’s afraid being away from each other my ruin it.

“And we are, Jay. I mean, It's  _us_.” Jensen assures, pressing their foreheads together. They have dealt with worse, so his brother has a point there.

They got past the whole  _‘we’re brothers and therefore shouldn’t be together_ ’ problem, so comparing that to traveling to France for some months makes the trip look like nothing.

Jared thinks he can give it a try. Worst case scenario he can pick to return home if it feels like things aren’t working out. It isn’t the grownup thing to do but right now Jared needs to have that option in the back of his head. Coming back to Jensen if it doesn’t work is a possibility. That makes him feel better about the whole thing.

In the mean time, he does mean he wants to stay with Jensen  just like that. The two of them alone in a little apartment where they don’t have to hide or pretend they aren’t together.

Before Jensen can say anything else Jared wraps his arms around his brother’s neck one more time, pulling him into a heated kiss that will make him feel like Jensen meant it. _This is not going to change_. They came a long fucking way to let something ruin it. Jared wants to feel Jensen packing up his words with actions.

And of course, Jensen gets it.

He’s rewarded by Jensen pressing back into his rather needy kiss, mouth opening instantly as he slides his hand to the back of Jared’s neck, pulling softly on the hair he can reach with his fingers. Jared whines into it immediately, biting his brother’s tongue to both tease him and show that  _‘yeah, they should go this way now’_. As much as he’s loving the slow dancing and romantic moment between them, they really didn’t get to do as many things as Jared wanted last night. He only jerked Jensen off, which was great, but not enough.

Jared is too busy parting his lips and letting Jensen lick into his mouth to feel him sliding his hands along his body until his jacket drops to the floor and Jensen kicks it out of the way, hands flying to unbutton Jared’s white shirt.

“I rented that.” He pants against Jensen’s mouth starting to do the same with his brother’s suit. He got undressed first the night before but Jared would like very much for things to be more equal today. Appreciating Jensen’s naked body is something he always kind of wanted so Jensen needs to let him have his time to shine.

“So? We can wash it tomorrow.” Jensen gets to the last button on his shirt and then runs his hands up Jared’s abdomen and stomach, getting a soft little sigh in response. “Or you can buy it, if it ends getting too dirty tonight.”

There’s definitely a promise in Jensen’s voice and Jared is hoping with everything he is that he follows through.

“Where are we, by the way?” Jared pants as Jensen takes off his shirt to, throwing it to the floor and latching his mouth to his neck. He starts sucking on his skin, making Jared throw his head back by instinct to give Jensen more space to work. Gasping when Jensen close his teeth a little too hard on his pulse, he grabs Jensen’s shoulders, looking for support.

He either gives Jared time to breath or they need to lie down. His legs can only support him so much considering he always feels weak when Jensen touches him.

“Tom’s place.”

Jensen kisses the hickey he just left on his skin and his response distracts Jared for a split second, but then his brother runs his hands up his spine, rubbing his side, and all senses shoot out of the window again.

“So,  _mhm—_  Tom’s going to walk in any moment?” Jared asks, helping Jensen to take off his shirt and then making him take off his own tuxedo. “See us putting on a show in the middle of his living room.”

Jensen stops, hands on his shirt and giving Jared a little smirk.

“As if I would let anyone else see you naked.”

Jared’s face colors in three blinks, both embarrassed and suddenly fucking turned on by Jensen’s obvious possessiveness. If it served to get him going before now it’s sure going to become a thing. Jensen is going to be his usual territorial self and Jared is going to get a hard on any time anywhere.

“Huh.” Jensen nods, eyes traveling down Jared’s waist. “Like when I make comments about being all mine, little brother?”

His cock twitches in his boxers and Jared nods eagerly, pressing their bodies together into another desperate kiss, almost ripping Jensen’s shirt off of him so they are both shirtless.

He takes his time to move his hands around the shape of Jensen’s arm muscles as his brother kisses his shoulders and collarbones, suddenly decided to not care if he leaves marks on visible places. Jared is too turned on to complain, brain shouting  _‘you’re touching Jensen and he’s touching you back’_  to care about what could happen the next day. Fucking with his brother is starting to really damage his self preservation instincts.

“I pitched the idea to Tom and he said I could do it here.” Jensen explains between kisses and Jared stops this time, pulling back as he takes deep breaths, hands on Jensen’s chest. “He traveled back to California earlier today but left me the keys.”

“So Tom knows now?” Jared asks with his mouth open. And he’s so cool with it he supported Jensen about doing this for Jared? Damn, he always knew Tom was amazing but now he has more reason for him to be his favorite from Jensen’s group of friends.

“Oh, Tom has known for a while.” Jensen chuckles in what Jared thinks is an inner joke. He’ll have to remember later to ask what he meant by that. Now Jensen is sliding his knee between Jared’s legs and he can’t think of anything but the pressure of Jensen’s thigh against his half hard dick, making him moan loudly as response.

“God, you’re so vocal.” His brother praises, as if being loud is the best thing in the world.

“Not hard to be when you’re doing _— fuck, Jensen.”_

He bucks his hips and lets his crotch rub against his leg, nails digging on the skin of Jensen’s shoulders as he starts moving and rolling his hips, soft breaths and little moans increasing as he  _humps_  Jensen’s leg. The friction of his pants and Jensen moving his knee along Jared’s thrusts makes the contact even better, dick bulging in his underwear as Jared leaves his forehead lean on Jensen’s shoulder.  _God, that feels good_.

Jared goes at it for quite a while, rubbing himself on Jensen’s leg like he’s some kind of horny animal who can’t get to completely undress. And no, he’s not going to come in his pants like this. It just feels too damn good to stop it. But he definitely does when he rotates his hips and accidentally ends rubbing his cock against Jensen’s own clothes erection instead.

He gasps and looks up, finding Jensen’s hungry stare directed towards him.

Time to stop the humping and get into more important details.

Jensen doesn’t bother opening his pants like a civilized person who just got told those were rented and Jared is not supposed to ruin them.  _Not at all_. He rips the button away and completely ruins the zipper by tugging on his pants to open them, making Jared step out of them in record time. Jared doesn’t mind too much. He just spent almost five minutes rubbing his hard on all over Jensen’s leg so he probably had that one coming.

“On your hands and knees. On the floor.” Jensen instructs with a low voice that makes Jared’s stomach go warm.  _“Now.”_

He doesn’t hear it twice.

 

Jared turns around and drops to his knees on the carpet before leaning forward to put his hands on the floor too, back arching for the position. He hears Jensen moving behind him, stepping out of his own pants and kicking them out of the way before kneeling too. His brother slides one hand on his back, following the line of his spine and making Jared lean into it until Jensen suddenly pulls back the elastic of his boxers and then lets it smack his lower back, making Jared whine.

“You’re fucking beautiful, baby brother.”

Jensen lips make contact with one of his back dimples and he shudders at the soft touch, nails digging on the cream carpet and burning for a second. They already had a round of ‘ _Jensen kissing and touching every inch of his body’_ yesterday and Jared was two seconds away from coming in his underwear without a finger on his cock. If Jensen pulls that again he’s sure he’s going to do it this time. His brother is just starting and Jared already feel’s he’s two seconds away from having his first orgasm of the night.

“Fuck, Jensen,  _please_.” He has no idea what he’s begging for. Anything, really. Whatever Jensen wants to give him, Jared would be more than glad to take it.

“Remember the day you got this?”

He suddenly feels Jensen’s lips above his shoulder blade, lips following the shape of his tattoo so carefully it makes Jared’s knees give up for a second. Jensen’s hands fly to his hips instantly, keeping him in place and preventing Jared to falling face first to the floor.

“Yeah.” Is all Jared can answer, a rush of emotion washing over him when Jensen presses a little kiss in the middle of his tattoo, nuzzling his face against it a second later.

“I wanted to do this before letting that fucker start tattooing you.” Jensen bites on his skin and Jared gasps, cock leaking inside of his underwear.  _Fuck, fuck, fuck_. He’s so going to come untouched this time.

He barely reckons Justin’s face. He was a fucker. He was a rude and a little creepy too, but Jensen managed it pretty well by acting like a boyfriend in front of him. He wonders if he talked about it with JDM later and Jeffrey told him they were brothers. Jared would like to see Justin’s reaction when he found out that he guy who had been holding his hand and kissing him while he got his tattoo is his big brother.

“I t-think you put on a show that night anyway.”

Jared breaths, closing his eyes as Jensen keeps kissing around his tattoo, one his hands sliding down his back until it makes contact with his ass, knuckles rubbing over it and giving Jared goosebumps everywhere.

“Wanted him to think we were together so he would stop eye fucking you.” Jensen huffs with what Jared can only assume is anger at the memory. “But Jeffrey did a pretty good job next and the tattoo looks amazing on you. Wanted to kiss every. Single. Line.” Jensen kisses one, two and three times on the area of his tattoo. “As soon as I saw you with it.”

Jared is glad Jensen likes it. He’s glad he likes anything about him; but the tattoo means a lot to him, so Jensen spending some time there paying special attention to it makes him happy.

“I was thinking of getting another one.” Jared licks his lips and then looks at Jensen over his shoulder. “But this one could have your name instead.”

Jensen’s eyes move to stare directly at him, mouth brushing one his sides as his hands pull down Jared’s underwear painfully slow.

“Well, in that case I’ll have to get a matching one with yours.” Jensen winks and lets his boxer drop to his knees and Jared has to turn his face around and break the eye contact, both flattered, really turned on and so hard it hurts to be able to face Jensen any longer.  _Them getting matching tattoos._  Jared would very much like that.

Jensen hums behind him, leaving his hands on the curve of Jared’s ass, making him swallow and hold his breath. This is happening now. He’s completely naked and with his ass in the air, Jensen right in front of him.

“I wonder what we should both get tattooed.” He keeps talking after a second, like he’s not absently stroking his asscheeks with the palm of his hands while Jared makes broken little noises and wiggles his ass around. God, this is hot. “We could go both ways, right? Straight up get each other’s names someplace only we can see.” Jensen spreads his ass with one hand and Jared feels like he just got the air punched out of his lungs, digging his fingers on the carpet again. With the knuckles of his free hand he rubs absently over Jared’s rim before going even further down, almost touching the back of his balls. “Or get a tattooed a reference that only we know it means each other someplace everybody will be able to see.”

Jared doesn’t know why, but the whole talk about them getting tattoos that they can flash around and not many people will know it’s a reference to them being together is really working him up. His cock is painfully hard and he’s dripping precome on Tom’s living room carped because Jensen is rubbing his ass with one hand and talking about them getting matching tattoos and Jared has never been more turned on in his life.

He wants to get on his back with a jump and beg Jensen to fuck him right away.

Yet it’s clear they are both enjoying it so Jared bites his tongue and decides to shut up, bucking his hips every time Jensen’s knuckles pass over his hole.

“Jay?” Jensen asks gently, like he’s expecting him to answer. Jensen is another level of tease during sex, holy fuck.

“I— we-we could get both.” Jared whines as Jensen leans down and kisses his lower back as prize for being able to spit an answer. “One everybody will  _ah—_  see, and one just for us.”

“Always so damn smart, baby.”

Jensen hums in return and Jared straight up yells Jensen’s name when he suddenly feels his tongue circling around his rim. Fuck his life. Jensen is really going to do this. Jared leans his face down, thinking about leaving his face on the floor too and arch his back even more so Jensen can have more room to  _work_. Jensen stops him before he can get too far, a hand on his shoulder make him look back.

“Don’t want you to get rug burns on your face.” Jensen smiles and lets go of his shoulder, making Jared lift both knees after a moment. He looks down, finding the shirt Jensen was using before now under his legs, preventing his skin to get burned by the friction with the carpet.

Jared has no time to think how damn much that Jensen looks out for him even during sex when Jensen’s tongue slides over his rim, and then digs over the ring of muscles. Jared moans hard enough to make his throat ache, letting his head fall back and thinking he’s going to see stars behind his eyelids.

His cock twitches, hard and desperate for relief, between his legs but Jensen doesn’t put a single finger on it, focusing all his attention on giving Jared the rimjob of his life.

Jared has nobody to compare Jensen to and he doesn’t need to. His brother is too damn good at this and after a couple minutes of teasing he spreads Jared’s ass with both hands and digs his face in it, flicking his tongue and driving him absolutely insane.

His hands give up and he falls on his elbows instead, burying his face between his arms as he fails his battle to not sound like an eager virgin dying to be fucked, allowing himself to be as loud as he fucking pleases. He calls out for Jensen’s name and moans and begs. And who knows what he begs for, since Jensen is giving it to him pretty good at the moment, fucking him with his tongue and stopping at some points to bite slightly around his rim.

He goes for it, seems like Jensen likes it, hands rubbing his sides or inner thighs whenever Jared gets especially loud.

Jensen rims him until Jared thinks he’s going to explode, back arched and ass wiggling in the air as he asks Jensen  _‘please, please, please’._

It happens when his brain completely disconnects from his mouth because of the pleasure and Jared cries out  _“Please, big brother”_  instead of ‘Jensen’. It all stops at the same time. Jensen’s hands rubbing his lift hipbone and Jensen’s tongue licking around his hole and Jared’s screaming making echo in the apartment. Jared’s heart freezes when he realizes what he just did and he’s two seconds from turning around and apologizing when suddenly, Jensen’s hands wraps around his cock, voice harsh and husky making Jared whine eagerly.

“Wanna come, little brother?”

 _Oh fuck_. Oh Jesus fucking Christ. This is officially a thing now. They shouldn’t be getting off on calling each other ‘brother’ in bed but they definitely are.

“ _Please, please, please.”_ Jared pants and tries to thrust his hips down to fuck Jensen’s closed fist but the hand on his hips stops him. “Jen, oh fuck—  _please_.”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart.” The petnames makes more precome leak from the head of his cock. Jensen rubs it around with his thumb and Jared stops breathing and thinking altogether. “I’m gonna take care of you.”

Jared’s curls his fingers and drowns a loud moan in between his arms, biting his own skin as Jensen goes back to eating him out and jerking him off at the same time . He comes harder that he has ever done before. Harder than he has done with three fingers inside of him and imagining his brother fucking him. Even harder than he did the night before when Jensen blowed him.

He closes his fists on the carpet and cries out Jensen’s name, heartbeat thundering in his ears as he arches his back and fucks Jensen’s hand, riding the orgasm while thinking he feels so good his body is not going to be able to handle it.

Jensen helps him turn him around so Jared is lying on the carpet on his back, taking deep breaths and trying to open his eyes again.

“ _Oh my God_.” Jared mumbles from the floor. Jensen chuckles and his hands come down to rub his chest and hug him close, giving him time to return. “I think you killed me.”

“And I think that I really liked eating your perky ass. Definitely a better desert than the one we had during my prom.”

Jared snaps his eyes open and smacks Jensen’s arms, flushing again and then turning to nuzzle his brother’s chest. Jensen laughs loudly but makes sure to hug Jared in return, kissing his arms and shoulders until Jared sneaks one of his hands over Jensen’s own underwear, cupping Jensen’s hard cock.

“ _Jay_.” Jensen warns with a half moan-half groan and now is his time to chuckle, looking up and licking his lips.

“What? I didn’t get time to do this yesterday.”

He straddles Jensen’s lap — using his brother’s current position lying down on the floor — before any of them can say anything else, eyes devouring Jensen’s body as he looks down at him.

Jensen looks much better without the tux and that’s saying a lot considering Jared almost drooled the first time he saw him with it.

“And you want to do it now?” Jensen arches and eyebrow like he’s challenging him and Jared squints.

“Seems only right that my brother who taught me to ride a bicycle and drive a car will now give me classes on how to suck his dick too.”

It surprises Jared he’s even able to say that out loud. He’s damn well thinking it but they already discovered Jensen is more capable of dirty talking than him. It knocks the cocky smile out of Jensen’s face anyway so Jared counts it as a win.

Jensen bites his lower lip, suddenly really into the idea as he cups Jared’s face and rubs his mouth with his thumb. Jared opens his mouth to close it around the finger, sucking slightly around it, causing Jensen to groan again.

“Be my guest then, gorgeous.”

Jared smiles, eyes probably lightening up as he moves back on Jensen’s legs, giving himself space to pull down his brother’s.

He saw Jensen’s cock last night during the handjob and he already had the time to appreciate how thick it is, but it still pulls an eager sigh out of Jared, tongue darting out to lick his lips. Jensen starts breathing harder under him but Jared is too busy only imagining how good it’s going to feel to have his brother fucking him later. They were so desperate to get their hands on each other last night that Jared didn’t really get hit with the realization that he finally gets to see Jensen naked and on display under his eyes.

There’s no way he can’t count how many times he imagined them doing this and now is finally happening.

He wraps his hands around the base of Jensen’s dick, letting his thumb rub on the underside, smiling when it gets a hiss out of Jensen’s lips. Jared has no idea of how to give a blowjob, he has never done more than kissing with other guys — and by that he means Jason and Stephen — while Jensen has had three official girlfriends and some hook ups. He’s got way better blowjobs from people more experimented than him. Jared doesn’t care at the moment though, enjoying himself too much to get the doubt her to him.

Jensen broke up and left all of them and always chose him at the end of the day, preferring to stay with him or hang out with Jared watching a movie than going out with his girlfriends.

He’s always chosen Jared over everybody else.

That gives him some confidence as he leans forward, opening his mouth and wrapping his lips around just the head, giving in a try and sucking just once. The reaction is almost instant. Jensen groans and moves one hand to hold Jared’s head, gasping his name.

“Fuck, Jay.” Jensen takes a deep breath and Jared doesn’t need to look up to know Jensen has his eyes on him. “Relax and t-take it easy, just— lick around the head and use your hand with the part you can’t put in your mouth, baby.”

Tongue. Hands. Taking it easy.  _Got it._

Jared has always liked being a good student. He likes doing well at everything he tries. There’s a reason he does so well in School and always liked getting good grades. Jared like learning and being good. This is just another very good chance to do that.

Of course he can’t become a master at this and be stupidly good at blowing Jensen as he was at eating him out, but Jared thinks he’s not doing so bad when he starts jerking him off at the same time he licks and sucks around the head, catching the drops of precome with his tongue and looking up at Jensen at the same time, letting him see what he’s doing.

“Oh fuck— Jared, fuck!” Jensen uses one hand to cup his face, keeping it up for a second so he can appreciate the view. “You have no idea how hot is to see you do that, goddamn.”

Jared tries not to smile, swallowing and going back to work, fitting part of his brother’s cock in his mouth and sucking around it, hollowing is cheeks when Jensen instructs it. He knows it’s a messy blowjob, he’s drooling everywhere and has to pull away a little too often to breath. Jensen doesn’t seem to mind one bit, praising Jared every two seconds and mixing that with praises and touches, letting him know how much he’s enjoying it.

“The night I got the tattoo—” Jared pants, jerking Jensen off as he brushing his lips on the head. Jensen thrusts his hips up, grunting and looking desperate. “After you touched my back like that? I got home and jerked off thinking about you.”

“Jesus fuck.” Jensen closes his eyes and lets his head fall back on the floor, hands twitching on Jared’s hair. “ _Jared—!”_

“Jerked off and fingered myself.” He’s going there. Who cares? He’s feeling shy and blushing while saying it, not pulling his own dirty talk as cocky and proudly as Jensen’s does but it’s something. Jared licks all the way down to the base and he can’t help but registering Jensen even has some freckles on his dick. The fact that now Jared knows it really puts him back in the mood, cock starting to fill up again.

“Got off thinking about you fucking me right there on the store.” Jared sucks on the head and curls his tongue around it a second later, but Jensen’s hand on his face makes him stop.

Jensen pants  _“Gotta stop, fuck, I’m gonna come if you keep that up, Jared_.” He doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with that considering what he’s going for, but then Jensen adds.  _“I’d rather do that while fucking you, little brother.”_

He swallows and pulls off, turned on in a second, cock aching at the idea of Jensen inside of him. He’s a horny teenager anyway, of course he’s going to get hard that fast at the mention of Jensen fucking him.

“Okay.” Jared says with a smile so big it makes Jensen chuckle, shaking his head and turning them over so Jared is lying down over his shirt again. “Let’s go for it.”

Jensen rubs his sides and then helps Jared spread his legs, eyes so full of affection it makes Jared swoon. He can see the love Jensen has for him right there, making him relax instantly.

“Jay—”

“If you ask me if I’m sure I want this I’m going to murder you, Jensen.” Jared points at him with one finger and Jensen snorts, nodding and leaning down to press a kiss on his lips that’s he’s more than happy to return.

He’s been sure about him and Jensen  _for years_. This is exactly what Jared wants.

“Alright then. I’ll be right back.” Jensen kisses the tip of his nose and then his forehead, standing up and walking away, going to what looks like a bathroom.

“I’ll start without you if you take too long!” Jared yells and it sounds like Jensen drops some things, causing him to start laughing.

“Keep your hands away from your dick, brat!”

“Oh, I wasn’t talking about my dick.”

He sees Jensen come back looking even more turned on than he did when he left so Jared smiles innocently, batting his eyelashes at his brother.

“What I was going for exactly.” Jensen holds up a bottle that Jared recognizes as lube after a second. Good thinking. Jensen rimjob, as amazing as it was, is no way going to be enough for him to get his dick inside of him. Without the lube it would just hurt, even more when it’s Jared’s first time.

“So we have sex in Tom’s living room and then we steal his lube. What’s next?”

“This.” Jensen holds up a condom, and that actually makes Jared pout. “Come on baby, you know it’s the right thing to do.”

“But you know I’m a virgin!” Jared complains and then slaps Jensen’s leg when that only makes him smile.  _Possessive ass_. “I’m clean, Jensen, come on.”

“I’m not doing it for me, Jared.”

He kneels by his side, leaving the lube and the condom on the carpet as he touches and rubs Jared’s right leg slowly. Jared likes that Jensen has been doing this a lot lately, _touching Jared all the time_. It does make him feel better and calms down his nerves.

“I’m pretty sure I’m clean  _but_  being pretty sure is not as good as being one hundred percent sure.” Jensen has been with girls before and Jared doesn’t have to ask to be sure his brother always used a condom with them too. He keeps pouting anyway, crossing his arms over his chest.  _He wanted to feel Jensen bare_. “We’ll start doing it without a condom as soon as I get tested, okay? But I gotta make sure, baby. It’s you, Jared. I’m not taking any risks.”

Jared knows Jensen is being his usual over protective-big-brother-self even during sex. This is only to protecting him and he gets that but still. He’s being a child about this but he was really hoping their first time was going to be without a condom.

“Stop pouting,” Jensen chuckles, looking at him affectionately, positioning himself on top of Jared to kiss him sweet and slow. It’s such a nice kiss Jared can’t even pretend to not enjoy it, parting his lips and kissing him back. “It’s not like is the last time we’re doing this. We’ll have plenty of chances for me to fuck you bare, sweetheart.”

The  _“plenty”_   _and “sweetheart”_ work magic on Jared, who spreads his legs again as answer, finally nodding his approval about wearing the condom. Jensen is right.  They’ll have more opportunities for it to happen and he does like that Jensen is so careful with him no matter what.

“Aren’t we eager for it.”

Jensen bites his lower lip and Jared watches him kneel between his open legs again with his heart start to beat hard. He’s used to his own fingers but Jensen doing it is going to be a whole new experience. He shifts on the floor, hands closing on the carpet.

“Shhh, Jay, it’s okay.” Jensen rubs his right inner thigh in little circles, slowly shooting down his nerves. “We’re going slow, and if you need me to stop at any time just ask.”

It shouldn’t be okay for Jared to both feel like his heart is melting and his cock is getting harder at Jensen’s obvious insistence to be sweet and careful with him. But there he is. Spreading his legs wider and trying not to come for a second time by simply seeing Jensen being protective around him.

Jensen’s fingertip touching his rim is enough to have Jared gasping, as if he didn’t have Jensen’s tongue buried in his ass like twenty minutes ago, body too sensitive and responsive to everything his brother wants to do with him. Jensen rubs and circles his rim for a while, spreading the lube around until it doesn’t feel cold anymore. Jared groans impatiently, his dick now completely hard for a second time, leaving little drops of precome on his stomach.

He’s two seconds away from whining a complain when Jensen decides to take some pity on him and slide the first finger in. Jared’s whole body clamps down and he pushes into it, moaning sweetly and getting Jensen to kiss the inside of his legs as reward. He starts begging for a second one in no time, hissing  _‘come on, I can take it’_  and that seems enough to encourage Jensen to go for it.

Jared stops acting like a cocky little shit who’s  _oh-so-used_ to being finger fucked when they get to the third finger, breath coming out harder as he bucks his hips slower, tensing and tightening around Jensen’s fingers at some moments. Jensen gives him time though, distracting Jared with more kisses or playing with his nipples. He doesn’t touch Jared’s cock at all, both of them knowing Jared is going to come if he tries.

It gets less careful and more desperate once Jared gets used to the sensation and he gets to feel the tip of Jensen’s fingers touching that specific bundle of nerves that has him arching off of the floor and yelling Jensen’s name like before.

“God, Jay, you’re so fucking warm and tight.” Jensen whispers, voice heavy, and Jared knows is not exactly a praise but that still gets him going, cock twitching as his cock leaks precome on his abdomen. “Gonna feel amazing around my cock.”

 _Yes, yes, yes._  It’s going to feel so great. Jensen fucking him. Jensen being his first and only. Jensen burying his dick so deep inside  _Jared will be able to feel him for days._

“Oh, yes! Please!” Jared moans, trying to hold onto something as Jensen keeps fucking him with his fingers, spreading him open, but not finding anything to grab and pull. “Jen, fuck me.  _Fuck me now_.”

Jensen stops moving altogether, eyes snapping up to stare at him. “Ask again, baby.”

“ _Please_  fuck me, Jensen.”

His brother licks his lips, pulling out his fingers and making Jared groan at the sudden feeling of emptiness inside of him. Luckily, Jensen will be solving that soon enough.

He tears open the package with his teeth and then rolls on the condom in matter of seconds, using more lube to cover his dick. Jensen brings Jared close to him by grabbing his legs and dragging him towards him. God.  _This is it._

Jensen positions the head of his cock on Jared’s entrance but doesn’t push in, making sure to get properly on top of him so he can look at Jared’s face while doing it. He brushes Jared’s bangs out of his forehead and Jared smiles, looking for one of Jensen’s hands to hold it, lacing their fingers together and locking their lips together just before Jensen starts to press his dick inside of him.

It’s completely different than taking fingers. Jared said himself, Jensen it  _thick_. He gasps into the kiss but moves his hips down to not let his brother stop, ignoring the light burn in favor of getting Jensen completely inside of him. He asks Jared a couple times if he wants to stop, kissing his face and stroking his hair at the same time, but Jared only shakes his head, repeating for Jensen to keep going until he’s finally balls deep inside of him.

“No need to rush,” Jensen kisses his chin and then moves down to nuzzle his chest. “Fuck, Jay you have no idea— feel so good around me, baby. Wanted this so bad.”

“ _Jensen!”_  Jared moans in return, loving the sensation of being filled up like that.

“Perfect like this, little brother, spread open for me and letting me do this. Love you so much, Jared,  _Jesus Christ_.”

He doesn’t make enough sense to answer Jensen at the moment but his brother knows how he feels in return, so is fine. What he can do is start rocking his hips, showing Jensen he can start moving again. As soon as Jensen thrusts inside of him once, Jared wraps his arms around his neck by instinct, wanting to hold him close while Jensen fucks him.

 _It feels perfect_. The weight of Jensen on top of him, his hands touching him everywhere. Jensen’s heavy breathing close to his ear along with his moans, body arching like it can’t contain all the pleasure every time Jensen pulls back and then thrust back in.

This is how he wants to feel Jensen all the time, this close,  _just them_. How it has always supposed to be. Jared feels complete and like everything pieces back together with Jensen in him, kissing the side of his neck while Jared closes his eyes and  _begs_  for his brother to not stop.

They are both too turned on for it to last long. Jared has been on the edge since Jensen started fingering him, cock twitching, hard enough to hurt. Jensen seems to be feeling the same way, pace becoming erratic as he fucks into him. He doesn’t realize he’s mumbling  _‘faster, please, Jen, harder’_  until Jensen starts doing it, ripping more loud moans from Jared’s throat, closer to his orgasm with every single thrust.

“So fucking good Jay, the way you take it, how you ask for more.” Jensen presses their foreheads together, lips brushing Jared’s and making him call for his name louder than before. “Always have been mine little brother, nobody else will ever get to see you like this. You’re all mine, Jared. In every. Fucking. Sense.” Jensen fucks him harder with each pause and Jared’s stops breathing, body tensing for the fraction of a second, only being able to hear Jensen’s words. “Mine fuck,  _mine to love_. Mine, mine,  _mine_.”

Jared comes for the second time that night without a single finger touching his cock, his brother’s words taking him over the edge and making him reach his orgasm with a loud cry, eyes rolling to the back of his head while he thinks he feels so damn good it’s going to crack him open in a half because there no way his body can handle it.

His inner muscles close and tighter around Jensen and he hears him coming a second later, forcing himself to open his eyes to see his brother as he keeps fucking into him, riding out his orgasm. Jared wants to burn that image in the back of his eyelids so he can see Jensen reaching his orgasm while fucking him every time he closes his eyes from now on.

His brother lets himself fall on top of Jared after a long moment, both of them taking deep breaths through their mouths, too blissed out to make any sense for a while.

“All yours.” Is all Jared manages to whisper, minutes later, with Jensen hugging him close and keeping their foreheads pressed together like before.

“Love you more than  _anything_ , Jay.” Jensen whispers in return. “And there’s nothing that will ever change that.”

Jared opens his eyes, blinking at Jensen as they start to kiss again. Lazy, small pecks as Jensen shifts on top of him to not leave all his weight on him but not enough to pull out just yet. Jared hopes he stays inside of him a while longer. He feels complete with Jensen that close to him.

“What if we were brothers?” Jared asks, looking up and Jensen frowns, obviously confused. He can read the  _‘we are’_  in Jensen’s face, so he decides to reformulate. “I mean, what if we were  _brothers-brothers_. Blood related and from the same parents.” He doesn’t know why he’s asking, isn’t sure if he’s now crossing some kind of line. But Jared needs to know the answer. “What would happen then, Jensen?”

He seems to think it for a moment and then he simply smiles, one hand cupping his right cheeks.

“You and me being full-on brothers?” Jensen repeats and Jared nods. “Wouldn’t change a damn thing.”

Jared closes his eyes for a second, thinking this time his heart is definitely going to beat so hard it’s going to break his ribcage and open his chest in a half. He flutters his eyes open and the feeling of Jensen brushing their noses together, pulling a smile out of him as he does.

“I love you now and I would love you then. There’s  _nothing_  that would get between me feeling like I do whenever I look at you, little brother.” Jensen assures him and Jared squeezes their hands, wanting to hold Jensen close for as long as he can. “I was born to love you, Jared. Nothing is going to change that.”

As roll to their sides and Jensen starts to kiss him again Jared feels like he’s going to explode in love for his big brother, he lets himself believe that everything is going to be alright.

And even when it’s not, it won’t be that bad.

 _He’s got Jensen by his side_ , Jared figures.

There’s nothing that will ever matter more than that.  _He got his brother_. And that’s enough for a lifetime.


	15. Epilogue

 

  
Jared’s life is a cycle.  
  
He’s only eighteen and living in the middle of Paris while keeping a long-distance relationship with his stepbrother, so his periodical sequence of events is pretty damn interesting if Jared can say so himself.   
  
Especially because of the last part.  
  
Because Jared’s life is a cycle, but it all begins and ends with his stepbrother: Jensen.  
  
“I’m telling you, that guy who sits two chairs in front of me in my basic engineering class in French? Total dickwad.” He huffs into the phone and Jensen loud loudly at the other side, more than amused to heart him curse and complain about the poor bastard for almost five minutes now. “Don’t laugh, Jensen! I swear he is and you would think so too if you met him.”  
  
“Have you met anyone you actually like over there?” Jensen snickers and Jared can almost imagine him shaking his head and rolling his eyes. Jared has been there for three months already and things are going pretty well. He likes all his classes and his apartment has a great view of the Eiffel Tower from the window of his room. He doesn’t have any roommates because the guy who was going to live with him canceled last minute, leaving all the place for himself.   
  
“Well excuse me for being used to have great friends like Chad and Sandy.” He huffs, offended. “I have high standards for that. And you know I  _do_  like people from here, don’t make me sound like such an ass.”  
  
Chad got accepted at the New York University and for their last video call on Friday he’s particularly enjoying one of his psychology classes where his professor is impossible to please but really likes all the essays Chad writes when he’s ridiculously high. He’s got the best grades on that class so far and it seems like everybody else in it hates his guts. Sounds like something it would happen to Chad.   
  
Sandy got a scholarship for Stanford and Snapchats them pictures of hot guys whenever she runs into one. She got a charming roommate named Adrianne that sometimes pop up into their Skype calls and stays there making conversation with them and flirting with Sandy on camera. He and Chad have a bet going that they are going to catch them making out one of these days.   
  
“Then you sure woke up in a shitty mood today, you have been doing nothing but complain.” Jensen keeps talking as Jared lays down on his bed, ignoring the books he should be reading for tomorrow. “You complained about waking up late, being out of coffee and having to sit close to that dude you really dislike. Talk about a shitty mood, Jay.”  
  
“Shush. You have to listen to me complain without giving me attitude, I’m your incestuous life partner.”  
  
“Aren’t you romantic.”  
  
“Bootycall-slash-brother from another mother?”  
  
“Try again.”  
  
“Guy who took my virginity on Tom’s living room carpet?”  
  
“Really now?  _Wow_.”  
  
Jared breaks down in cackles, holding his stomach and trying to not throw all his books to the floor. Jensen gives in after a moment, starting to laugh with him, calling him  _an “annoying little brat who doesn’t respect his older brother”_ , only causing him to chuckle harder.   
  
“Love of my life, then?” Jared gives it a try and Jensen cheers  _“now we’re talking!”_ from the other side of the line, pulling a dimpled smile out of him.   
  
The best part of Jared’s day is when he gets back to his little apartment after classes and it’s still the afternoon for him and not too early in the morning for Jensen. He can’t call or talk with his stepbrother before he goes to his University because it’s  _ass o’clock_  in the morning for Jensen  when he leaves but the perfect time when he comes back.   
  
They can’t talk during Jensen’s nights because it’s midnight in Paris around the time is five in the afternoon in San Antonio. Seven hours of difference aren’t a piece of cake to work around but they are getting good at working out their times.   
  
Jared can stay up late during the weekends and they can FaceTime and Skype-call for hours if they want. Sometimes they are not specifically talking, Jared doing homework or cooking and Jensen at his job, happy to simply see each other doing their own thing.   
  
“You seem to be in a rather good mood when you’re usually the cranky old man in this relationship.” Jared hums. “What got you in such a great mood, Jen?”  
  
“Did the usual, you know.” Jensen answers with a cheerful voice that makes Jared happy himself. “Woke up for work, had some good breakfast, took a plane that flew me across the Atlantic.”  
  
Jared blinks and sits up, thinking he certainly heard wrong.  
  
“You—  _what?!”_  
  
“Come open the door, baby brother.”  
  
_Oh God._  “No way, shut up.”  
  
Jensen can’t say that kind of shit. Is not funny to play with Jared like that when he knows he has been missing him like crazy.  
  
“I’m waiting.”  
  
“This better not be you dicking around, Jensen Ackles!” Jared jumps out of his bed, stumbling as he runs out to the front of his apartment, trying to not bump into anything. “ _Oh my God_  if this is a joke I’m going to be so fucking mad at you, Jensen, I’m going to—!”  
  
He swings the door open, more than sure that he’s going to find nothing there and he’ll have a legit reason to pretend to be deeply hurt for the next hour until Jensen is calling him all kind of sweet names that Jared loves to hear.   
  
But he’s wrong. Jensen is standing right there, in front of the door of his little apartment in the middle of Paris with a bag on his shoulder and his phone still pressed to his phone.   
  
“You’re going to  _what?”_  Jensen gives him that smartass smirk Jared knows so well, hanging up and him and raising both eyebrows.   
  
_Holy fucking shit_.   
  
“Oh my God, Jensen!” Jared screams at the top his lungs, launching himself forward to throw his arms around his brother and start kissing him like he has been starving for months and only this will finally make it all better. He kisses and kisses and  _kisses_  Jensen, not letting him breath or talk, dragging him inside of the apartment and closing the door with a kick. “You’re here! Oh my God! You’re  _you_  and you’re fucking  _here!”_  
  
Jared jumps around him like he’s a kid in a store full of toys and Jensen does that full-body laugh he loves so much before catching Jared by his wrists to pull him into a second kiss that Jared his happy to respond until they are both completely out of breath.   
  
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming!” He smacks Jensen’s chest. “I would have gone to pick you up at the airport!”  
  
“Ever heard of a surprise?” Jensen laughs through his teeth, arms around his waist.   
  
“I’m familiar with the concept.” Jared replies with a big smile, still not believing Jensen is there. “How long are you staying?!”  
  
“A week.”  
  
“Oh my God!” Jared yelps again, beaming in Jensen’s arms. “This is so fucking great, we’re going to have so much fun!”  
  
He and Jensen and the most romantic city in the world? Jared can’t believe he’s so damn lucky. He makes Jensen leave his bag on his room and drags him to the small living room after cooking something quick for both of them, curling close to his brother on the couch while Jensen keeps his lips pressed to his hairline, an arm around his shoulders.  
  
“I’m too tired to go out though, and you have homework for tomorrow.” Jensen points out and Jared nods obediently, he doesn’t mind, Jensen is there, that’s enough to make him so happy he thinks he’s going to launch himself to the moon and back. “Maybe if you finish early we can curl on your bed and watch some Dirty Dancing, huh?”  
  
Jared chuckles and presses a kiss to the side of Jensen’s neck, nuzzling there for a second. “Dirty Dancing? Why would I ever want to watch that with  _you_ , mhm?”  
  
“I carried a watermelon.” Jensen quotes with a wink and Jared thinks he has never been more in love with his big brother.   
  
“You sure know how to get in my pants.” He jokes, thinking he will be able to finish on time if he starts with the reading soon. “Hey! You won’t guess who I talked with today. Stephen!”  
  
_“Who?”_  
  
“Stephen Amell!” Jared rolls his eyes, elbowing Jensen’s stomach slightly. “We talked on Facebook. He’s coming to Europe during December with his family and he might come around France for some days.”  
  
They have been in contact even after graduating and both of them leaving the country. They don’t talk as often as Jared does with Chad and Sandy but still made sure to not let their friendship die as promised.  
  
“It’s been months and you’re living at the other side of the word and that dude is  _still_  all over your dick?” Jensen huffs, frowning. “Tell him to crawl out of your ass already, only I should be there.”  
  
Jared snorts loudly in response. He should honestly give Jensen shit for being like that with Stephen but he can’t help but still find really damn attractive when he shows that possessive side.  _He’s such a jealous child._    
  
“Oh, don’t say that. Stephen has a girlfriend now, her name is Katie. You can stop worrying and get over it.”  
  
Jared was so glad to hear they got together. He made sure to write Stephen a bible on the Facebook chat congratulating him for it and telling him how much he deserved to be happy with someone he was obviously in love with. He’s never going to forget everything Stephen did for him months ago; he’ll always be a really important friend to Jared and Jensen will have to learn to live with that.  
  
“ _He kissed you right in front of my face_. I’m never getting over it.”  
  
“Possessive much?”  
  
“All.  _Mine_.” Jensen points to all of Jared with one hand, shaking his head with a dead-serious face. “Mine, mine,  _mine_.”  
  
He suddenly starts tickling Jared, digging his fingers on his ribs and making him howl in laughter, squirming and trying to get away from his brother. They go at it for almost fifteen minutes before settling down again with Jared going back to curl close to Jensen, using his shoulder as pillow.  
  
“Oh, wait! I have more news!” Jared sits straight on the couch after a moment, turning so he can look at Jensen better. “I was waiting for our video chat of the weekend but now you’re here, so might as well go for it, right?” Jared beams, rubbing his hands together and clearing his throat. “I got accepted in UT back in Austin for next year. I’m starting to study engineering there when I get back home.”   
  
Jensen’s eyes go wide and Jared can actually see the happiness coloring his features.   
  
“Jared! Holy fuck, that’s amazing!” He pulls him into a hug almost instantly, smacking as kiss right in the middle of his lips until Jared feels the tip of his toes tingling. “Congratulations! I didn’t know you were even applying yet!”  
  
“You’re not the only one who can have a surprise.” Jared sing-songs, content to be back in Jensen’s arms.   
  
“God that’s going to really work out with the fact that I applied too and I got accepted be a grad student.” Jensen waggles his eyebrows with a smirk and Jared stares at him with his mouth wide open. “I’ll be getting my master’s degree at the same time, little brother.”  
  
“We’re going to be living in Austin at the same time?” He whispers, starting to smack Jensen’s arms in excitement. “Holy crap! We can get an apartment together!”  
  
He can see Jensen every single day and then travel back to San Antonio if they want or just stay there. They’ll be able to get a place where they can share a bed and act like a couple and not need to hide they are together like they do in front of their parents.   
  
“Oh dude, we’re both going to fail our classes.” Jensen smiles anyway, like he couldn’t care less about it. “You and me living together  _alone?_  Sound like the kind of thing that will ruin us.”  
  
“That’s a no?”  
  
“That’s a yes, of course _, damn right_  we’re living together!” Jensen shifts them on the couch, making Jared lay down so he can get on top of him, pressing a kiss on his forehead, the tip of his nose and then finally his lips. Jared parts his lips willingly, legs moving to wrap around Jensen’s waist and hands playing with his hair.   
  
_It’s all about Jensen._  
  
Jared smiles into the kiss, feeling more in place like he has ever felt before in his life with his brother right there by his side.   
  
_It’s been about Jensen for years now, and Jared wouldn’t have it any different._  


 

  



End file.
